You Didn't Ask For This
You Didn't Ask For This
126 | Mythical Mischief
For 126 we've cut our closing segment in favor of clearing out some of our question backlog! On the docket for this ep are:
- We all "use our noodle"...but what kind of noodle is it?
- When you hear someone mention the “Muffin Man,” do you picture a human offering muffins… or do you picture a muffin with the face of a man?
- Do Mermaids have buttholes and how do they poop?
- What’s the ideal rapture?
That's right: FOUR of life's least-pressing questions for you to enjoy.
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What I need you to understand, Matthew, is that I am not gonna name any names. Okay. Good. Ever this is You already named mine, but all right. I'm not gonna name any names of importance. Okay. I was buying a car. Yes. I'd been at the dealership for five hours. Of course. I was it was That's how it goes. Yeah. Insert my tight five about buying a car here. Yeah, yeah. Um, but Oh, that's not what this is. No, no. Oh, okay. I just I just want to set the stage. Good. I've been I've and mind you, I walked into this dealership. I wasn't planning on leaving with a car that day, but due to several stars aligning, I was able to. But what that means is I suddenly had to have a lot of documentation on me that I didn't have. So I'm like, I am on the phone with like three or four different people trying to get them to send me documents like digitally so I can prove that I'm, you know, not a serial killer posing as Eric Pooch. So, so get through all of that. I'm like, I'm like, I'm so ready to go home. I'm I'm now that we're now at the part where like the paperwork has been drawn up, signatures have been done, like like we literally just have to lock down like the exact financing. I am in the act of transferring my belongings from my Jeep to my new car. Okay. Uh with a trash bag. Uh because again, I would have I'd expect nothing less. Yeah, would have would have loved to have had it cleaned out, but when I traded it in, but here we are. Um, you want my money? You can throw away some garbage in my Jeep. Because I only uh to be clear, I I talked to the salesman, the kid who was like helping me. I was like, dude, like be real with me. Do I have to like scoop out? He's like, oh dude, God, no. He's like, when I traded my car and I just like left all kinds of trash in there.
Matt:Like it's and listener, let me tell you, there's all kinds of trash in Eric Poach's Jeep.
Eric:Oh man, that shit is ground in. Um, so I was like, dope. So I'm I'm just taking all the stuff that I want to keep out of the Jeep, putting it in these, these like contractor bags and putting that in the back of my new car.
Matt:Much like an episode of Hoarders continue.
Eric:Yes, yes. As I am in the middle of this trash transference, yes, I get a phone call. This is where this is where names stop stop coming into play. It is from someone close to me. I get this phone call and they're like, dude, you will not fucking believe what what is what is happening like right now. It's like what like what? And they tell me that like one of their best friends is is at the is at the casino. Uh is like at a casino. I but you're watching my brain going like I'm not giving any any revealing. I'm watching you filter in real time. Yes. They're at a casino. There's a casino this person frequents regularly. And and mind you, the person who called me isn't with them. They're they're like, they uh they were they're like at their house and they're they're they're they're one of their best friends is at the casino. Call them something else, just uh reassign those names. Yeah, Tom and Jerry. So Tom tells me that Jerry had called him earlier that day. He was at the casino and placed a bet that he's placed a bunch of it's like this weird side pot like things that you can place when you're when you're when you're betting at the tables, like on those like weird little, like, oh bet this weird thing will happen. Um hits it. Nice. Wins almost $200,000. That is on the spot. Fucking solid hits this fucking jackpot. Nice. So 10 minutes after the win, Jerry calls Tom to tell him, I've I've fucking I and he's like telling him the story, and he's like, all that, and he's like, dude, he was like, I he's like, Man, I swear to god, like I hit it. He was like, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack, and then proceeds to have a heart attack on the phone with Tom. Tom it it it says those words, the line goes silent, and and and Tom's like, hello, hello, because like the dude like first he's like oh, thought he just sat his phone down for a second. Then someone that that tom doesn't recognize picks up the phone. He's like, Hello, hello, like who who who is this? And Tom's like, uh yeah, hi, this is this is Tom such and such. Like, what who who are you? And like, do you know the owner of this phone? He's like, Yeah, that's why I'm talking with him on the phone. He was like, Yeah, he's passed out, he's not breathing. Like, fucking like well, get off the phone and do something. Yeah, they're there, you hear people in the background are like, get back, get back, fucking. So they like rush through the hospital. I'm happy to say, dude's okay. Okay, good, dude is fine, but legitimately had a cardiac event as as they were telling this person, like, yeah, I thought I had a heart attack. Bump. Okay, it's insane. There's no and and I know this per like the per and the person who had like the heart, I'm like, I know them very well. I've known them like a long time. Like, it's it's it's true. But Matt, here's the fucking kicker. Okay. I was hoping a punchline would show up. First words upon being resuscitated. I hit the jackpot.
Matt:And that's optimism for you. Hell yeah. Well, hello everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This. It is the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. I have not hit the jackpot, and my name is Matt Shea.
Eric:I have also, nope, just fucking goose eggs across the roulette wheel. Although Eric Poach.
Matt:Although I did once, I think the most I've ever won in a casino was uh like $250 on a slot machine. Um wasn't slots, it was blackjack in my case. I was a I see, I I I like playing uh these days. I've played the like virtual blackjack on like DraftKings in Pennsylvania, where it's part of the app, it's not on the Maryland app.
Eric:Uh but where you see ads for fucking that that app everywhere. Every time I drive to PA, I start seeing billboards for it.
Matt:Well, DraftKings is in Maryland, it's just not the casino part. Um but anyway, you so where you can bet like a dollar or so on a hand as opposed to in an actual casino where like there's usually minimum hand buy-ins. 25, 50 bucks. And I just don't want to blow my money that quick. I'd rather blow my money pennies at a time on a slot machine.
Eric:Yeah, like the pauper that you are, like the pauper that I am.
Matt:That's exactly right. This ain't GTA 5 where I can just go in with my millions.
Eric:See, that's that's the thing. Like my vibe, like big flashy casinos uh stress me out. Um I like them. I like them.
Matt:It's enjoyable, but it's overwhelming. You gotta set my Lindsay and I's usual routine is we go in with like a limit. Like we're like, okay, here's $200, $100 for you, 100 for me. When we're out, we're out. You know, like yeah. And if we gain money, great. And if we don't lose all of it, great. But we we go in with the expectation of like it costs $200 to go to this casino today. Yep. You know, that's that's like what it is.
Eric:And my thing is like, like, yeah, $200's my budget. And then once I like, or like $100 or $500, however much money. However, you're gonna do it, yeah. Is and once I've run out of that, I'm done.
Matt:Yeah, I even I've done it in smaller cases too. Like once people, like we were just at the we were near, we were at the the uh uh a Rundle Mills mall where there is a casino in Maryland here. And so we were at the mall with some friends for other purposes, and people wanted to go to the casino. So it was like unplanned. So I was like, okay, I'll do 50 bucks. You know, like let's not go crazy. And I promptly lost it very quick, and I was like, great. All right, I'm done. I'm done. But anyway, I say all that because I just to say then I then had to sneak out of the I had to get my winnings because there were people present that I was like, I cannot let them know that I just won $250 because I will be paying for dinner. Uh and there it goes. So I had to like sneak to the counter.
Eric:You could feel someone forming the well, I guess you're yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt:I could feel the joke, and I was like, cash out, cash out, please. Cash out, cash out, get out now.
Eric:Yeah, see, like my my speed for a casino, like my ideal gambling experience is is not like the big flashy casino. My ideal gambling experience, I'm led into like a sort of basement, and there it's like smoke hanging in the air. There's one light over a small table that has a knife in it, and that but there's a guy in a tux. He's like, ah, Eric, have you been to this casino that you're describing? Mr. Poach, what is your pleasure? And then, like, I really he's got like uh one fake hand that's been clearly chopped off at some point. Eric, you're describing an illegal casino.
Matt:Yeah, that's my speed dog. Uh okay, but have you been to one or are you just living a fantasy right now?
Eric:Matt, we don't Matt.
Matt:That's a yes. Gentlemen never asked. Well, I ain't one. So I asked, and I think I got my answer.
Eric:New cars and cat food don't pay for themselves, Matthew. Tell me, what is your pleasure? I wish I could. Your hand get chopped the fuck off.
Matt:Jesus Christ. You got to. That's just if you want to play. That's just the buy-in. One hand.
Eric:That's just the buy-in.
Matt:One hand for that hand collector.
Eric:The hand man.
Matt:Hand man. He's in league with JG Toesworth. Deep cut. It's Handy Kaufman.
Eric:Uh oh, that's very thank you. Folks, folks, come on.
Matt:Yes, thank you. Put it in. I don't have the soundboard up. We haven't used it in a while, and I didn't think to bring it up. Uh anyway. Um, now Eric, we uh decided to get through some questions today because we got quite the build-up these days in the queue, which we love.
Eric:Lots of fingers and pies, pokers in the fire.
Matt:But so we're we decided to just get through some extra questions today and just cut the closing segment. And that wasn't based on not being able to think of one. That, you know, it was just we we want to get you your requested answers.
Eric:Yeah, and we we find ourselves with a very good problem, which is we have a lot of really good questions in the fucking.
Matt:We do, we authentically do. So it is a it is a bit of a happy accident. But we are gonna get through them.
Eric:Yeah, we're gonna see what we can get through and uh and moving on up and moving on up Eric to the podcast.
Matt:A few times a while back is how this question begins from the Discord. A few times a while back, Matt referenced his noodle, as in this question popped into the old noodle, yeah, which I understand to be referencing his brain. But what kind of noodle is Matt's brain? Bowtie, ravioli, and what kind is Eric's? And that comes from Grant, relatively new to the Discord. How are you doing, Grant? Grant, how are you? Thank you for being here.
Eric:Grant, so good to have you on. Do you have anything to say about the allegations? What, Eric? Sorry.
Matt:Keep the allegations in the in the Discord, in the orgy dome where they belong. In the orgy dome.
Eric:So, so so I know we said we'd never speak of it again, but let's just jump right into speaking about it. Yeah, uh, I mean, there the orgy uh gang, I'm just gonna tell you this. Focus it up, Eric. The orgy dome is lit. It is lit. It is lit as fuck. And if you'd like to experience the orgy dome, please consider joining our Patreon. $1 a month gets you access to the Discord and the Orgy Dome. And the Orgy Dome. Uh and the Orgyd. That is just now the lowest cover you're ever gonna get, folks, for any Orgy Dome. The Orgy Dome tier. Uh, you get access to the Discord and the Orgy Dome. $4 a month, you get access to the Orgy Dome Discord. Monthly bonus content in the form of oops, all tangents, and 20% off of all you daft merchandise. Matt, this is such a good question.
Matt:Yes, patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this. What is it, Eric?
Eric:What pasta? What noodle? Not even podcasting. What's your noodle?
Matt:What's your noodle?
Eric:What's your nude sauna?
Matt:And I think why it jumps out to jumped out to us is like I have never once, authentically never once, considered what type of noodle one's brain is. And I think Grant is on to it right away, in the sense that I do think it is not the same noodle for everyone, because pasta's pasta.
Eric:Pasta's pasta.
Matt:But like, you know, no one wants to say pasta.
Eric:Well, you know, pasta noodles. No, but there's so many, there's so many noodles.
Matt:There's so many noodles, so and there's so many types of noodles. So I I have, of course, pulled up list of noodles from Wikipedia Donate. Of course. There's so many different sub-lists from here, because obviously Vietnamese noodles, Thai noodles, Japanese noodles, they all have their own thing. So I'm gonna start with Italian, okay? Okay, but uh just to get some big ones. Yeah. The heavy hitters. You got your fettuccine, you got your linguini or macaroni, you've got your spaghetti, of course. Got a spaghetti good. But I'll say right off the bat, spaghetti. I've never pictured spaghetti when I pictured my noodle, when I say that. Not even like a ZD. It's the Mario in Mario Kart of noodles. Yes, not e exactly. It is it is the default setting, and therefore I don't want it. Then there's uh, you know, um linguini. I I'll say linguini is closer because when I picture my noodle, I picture like a big old, like oh like a brain, a brain made out of noodles.
Eric:Yes. I I for myself, I lean very heavily towards linguini or feticini.
Matt:Feticini is good too because it's thicker. Yes, and the it's I like a flat noodle. I like a long flat. Wonton noodles might fit the bill as well. Drunken noodles. Drunken noodles. I fucking love what kind of noodles are in drunken noodles?
Eric:Uh they are they're typically, I believe, egg noodles, and they're they're very broad, flat, like rec, they're like long rectangles, long, flat rectangles.
Matt:Broad rice noodles seems to be traditional the traditional usage of the noodle uh for drunken noodles.
Eric:Yeah, because they have this pleasant glutinous quality to them. They're they're like chewy in a in a very pleasant way. God, yes.
Matt:Um, and then then there's the uh another one that I could see is like a cup of noodles. Oh, that cut that cup of the woods. Like a ramen, like a ramen noodle. And I do think a ramen noodles in the running for me. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric:Little little little uh now, Matt, are you now is your noodle lean more al dente? Or is it uh or is it a or is it like uh like a soft, chewy?
Matt:Oh, I always picture uh uh uh first of all, nothing raw, right? Nothing uncooked. I always picture something in a soup. And I am looking at the ramen, and just like uh if you were to remove the water from a ramen bowl, yeah, that is sort of the consistency I picture when I'm like, oh, I'm using my noodle.
Eric:Just hot and steaming and covered with delicious toppings, yeah.
Matt:But you know what I'm saying, like a clump, as opposed to like spaghetti isn't as chaotic as uh as a ramen collection.
Eric:You have a more drawn up and like like coalesced bundle of noodles as opposed to like a flat plate of noodles.
Matt:Yes, 100%. Okay, okay. What are you thinking you have a flat plate of noodles?
Eric:I think I have a flat plate of of noodles. You're a flat plate of noodles. I'm a flat plate of noodles. I I I because when I picture my brain, do you know one of my favorite things to do as a kid and as an adult is get a container?
Matt:Is that how you ended up with CTE and uh this flat plate of noodles?
Eric:Potentially. All right. Um, but what I used to do is run face first into brick walls. Um, no, I would uh my favorite thing to do is like when I'm eating like spaghetti or anything with a long noodle. I'm a long noodle, Matthew.
Matt:You are you, Eric, inarguably are a long noodle. Thank you. Seen. I've described you as such to many people, many police officers.
Eric:Honored. Um, but my favorite thing to do is you, you know, when you have your broad sprawl of noodles, you put your fork in one quadrant, you start turning it, and you start looking to see where all the other, like, you know what I mean? The noodles you've captured where they're where they're moving and slithering throughout the plate. You're like, oh, I know where you're going. Oh, hello. And you follow their little journey. That is my brain to a fucking T. Or I'm just like, I'm like, all right, that's really doing some big thinking over. Oh, what's this? Oh, look how that followed. Oh, look how this is all connected. Oh, I should probably keep my eyes on the road.
Matt:Yeah. Yes, yes, Eric. Yes, you should.
Eric:Your hot new rod. Oh, that's ADHD. That that's it, that's ADHD. I can't just focus on the fork twirling the pasta. I gotta look at all the other little ends and see how they connect to everything else.
Matt:Yeah, I think and I think it oh it should go without saying that the noodle using your noodle, I do think I picture it as one continuous noodle that is all bunched up, which is why I've always gone because I think it's just really a nickname for the brain in this statement. And so that's why I picture something like a fedicini, like a ramen, something that can get like clumped up, but you can still see the individual like roots of it as it as it bobs and weaves throughout its pile. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So I I think you said fedicini earlier. I'm starting to think about it more seriously.
Eric:Okay.
Matt:I think I do like a drunken noodle type feel. Yeah, I I I like the broad noodle, but there's also other stuff in there. You know, there's other stuff that the noodle is marinating in.
Eric:Yes. And like it's new uh drunken noodles is a noodle forward dish. It's a noodle forward dish, but you get to find all these little like where did this shrimp come from?
Matt:Yeah, and that's my intrusive thoughts. That you know, they're just all over the broccoli of my nightmares. As I try to follow the noodle, other things get in there, and I'm not eating the broccoli. And I I rarely eat broccoli in in any dish. In any dish.
Eric:Well, because like usually the broccoli they give you, I like broccoli, they give you like a fucking like a broccoli that had a thyroid issue. Right. Like where it's like, yes, it's like takes up like a quarter of the fucking thing. I'm like, I'm not, I'm not putting in the work to eat that.
Matt:See, the thing is, if I eat broccoli, I'd be farting. That's just like what Oh, you'd be tootin'? I'd be tootin'. You'd be rooting, you'd be tootin'. God damn, you'd be shooting. I'll be get I will be, and I'll be uncomfortable because I'll be crampy. So I just stay away from broccoli in general. But yeah. Okay. So I think I'm landing on gr drunken noodles. And what but what are where are you? Are you you you are you settled on your creepy crawly noodles?
Eric:I am settled on my creepy crawly noodles. I just it really, I just gotta know, because I'm real, I'm I'm realizing in this moment, I really don't know the meaningful difference between linguini versus fettuccine. I think it's mostly shape, my man. Let me see. Let's see, linguini is long, flat pasta narrow, well, fettuccine is wider, flat ribbon pasta. Oh, okay. So yeah, so so I think it's all shape, baby.
Matt:Yeah, it's all it's all shape. Um but my noodles are definitely not things like bow tie, raviola.
Eric:I'm a fettuccine.
Matt:I think you are a fettuccine. I think you are a fettuccine because also, like, I you could make the argument for macaroni, but I don't you could. I don't think you want to, though. I don't think it's like the golden retriever answer in the dog conversation. I think it's a little bit like that.
Eric:It is a little bit like that.
Matt:It's stale.
Eric:It's a little stale. I I am you know what really fettuccines my Alfredo? Not Alfredo's your fettuccine. All right, continue.
Matt:Being told that I'm mac and cheese. You are not Eric, you're not mac and cheese. No, you're not I'm if anything, more mac and cheese than you. You one I would I would agree with that wholeheartedly.
Eric:This isn't a this isn't a dig at mac and cheese.
Matt:It's just like if I were to describe you as a dish, I would probably like a a noodle dish, I would actually probably say phu.
Eric:Fu. Okay, okay, yeah. No, I do fuck I fucks with a vermicelli. I fucks with a vermicelli card.
Matt:There are definit there's definitely a noodle there, and it's definitely doing work, but it is submerged in a in a in a opaque uh and you need multiple tools to get to the new you have your spoon, you have your chopsticks.
Eric:You need several tools to extract it. And you gotta you gotta zhuzh it. You gotta juzh it. Oh, I oh man, yeah, I changed my answer. You gotta prep it first a little bit by adding meat to it. Man, I'm pho. Yeah, I I'm pho.
Matt:I think you're pho as a dish.
Eric:Yeah, as a dish. I'm not just verbicelli by itself.
Matt:If I was doing if I was doing my brain as a dish, which I guess drunken noodles is, and what I'm what I'm really saying is what kind of noodle it is is probably the the rice noodle that we discussed earlier for drunken noodles. I think my dish is probably drunken noodles, and I think your dish is probably pho. But as a as a as a a noodle alone, I like fettuccine for you.
Eric:Okay. It's almost like my astrology, like I'm a I'm like a pho moon with a fettuccine rising.
Matt:If you have to put it in those terms, sure. That's such a mac and cheese thing to say on. I uh God. Damn it. I can't get into how stupid it is.
Eric:So call us today. Tell us your noodle sona. Uh okay. Tell us your news noodrology. Don't don't your your Don't email Eric privately. Your max strollogy. Oh, I will I'll do yeah, do it. Uh call the thought line. I will give, I will give free of charge um noodle astrology consultations. Eric will Eric will pick up. Eric Oh no, no, no. I'll do it. We'll we'll do it, you know, like pay play by post. Uh you just tell me what noodle you are, and I'll tell you what your astrology uh fortune is.
Matt:410-929-5329. If you want to take Eric up on your and on telling us your noodle sonology. This is a sincere offer. This is a sincere offer, Eric has said, to read you your noodle horoscope. But only if you leave a message on the thought line. Eric, this is from oh, this is a question you should read, actually, because if we're alternating.
Eric:So, do mermaids have butthole and how do they poop? Jennifer.
Matt:Yes, that is from uh Jennifer uh while back. It's been sitting here for a while, so that's exactly what we're doing. We're getting through the backlog. Do mermaids have buttholes and how do they poop? So I want to get ahead of something right now. Tell us, Eric.
Eric:Anatomically speaking, fish do have butthole. They have a little little little little poop shoot the poop comes out of. But that's not the question. We're not talking about a fucking fish, we're not talking about a fucking human. We're talking about a goddamn mermaid, a mythical mermaid. So let's let's let's let's get this out of the way. Do we think mermaids have buttholes? I think they have to, right? I mean they have to have- I don't know, because they're mermaids. Like, do you you see what I'm getting? Like, do all mythical creatures have to have butthole?
Matt:Hmm.
Eric:Does a does a does a unicorn have a butthole?
Matt:Yeah, definitely a unicorn has a buttole. It's just a horse with a bone coming out of a tank.
Eric:Mothman got butthole? Mothman has a butthole. Eric. Mothman have a butthole. Um does Pinocchio have a butthole?
Matt:It depends if Geppetto drilled him one. And I'm gonna say yes. Like they're magical. Uh yeah, I think they'd have to have one if but uh I will say I I did a quick Google and the AI overview is it comes right out and say mermaids do not have buttholes, but they possess a cloaca, a single gun. Okay that uh their tail that I think you can say it both ways, by the way, that serves for both ex excretion and reproduction, similar to many fish, reptiles, and birds. Now that does scan.
Eric:I it does scan. I do remember seeing in a documentary called The Lighthouse, they featured a mermaid uh spoiler alert with full full cloaca just out, just out and fucking sorry, snaps in the chat. Good for her. Like, don't don't fucking don't hide your shit. If that's you, if that's what you want to sell, if that's like that's how you celebrate yourself, then fucking get it. Like Cloaca on the beach shrieking at Robert Patton. Who is who isn't?
Matt:I was just gonna say, who is not gonna show their cloaca to Robert Pattinson?
Eric:What self-respecting mermaid swimming in it? Um so so they got cloaca. Do they poop?
Matt:I I honestly like waste must comes out. They're eating men at the sides of the banks, right? So the when once they've finished devouring their sailors, they have to poop them out.
Eric:Do they poop out? Do they does their cloaca push out little sailor bounds? Well, he'll just a little skeleton shaped like a sailor.
Matt:Yes, in one solid connection. Like a spirit Halloween skeleton just comes out of a with an eye patch. Yeah, they just flip up one scale and out comes out comes like like a cartoon where somebody eats a whole fish but pulls out just the whole skeleton.
Eric:Yeah, yeah. Or like the big hand bone down the throat pulls out a clean out of a nice clean femur, yeah. But like this is the sound they make when they do it. They just go, oh that's their poop sound.
Matt:And then let's go. Oh god, what is that smell? Eric, what's a good mermaid name? Tell me now. Ooh, Anjesslica. Nope.
Eric:Veiled. Okay, hold on, hold on, swimmifer. Not Finnefer. Finifer. Finifer is a winner.
Matt:Finifer the mermaid. Good friends, by the way, with Harry the Centaur.
Eric:Yeah, oh yeah. They're they're it purely platonic. Oh, yeah. Very respectful, very tasteful friendship. I I think not that they couldn't, like that, no one would be worried about that, but like they're so tight, like they've been through some shit together. And like not with each other, like they've carried each other through some hard times, and it's made them like better, deeper friends. There's no will they want that here. It's just if they can just have a nice, well, they're just healthy friendship. They're just buds.
Matt:They're two buds that like to cause mischief. Mythical mischief.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:We're out here creating some mythical mischief today. Fucking fucking swimmer for a rolling up like, oh my good bitch. And Harry's out there pooping in a bush. Pooping in a bush. And like, do they oh, is that it? And the bush throws his bread bowl at her and says, get out of here.
Eric:Yay. Do you think do you think that's how they met? It's like the water cooler, but the water cooler is the bush Harry poops in, right next to a little cove that that Swimmifer does her sin in. Where like where a Panera is located. Yeah, where a Panera right near the Panera, the waterfront Panera. The waterfront Panera. So she's just like chilling on the side, like she's in a like a hot tub, just like shooting the shit with Harry. Literally, shooting the shit with Harry.
Matt:Harry gets into the hot tub. Yeah. Freshly pooped. The hot cove, the the cold, foamy cove. And he says, Do you hey, by the way, I just gotta know, do you have a butthole? And she says, very forward of you to ask. And yeah, sort of. It's a cloaca. And here it is. I like the cloaca. I like the cloaca.
Eric:There's the episode. Uh I like the cloaca campaign slogan. Just cut that out. Stick it after the credits. 2026. I like the cloaca. 2028. I like the cloak. And man, you have won the popular vote. Um just Matt Shea. I like the Cloaca. Hashtag why not both.
Matt:Get you a leader who will do both. I will be your cloaca. That is my campaign slogan. That is my campaign promise. You heard it here first. I will be your cloaca, America. I do think you can say cloaca as well. Cloaca.
Eric:Okay. I've never heard of it.
Matt:I think Steve Irwin is where I first heard cloaca, and now I am wondering if it is just a dialect situation.
Eric:Yeah, claaka.
Matt:Is very I don't mean wrong by the claaka. I'm just saying cloaca becomes cloaca becomes cloaca in Australia, is what I'm trying to get at. That's gans. Cloaca. Called him rot in the cloaka. Jaws has a cloaka, my turtle. Jaws does have a cloaka. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keeps his penis in it.
Eric:Careful now. No, that's true. That's where I I keep my penis in that cloak. That's true. It's in his tail.
Matt:Yeah. Like halfway through his tail, there's a secret cloaka that opens and his little pee-pee comes out. Damn.
Eric:Yeah. Do you think do you think uh do you think Jaws was like like fucking like swinging from the fences with that thing? No. Like do you know what I mean? Like do you think do you think he had that he he had that hog? No, I he's shark, like relatively shark speaking.
Matt:No, I've seen him since uh, you know, almost since he hatched. So yeah, no, I uh he I he's never been out on the town, he's never been out anywhere, really. Okay.
Eric:Matt, yeah. I'm gonna can I have a moment of complete honesty and vulnerability with you? Sure. Up until that last sentence of yours, I thought we were talking about the fictional Jaws shark. No, oh no, my turtle shark. Yeah, shark anatomy with me. Yeah, about Bruce Char. I was like, oh, do you think do you think that that that sh that no? I'm telling you, swinging a big fat fucking hog around. No, I'm talking about my turtle. And then I realized you were talking about Jaws the turtle.
Matt:And indeed, and indeed turtles in general. And they uh that's cool. Yeah, halfway up the tail, they got a little hole in there that the penis is in there, and the poop and the pea comes out.
Eric:The poop and then the pea, uh, what are you gonna do? What are you? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Yeah, it's very rare to see the turtle's penis, by the way. She poached 2028. What are you gonna do? What do you what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Uh, but so so okay, so so to answer this question, oh yeah, they do they do they do not have buttholes. They do have cloaca, they do poop out it.
Matt:Yeah, it's a dual purpose hole.
Eric:Can it at least can the poop have magical properties?
Matt:Like it's mermaid poop, it's got I mean, it probably does. Like I I think a mermaid poop probably I think to some things it has healing properties, like it'll fix an astigmatism, but like it's not gonna bring anyone back from the dead, but it'll like it'll it'll fix your fucked up eyes. Yes, when chucked into an eye, it will fix an astigmatism. But the um, but yeah, I think to others it's very harmful, you know. It depends on your relation, it's like an allergy.
Eric:Okay, and that is how manatees came to be.
Matt:That's how manatees and narwhals came to be. Yep. Yeah. A manatee ate narwhals, are just manatees that ate mermaid poop. Tight, tight, tight, sick, send it, send it, bro. Send it. That question was not asked, but it has been answered. What are manatees? Where did they come from? I mean, what are narwhals? Where do they come from? And now you know mermaid shit in a manatee's mouth. Mermaid shit in a manatee's mouth. This next question, we're back to the Discord. It comes from Zach Deuce, good friend of the Pop. Zachy D. The boy for me. He is the boy for everyone. When you hear someone mention the muffin man, do you picture a human offering muffins, or do you picture a muffin with the face of a man? And again, that's Zach Deuce on the Discord. I do have a quick follow-up. All right. The muffin man? Yeah, the muffin man.
Eric:Okay.
Matt:The one who lives on Drury Lane, I believe.
Eric:Oh, okay.
Matt:That okay. The muffin man. Do you know the muffin man? The muffin man? Yeah, the muffin man. No, I know of him. Oh, okay. You've heard you've you don't run in the same circles of the muffin man. Okay.
Eric:Yeah. I'm more familiar with the mufflin man. The muffin man steals catalytic converters around the neighborhood. Not the muffin man. The muffin man? That son of a bitch who owes me $200?
Matt:God. Marty the muffler man. Um wow, a lot of nicknames being thought up in this episode.
Eric:A lot of mythos being spun. Uh so, so d so yeah, I personally, in my heart of hearts, when I say, Do you know the muffin man? I I imagine an adorable little man made of muffin. He's just a big old muffin, got it. With arms and legs coming out of him. With little dainty arms and legs. Like he's wearing like a little, like he's wearing like a a little, a little, like a lad suit, like, you know, like what like schoolboys would wear in like the the the 1700s, got little tails and like the little the little ribbon.
Matt:I think I've always pictured a Humpty Dumpty-esque character. Yes. Where it is both face and body is muffin, but there are arms and legs.
Eric:All is muffin. It's the arms and legs. It's sponge, it's it's it's muffin bob.
Matt:It's muffin bob, yeah. And he lives in a in like a little cottage somewhere. I've always pictured Drew Elaine as being this like dirt path in an English village. Lives in a muffin-shaped house.
Eric:Quite possibly. Does he eat muffins? How does he feel? I feel like I feel like we've gotten to this territory before vis-a-vis Pillsbury Doughboy. Yes. But but how do muffin man feel? Because I feel like he also makes muffins. Like, that's in my head.
Matt:Like he makes muffins. Do you picture a human offering muffins? No, but I do picture a muffin offering muffins.
Eric:Muffin on muffin.
Matt:Yeah, but I the muffins that the muffin man bakes so carefully with so much thought and and passion are not the same ingredients that make him, I don't think. I don't know how that works. Don't ask me to explain that.
Eric:Unless he's like, unless it's like, unless it starts taking like a real brothers grim kind of twist where it's like, I put a little bit of myself in every batch. And like, oh, that ain't right. That ain't right. Right. That ain't really I think you just naturally make muffin. I mean, we make well, we're humans. We make other smaller humans. We don't eat them, but we do make them. We do make them and some and you know, sometimes we sell them to the local workhouse. Oh. Interesting. Yeah, you know, they they all stand on the big wheel that grinds millet into gruel that they then eat.
Matt:Oh, interesting. Well, how very graphic you you took this. Well, man, that's my that's the way the muffin um the muffin industry works. Big muffin. Big muffin, big muffin. If you're gonna come after Big Muffin, you gotta be prepared for what did you say? Crushing millet? In it like a boxer, in like a slavery hamster wheel, it would say.
Eric:Where they're all like they're grabbing the bars and they're like walking on the bill, all the little kids are walking on the big wheel because somehow that makes that's like the most efficient way we figured out to do that.
Matt:In your mind, the yeah, the meat factories today are are full of child laborers slash slaves on a big wheel, like like like this is Upton Sinclair's The Jungle, but but meets Willy Wonka.
Eric:No, this is so no I I I see with the no, this is in the war like in this dark Grimms fairy tale muffin man setting that we're in. And in the extent in in the in the in the MCU. Um the muffin cinematic universe? Yes. Thank you. Uh this is this is kind of how things are. Yeah, man. Uh can I also just like you know, we we got some muffins fresh out the oven. Also, hot and ready is this take. Not a fan of big muffin. Big muffin. How big's big muffin? So, like, okay.
Matt:I'm not a fan of muffin as meal.
Eric:No, part of meal. Part of meal, love a muffin. Part of meal or snack. I have because even with the biggest muffins, I've never been satisfied after a muffin meal. It is, I I uh it has always been in an act of desperation that I've been like, I'm gonna be a good one. I don't think you're wrong.
Matt:I don't think you're wrong at all about it. And I'll say one more thing about it, also known as the first thing I'll say about it. I find the the bigger the muffin, the more you run into the issue where the muffin top is good and the rest of it is shit.
Eric:Dog shit. Dog shit. Mermaid shit. Dog shit. That that's only like when they do big muffin, they yeah, they front load on and mind you, they go hard on a topping. They go hard on a topping, and I like it when they go hard on topping, but just do that to a normal muffin and make the whole muffin good as opposed to like 80% of the muffins good, and then I pay the 20% shit muffin tax. I know the muffin, the buffin, the bottom muffin.
Matt:I know, as I think we all do, as all mature adults know. It's all god-fearing men, the muffin, the muffin, god-fearing muffin men know and fear that the muffin top that the muffin top is the attractive part of the muffin. We're here for the muffin top. But there once you've seen the muffin top and you go down into the valley of the inner part of of the cake, it can't be just like a dog shit cake under there to hold up the muffin top. It's gotta be acceptable, it's still gotta be sweet and and filling, right? Yes, yes, god, yes.
Eric:We we love a muffin top. We love a muffin top. We f I fucking love a muffin top.
Matt:I uh the when somebody finally decided to make muffin top only's great, great invention. Amazing.
Eric:But like much like a healthy BDSM dynamic, you gotta be thinking about the bottom. Got to.
Matt:That's just courteous love making.
Eric:Yeah, it's just cur it's just common courtesy. It's just I'm sorry, it's just manners.
Matt:It's just manners in the bedroom and the kitchen.
Eric:So all that to say, muffin man made of muffin and make muffin, but not part of Big Muffin. Big Muffin's the ones with the kids in the workhouse. That's how you that like in those times, it's the only way you could get muffins that big is if you have the tears of children wetting the grain as it is. In those times, those times being oh, you know, the muffin times, the the you know, the the muffin age. Back when like every every every dude wore a stovepipe and drove a penny farthing to work. Yes. And and on all the ladies dressed like little Bo Peep, and all the gender binaries were were muffins and eggs. And uh That time. That time. The muffin age.
Matt:The muffin age. Yeah. I I do the muffining. The muffining, the grand muffining. Um grand muff the grand muff Tarkin. All right.
Eric:It's a little bit of He just went, he just reached into Star Wars lore there for a second. A long time ago in a bakery far away. Yeah. And it's and it's Muffin War. Muffin War. The Muffin Alliance. My big muffin. The Muffin Alliance. The Muffin Alliance. Sorry, the Phoenix Breakfast Bakery. Uh and like the evil bakery, like there's the like the yeah, it's it's shit writes itself.
Matt:I gotta, Eric, I gotta pull out this linguini because you are getting lost in the sauce. I have altered the bake. Pray I do not alter it further. Okay, you saved it. You brought it back. You brought it back at the end there.
Eric:Yeah, I did it.
Matt:You did it.
Eric:Okay. I'm very glad. But that's all I'll say about that.
Matt:Okay, great. Great flow of the conversation. All right. Now I'm down. Now I've had my say. Yeah, I think I I do agree though. I I have never once, I've never once pictured a man offering muffins as the muffin man. That is crazy to me.
Eric:I just gotta feel bad for him because at that point, like that's just a feeling. I it just a bit, that's what fucks with me. I feel like like people would would misuse him. Like, like, like it sounds like the in that scenario, the dude is just so good at making muffins, it's all anyone cares. He's defined by it, by everyone around him. Where where they're like, oh yeah, that's that's I can't remember. It's you know, the muffin man. It's Craig the Muffin Man, yeah. I don't even think they know his name. That's the fucked up part. Is like they're like Oh, yeah, the muff the muffin man.
Matt:The muffin fucker. And that's how the conversation first started. With do you know the muffin man? You know the muffin man? The muffin man?
Eric:The muffin man. The muffin man. Oh, I know the muffin man who lives on uh Drury Lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She married to the Muffin Man.
Matt:Oh, she is married to the Muffin Man.
Eric:Yeah, so like that, like when that's the extent that your community makes the effort to like know about you, man, that's fucked. That's fucked. That is much less fucked to have a literal anthropomorphic muffin fighting against a tyrannical government that that puts children in the workhouse and makes them make muffins.
Matt:Eric, you're so right, as always. And I just want to say to the muffin man, I I invite the muffin man to fucking leave that fucking dystopian English village that he's at. And come it's not idyllic. It's not idyllic at all. It's it's like it is like the village of Emni Chamalan fame. It's it it seems surface level like it'd be great, but it's not. It's no utopia. You know what is you daft lore. So come on over. You come on over, pull up a chair next to Swinifer and Harry. I think it was Finifer.
Eric:Oh, sorry, Finifer.
Matt:Finifer, Harry the Centaur, and oh yeah, the cicade, uh, the leader of the cicade. Everybody's here, and Jiggy Toes where the balls he's he's not sitting at the table, but he is in the restaurant. You can't see him. You don't know where he is, but he's there. Oh, he's there. You know he's there. You can smell him. Oh, he's old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He he and he smells you. Oh, he smells you, and he has God forbid, if you have an open-toed shoe. Oh, he can be on it. He will be on you.
Eric:Coming for those tow beans like white on rice, you know? Like, like like muffins on tops, like muffins on tops.
Matt:Absolutely. We uh we have been cooking this episode, Eric. Damn, yeah. We so I feel like we can we can knock one more out. I think we got at least one more out. And this one is a little bit topical. It is one of our more recent submissions from the last week or so. It's from Tim at Against All Oddities. And he asks, what's the ideal rapture? Eric, there was supposed to be a rapture this past week when we were. I have heard of such. I was I was promised many things. Both of us are here, and so are all the people who thought they'd be raptured.
Eric:And all of our listeners still here, still here. We're all still here. I don't think anyone went. No, no. Or if they did, it wasn't many.
Matt:It was it was so short, no one noticed them leave. How embarrassing. How embarrassing. When you plan, and there I will say, there have been I've seen so many people on TikTok and things documenting TikTokers and Instagram influencers and things who have been posting for a long time now about this rapture and like making arrangements for the fact that they're not gonna be here after the rapture and like absolutely insane behavior.
Eric:Oh my god, yeah. There's like the dude, like the last time this happened back in like 2012 and shit. Like there was the dude who made a fucking mint off of getting checks for like I'll come feed your dogs and cats and stuff after you get raptured. And also, regardless of whether or not the rapture happens, you I keep the money. And people are like, okay. Yeah, because it's gonna happen.
Matt:Because it's gonna happen. Because people people be writing checks left and right when they think they never have to worry about where they come from. Yeah. Yeah, wonder where the money comes from.
Eric:Uh yeah, it's a it's a and like on the one hand, like you know that the dude who did that, like, you know what you're doing. Yeah, he's a piece of shit. Yeah, he's a piece of shit. But these are also people who have who have been spending their lives smugly telling everyone else that they're gonna go to heaven and everyone else just gonna eat shit.
Matt:Yes, they've been brainwashed, they've been gaslit, they don't realize it, but they have the audacity to rub it in other people's faces.
Eric:Yes. So they didn't get the rapture they wanted, but let's talk about the rapture we need.
Matt:The w rapture we need and the rapture we, you and I, deserve.
Eric:Yes, yes. First off, I mean, buddy, if we're gonna like I if we're gonna if we're gonna get raptured, yeah. And honestly, I'm gonna say this now because I don't want to look hypocritical. Okay. I'm gonna frame my answer from the position of maybe I get raptured, maybe I don't. Okay. I I'm gonna accept that I could be on either side of that of that of that equation. But an ideal rapture for me, you gotta, I mean, you gotta get biblical.
Matt:Well, let me I think there's two ways to look at the question.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:There's what is your ideal rapture if you're raptured, and what is your ideal rap rapture if you are not, if you are a leftover.
Eric:If you yes, if you okay, okay.
Matt:So let's start with we're being raptured. We're being raptured. Eric, take it.
Eric:Take it and fly, my little angel. Dude, dude, I'm a I'm a classic man. I I need that beam of light. I'm like, you want a beam of light. I I want a beam of light. I'm I'm I'm at Kroger. Yeah. And I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm shopping, I'm looking through Katie Litter, and then all of a sudden it's just like boom. Light, warmth.
Matt:You look up up the tunnel of light above you.
Eric:Yeah, like like like and as as I look up, single tear rolling down my face. Well, it's so bright and cold. It's like oh, it's so beautiful. And then like like I just start like like like I'm like I'm lifting up, like I'm just like slowly floating floating upwards, and it's at a slow, it's at a float slow enough that I'm not gonna be hanging out an awkward amount of time, but I do get just enough time to kind of like wave goodbye to everyone in the Kroger, not getting raptured. Like like I you gotta get a victory lap.
Matt:And you go through the ceiling, yes, but yes. But like I don't think you're like pulled through it like crash, boom, back. Like, it's not like oh the light, and then all yeah, all of a sudden it's that. It's not that, it's more, it's more like you've gone through it somehow, and now the word I because this I'm getting into my idea a little bit as well, because I also feel I'm indifferent to the light, but I do need to be like, oh my god, I'm being pulled up by my heart center, you know?
Eric:And like yes, that's like like a puppet of stress first.
Matt:You're you're not in control of it, and as you're floating and you get through any obstacles, you get that like last look at the at the world around you. I'm just spinning in my chair now as I look down at the world, imagining myself being like, oh, take me, Lord, and up I go until the light I think floods in, and then I'm in the heaven place.
Eric:And then I'm in the and then I'm in the heaven place. Or so for my follow-up, here's here's my ideal. The this is true, and this is truly unironically my ideal. I that all happens exactly as we described. You can pull like, and then I'm like, oh my god, here it comes. And then I'm pulling back, I'm pulling away, and I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I have like tentacle hands and I'm holding the alien equivalent of like a bong, and my friends are asking me if I'm feeling it yet. Nice. You feel it? Yeah, I was like, I was like, dude, holy shit. Like I was I had this whole fucking and but it like this is what it sounds like.
Matt:If if you could hear it with your human ears, but you can't. If I could hear it with my human ears, yeah, yeah.
Eric:So I was just smoking that primo, that primo four four D dimension alien cush. Yeah, that four loco cush, yeah.
Matt:So you fifth loco. The fifth loco. Very few people talk about the fifth loco. Uh so you get lifted up, and I think it has to be so nice as you're going up in your beam of light and you're floating above the clouds, and the clouds are very slowly just becoming a uh one big cloud of white because you're about to hit heaven, baby. You're about to get there. And I think you're filled with this euphoria and this, oh, you know, everything, and everything's feeling warm, and you're looking around, you're like, yes, it's time. And all of that is important, and all of that is your last little treat from God because when you get through that cloud, you just smack right down on the fucking floor, and you look up, and God, it's like the DMV. There's this huge line of people because everybody's gotten raptured, everyone's waiting to get up to St. Peter's. Poor St. Peter's like, holy fucking shit, it's Black Friday up in here. We're gonna need more chairs, you know. Like a retail worker on Black Friday. Peter's like, okay, hold on. What who are you? Oh, fuck. I was flipping through page after page after page to be like, okay, all right.
Eric:Uh all the dogs, though, they're just getting waved through.
Matt:No, the the dogs are getting waved straight straight waved through. There's a swim through a separate saint is there that's like, come on through, come on through. What's that? A fucking cat? Get it out of here. And you know, just one after another.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:Son of a bitch. And then picks up a raccoon's like, You think I didn't see you little fucker? Throws it down to hell. And the raccoon's like, I had a hat. And uh there's one clouds open up in a little hole and they just drop the rejects through. Oh no.
Eric:Um, I do also like to imagine, like, while we're while we're getting pulled up, I like to think that there's a moment, like coincidentally, we're close enough to each other that as we're getting raptured, we like look over and see each other on the dozen, and we just have that moment like hey, hey you made it.
Matt:All right, Eric. Now we gotta go the other way. We gotta know what if what is the ideal rapture for those left behind. Many might just stop right there, and that the people being raptured, that's enough. They just life that's ideal.
Eric:You guys are gone. So when for my ideal rapture on the receiving end, man, if it's the rapture, I want absolute fucking cinema. I want, I want the oceans boiling, I want fire raining from the sky. I I will A, I want it to be quick but cool looking. I want, I want all the volcanoes erupting at once.
Matt:You want you want both the rapture and r the revelation at the same time.
Eric:Oh, oh get them, get it all done at once.
Matt:Don't yeah, Exodus is a whole different story, by the way. Uh how many stories can there be? Well, as it turns out, you might be surprised to learn lots.
Eric:Damn.
Matt:Lots and lots.
Eric:I thought they I thought they covered it all in veggie tales.
Matt:They didn't. Oh, we had it. They tried, they tried, they couldn't get through it all. No, for Exodus, though, you want to go to Rugrats, really. They've they've uh they're the definitive children's show that did the Exodus story.
Eric:I forgot about Rugrats explaining the fucking plagues and shit.
Matt:They're explaining Passover and everything. Yeah, it's uh what an epic, epic episode of Children's TV.
Eric:Man, but yeah, so that's like I I want to like, or you know, if we're going the absolute cinema route, that or vice versa, we we we get an everybody wins scenario where we're like so many people get raptured that like the population of Earth is like significant. It's like the Thanos snap, except the nice version. So, like, oh shit, now we don't have to worry about all those greenhouse guys. Like, okay, we can just kind of start building a little heaven on earth here.
Matt:A little heaven is a place on earth, if you will. Is a place on earth, yes, finally. And so they get lifted up. I don't know about all the death and destruction as well. Like, I don't want to die necessarily.
Eric:I mean, obviously, I don't want to die, but if I'm gonna die, I want it to be cool.
Matt:But yeah, again, you're conflating revelation with the with the idea of being raptured. And I'm thinking people are I think these people float away, and I'm in a position where I'm like, all right, do I still have to work today or can I go?
Eric:You know, like the the con every conversation that happens after the rapture is going to be so fucking awkward from like two to three weeks.
Matt:Of course, because it's not like an apocalypse where like there's no one, but suddenly like a significant portion of say like the police force down. Yeah, you know, think of the sports a significant portion. A significant portion. Think of the like the the sports teams are gonna be in they're chaos because suddenly, you know, uh half the half your team maybe is gone, or only two or three key players, and it's like fuck, what are we gonna do without a catcher?
Eric:You know, yeah, it's you know it it's it's gonna be I feel like this is where kind of they have an argument. Like a lot of people are now gonna get a chance to chase their dreams because now there's gonna be a whole lot of openings. It's kind of like uh in the latest season of Survivor, we've got two, we've got two two folks who are uh standbys, I or whatever they go, like they were they're following. Alternates alternates because because that's a whole Alyssa was filling me in about that.
Matt:Oh, I could yeah, I can tell you real quick as well. I was I heard the clip of Jeff Probes talking about as well. Yeah, there is uh you're not allowed to talk when you're being kept pre-show on Ponderosa for obvious reasons. For obvious for fucking very clear, obvious reasons, no one's allowed to talk.
Eric:For grade school obvious reasons, the contestants cannot speak to each other before this contest.
Matt:The contestants in this game of deceit and relationships are not allowed to speak prior to cameras rolling. And the we there were two people this year who broke the rule and apparently broke it so flagrantly and repeatedly that the producers were like, no, fuck you two, you're out of here. Um that's how we got those alternates. Normally it's a medical or a personal emergency thing that causes an uh an alternate to come in.
Eric:I can't even feel bad for them. No, I don't care. I don't even want to know who they were. No, because from what I understand, they were they were told like many. We're just describing the rapture. It's like the people who don't get raptured are just like look, we told you many times. Many times.
Matt:You didn't believe you didn't pick the right rules, you didn't follow the right rules. You didn't heed the warnings, and now you are left behind to still be working at a Jify lube. Come and see.
Eric:Come and see. But yeah, I think there's gonna be a lot of like alternates stepping up to because because like now, now like little little little Billy, who is like really good at football, but maybe not good enough to play for you know sports team. Now, sports team, they need talent, they need they need fillers.
Matt:That goalpost has significantly been moved up. Yeah, it's much closer.
Eric:I wouldn't be mad at it.
Matt:Yeah, I I kind of I mean, there's something very attractive to me about uh the rapture happening and me still being here and being like, okay, perhaps the world just got slightly less chaotic. You know what I mean? Yeah, and now we and and now everyone's position.
Eric:Think of oh my god, traffic has to get better. Traffic has to get better. I feel like people's judgmentalness will go down significantly because at the end of the day, none of us got got picked. None of us got picked up. It'll be it'll be a simultaneous, you can't judge me because you're also here, jackass. But also now a oh, we're all in this together because those pieces of shit got raptured, and now we're like it becomes their own. We were all wrong, we were all wrong, but we I think we can all agree that those guys kind of fucking suck.
Matt:Right. So, like uh who who who saved who? You know, and so who saved who saved who, God.
Eric:Uh they're all waiting in line up in fucking heaven, like a bunch of dumb shits, and here we are partying it up on a suddenly not so full Disneyland, living it up down here, yeah.
Matt:Uh living it up with the the other leftovers, yeah. I've for for For sure. And I'd say for certain. Yeah. I think that's a rapture. That's a good rapture, my guy. That's a good rapture.
Eric:And I think that's a good episode. Yeah, I think that's a good place to wrap. We should do that more. We should answer questions more often.
Matt:I think it's something that we should look into. But next episode is going to be our spooky sode that we uh forgot entirely to do last year and we're so eager to make up for it this year that we planned it two episodes too early. So we will finally get to that next time around. That was the trick. Now let's have a treat. That was the trick, and it's the treat. Doesn't work. Yours was better. Thank you. That'll about do it for this episode of You Did Not Ask For This. Uh my name.
Eric:Oh, that's so jarring. No, that's so hate. Oh, I hate it. That is so that's not right. That's not right. It's not right, and it's not properly. I did I deeply regret what I've done here today.
Matt:Yeah. Yeah. I forgive you. We do, however, need those questions from you. The queue is never deep enough, my friends. It no there's always room for you to get in here. And there's always room to come in with early seasonal questions. You got Thanksgiving problems you want to throw at us. You got Christmas questions or other holiday questions. Easter.
Eric:Easter, 4th of July. Bring them all. I say this without an ounce of future regret in my voice. Ask us any question about any religion. Sure.
Matt:Very doubtful that we will do those. Yeah, but we will put them in the queue and discuss them. Yes. Privately, most likely. Privately. And you can submit them to us at udnaskforthis at gmail.com. That's all spelled out. I don't know why I got I don't even have a whiskey as I normally do. And I'm still slurring words. Uh, but the so uh you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out. You can submit the questions there. You can call the thought line 410-929-5329, leave us a message about really anything, and uh of course uh reach us on uh Instagram and elsewhere at you didn't ask pod. That's the letter you didn't ask pod. Eric already told you about the Patreon. Yeah, I did that was snuck in early. Eric, did we forget any business?
Eric:I don't think we forgot a goddamn thing.
Matt:Well, then listen, for all of us here at You Didn't Ask for This, my name is Matche. My name is Eric Poach.
Eric:And listen, you didn't ask. But do you know what the fucking kid who sold me my car told me? Unironically. Okay, tell me. Because he saw I was trading in my Jeep, he got to look at it. It's a 12-year-old Jeep. It still has manual roll-y up windows. It sure did. Uh, and and and and when I was like, yeah, I was like, dude, I was like, I'm no the big step up. Like I'm going from like actual manual roll-up. What is it? He's like, oh dude, that's so cool, that's so retro. I've never felt more old in my fucking life.
Matt:I mean, the roll-up windows are a little bit even ahead of our time, but it does sting. It stings. It does sting. You know what? It is the same equivalent for me as when kids I have since learned from from friends that I have that are teachers. When you make this what I'd consider the universal hand symbol for free. Yeah, we can do the when you do the surfer bra right next to your your key down, thumb up to receiver and microphone of of phone. Kids don't do that anymore. They do a flat palm to their hands because they don't know what the other one is. Are you fucking with me? Is that a thing? That's a thing. We need to get raptured. To mime a phone, they'll put a flat palm to their hand because they don't know what the phone looks like before that.
Eric:Someone needs to get raptured. I don't care if it's me or them. Someone needs to get raptured.
Matt:Eric, I'm gonna tell you one other thing that that I have had more than one Gen Zer in my life say to me. Eric, when you go to save a file, what logo is there? It's floppy disk. They just think it means save. They don't think it rey don't know it represents anything.
Eric:They don't know what the fuck a floppy disk. Oh yeah. Oh, just like the the the mic symbol shows an actual old ass microphone. Fucking.
Matt:Those microphones don't exist. We're talking into two of them right now. Oh god.
Eric:Kids these days, they need to get raptured, learn some fucking manners.
Matt:I agree. I agree. Get out of here.
Eric:Get up into the sky.