You Didn't Ask For This

139 | The Tether Keeps Us Humble

• Matt Shea and Eric Poch

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0:00 | 1:05:38

Is a hose a cord? At what point can someone officially consider themselves "World Renowned/World Famous"? 

It's our first episode under new branding and the Squonk demands a sacrifice...so it's time for Hidden Objectives II.

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Hot Open - Hidden Objectives II

Eric

Are you fucking with me right now?

Matt

No. Is this part of it? No, this isn't part of it. You're do this isn't part of it.

Eric

But how would I know it's not part of it now?

Matt

I mean, we're coming in hot. Is that it's hot because it's a hot open. Oh, it's a hot open. Yeah, well, you made it that way, buddy. Sorry, dude. It's just like I'm on edge. You're on edge because you know there's mischief afoot. The game is at hand. The game is afoot, indeed, Eric. Well done. You didn't say that, but you should have. Oh, hey, beloved audience. We didn't see you there. Yeah, they snuck on in. We were just uh getting- Dad and Daddy are just having a discussion. We're just having a little discussion because you see, we've got some things to accomplish this episode. Yes, we've been given tasks. That's right, baby. Hidden Objectives 2 is upon us. If you didn't listen to our previous hidden objective episode, here's what's gonna happen. We're in the closing segment right now.

Eric

You're in now. You're at the end at the beginning. You've seen Inception, it's nothing like that. You've seen Memento? It's kinda like that. You've seen Betrayal by Harold Pinter, it is sort of like that. Have you seen any Quentin Tarantino film ever?

Matt

It is just like that. Just like that. Less toes. Now. So far. So what's oh we don't know each other's objectives, and that's the whole point. Throughout this episode, which Eric, remember, our task, our main task, is to just do a regular episode. Yeah. We're not trying to sus. Nothing sus, Eric. No. But secretly, each of us have been given three hidden objectives to complete before we get to the closing segment. Last time around, in the inaugural episode, they were provided by Zachary Deuce. To use his Christian name. Zacharias Deuce. Zacharias Deuce III. Today, however, ooh, they come from a royal lineage.

Eric

Oh, is that a banner I see on the horizon?

Matt

Yes, yes, it's Sir Juniper's banners. Sir Juniper coming over the horizon. She has provided us three tasks each. Yes. Here's Eric Poach's tasks.

Sir Juniper

Eric Poach, these are your hidden objectives. Number one, get Matt to commit to a date by which he will redo the Yad website. It does not need to be in the near future. Any deadline is acceptable. Number two, bring up something that happened at Towson, but then refuse to talk about anything Towson related for the rest of the episode. Number three, mention the colors of the rainbow, in order of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet, over the course of the episode. Synonyms or fancy names for various shades of those colors are acceptable, as long as it's obvious that you're referring to a color. For example, for the color red, referring to a pink flamingo would count, but the band Pink Floyd would not. Good luck.

Eric

It will be done, my liege.

Sir Juniper

Oh, let's see what let's see what she's got for Matt though. Matthew Shay, these are your hidden objectives. Number one, mention at least three different birds. They must be fairly specific birds, for example, say hawk rather than bird of prey. And they must be mentioned at three different points in the episode, rather than all at once in the list. Number two, try to convince Eric that y'all should get a soundboard for the podcast. Number three, enthusiastically describe a fictional Broadway musical. Good luck.

Matt

Alright.

Eric

So, uh Eric, are you ready to get to it? I'm ready. And I'm gonna throw up. Oh, I am so willing. Matt, truly, let me let us spend this episode objectifying each other.

Matt

Eric, I would love nothing more than to objectify you.

Eric

Take it away.

Intro

Matt

Take it away, ukulele. Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This. It is the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. My name is Matthew Shea. My name is Eric Poach.

Eric

Eric Poach, ever inquisitive. How are yes, ever curious? Stay curious. Um, I'm good. I'm good. I'm I'm I uh just just got back from a weekend spent with family, and it was lovely. Uh we were talking about this on the neat cast uh just last night, but I I spent the weekend getting tanked with my grandma, Grammy Poach. You did. Uh it was it was great. Uh we would stayed up till two in the morning drinking on her porch and laughing our asses off, as is tradition. Uh so now I'm coming in today. I'm I am riding into today's game. As is tradition, as is tradition, you do this every year?

Matt

Uh no, as is Grammy's like an annual trip down to Grammys? Um also what's the name for Grammy? What do you call you the this old woman?

Eric

Oh grandma Grammy. Oh, yeah, Grammy. She's Grammy. Oh, she is Grammy. That's Grammy. Yeah. Growing up, she was Mama. Mama. And then like around middle to high school, I switched over to Grammy, and then everyone switched with me. I am a tastemaker. Um, but yeah, my my grandma doesn't drink a lot, but she does like stockpile booze, like we're all like it's the civil war, and we're about to saw off a whole bunch of legs. So, like, whenever we're over there, it was me, my brother, my cousins, my aunt. We we just Bubby. We stayed pouring. You stayed pouring. L my brother and I just just fucking downed a bottle of logavolin 16 between the two of us. Wow. I know.

Matt

Yeah, I was gonna say, what was your drink of choice? But sounds like scotch. It it was scotch. Oh, was it scotch?

Eric

Nice. Uh, yeah, so that was good, but like that was that was the weekend I was only mildly hung over uh once I, you know, uh the the day after. I did at one point wake up from a nap on the couch. I was I was the the the gals was in the in the dining room playing games and chatting. Me, my brother, and my cousin Xander were in the living room watching a documentary about orangutans, narrated by Sir David Attenborough. Yeah, did you know we were been saying that fucking wrong our whole lives? Apparently, it's it's orangutans.

Matt

And did you know that we're the like only country that doesn't pronounce the sport apparel brand Adidas? Are you fucking with me? Adidas is its actual name.

Eric

Adidas? That rips. That's so much better. Adidas. No, Adidas. Yeah, gotta watch more football. Oh my god. But yeah, so with all that love and shit in the air. Oh, no, and that's that those so we were watching documentary about Uran Utans. Uh, they were playing games in the living room, they kept drinking while I was sleeping off orangutan. Um you ever drink with an orangutan? Um, no, the ladies were were excuse, my friend. Uh they were continuing to drink and chat and and and play games and stuff in the dining room. I was sleeping off some scotch in the like midnight, one in the morning at one point. And I I awoke at one point. Apparently, my grandma, my sister-in-law, and Alyssa all decided it would be hilarious to see if they could physically lift me out of the couch when it was time for bed. Like they wanted to light as a feather, stiff as a board me, and it did not work. I could have told you that. Takes a village to lift poach off a couch. Oh my god, does and I did not help. I did not help. I just deadweighted. I saw what they were doing. I I I assumed you deadweighted it. Yeah, no, I was like, I was like, oh, I respect this, so you're gonna earn it. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, grand old time. Uh, I feel rejuvenated. Uh I I I'm approach, I I feel like I'm riding into this week like like a young lad at college riding a tiger with his friends.

Matt

Nice, nice, Eric. Yeah, you evoke an image that actually took place. Yeah, isn't that nuts? Yeah, we did do that. We did that with an imaginary third friend that we all thought was there, but wasn't. Who can say? Not I. We got questions to answer. We do have questions to answer. Questions abound, and uh, we actually have one in the thought line. And but before we get to the question from the thought line, we also have a non-question voicemail from Mr. Zach Deuce. He submitted this to us. And uh, as Eric mentioned, just yet the day before this recording, we recorded an episode of the Neat Cast yet again. We're gonna be doing two of them. Uh this first one probably is already out by the time you hear this. Yep. And it uh it's gonna probably be a short, uh, a special episode. Dramatically cut short. It was dramatically cut short because we were Oh, don't tell them that. They gotta find out by listening.

Eric

You're right. What's wrong with me? God, yeah, gotta. What is wrong with me? Mike, Chair, don't worry.

Matt

Do not apologize to Jair on this podcast. I'm sorry, I didn't. He wasn't even fucking there.

Eric

Surprise, surprise. Spoiler alert, the beef has not been quashed. It is still, it is prime. Let's hear from Zach Deuce.

Zack Deuce

Oh, Matthew, and and Eric Lowe, it's um Zach E D. My phone goes goes uh exploding. Um you were talking about Lou Vega, Matt, and you you made a Valve joke and you wanted to know uh you were holding the film and you got it, and no, I I didn't. If your family did though. Like for data life. Um if you left them in the house, uh you you kind of leave it there, unless it's absolutely vital like you know, your car game. Um then when you come back, yes, absolutely. Restalk your diaper back because you you will be you will take off at some point without retalking it. And that is gonna be a mess that you aren't gonna want to deal with. And then for weird things that I've been told, you know, parenting advice, unsolicited. Oh, yeah. I've had a lot of it. Um let your let your kids do on time needles because it's good and earthy for them.

Matt

What?

Zack Deuce

Uh if you're sick, make sure that you leave in your kids' face, it's gonna help boost their immune system. You've heard that one. Uh I think one of the weirder ones is normal you rotate your baby uh so that they're not always facing or their heads and feet aren't always like towards the north and south poles because like a planet. Like a time with them. There's a lot of you're gonna hear a lot a lot of weird shit from a lot of weird people. Um I I've I've gonna the source of it. But uh yes. There you go. Enjoy. Good luck. We're all counting on you, uh Papa Matt. Bye-bye. Thank you, Zach.

Eric

That was very sweet of you to do. And Zach, a beautiful demonstration of what I deeply encourage people to do. You don't have to ask questions on the thought line. Nah, you can just fucking go.

Matt

Listen, if there were enough messages that we could make the end of the show just listening to voicemails, we'd probably do it. Oh, it would become its own segment. You know how often we struggle to come up with a closer. You probably do if you listen to the show. Yeah, but uh, you know, so yeah, just submit stuff to the thought line. It is, Eric. 1-800. No, come on, give it a real go. What's the number of the thought line?

Eric

Bro, give it a real try. You can do this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna 1833 2579. What percentage did I get? Do I win?

Matt

It's 4109295329. He couldn't even get his own area code. Now then, uh, Eric, I do think it's question time. We do have another voicemail here. Uh hold on, I gotta load it up on Riverside.

Eric

Also, I'm just gonna take this moment to say if anyone's soundboard. I think this is a good approach to take when people start throwing crazy ass child advice at you unprompted. What you should do is any people like, for example, whoever's telling you to give your kid pine needles to chew on, as soon as they give that advice, ask them to produce evidence of the child that they had chewed pine needles. I want you to show me how that turned out. That's good. It's one thing it's like, oh yeah, my kid, you know, chewing pine needles. Well, how's he doing now? He's in jail for quadruple homicide.

Matt

Yeah, that you know, sometimes you you get that. Uh, but he's real down to earth. He's real down to earth, real salt of the earth guy. Uh, that pine needle chewer. Whose name is, I'm gonna assume Ezekiel. Yeah. We're we're uh biblical names today on the show. Biblical names today on the show. Anyway, we got another voicemail here. I finally got it loaded up. Here we go.

Steveless in Seattle

Hey, you didn't ask for this. This is your old buddy from Seattle, Steve Liss in Seattle. Steve! And I just saw a commercial for what allegedly is a cordless power washer. But my question is, does the hose that is attached to the power washer count as a cord? Or can a hose be considered a cord at any time?

Matt

Thank you and have a great day. Thank you, Steveless in Seattle. Thank you for joining us here yet again. Been a minute since we heard your dulcet tones. So I appreciate that. And we love 'em. So Seattle brogue. What's that? Got that Seattle brogue. Seattle brogue. Yeah. Explain.

Eric

No, like a there's the Irish brogue. I'm not familiar with brogue. Or simply not familiar with brogue. It's the the name for an accent. But I don't know what makes uh because I've used it, I've seen it used in place of the word accent. It's like, oh yeah, it's that Scottish brogue. But I don't know what defines a brogue vis-an an accent. I don't know. I don't know either, Frank. Maybe it's just gotta be from a super white country like Seattle. Like Seattle, like the the like the Seattle, the Seattle brogue. The cunt the nation of Seattle. The nation of Seattle, the sovereign nation of Seattle.

Matt

Now, Eric, I've done a I've gone ahead and I've pulled up Miriam Webster's dictionary definitions of cord and hose. I figured this might help us. This might. It it defines cord as a long, slender, flexible material, usually consisting of several strands as of thread or yarn woven or twisted together. Also a hangman's rope. I don't think that's called a cord all the time. I think it's usually news. A hose, on the other hand, is a close-fitting garment covering the legs and waist that oh nope, wrong one. A flexible Dumb. I thought you'd enjoy that. I thought you'd enjoy that. I did. A flexible tube for conveying fluids, as from a faucet or a hydrant. Now, right there, Eric, I feel like we could just call it in terms of the the definitions. But that's usually our style.

Eric

Yeah, if we were cowards, we could. Matt, when I think cordless, right? Uh it it is a promise. Cordless is a social contract between me and the people selling me a thing that says, hey, you can carry this thing anywhere you want and not have to worry about unplugging or plugging it back in. And I would I would consider a hose to be something you, for lack of a better term, plug in. Like I'm I am now I'm I'm tethered. The whole point of of going cordless is you are no longer tethered to a wall or a building. Right. And now I am.

Matt

But the hose is not tethered to now. This is interesting that is and there are two hoses in this equation. Because the hose has to be connected to the house at some point, or some sort of the hose bone connected to the house bone. Yes, precisely that. But the the I'm assuming this is just running off then off a battery or something. So got to be. I in I don't know how you truly make a power washer cordless in the sense that it isn't connected to anything. It would have to have a giant tank of water with it.

Eric

And that and that's fine. Or sorry, it's fine if it's completely impractical to make a cordless power washer. You just don't sell me like you are. Like you don't just try to, you don't, you don't hose all over my wall and tell me it's piss. I've often said that. It makes me see red. That's what I'm getting.

Matt

It makes me see rose all over my wall and tell me it's pissing.

Eric

It's like my Grammy used to say don't power wash all over my driveway and tell me it's piss. Grammy said that? 1 30 in the morning. Hopped up on Scotch. Grammy could say anything. She can't be stopped. No, no, goodness, no.

Matt

She's like she's like a woodpecker just trying to go deep, deep within the sappy insides of a maple tree.

Eric

It's true. And I am that maple tree. She's like, I will give you wisdom one way or another, my grandson. There you go. Yeah.

Matt

So given the circumstances of the hose has to be in the wall. Now, granted, I don't I I think another difference between a hose and a cord is you cannot, and you even said it, but I disagree with you. You can't plug in a hose. A hose is connected to something. Is connected. It's not plugged. It's not a plug. It's like an outlet. You go, yes, and it's in there. Yes. Cords could do that. Power cords can do that. Yes. Not so much the hose, I don't think. It's got to be twisted and and or at the very least, like inset within another mechanism.

Eric

One of those little rings you spin around it to lock it. That is the most satisfying fucking. I I don't know about you, but like satisfying just mechanical objects is that little ring you spin around the end of a hose, like lock it into the to the faucet. Oh, that hits.

Matt

This is reminding me I gotta turn my spigot. I gotta I'm uh this is reminding me I gotta turn my spigots back on uh after the winter months.

Eric

Yeah, we're we're we're done. We're out of the we're out of the we're at we're in the thaw.

Matt

No, I yeah, for sure. Because I need because I probably need to do a power washing here before too long myself. Uh because you know my house, it's up against the pond there. It's get it gets all kinds of woodland uh dust and debris on it.

Eric

Dust and debris of the forest. Detrit Forest Detritus. Your your backyard is cool because if you stand with your back to your house and at the right angle, you could think you're just in the fucking woods. Like you're into the like, but you know what I mean? Like you're just in lost in nature. If I took a picture of my people are like, did you did did a plane crash and you're now in a survival situation?

Matt

There are several angles you could take where it looks like you are at some sort of large body of water with no houses around it. You can you can make those views happen. Yeah. But um, as long as you don't disturb my wildlife, I'm I'm good with that.

Eric

Almost like I could film like a documentary of an of an orange ootang.

Matt

Hmm. Second mansion of the orange utan. They don't frequent my pond as much as other things. No, as much as geese. We know about them. Um, we you know, uh for a long time now, um, it used to be a rare sighting, but we have a blue heron that seems to be just like around all the time now. And he's cool as shit to watch.

Eric

Is it is it is it actually like blue?

Matt

It's a blue. Yeah, yeah.

Eric

It's because it it drives me nuts like when when like you you hear a name of like oh it's like a purple boot it's like a yellow tail but then it's like blue red or some shit.

Matt

Okay, it's blue. I'd say it's like a slate blue. It's not like it's not like the blue-footed booby's feet, but you know, it is it is it is a blue heron. What is the blue footed booby's feet? Purple. Huh.

Eric

Yeah. Huh. Yeah.

Matt

Little known fact.

Eric

Huh.

Matt

Fucking idiot. Now back to Okay, Eagle Scout, play the noise. Uh well, I don't have it set. We need a soundboard because I don't have this. We need to invest. I I think it's a worthy investment. Do you? No, absolutely.

Eric

Give me buttons to press. Oh, you want your own? Oh, I could probably get my own. I like when your neighbor is a s is like a sound engineer. I got bo I got I got access to all kinds of shit.

Matt

You want to tell me about how your neighbor's a sound engineer? Yet you haven't put shit on your walls to help the sound quality of this podcast. He ran out of soundproofing. No, he didn't. I've been in his basement. I've seen what he has. You know who's got more? Fucking Amazon.com. I I I can't, yeah.

Eric

But that takes Matt, that needs the green. That needs the green that I do not have. I know you don't. I know you don't. I'm out here with my little sign, Will Suck Dick for soundproofing.

Matt

Now that is awfully, you know, blue. We're back to blue. We're back to blue. But the blue heron, to go back to him, he's cool to just watch for a while because he moves so slowly and so purposefully putting his hand. He spreads out his hands. He spreads out his hands and he just is like slowly going across a log, waiting for one of my spring peepers to pop up, and then he just bam! Down and gets it. Hell yeah. Hurt my neck doing a little whoopam just now.

Eric

So cords and hose. Cords and hose. Cords and hose. Gotta have my cords and hose.

Matt

Got to have my cords and hose. Yeah. Cause okay, because also I do the I know the definition, a little bit of a cop out. Literally, a whore a hose is not a cord. Literally, it's not. Because also I think a hose does have something that travels through it in liquid form.

Eric

Yes.

Matt

Or gas form, perhaps.

Eric

Yeah, you can that, yes. That that is a non-solids. A non-solids, a plastic. You can even have plasti, yeah. It's gotta be non-solids.

Matt

But a cord is like a a series of wires bound up in a casing. But I see Steve Lesson Seattle's frustration here.

Eric

I see his rage. Yeah, because this because this is because and and and yeah, that's what I'm pissed at. I'm not pissed at the the debate of is a hose cord. I'm pissed at this business who sold my boy Steve a air quotes cordless power washer.

Matt

Yeah.

Eric

And we know, and you know what we expect. You you they knew what they were doing.

Matt

You throw cordless wireless around. It is, oh, that's right. I'm in the land of the free baby, and I can just walk around hands free, no need to worry about my my headphones connected to my iPod no longer. Not for not for generations have I dealt with a cord around my elbows.

Eric

I will walk across this great nation of Seattle, cord abandoned. But no. No, now you were tethered. You were tethered to your house like a little like a little boy.

Matt

And with my boy who is bad. With my power washer, I do get the appeal because uh, you know, I don't have a cordless power washer, so I have both a cord and a hose to contend with. You know, I'm I'm tied.

Eric

It is one less step. I'll give them that.

Matt

It is one less step, but it's not the most important step eliminated, which is But you're saying you're going forward, you're marketing cordless forward because you're evoking the image of like, oh yeah, you can just take this bad boy anywhere.

Eric

That's fucking gaslighting.

Matt

But that's not really the case. Steve, you're being gaslit. And in hose lit. In order to have a power washer that would be like total, totally wireless, totally cabless, you need some sort of giant tank because it would need so much water to be able to power wash, and you'd be refilling it forever. It's not practical.

Eric

No, not practical.

Matt

No, I I don't think they should make one.

Eric

I I I think it would be playing God if we tried to make a true cordless power washer. I think I think I I think that's I think it's honestly too much power. Cause because honestly, that's the only just the other day, my neighbor Patrick was power washing his deck, and and we watched him for some time and just every now and then satisfying. Like, we're close enough, we can just lean out the window and go like, hell yeah. And he'd be like, I know, I know. And we're like, hell yeah, brother. But if he could just take if you gave him that power, if you just handed him like a proton power washer pack and just told him, Hey, you can go power wash wherever the fuck you want now, that's too much. The tether is actually what keeps us humble in in in keeps us keeps us grounded. Keeps yeah, it does, it keeps us from flying too close to the sun.

Matt

Because then we'd power wash the sun. That we would power wash the sun. If we could, because once you get going power washing, you don't want to stop. You're like, Oh, I can just do everything.

Eric

Yeah, I can I can wash away the sins of the world. Oh, it's not a ladder to heaven that God needs to worry about, it's a power washer.

Matt

What is the ladder to heaven? What who's why is he worried about that? Uh what was it?

Eric

It was it was it was South Park or something that was like ladder to heaven.

Matt

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was the 9-11 episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was whoever did the where were you? Where were you? Yeah, and then they then they build the ladder to heaven. When they built the ladder to heaven, yeah, yeah. It that is what you're going for. I thought you were getting it confused with the Tower of Babel from the Bible. You know that ladder. They were trying to build that to that, you know, that that that ladder of the ladder of Babbel.

Eric

The ladder, the ladder of chit-chat. It wasn't the babble and ladder. The babble and ladder sounds like a newspaper. It sounds like a pub. The Babylon ladder. The bab babble spell first asked like babble, but then Alan ladder. Yeah.

Matt

You're aware that the Tower of Babel and Babylon.

Eric

Okay. But then they're but I'm talking more about b yes. Yeah. Okay, I'm just making sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. I got you. All right. I think we're going to be able to do that. We did come full circle. All right. We did. Did we? Yeah. Did we? Matt's running the calculus. He's like, is Eric just agreeing with me to cover up the fact that he didn't know this? Or does he still not understand what I'm saying? That's precisely the same thing. I do know they are all etymologically connected.

Matt

That is precisely the question that I'm going with. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are truly a biblical scholar. Thank you. Thank you, Matthew. Thank you, Matthias. Let me ask you this question. You could have just said Matthew, he is, of course, one of the gospels. Uh what do you think we do you think we've answered the question?

Eric

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At this the new now the new council of Nikia, yes, we've done it.

Matt

Nikia Oh, are you going with like because uh the Adidas thing? Adidas, yeah. And now you're now you're just gonna say things funny? But why? Why am I doing that? I don't want to say.

Eric

Okay.

Matt

I don't want to say what your motivations might be. This is the part where we start suspecting each other deeply as the episode goes on.

Eric

All right, everyone.

Matt

I've been taking notes. Give us your second, give us the second question. Give it to us.

At what point can someone officially consider themselves "World Renowned/World Famous"

Eric

Oh, yeah, I got you, baby. All right. This question comes from former guest of the show, Baltimore artist and my girlfriend, uh Alyssa, who asks, at what point can someone officially consider themselves quote, world renowned slash world famous? So at what point can someone officially consider themselves world renowned or world famous?

Matt

Now I think we gotta start with famous. Like when when does one become from well known to famous? Yeah. I think to put this in like actor terms, there's there's this idea of being a big fish in a small pond, like uh being uh a really strong actor in a in a city where they don't have a lot of uh you know big theaters or or big film or whatever like that.

Eric

An indigo-footed booby amongst blue-footed boobies. You're just you stick you stand out.

Matt

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You stand out like a sore thumb in a good way. Because every everyone knows your name because you just keep getting cast, you keep getting hired. But you go to New York City, say, you go to Chicago, you go to New York.

Eric

No one knows who the fuck you are.

Matt

And now you're now you're a big fish in a sea of big fish. Yeah. So of course, if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. Because if you are famous in New York, you're famous. You're f you're famous. That is I think if you have gotten some sort of national coverage in any kind of way, I think you cross into a certain level of fame. You know, you don't have to be George Clooney to be a quote unquote famous actor.

Eric

No, Brent Spiner is a famous actor.

Matt

Brent Spiner is a famous actor. Many people probably do not know all who he is.

Eric

And they are lesser for it.

Matt

They are lesser for it. And I haven't even really seen his main role, but I still know him. Yeah. They they and they don't tell Eric, don't tell them.

Eric

No, they can look up. Look it up. Do your own research, find out who Brent Spiner is and why you should know all about him and why he should be your favorite. That's all I'll say.

Matt

There's so many, there's so many actors like that. We've talked much and more about him. I think he's more famous than uh Brent Spiner, but Clancy Brown is another person who Clancy Brown is an actor that every single living human should know the name of.

Eric

And so many people don't. And and then then there's that level of famous where it's like, no, you know who this is, you just didn't know their name.

Matt

Like if I like if I say Clancy, I think Clancy Brown and Brent Spiner fall into that category.

Eric

If like that guy, Mr. Krabs. Okay, yeah, there's no, it turns out this dude is in fact famous. Yeah. So so at that point, I think that that that that's a key kind of thing here because it's not just who knows your name. Because, like we said, like we just said, a lot of people no idea who Clancy Brown's name is, but they know Mr. Krabs. Therefore, Clancy Brown is famous. And I would say, I would argue world famous. Oh, 100 if it's if it's attached to SpongeBob, yeah, it's it's world famous.

Matt

That alone, despite uh not even considering his hundreds of other credits.

Eric

Yeah. Uh oh man, least uh not least of which Highlander. Fucking Well, of course. Oh, okay. But yeah, focus on how sorry, I gotta close tabs. Close some tabs. Very good, Eric. I got you, babe. I have I have actually started trying to integrate. It's it is authentically really good. It works so well. Um But how does one take the step? What what is that that key moment that we become that something becomes world famous? Because once you get to world famous, you are either that's when you're that's when you start you're world famous when you almost like Kleenex, you're the name your name becomes synonymous with the thing you do. Like if I say, you know, like when someone says, Oh, he's the Wayne Gretzky of XYZ suckin' toes, like it's you everyone immediately knows, like you might not even a hockey fan, but you know who Wayne Gretzky is, or you know that that's like oh, that's the the they're invoking the the famous guy. And I would say Gretzky is world famous, he's world famous a hundred percent.

Matt

And I think it's I think it's continental, right? Like I think you need to be to be world famous, you need to be famous on at least two continents. I think that is it, really.

Eric

Yeah, yeah. I I I would say I would say, yeah, two continents. Uh yeah, yeah, no, no, that that that that that but what if those continents are North and South America? That's a good point. That gets a little complicated. Okay, then how about this? When you're world famous, then then how about this? I think I think the inclusion of th well, no, because then I was like three continents, but then Antarctica, because technically I got it right here.

Matt

You need to be famous on two continents that are separated by an ocean. Two continents, yes.

Eric

I or or and or what let me hit you with this world famous in enough time zones that there's not more than a two-time zone gap between them. That there's not more or that there is more? Like that there's not more than like like you know what I mean? Like you're famous in this time zone, and then you can have okay, maybe no one knows who you are in this time zone, but the next one they've heard of you.

Matt

You know what I mean? Like if you I mean, Eric, you you're you all you did it to put it on in a scale, is you're famous on the two coasts of the United States, but not on the flyovers.

Eric

Coast to coast, coast to coast. But if you're famous, usually if you're famous on the two coasts, that means you are hit, you are probably famous for the adjoining continent. You're project yeah, you're not you're not you're not desperately struggling to get to Iowa and like have you heard of me? Have you heard of me? Yeah, no one is no one's after the Iowa market. But no, I like I like at least two continents separated by an ocean. Apologies to Mike from the Neatcast for uh for the Iowa bashing. This is this is the Mike uh memorial episode of You Daft. Yeah. Okay, I think we're cooking, but hold on, my brain just there we go. At what point so where are we? I saw you open tabs. Yeah, I want to point that up. Yeah, had to close them, then I had to open them. You gotta open the tabs to close the tabs. You gotta close tabs to open tabs. That's what I've always said. I feel like there's gotta be like one more qualifier. One more qualifier. We've gotten the where in terms of like geographic spread. But when we think famous, when we think renowned, renowned that that's I kind of want to zero in on that energy, like the renowned, because anyone can be known places. Okay, yeah, sure. Famous and renowned, like that implies a cultural element, like a a you are in the zeitgeist to some degree, but how do we quantify that?

Matt

Yeah, I don't uh hmm. That's tough because I feel like renowned has an element of respect to it as well, right? Yes, as prestige, yeah. There's a pr exactly, there's a prestige to the word renowned, as because yeah, just like you could e you could say infamous, yeah, is a negative connotation. But you can't spell it without famous. That is true. I think anybody who's infamous is also famous.

Eric

Yes, yeah. We can treat these as kind of like alignment neutral terms, like real sons of bitches can be famous and renowned. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. As evidence by looks, you know, look at the past centuries of American history.

Matt

Um What are you struggling with?

Eric

You're struggling with what is the benchmark to hit that you become when you've hit that level of, and again, keeping this neutral prestige, like what is what is like when you can blank or when you are blank, you that can then be considered world famous. Because we've got geographical covered.

Matt

I think it I think it goes beyond just like you've been in a movie or been viral or you know, wrote a book that is sold all over the world.

Eric

Because what I'm trying to do is like I'm I'm approaching this from my gamer brain, whereas like you could game this system. Like if I go out and give, you know, theoretically, if I go to two different continents separated by an ocean, I hand enough people a dollar and say, hey, remember my name, I could technically be world famous, but we don't want technicality famous. I'm like, you have to actually have you have to have an impact to the point like where you're you're almost like a meme, like you're mimetic. You're your the idea of you propagates itself.

Matt

Yeah, you know, um uh what's that song from uh uh Strangers and Places? Um you know the musical I'm talking about?

Eric

No.

Matt

Uh I think it it's like oh people people are talking. People are talking. I think that's what it is. So, and by the way, got to see Strangers and Places. It's okay. Put in my notes. Put it in your notes. The but but but the people are talking aspect popped to mind because I think it it's it's not you telling someone about yourself. It's yeah, there are there are independent conversations happening among strangers, yeah, unbeknownst to you, about you.

Eric

Okay. Honest to God, then I think we can dis I think that's perfect, and we can just distill it to when you are a meme and using the like the true dictionary definition of a mimetic idea on two different continents, separated by an ocean, you are world famous slash world renowned. Good example, the the the people at the Coldplay concert, the cheese at the cold play concert.

Matt

Oh, yes, the whole fucking world we're talking about, those two. World renowned, and I don't even need to know their names to to put their faces in your brain.

Eric

Yep. Yep. Or or if I if if you showed me a picture of someone throwing a shoe at a president, I immediately know what event you're referencing. I know the shoe.

Matt

I can see the shoe. The shoe is world famous. I can see Bush's reaction when he when he pops back up, that little look. And uh because again, like a gopher. I don't know why I said again, when he pops back up, he is this is a John Mullaney bit, I apologize, but like it is a true observation that when he popped back up, he was like, Oh, we're we're throwing shoes now. Oh I'm ready for that show. You're throwing shoes, I'm gonna throw hands. He was so ready for that second shoe.

Eric

I'll give him that. He was spry. He he was somehow he was no, in that moment, he was no, you know, precious little violet. He was he was he was a a rose of conquest.

Matt

Yeah, no, he was no, you know, uh barn owl for sitting on a sitting up on a slouch, he's no he's no slouch, he's no squonk, he's no squonk.

Eric

No, he but I was trying to think of a different of like a like a beefy version of a squank, but that that doesn't work. A squonk?

Matt

No, I think we've spent enough time talking about that war criminal. Yeah, um which he is, but hey, we're looking to set a new record, kids. Um yeah, hey, when we're recording this, World War III might be starting in oh, it might have already started. Uh it's after seven, so um anyway. Um yeah, okay, so I think we're circling the drain here, as I like to say. Yeah, I think we got it. I think we got it.

Eric

We've got strangers to talking about strangers to talking about you. You're mimetic on two continents. You're memetic, separated by an ocean. On two continents separated by an ocean. And for bonus flavor, what's the bonus? I would say bonus flavor, you're parodied on SNL.

Matt

If you're I think if you make it to SNL, if you make it to being parodied on SNL in any capacity, you're you've done it. You are world famous. That's a good barometer. That is a very good barometer, I'd say. Or even not even just SNL. I'd say, like, if Colbert or Kimmel or Fallon put you in their monologue, that's also worth it.

Eric

Yes. If you're in someone's cold open, you're probably famous.

Matt

Yeah, for sure. If you make it to the you daft cold open, if you're talked about in a you daft bingo sode. Yeah. You've made it. You've done it. You've done it. You've arrived. You've made it. You've made it, baby bird, as I like to say. Oh. So I think I think that's the definition. I think we've provided it. I think we done did it. Oh my God. We're so we should we should do a podcast about this.

Eric

We should. Like where we Answer questions. Give advice. Yeah. You should we should have you know Matt? We should have a website.

Off Mic On God (On Mic)

Matt

We should have a website. We we definitely should have a website. We should have a website. Are you suggesting that we have done the thing by this point?

Eric

What thing are you are you referring to? Oh, are you referring to like potentially having new things?

Matt

I'm saying off mic on God for a second. Do you think we would have successfully already launched this thing by the time this episode comes out in two weeks? Yeah. We might, but I didn't I I ha we maybe. Okay, what like okay.

Eric

What would you have to do it by to to eat for that to even be a possibility?

Matt

Well, to this episode will come out two weeks from to Thursday. So I feel like I feel like it I can launch this uh next week at the latest, I would think.

Eric

Like by like by the 17th? Uh yeah, maybe. Why? No, I was just curious. I was like, I was like, I was impressed. I was like, I was like, oh, you could oh, but then again, you've done a bunch of fucking work on the site. I've done a bunch of shit. But why is the 17th series continued? It's just CWB, because that was a deadline in my mind, because I have it for a bunch of like best of stuff like that.

Closer: Hidden Objectives Revealed

Matt

Oh, yes, for the best of stuff like that. Yes, yes, yes. Um yeah, I mean, I think so. I mean, uh uh, I'm just finishing up the merch and stuff, so I think we're I I do think we're close. All right, we'll un uh on mic again. Okay. How do we get back into it? Um I'm just uh I think I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say it. We should have a podcast. We should, Eric. I think we should. And in that podcast, I think it'd be fun if sometimes we had hidden objectives. Uh-oh. I think we I think we're there, right? I think we done did it. I think we done did it. I think it's time to compare. And Eric, yeah, I really gotta say, I think you've done an excellent job.

Eric

I my my boy, I have to say the same to you because like the only thing stressing me out about this now is like I'm like, I don't, I I I I have like one tenuous thing that I think you might have been doing.

Matt

You told you said at one point, like, oh, I have notes. I do not have notes.

Eric

I have I have exactly one note. I said that just so you wouldn't clock me like looking at my own tasks and making sure that I've met the the rec the requisites.

Matt

Oh, I've I did the same thing because 100% I was looking at my own tasks as well. All right. Um, so how do we want it? How did we do this last time? Okay, so last time I believe we we got points, such as it is, if we accomplish the objective, but we have the opportunity to guess uh one of the objectives. But I don't think that we decided that didn't negate points. No, it's just for fun. It's just for fun. So I I think what we could do, I think what we did do is have you you guessed my objectives, I guessed yours, and then there's the Okay. I have one guess for you. Okay, so you want to guess mine.

Eric

Yeah, I'll guess yours first. Okay, which is nice because I uh I'm serious, I really don't know where I this this is just was one of your was one of your tasks, and this is this is a tip of my hat to Juniper because she would pay attention to this and clock this. Was was one of your tasks to make me do some version of the business, like saying the thought line number? No, because that would be funny. Okay, then I got nothing. But that's really I got fucking nothing.

Matt

Okay, you really don't have anything. Okay, I mean, neither do I, I'm dead serious. Um, okay. So my first objective was to throughout the episode at different points, I can't do it in a list. Okay, I had to name at least three different specific birds.

Eric

Oh shit! So you got the blue heron, you got the blue-footed booby, and you got the oh, what was the oh uh oh oh damn damn damn. Oh, I had it. I had it. Woodpecker was the first one that I threw at. Woodpecker. You had you might have had more than three.

Matt

I did because I put barn owl at the end. Nice because blue-footed booby, you just said that when I was talking about the blue heron, and that wasn't bullshit. There is a blue heron in my pond. Yeah, and but it's majestic as hell. It is, but the I thought it might be it might be considered too close in proximity to to use blue-footed boobies. So that's that's why I was like, I better put in a third one uh or fourth one just in case.

Eric

Yeah.

Matt

My second objective was I uh Sir Juniper, I have to say, so easy because it's just true. I had to convince Eric we need a soundboard. It really did require Eric almost no effort.

Eric

No. Hey Eric, you want to you want a device that lets you push buttons and sounds come out? Yay.

Matt

Okay. And my last one the last one I thought you pegged me on because I did I it was the one that I was like, oh shit, I didn't do that yet. And I had to sort of one of those two. I had to I had to shoehorn it in. Uh, and that was to enthusiastically describe a fictional Broadway musical, which I called Rages and Places.

Eric

Brother, that was so well done. I never for a second, I was like, oh yeah, because you're just you see so much about like so much more about like productions than I do. I was like, oh, this sounds so legit.

Matt

I thought, well, and then using the song People Are Talking, I was like, this sounds like it'd be a broadcast.

Eric

Yes, yes, broad away. That's sound like that's so nice, that's so funny.

Matt

Uh the and I thought you the reason I thought you got me on it.

Eric

Son of a bitch, I even put it in my my I have a running notes doc where I'm like, all right, fucking people are talking about it.

Matt

Okay, what I was about to say is I thought you might have gotten me on it because I said Strangers and Places and I saw you like look down like you were writing something. I was like, fuck, he fucking.

Eric

That's me putting it in my things to watch and listen to document.

Matt

Oh, you really did write it down because the remote doc. Oh god. Strangers and places. People are talking.

Eric

Now, now we now we're obligated. Now we have to write the hit musical. Strangers and places people are talking.

Matt

Yes, yeah. By all means, if you want to write a demo of uh people are talking. All right, here uh so unfortunately, that brings me to guess your shit. And I I really do feel like you were super successful this time around.

Eric

I I so I would say that as it stands, I have kinda two and a half. I need to know, I need to get your opinion on whether or not I was successful in my third one.

Matt

I have well, all right, hold on.

Eric

But I won't say anything yet.

Matt

I have a couple of tenuous, very tenuous ideas.

Eric

Okay.

Matt

You made up the whole pronunciation thing surrounding orangutans.

Eric

I did not. That actually Sir David Attenborough out here hitting me with Uran Utangs.

Matt

I th I I thought it if it if you had made it up, it was very good because it sounds like something that would be true. Yeah. The other thing that I thought of is you started doing this and then I started doing this as if to, I don't know, uh uh echo it. Did you have to do something surrounding using the phrase as I like to say or as I always say?

Eric

No, I did not, but that's so funny.

Matt

Because you said it a couple of times, so then I started saying it to be like, is that going to elicit a reaction out of him?

Eric

I love how paranoid this game makes us.

Matt

It does make us on like the least toxic version of paranoid, yeah. But that's it. That's the only two guesses I have, and they're both obviously wrong. So that's that's you did a great job, no matter what they are.

Eric

So, so number one, I had to bring up something Towson related, but refuse to talk about anything Towson related for the rest of the app.

Matt

So the beginning it's interesting, yeah. Yeah because I brought up the imaginary friend, and you didn't say anything about his name being Dallas or anything. So I Yeah, that's why I was like, nope, we gotta go.

Eric

Gotta gotta talk. I got questions to get to.

Matt

Man, that's funny. The second one. The heart a sec, I did not give that a second thought.

Eric

I threaded the needle. You really did. Uh this one was the the hard this one's the the the most one of the more challenging ones. I had to mention the colors of the rainbow in Roy G biv order red, orange, yellow, blue, indigo, violet. So at the at the at the be uh at the beginning, you'll remember earlier it's like, oh yeah, it made me see red. And then one of the times I said oran utan, I said orange utans. Then I said uh yellow footed booby, then I said uh uh I I don't have the green. Uh I mentioned uh uh blue-footed booby was just handed to us. I just said the word like blue-footed booby. The hardest one was uh indigo. Um I was gonna say I don't remember indigo or violet. Indigo, oh no, no, sorry, it wasn't yellow. I used for some uh or or uh blue, uh one of the it was I think I said I think you're telling me you fucked up this objective. I didn't, I know I said indigo. I know I said indigo, and violet was when we were talking about Bush because I said he's no delicate violet. He you did say delicate violet. I can't remember where I said indigo, but I'm like 99% certainly.

Matt

You know what's interesting? When you said the delicate violet, I thought like um that's a weird thing for Eric to have pulled out all of a sudden. And then I did for a half second be like, has he mentioned other flowers? Like that's the direction I went. Um, and I was I was thrown.

Eric

Okay. All right. And then my final task, and this is the one where I'm like, I don't know if I got this. It got this is this was my oh shit. It's I realized like, oh shit, it's about to be the end of the episode. I have to, I had to shoehorn this in. Get Matt to commit to a date by which he will redo the Yad website. Okay now you see the complication.

Matt

Okay. This this makes this makes some interesting editing choices.

Eric

Yes, it does.

Matt

Because I said we were off mic on God, and we were talking about those things, and you were like, Are you saying by like the 17th? And I was like, I I mean, I think I don't think I got you to actually commit though.

Eric

That's the problem. I got it.

Matt

But I also I also because I clocked it that it was so weird, Eric. I say this with respect. It was so weird that you were giving me a deadline.

Eric

That's what made it the hardest fucking task. Well done, Juniper. Because I was like, what is this?

Matt

What but now I feel like the whole now I feel like that whole off mic on God has to be kept in. You just cut it in here. Because I did think it was odd, but I said we're off mic on God. I'm gonna cut all this. Yeah, so he can't, but now to for it to even potentially count, I have to include it.

Eric

We've introduced a paradox. Juniper, these were good challenges. You've actually put us into a podcast paradox.

Matt

I I think I don't have any choice. I think I have to include off the this edition of Off Mike on God in the in the middle of the thing.

Eric

Just throw some bleeps in there so it sounds like there's some shit we put out that they can't know. So it sounds dirty.

Matt

Because I do think there is a possibility the the website and stuff is out in time for this episode. And now I feel like it has to be. Now I feel like it's just appropriate.

Eric

My knight, my champion.

Matt

Okay, well, I uh I I really don't know. There's a c I was gonna make a couple more things a merch before we just drop the website and drop the new artwork and all the new branding, but uh I Juniper might have um induced it. Yeah, to put to put to use the term that's prevalent in my life. Induced podcast labor. That hasn't happened. We're still like a month away when this is IPL. Never heard. Calm down, everybody. Everyone chill, chill. Everyone, calm down.

Eric

But I did go to a child birthing class over the weekend. Oh man. Earlier today, I watched a Klingon deliver a baby on the next generation. So, you know. That's great, Eric.

Matt

Uh so how hard could it be? Well, they did show us a birthing video in which it seemed like it was the easiest birth in the history of humanity, and this baby just slid on out. But but uh I digress into parenthood. Juniper, these were great. You broke the format of the show in some ways. Uh, you've created an editing uh um clusterfuck. Yeah. And we would expect that I have to I have to salute you. Yeah. Well done. This is this is our duty to you as your lieges. We we must account for this. Yeah, I think you've done an excellent job, Juniper. Uh I'm serious. And Eric, I think personally, I think the off mic on God thing is questionable. We did say off mic on God before you did the date thing. Yeah. But I because I did think about the date thing, but I thought it was off mic on god.

Eric

It was off mic on, and also I was explicitly told to get you to commit. And I I got I think the best I got I I don't think you committed. So I don't think I ever committed. If we're keeping score, Matt, I think you won this one. I think I think you took it. I think it's three to two in terms of points.

Matt

Yeah. But honestly, I felt like because I didn't I couldn't get guesses for any of yours, I thought for sure it was gonna be three, three. And I was gonna say you deserve it because like I literally got like literally no notes written down. None. Well, well done both. You did so good. We I think, Eric, our adjustment, our learning curve to hidden objectives from one to two, just leaps and bounds.

Eric

Yes, they're gonna have to start giving us progressively more batshit things we need.

Matt

And that's Eric, that's what I think. I I think that's not only what we want, I think it's what we need. Yep. It's what the people need. It's what the people fucking need. So maybe, just maybe, you will be chosen to be the person who provides us our next hidden objectives. Although I think it's only fair that the uh pool of people who are candidates first come from the Patreon, I'd say, don't you think, Eric?

Eric

Patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this. I couldn't agree more, Matthew. Absolutely.

Matt

You get access to the Discord to discounts on our new merch. Ooh, and uh monthly bonus content in the form of all tangents, and we we have just stumbled right on into the business, so we might as well say make sure you give us some questions, folks. I'm dead, I'm dead serious about this. The cue is getting dire. Yeah, times is lean. And listen, I'm about to go on my pod paternity leave for a little bit. Poach is gonna be running the show with a guest. Yeah. The the boys gotta have questions. I'm worried about him. Without my without my my my Matthew? I simply don't know how it's gonna go. I'm gonna be a wreck. I I think you will be.

Eric

I don't think people have considered how hard this is gonna be for me.

Matt

I don't think people have considered how hard it's gonna be for you. And there and not only that, it adds an added pressure to me, because there I am trying to keep an infant alive, trying to keep a nascent human on the the on on track for success. And I also got to raise a baby.

Eric

Hey! Got him! Can't wait to hear this on Lindsay's correction corner. Why, what'd I say? Nothing. I didn't hear shit. Solidarity, dog.

Matt

All right, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Eric

Yeah, if Lindsay ever brings this up, let's just gaslight her.

Matt

And of course, you can enter anything you want into the thought line from your voice hole, and that is 410-929-5329. Eric, what's the phone number for the thought line? Matt. It is. Eric, just a quick reminder. I just fucking said it. Crazy episode, Matt. A lot of people said a lot of things. Folks, let me tell you something. This is real. This is 100% real. This is what I deal with all the time.

Eric

Look, I'm just having one of my senior moments. Give me what's the area code? 410. Nice. Nice. We'll get you there.

Matt

Three digits at a time.

Eric

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I almost read off someone's number who called the thought line. Jesus Christ. Matt, what's the number?

Matt

Tell them the 410-9295329. And listen, send us those questions. Send us those thoughts. And you know, check in on us on the social medias at you didn't ask pod. That's the letter you didn't ask pod. Instagram, mainly, and then the other places also. Yeah. And send us emails at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com. That's all spelled out. And of course, I'm going to say, I'm going to say it, Eric. I am, you didn't get me to, but I'm going to say it is already out. The new you didn't ask for what this website fucking is out. And if I've missed the mark, you're about to hear the boo-doo. Uh you're going to hear that come in, go, no, it didn't happen. Um, but I think we're close enough. So you didn't ask for this.com, all spelled out, of course. New website, the list of all of our questions we've ever done, one of the most sought-after requests that uh has been given to us. Beautiful. That is there.

Eric

Y'all, Mattworks is so fucking hard on he he knocked it out of the park. He did so good. Thank you. Go go to the website right now. It's so juicy.

Matt

And you've already seen our new artwork. If uh if you've seen it in the uh in the threads here, in the in the you know, your cue in the feeds. That's the word I was looking for, feeds. That's a good science time to end the episode. End the show. I think we done did it, Eric. What say you? I think we done did it, baby. Then from all of us here at the new and improved. You didn't ask for this. My name is Matt Shea. My name is Eric Poach.

Eric

And hey, listen, you didn't ask. But did you know that my Grammy named the giant oak tree in her front yard Thor and she talks to it? No, what does she say to Thor? She thank she she whenever it's about to rain or storm, she thanks him for protecting the house. Oh. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. And then then this past time, Alyssa and Grammy got to go outside and talk to the tree for a little bit before it rained. How does the tree protect the house from rain? Oh, you know. I think the tree protects the house tall? No, I think the tree protect it's a big fucking tree. The tree protects the house by not falling on the house. Most trees do. Yeah. And hey, good looking out, man. Good looking out. This one's for the trees. This one's for the trees.

Matt

Shout out trees. Shout out to the trees. This is how we're ending. Really? Shout out to the trees? With dandrology? Yeah, dog. Dandrology? Dendrology. So science of trees. We're not gonna, we're not gonna land on a f on a good fade out, are we? Here it comes. You can't say here it I see what you've done. I see what you've done. Got him. I see what you've done. You're trying to get me to rant and rave. It won't work. It won't work. You're uh you're if you had a hidden forth objective. This would be it. No, you didn't.