You Didn't Ask For This
You Didn't Ask For This
125 | Ibprofriend
What is the platonic version of the sex euphemism “getting some vitamin D”? Matt and Eric break that down this week before diving into a host of personal questions you've submitted...which almost brought this episode into Oops, All Tangents territory.
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a lot of people aren't going to like what I have to say. Am I one of them? I don't know, matt, all right, I know.
Matt:Starting off the show on tentative ground.
Eric:I know opinions are divided right now. I know.
Matt:Sorry, I'm bringing the wrong tone to this cold open, continue, I'm sorry. Yes, oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot. You know it's been a tough time in the country it's been a very, very tough time.
Eric:Uh, god, I hope you're setting up a bit a lot of tough opinions. Oh, right now and hard, hard truths, hard truths, and I'm glad you use that word hard truths, hard truths. Because I, kids, we need to take the bitter pill. All right, are you ready this? We got to take our medicine, got to take the bitter with the sweet yeah soft cookies are dog shit. What do?
Matt:you what hold on soft cookies are dog shit when I dog when you go to purchase.
Eric:Okay, if you're not making cookies yourself, which which I know, you were an accomplished baker. Thank you.
Matt:I actually made a skillet cookie last night, oh nut Love a skillet cookie.
Eric:Yeah, Pazookie did when I go to buy cookies from the fucking store or Costco or, if I'm more more commonly, if I'm at like a work luncheon.
Matt:Oh yeah, that's a good place to find soft cookies.
Eric:And I pick up a cookie and I bite it. I'm talking about cookies that are designed like the chewy cookie fad, which has which has been a fad since we were like in middle or high school when they came out with the chips ahoy, soft and chewy, yeah, it fucking sucks I'm just so glad you're starting off with a wrong opinion no, no, so we can get it so we can get it out of the way and the audience starts off against you and before anyone fucking come at me.
Eric:They're like eric, what's wrong with you? You don't like a soft cookie? No, I actually love a soft cookie. Then what are we talking about? What we're talking about, matt, is. The only time a cookie should be soft is when it is fresh from the oven eric, I don't, I don't agree, I'm sorry, but these the salt.
Eric:Any other time it feels like I'm biting into a gross state, like a cookie that has been like staled or or or or or made wrong or like made with some fucking weird oil a cookie. The only time a cookie should be soft is when it is fresh from the oven and a little bit gooey in the center, and it is flawless. That is perfect, that is pure and you have earned that.
Matt:I'm sorry, Eric. I'm sorry Eric. I can't let this go on any further anymore because, to do my best, Eric Pokes impression for a second in this house. In this house, all cookie bodies are beautiful. Who am I to tell a cookie, whether or not they can be hard or soft?
Eric:there's a fucking inflection.
Matt:You nailed it oh man yeah I've edited. Enough of you, yeah, trying to take me down a dark path to know how to do the voice I, it's just man once.
Eric:Once a cookie has been allowed to cool and it has entered its long phase, it has entered its chrysalis phase as a cookie. Yes it's.
Matt:That's when it should be it should be.
Eric:It should be crispy on the outside. If the cookie is soft in any way, it should be toward the middle, but the outside should be crispy and firm.
Matt:Good crunch Bro how am I going to fucking-. It depends on the cookie. It's just, you got to know. It's like the oatmeal raisin thing, right? If you think I fucking hate oatmeal raisin, calm it down. Okay, if you think you're picking up a chocolate chip cookie and you bite into it and it's oatmeal raisin, it's the worst thing. But if you're going knowing that you're going to eat an oatmeal raisin, there's nothing wrong with the oatmeal raisin. I hate it. Why do you hate it? I hate it so much. Why do you hate oats?
Eric:Why do you hate grains? Because as much as I wish I was, I am not a horse. Matthew, as much as I wish I was, I was not a horse.
Matt:I just wish you started this cold open making fun of who I thought you were going to make fun of.
Eric:Canceled next week.
Matt:Well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this number 125, if you can believe that, folks, my name is, of course, matthew.
Eric:Shea, and I am not a horse.
Matt:Eric Poach, yes, nay, nay, nay, ah. A hundred and twenty-five episodes of that sort of humor, god. Now, eric, what's notable about this episode is that it is coming out if you're listening to this on the release day, you already know number 125 coming out on 9-25, september 25th, which is very notably the end of September and not the end of October. Eric, would you like to tell the folks how you found me when you entered this video chat Gang?
Eric:the words in a tizzy does not even begin to scratch the surface no sir, we were heading into breakdown yeah, my man's was crashing out, my man's was listen, my man's was hanging on by a fucking thread listen.
Matt:It has been an incredibly stressful and busy month for me, especially in the last two weeks. I've had a lot of both full-time and after full-time full-time work to do. Yes, and I have been incredibly stressed, hanging on by a thread, incredibly stressed, hanging on by a thread. So when I sat down and realized that we had prepped a Halloween episode for an episode that is going to drop in one week, I had a little bit of a meltdown.
Matt:Yeah, you see, we kind of skipped a week in our brains there Kind of skipped a month, kind of skipped a whole ass month. But the good news is our, our fucking halloween content is locked and loaded.
Matt:Yeah, we got that halloween episode ready to go for, for number 127, I believe. And I do want to say I got a point out. Eric pointed this out very, very quickly, because you're a good friend, of course. At any point in the last, say, week or so you could have pointed out that I was talking about the wrong episode, but we'll didn't.
Matt:Let's put that aside, let's put, because the eric, that's not. I can't hold that against you because it's not expected of you. Thank you, I'm the one who's supposed to have the shit together for this podcast and I let you. And I you know what. I let you down. Matt, I accept your apology. I let you. It was a given you were going to let me down, so I apologize to you in potentially the most offensive apology that's ever been issued.
Matt:You came to my defense by saying immediately that what the problem was was I was going off of the drop date in our spreadsheet, which is housed so we can both use it in Google Sheets, and we had some hidden rows and the formula got fucked up, which wouldn't have happened in Excel, by the way.
Eric:Nope, and that is where that happened Could never have been my Excel.
Matt:Because I just blindly trusted Google Sheets and, as we have documented time and time again on this podcast, we do not support Google Sheets.
Eric:No, Google Sheets is this. I am holding up two middle fingers.
Matt:Okay, what's interesting about that is Eric could have been holding up two middle fingers, but he wasn't.
Eric:Oh were they off screen.
Matt:They were off. I was like, did he forget? I also can see him. And sorry, here we go. Uh, it is this, uh-huh and it is this. Yes, thank you for first pointing to the first middle. Fine, give you some turn signals, nice, oh, eric, god, what a, what a clown you are. Yeah, gif that, g Put that on.
Matt:TikTok, wish I could, anyway. So what we've got for you today, folks, is an episode, just a regular one, not so spooky, but because our closing segment which, I have to say, very special, I'm not going to reveal it just yet. I was excited to get to it, yeah, but we're going to have to save that for Halloween. We had to come up with one on the spot.
Eric:So what we're gonna have to save that for halloween. We had to come up with one on the spot. So what we're gonna do, eric, uh, tell the people what the plan is. The plan is, and this plan is is slapdashery of the highest order, but it's our slapdashery. So you know you're getting something good. Yeah, we're going to answer a normal ass question and then we're going to go into a well, not a normal ass question sorry, one of ours, yeah, relatively on brand.
Matt:Then we're going to go into a segment. Well, not a normal ass question. Sorry, one of ours. Yeah, relatively On brand.
Eric:Then we're going to do a segment we haven't done for a while, which is personal questions. Me and Matt are going to we're going to get personal.
Matt:We're going to get personal. I'm excited about it. Yeah, I'm excited. You know we got some personal questions lined up, but who knows?
Matt:Maybe some others will pop up. Who can say? Who can say where we go?
Matt:who can say where we gotta go. All right, um, do you want to get into this?
Eric:yes, first question, eric, tell the people what it is happily, our first question comes from good art, the of Yadav, sir Juniper. The question is you know how people sometimes use quote getting some vitamin D as a euphemism for sex? What would be the friendship slash platonic version of that?
Matt:And I think this is a very interesting question from a few angles, the first one being something Eric and I started to discuss. Right, you know, normally when we, before we hit record, eric and I kind of talk, check you know, check in, catch up, talk about work and shit that you don't want to hear about. Today I went, went after the meltdown about the spooky. After the meltdown about the spooky episode, that wasn't um I, I said to eric let's, let's, let's, pivot. Uh, eric came up with this great idea for the personal questions excellent plan, what should be our regular question how about this vitamin d question? And then I thought I innocently said, yeah, make sure you couch it. I innocently said, off the cuff, you know, I personally haven't even heard of the euphemism getting some vitamin D as a euphemism for sex. And Eric Poach immediately started laughing at me and then said we got to start recording right now because you are the youngest old man I know you are.
Matt:And then you called me precious.
Eric:And then, you said I don't mean that to be demeaning. Okay, first of all, I said it was endearing, because it is.
Matt:Eric, you are portraying me as some like hermit, like some like agoraphobic person who only watches sitcoms from the 90s and has no sort of like, like, uh, progressive opinions or, or or anything. No, no, no, you don't get to deny it, because your, your, your significant other came on to this show via your mouth to say that I wouldn't say dick on the podcast because I'm too precious, oh, I'm too innocent, oh, I'm too sheltered to say such profanity as penis. I clipped so hard just now, saying penis, that my mic completely cut out.
Eric:I want to, I want to point that I just want to reassure everyone. This is the crash out talking still got to work a little out of his system. It's going to be okay. He knows he's my special man and I love him See that also feels demeaning. I will also remind.
Matt:That's how you talk to your son who was just beat up at school.
Eric:Ladies and gentlemen of the chat, I will remind you that my client you don't represent me once in the middle of the episode, did not believe me when I said that glizzy is a word for hot dog.
Matt:Okay, to google it fair enough on the spot. Fair enough, I was I, and in in fairness, eric. I want to point this out as well if you're gonna cut, if you're gonna attack me, I'm gonna counter attack. Yeah, I would say I was about a month behind the curve, because about a month. Hold on, just calm it down. Yeah, cough out your weed and let me speak me my inhaler the the the month after we had the whole glizzy, glizzy gate glizzy gate 24, I started hearing glizzy all over the place and it officially entered the pop culture lexicon in a big, big, big way.
Matt:I think when you were holding it against me it was still being used ironically in in these, in these dingy underground scenes you love to patronize in these, in these dens of iniquity, in these dens of sin that you find yourselves.
Eric:I also love this image of you. I I like that that once you are not the gatekeeper, you're the caboose of of the thing because, like, once it's hit you, you're like okay, all right, everyone. Now it has entered the, the zeitgeist that's right.
Matt:I I'm not leading the charge. I'm riding the back of the rails with a clipboard.
Eric:Tearing off all the lights behind us.
Matt:Okay, okay, yeah, just so everyone up there knows people saying glizzy now. Yeah, that is essentially what I said. Yes, please feel free to call into the thought line.
Eric:Let us know when you first heard the use of the word glizzy, where were you? Where were you first how use of the word glizzy? Where were you when you first heard how to talk to your kids?
Matt:about glizzies. This is your brain. This is your brain on glizzies.
Eric:All of that to say, Matt was not immediately familiar that he has not yet heralded the arrival of vitamin D. Getting some vitamin D?
Matt:Now let me just clarify right off the bat.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:I get it. Now let me just clarify right off the bat yeah, I get it. Okay, don't, don't. Don't be out here trying to, trying to make me seem like Ooh, I'm getting ahead of that right away. I wasn't sitting here going like now how is? Ultraviolet light coming into the bedroom. That's not me. I don't understand. I simply don't understand. Are you having some sunny delight?
Eric:No, I never thought for a second that you didn't get the euphemism.
Matt:Thank you.
Eric:You who are a champion of the word dick, as established.
Matt:Thank you. If we had the time, I'd make another super cut. But don't get excited audience, I don't.
Eric:I'd make another super cut, but don't get excited audience, I don't. So, yes, getting some vitamin D euphemism for sex. The question is, what would we use for platonic friendship version?
Matt:of that. Oh wait, hold on, You're not going to circle back to whatever riff you wanted to make about me.
Matt:I mean, what do you want, matt, Matt, matt, matt, I love you, don't give me that shit.
Eric:Yeah, that's it. I love you and you're and you're, you're just this, you're just this, this, this precious little old man in a in a in a in a handsome young body I think there's another word for it.
Matt:I'm trying to think of it. Oh, adult. I think the word you might be looking for is adult. I'm an adult man.
Eric:And I'm out here, I'm just like this silly little guy, this silly little fella, yep, yep.
Matt:You're a silly little fella Wrapped. You're a silly little fella Wrapped in this great Dane meat suit. Anyway, I love you as well and one day I hope to respect you Goddamn right you do.
Matt:Zing.
Matt:And then let me say again got him I like the first way you said.
Eric:It was like you were looking to a ref to confirm it. Uh, zing, is that a hit? That's a hit. So friendship, uh, yeah, let's talk about it. Vitamin d, vitamin d which, which, getting some vitamin d for euphemism for sex. It is first of all it is, I will say a lot it's gendered, it's assuming that they're.
Matt:Yeah, it's assuming there's a dick involved at all. It's assuming there's a d to be involved. But since that is the refer referential, since that's the referential d, yeah, the referential dick. The rule of Does that not leave the first thing that jumps to mind and it sucks. It's not funny. Okay, vitamin B for buddy. That's cute. That is cute. It's cute. I think we can do better. Vitamin C nice to see you, I mean that's using like the texting parlance, I guess.
Eric:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I'm not above it. No, no, let's see, does it have to be?
Matt:a letter vitamin, vitamin C for comrade.
Eric:Ooh, vitamin C for comrade Comradery, Comradery Ooh okay, communism. Okay, so now? So, when the revolution begins, we're just going to start. Got to get some vitamin C? Oranges become the symbol of the revolution, wasn't that a thing? No, it wasn't oranges, it was ducks were the symbol of the revolution? It was ducks, it was rubber ducks, rubber ducks. Ours will be oranges, orange, ducks, orange ducks.
Matt:Yeah, vitamin B, cute Vitamin C for comrade or camaraderie. Suppressive. Very, we're getting there.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, we're getting there, we're cooking, and I did want to introduce the concept that are we bound to a letter vitamin? I don't feel like we have to be.
Matt:No, get some, because there's like vitamin B12, for example. They do a alphanumeric combination. Ooh, what do you? Why? What are you thinking? You got some letters.
Eric:I just want to broaden.
Matt:I mean some numbers you want to pull.
Eric:Yeah, Not even numbers Like there's. There's all kinds of ways to get vitamins and minerals. There's Flintstones vitamins.
Matt:Sure.
Eric:There's, there's.
Matt:Tums, I mean sure.
Eric:Not a vitamin or a mineral. I was going to say not exactly a vitamin supplement. But when I want a nice feeling in my tummy yeah, Like when I'm with my friends I take a Tums.
Matt:You take a Tums. I live and die by the Tums, or at least I did until my gastroenterologist got me on a different sort of medication.
Eric:Got you on that, got you on that military grade Tom?
Matt:Pretty much. Yeah, on that preventative Tom, we're going down a cul-de-sac now A pharmaceutical cul-de-sac. Let's leave it. Let's do a quick Yui and get back on the road.
Eric:Because not only does it have to make sense, it has to Because, like going to get some vitamin D, it flows, oh yeah.
Matt:It flows because, like gonna get some vitamin d it flows. Oh yeah, it flows.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, yeah um oh, maybe you hit it. Is it a mineral? A mineral? You said vitamin, vitamins and minerals, vitamins and minerals if vitamin d is taken up by big old veiny dick yes, by big dick. Vitamin D is a conspiracy by Big Dick, by Big Dick Energy. Maybe it's a mineral. That is the platonic, non-romantic version. Do you have any minerals in mind? Not a one, because here's the Matt. I'm going to be vulnerable for a second. I'm going to look up a list of minerals while you be vulnerable.
Eric:That's the thing. I'm going to be very vulnerable, please. I have a decent grasp of vitamins. My whole life I've heard the terms vitamins and minerals and I'm told that they are very important. Matt, yeah, I don't know what minerals do there are. I know what rocks are, the Flintstones vitamin for my precious vitamins and minerals. I've never even thought about like A, what minerals? B? What are they doing? What?
Matt:are they doing in there? Why do I have?
Eric:rocks in my blood.
Matt:First of all, I pulled up the list of minerals Wikipedia entry and that was a mistake. There are far too many to even honestly look at.
Eric:Can't even consider them.
Matt:And then the list of minerals recognized by the international mineralogical association says presently, each year, about 90 to 110 new mineral species are approved. Uh, per per year, it or no were officially approved since 1959. I really should read the full sentence. There are new minerals, is what I'm trying to say.
Eric:We're in a mineral boom right now.
Matt:Reboot we're in a mineral rush. Yes, there's a reboot happening of minerals. What we got here here's some of the major minerals, so we don't look like complete fucking idiots. Also known as macro minerals. What we got here here's some of the major minerals, so we don't look like complete fucking idiots. Also known as macro minerals Big minerals, which is just kind of fun. Okay, Calcium, potassium, phosphorus, sodium, magnesium and chloride are the big ones in humans. Those build strong bones, strong teeth, regulate fluids, maintain nerve and muscle function. And then there's the trace ones, such as iron, zinc, iodine, copper and selenium. You would think, as someone who has a blood disorder related to how his body stores iron, as I've talked about on this show. Well, oops, all tangents. Previously I would know about iron being a mineral, but it didn't come up.
Eric:As you're listening, I'm like oh, that's what minerals are. Just thought those were vitamins.
Matt:Yes, we are To quote my grandmother when she, towards the end of her life, asked me to untie a rosary that she had gotten in a knot, and I had it in my hand for approximately two seconds and she turned to everyone else in the room. After just about a second of this necklace being in my hand, turned to the rest of the room, went college graduate got him boom roasted boom roasted, boom roasted thanks, baba.
Matt:Everyone loves that story, and you know who laughed the hardest when she said that your parents. Lindsey, oh lindsey yeah or, I'm sorry as my, as my grandmother called her renee, which is lindsey little name. Little name is her middle name, which, uh, baba said uh, when meeting. I here's just a little ditty.
Matt:I don't know why this is coming up. Is Baba Lindsay's grandma.
Matt:No, baba's Baba was my grandmother, baba's your grandma, um, and she, oh boy. She said the Lindsay. The first time she met her is what is your name? And she said, oh, it's Lindsay. What's your middle name? And she said Renee. And Baba said let's go with Renee, it's better.
Eric:It's better. It's better.
Matt:And then she, from then on out, she went oh, Renee. And then she would also say because my grandmother's from New York, of course, yes, as is. And then she would also say because my grandmother's from New York, of course, as is, all of the Shays Except for me.
Eric:There she was drinking her 10 o'clock cup of coffee.
Matt:You ain't kidding.
Eric:I met your family.
Matt:And she's Eric. Just to get a little dark here for a second. She had that late night cup of coffee on her deathbed. I respect it. Just to get a little dark here for a second. She had that late night cup of coffee on her deathbed, nice.
Eric:I respect it. Not nice that she was on her deathbed, but I respect the shit out of someone who knows it's coming.
Matt:And they're like coffee. Well, I turned to the nurse and said can she have coffee? And the nurse said I mean it doesn't really.
Eric:And I said great bedside manner yeah that's how you know you got a fucking good nurse. When they're like I'm gonna be real with you, yeah, like it does, it makes no difference, I mean it'll make her happy it's basically what this nurse came to me with and I was like all right, buddy, why don't you?
Matt:we're done with you for right now.
Eric:I think I don't even remember how we got on this tangent, but um I, I don't remember either, but a tangent to your tangent uh, did I ever tell you about the time? Because you know college graduate? That's it the time. I was walking down the street with my father. I had just been accepted to towson university's acting track. We were walking down the street in baltimore and we passed a homeless person who was, who was like had their little cup for change and shit on the sidewalk. My dad like just nods towards me and says see that Theater major, yeah.
Matt:You sure did have, and continue to have, a very supportive father. Oh yeah, so that's okay. I had plenty of family members try to talk me out of it too, and I do hold it against them. So we got vitamins, we got vitamins. We got vitamins. We got minerals Calcium, palsium.
Eric:Palsium is good. Palsium Palsium is something. Is it Be?
Matt:honest with me.
Eric:Ibuprofen.
Matt:Is that anything? Ib, ib pro friend is not ib pro. We've left the vitamins and minerals behind and we've gone straight into drugs. But yeah, but I like it. Ib pro friend, ib pro friend. Ib pro friend, ib, ib pro friend, ib pro friend. Be pro-friend, I be pro-friend, I be pro-friend, I'm a pro-friend dog, I'm pro-friend up in here.
Eric:That's got legs. I think I be pro-friend.
Matt:I be pro-friend.
Eric:That's the best so far. Yeah, I was going to think I'm going to run through the list of elicits in my head real quick. Lsd no.
Matt:LSD real quick. Lsd. No, lsd could just easily be another dick metaphor, psilocybin, friend and all. If you're going to hang out with somebody, I'm gonna go take some friend, intentional friend oh my god.
Eric:No, that's for when. That's, that's what we use for. When you, when you go out to like dinner somewhere, like go to like a restaurant, and you see like a couple of your friends sitting at a table nearby, you do the.
Matt:Oh, I didn't know, this was laced with friend and all nice, nice, eric, that would be something you would say uh 100, that you would arrive to a dinner and just say that, without this question coming into mind.
Eric:Did we test this thing? Did we test this, for Frendenol has?
Matt:this pub been tested for Frendenol. Holy shit, I think it's been cut with a trace amount of Frendenol. What?
Eric:other fun drugs are there Cialis, cialis.
Matt:I need some, see all us.
Eric:We can't just do word association see alice see, alice, is when is once you want, once you're like, once you're like three quarters deep into a good hang, into a good sesh of friendship. That's when you go, you look around like see all us, you guys want to take some friend at all.
Matt:You guys want to take some friend in all.
Eric:You guys want to take some friend in all? Oh, I think we already have.
Matt:It kind of sounds like you're suggesting an orgy when you say it in that context. I'm not not suggesting an orgy. It might be easier in that case to just say you guys want to take some vitamin D.
Eric:That would be let's see Now bonus tangent. What is it for? We have the euphemism for sex. What is the euphemism for orgy?
Matt:Well, first of all, there's more than just one euphemism. Don't pretend like this vitamin D thing is the only one.
Eric:No, it's not the only.
Matt:oh my God, there's so many classic it's probably the first time the word, the concept of a euphemism was made was to describe talking about sex.
Eric:Yeah, we got one-way tickets to pound town. We got Laying some pipe. We got scissor me timbers. We got that's it, that's all of them.
Matt:That's the list. All right, here we go. Just real quick, just really quick. Euphemisms for sex from Google Make love, hook up. We don't count those Horizontal tango. Act of darkness Pork, Get your jollies. Hide the sausage. Hide the sausage. You've never heard. Hide the sausage. You know, I have heard hide the sausage have you Drew. Take your vitamin D and shove it straight up your ass. I'll vitamin C myself out. Do the no pants dance? Yep, glaze the donut. Oh no, it's really more of a fritter.
Eric:And you can tell dudes came up with so many of these because they tend to be the most on appealing ones.
Matt:Oh, roll in the hay, knock boots, bump uglies, yep, yep, doing it, doing it A bit of crumpet Making sin, making sin, eric, be honest with me, do you guys have one? This is supposed to be the personal questions, right Episode. So what do you think I'm?
Eric:trying to think, if we do have any like.
Matt:I just want to know. If you want me to keep it out of the show, I'll do it.
Eric:No, no, no, no, no. Like, truly, this isn't me going like, oh, I don't want to talk about it. No, I'm trying to think if we even bother with you.
Matt:No, you're straight down to business.
Eric:Business hours Straight down to business.
Matt:There's business hours, ooh, business hours. It's business time. As the Flight of the Conchords so famously put, it's business Business.
Eric:It's business time, office hours would be a fun one. Oh come see me during my office hours.
Matt:Very academic, that one.
Eric:So we have. We've got so deep back in. We circled so hard back into the sex minerals that I can't remember we had a good one ibuprofen ibuprofen I don't I don't think we're gonna be good safety.
Matt:I don't think we're gonna beat ibuprofen no, ibuprofen is my ibuprofen I could come over if you need some ibuprofen.
Eric:I got some yeah I'm, I'm happy with it. Oh and that and that it is the most common. The most common, I feel like the most commonly asked for drug on the planet cash I think that's probably true.
Matt:You got any ibuprofen so I think, you know, eric, I think we, I think we nailed, think In a roundabout way. Yeah, we took the hammer, we took it out on the town, we made it see the sights, then we brought it back and then we hit the nail.
Eric:Yes, we did a little world tour.
Matt:We showed it other tools and how it could be used one day in another world.
Eric:We did it at a very Tolkienian pace.
Matt:Absolutely, and a completely unnecessary conversation about my grandmother. Now, eric, we're going to start our personal questions with a question that you posed, yes, and again, it does feel like a trap. What are you naturally bad at?
Eric:Oh, yeah, let's get right into it Now. Matt, I'm going to set the difficulty level for this question.
Matt:I was going to say how do you couch this? Because people are inherently not good at a great many things.
Eric:No, so I'm mostly referring to when I say what are you naturally bad at? I don't mean like oh, I'm naturally bad at being a master violin player, Duh Duh. I mean what are we bad at that most people would expect most people to be competent with.
Matt:I see what's like a relatively regular activity every day, like this isn't true of me, but like a parallel parking, for example.
Eric:some people, some people just suck, suck, fucking shit some people just can't do it? Um, but I'm gonna set the difficulty level here. I'm gonna remove the low hanging fruit out the way, okay, I'm just gonna thought.
Matt:I thought you just did that.
Eric:No, let's just get it out of the way.
Matt:I'm bad at responding to texts oh well, yeah, I think that's been well documented.
Eric:That's well documented. That ground has been plowed.
Matt:It's been plowed? It has been. We've sowed that field, yes, and already enjoyed its fruits. Jigsaw puzzles.
Eric:I am. I am, and when I say I'm bad at jigsaw puzzles, I mean when I go on vacation with, say, I'm bad at jigsaw puzzles. I mean when I go on vacation with her, like I was just in the outer banks a bunch of friends and one of the the ongoing at was getting some ib pro friend and we were one of the ongoing activities in the beach house we were staying at. Uh, whenever this group goes on vacations, we will have, we will get through many puzzles. Um, and I say we, my friends, will do the group. I, my friends, will be sitting there just doing a puzzle and not like I have some friends who are absolute geniuses at them, like bam bam, bam. I have friends that are like, okay, I'm going to get a piece. Okay, look around, see what we got. Oh, does that? No, okay, who will be holding one piece for like a half hour, 45 minutes minimum, going where the fuck does this little piece of shit? I can't, I don't know. And I love and jigsaw puzzles specifically I love puzzles.
Matt:I was just, that was going to be my follow up question. Are you bad at puzzles? No, I love puzzles in general. That was going to be my follow-up question. Are you bad at puzzles? No, I love puzzles.
Eric:And I would like to say I'm fairly competent at them, but jigsaw puzzles are my Achilles heel in puzzling.
Matt:Wow, I mean, I feel like I'm pretty average at the jigsaw puzzle. What is your strategy? What makes you so bad?
Eric:That's what, honestly, I I think and I'm not.
Matt:Do you not do the edges first? I mean, that's no.
Eric:No, I know oh, I know, oh, I know, I will just be like I met. It'll be like you know, it's, it's, it's a puzzle scene of a big bowl of ice cream, of like Neapolitan ice cream, and I've got a strawberry piece and I am sitting here staring and we're forming the strawberry fucking thing and I'm just sitting there I'm like no, how, nope that doesn't, where does?
Eric:it go and and anytime I have been like okay, I'm just going to do another piece, the same fucking thing, it's gonna do another piece, the same fucking thing, it's.
Matt:It's where I'm like okay, this piece clearly goes somewhere in this general vicinity and I just cannot have you considered that your friends, such as you call them, uh, want to constantly be putting out puzzles? Because, really, really, eric, the horrible truth is they just want to see you flounder. Well, no, these people are after you.
Eric:Eric, no, I found a new.
Matt:I don't do when they're puzzling, because that's what I'd think, that'd be my first and immediate thought, and it is what I think they're doing to you.
Eric:And I like this energy you're bringing to it like the like, the like the grand vizier whispering poison into my ear, because what I do do now is I don't pick up pieces and do the puzzle, but I participate by circling around them and ominously whispering into their ears. That's very good.
Matt:That's very good. That's a good bit you will never, find it.
Eric:It has never been done.
Matt:Oh so instead of it is a fool's errand. Instead of contributing to the puzzle, you just make it more difficult for everyone involved.
Eric:Yeah, I just entertainingly neg all of my friends.
Matt:Because, they're gonna.
Eric:Matt. They chugged out easily, like over the course of four or five days.
Matt:They chugged out like six or seven goddamn puzzles they were doing, at least almost almost like one and a half to two a day there's been this guy on tiktok who's been doing this series recently of um the office eunuch, uh, as if he's uh varies from game of thrones and just just a workplace eunuch.
Matt:I love this already.
Matt:It's so, so good.
Matt:And he was like a lot of breakout rooms happening this day, my lord, none of them breaking out with you. What could this sidebar portend, my lord? Isn't the Christmas party only for, only for employees? Oh, I see kevin's wife must have been hired here it's, it's all stuff like that.
Matt:It's all he's done, like three or four, and they all hit. They're very. This is the energy I seek to bring to my friends who are jigsaw yes yes yes, and I wish corners everywhere, but not a piece betwixt I wish there was a role for that at the iago of the workplace.
Eric:I would love oh, my god, I would thrive, eric.
Matt:Oh how I'd thrive.
Matt:It bodes ill, my, it's funny this calendar event says busy, yet the settings are supposed to be public Must be an outlook issue, my lord. Could it have been an email? Oh, my lord, was this meeting with HR at 4.30 on a Friday scheduled or added to the calendar?
Eric:My lord Gandalf, the district manager, is here. He is not welcome.
Matt:They conspire against you, my lord. Their synergies are not our synergies.
Eric:Naturally, uh, uh uh uh. Naturally bad, naturally, things I'm naturally bad at Uh, I had one, I had one, I had it on, I had one, but then we, we fell into the game of of thrones we fell into a bit where I I honestly almost want to call lindsey in here and just get the list.
Matt:Um, I mean putting shit away, that's like I just leave stuff out. I've been guilty of it my entire life. I have terrible handwriting and always have I tried to teach that to my teachers.
Eric:Oh, dude, that was it. My handwriting has not changed since kindergarten. No, if anything mine's gotten worse.
Matt:Yes, yes, I'll look at notes I made earlier that day, like today, and be like I don't have a fucking clue what this says today and be like I don't have a fucking clue what this says.
Eric:I had kids in. I had bullies in middle school who got pissed off at me because my handwriting was so bad they couldn't copy off of my test.
Matt:Now, eric, that is subversive. That's how you keep them away. Now it is notable that you got bullied about your handwriting. That didn't happen to me. I mean people would remark of like, wow, it is bad but I'm over here going.
Eric:Yeah, I know no one's no one's surprised that's what makes it sadder. It wasn't even they're like oh, your handwriting's bad.
Matt:No, they were legitimately aggravated, they were like they were fucking telling me they're like dude, you got to fix your handwriting, man dude.
Matt:I'm concerned about you, as they're wedging you I yeah, man, you gotta get this under control. All right, it's not gonna set you up for life, yeah all right, big breath, now flush because if you want to stay away from like being like I, I'm, I'm terrible at gymnastics, you know. Like no, I, I cannot.
Eric:Uh, terrible at I, I cannot. I'm very top heavy, so roller skating and ice skating nightmare for me I'm.
Matt:I don't feel that I'm a good dancer in any, in any capacity, and this is coming from somebody who did, and I. He had to work for it. But I did get two awards in my high school theater awards for featured, best featured dancer. That's nice, what shows? One was for barnum and that was mainly because it was all juggling and circus tricks and it wasn't really dancing um, and the other one was for, I believe, the boyfriend um was it the boyfriend.
Matt:It could have been also for a little shop of horrors, but I also won best supporting actor uh for that these are awards that we had.
Matt:Were you, of course? Yeah, you were shnick.
Matt:Yeah, of course I was mush neck Of course I was mush neck and I can't sing very well. It's one of my big regrets of like. I wish when I was young, instead of picking up the trumpet, I wish I picked up the piano and I wish I had learned to sing when I was young, because I think there's a good singing voice in here, but it's just not. Yearning to be free, yearning to be free, but it is now only free in the car and in the shower when Lindsay's not home. Well, I do sing around the house, but just random jingles that pop into my head. Oh yeah, because I think I have undiagnosed ADHD. I agree, everyone agrees. Yeah, everyone agrees. Yeah, everyone agrees.
Eric:I just haven't gotten tested yet. Yeah, I'm also trying not to lean. Yeah, that's something I'm also not bringing Like there are so many easy ones. I can say for my executive dysfunction, shit. No, naturally like things, I'm naturally bad at that. I come by honestly.
Matt:That I come by, honestly, that I could be, and that's what I think I'm saying. Like I feel like I could be a good singer if I went and got voice lessons Because, like my high school music teacher, he worked around the clock for me to get ready for the vocally taxing performance of mush nick, who mostly speaks things. But hey, uh, when people who who knew me in previous years because we did little shop senior year, when they came back to see the show and they saw that I was singing, I got I got lots of compliments but people who were genuinely shocked that I was able to pull it off, and one of them was me. So I hold and like I've sung here and there in shows when it's been called upon. But when a casting director or director asks me, can you sing, I say I have sung. I don't know that you want me to. I wouldn't volunteer to do it anyone can sing my lord.
Matt:If only you can hear the music I'm naturally bad at.
Eric:I have. I have a terrible sense of direction. I alissa has an insane sense of when we are like this is the running bit, but it's not a bit of like when we're out places and we have to like I'm like, I'm like, which way do we need? She is our ranger, like she knows, she just fucking knows.
Matt:Yeah, you're just like a lost puppy in some ways Like a little lost puppy Just wagging my tail, looking sad at everybody. You know, you sad at everybody. No, you're looking happy in a helpless way. Hapless, one might say. One might say hapless, but we won't, but we won't.
Eric:Naturally bad at. I have a decent singing voice, but you do.
Matt:And this is Thank you. I mean, you've been cast in multiple musicals. I've been cast only in chorus roles in high school and one actual singing part, and that's it. The last time I auditioned for musical theater. It was, first of all. I remain pissed about this. It was a surprise, in the middle of everybody, public audition, the worst possible audition setting possible, everything, everything. I kind of prepped. I auditioned for a production of Sweeney Todd because I desperately was like in the back of my head keeping a dream alive that I could be in Sweeney Todd and I just horrifically embarrassed myself in front of everybody and I couldn't get out of there fast enough and I was like never again.
Eric:Never again, oh my God. No, that's savage, what they did to you.
Matt:I was like never again. And I remember I'm not going to name names, but I remember the person we both know, this person too, the director, looking at me with these like, honestly, bully eyes, bully eyes of like, the eyes that say say like oh, it's so sad, but like, look at him, try. And I was like I wish I could just stop at 16 bars for in. I was like Nope, kill me, this was a mistake.
Eric:Yeah, strike me down. I'm six feet from the air.
Matt:And I shouldn't have used that as my audition song and I shouldn't have used that as my audition song oh my god, could you?
Eric:there are so many things that I, I, I, I I'm sure you do the same daydreams about things you wish you had the courage to take into an audition.
Matt:Just yes, just to, just to fucking like eric, it's so funny and we, you know we could transition right into because we have a question that's kind of like oh yeah, uh, but the? I was just talking earlier today about this with lindsey. I was listening to an old smart list with henry winkler who was talking about his audition for happy days and he, you know how he really speaks and you know he's just the nicest man. He's got the reputation the nicest man in holly and you know he's just the nicest man, he's got the reputation.
Matt:Oh he's so nice, the nicest man in Hollywood.
Matt:People call him and he's just grateful and you know he's doing. He's doing everything that he's talking about. He's everyone's funkle, everyone. You're everything you're expecting him to do and he's like you know. I just don't know where it came from, cause I had prepped and I got to the studio and I was sitting out there and I just thought I think I'm going to do this voice like hey, what's going on? Yeah, I'm just going to walk in like this, and he goes. I walked in there and I read the script and I was like who am I reading with? Who wants to talk to the Fonz? And there's this guy, pasquale, and I read with Pasquale and when I was done I threw my script in the air and walked out without saying goodbye. And two weeks later they cast me and I was like I wish I had the balls.
Eric:Shit filed under shit we can't get away with anymore.
Matt:I was like I wish I had the balls. Well, this puts me in mind of another audition tale, but we'd be going down some tangents. John Ratzenberger uh, you know, you're familiar. Uh, I know that name. Who?
Eric:is that he?
Matt:he plays uh norm in no, no, no not norm, not norm, not norm.
Matt:He plays cliff, cliff. He plays cliff in cheers and he auditioned for norm and and I heard this story from uh jim burrows, who, uh, the famous sitcom director and creator of Cheers, frasier, friends, etc. And he was saying he came in here and he auditioned for Norm and he was terrible, he was absolutely awful and he knew he was awful and he was turning around and leaving and he stopped in his tracks and he turned around and said you guys have a blowhard in the bar and they're like you guys handing out any blowhards?
Matt:and he was like um no, what do you mean? He was like yeah, you know, just like a, you know an asshole who's like full of himself and thinks he knows everything, come standard with every bar. And he they're like I get, I guess not. You want to improv a little something? So he improvised a little something, and what he improv'd was Cliff, that's fucking dope. Yeah, see that's the dream. That's the dream, that's the dream, but I never have the balls to do anything like it.
Eric:I think I've brought this up before. I want to audition with the Dr Bronner's label as my monologue. I've always wanted to go into an audition and I have done this for bros, for the baltimore rock opera society, because that's one of the reasons I I loved working with them so much is because they were not a theater company, of theater people. They were a theater company of of punks, of bands and shit. So I went in there and I did uh the the the good day, sir monologue. Uh, willie wonka just started yelling at the at the goddamn auditioners like they were charlie bucket, which I think is a good transition to yes, to to the next, like we we've chewed over uh things we're naturally bad at. That brings us to a bucket list characters to play on stage.
Matt:Bucket list characters to play on stage. I mean one that won't. I mean I have, and this has been asked in the discord too, because there's a number of actors in the discord, and so this had been bandied about. But this is good. This is good for us to talk about a little bit Good use of bandied. Thank you, but this is good for us to talk about a little bit Good use of bandied. Thank you, we need to bring that back and I'm trying.
Eric:God knows, I'm fighting the good fight.
Matt:Here I am making talking points out of it Like Sweeney Todd was one, but I know I'm never playing Sweeney Todd. Never say never, matt. I mean I think we can, but okay, I would like. Just there are some heavy hitters for me. Yeah, I want to play all four adult roles in Waiting for Godot.
Matt:Ah yes, and you would smash every single one of them that is my number one bucket list item is to play all four at some point, or at the very least one. Hamlet, although I'm very quickly aging out of hamlet, but uh. But hamlet would be a dream role. Iago would be a dream role. Yes, I one day, not the musical version, which is the more produced version, but the play the old man. Oh, you would crush it One day, when I'm old enough, I hope, to play. Then there are the classics, like I want to play Biff in Death of a Salesman, and you know all the roles you're taught to want to play as a young actor. I want to play. I desperately want to be in Noises Off. I'll take any part, I think. When I'm old enough I'll be the director for sure. But I don't think I'm getting cast as Gary. But I'd love to be Gary. I've been called back for Gary.
Eric:I could see you as the. I can't remember the name of his character, but Alec Baldwin's character in Glen Gary, glen Rossoss I also can't remember his that character's name at this moment, but you would knock that, yeah the coffee.
Matt:Or foreclose foreclosers monologue would be a good monologue for me, it's true roles I desperately want to play.
Eric:Yeah, list them off. I'm gonna rattle off some shakespeare ones. Um, nick, yeah, get those out of the way. Nick bottom, oh, summer night stream.
Matt:Oh, you'd be so good dream you'd be so good as nick bottom uh, fucking uh.
Eric:When I'm an old man, fall staff in any of the, the henrys, you'd be a great, leer, I'm gonna say that.
Matt:I'm gonna say that right now you would make a.
Eric:I think you'd make a baller, richard, the third thank you, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd like I know you make a killer fucking macbeth.
Matt:I've seen your macbeth and it's thank you, I would when I'm of the appropriate age, which I arguably am now, but wasn't in college. I would, I would like another crack at the scottish king. I, I, I felt good about my collegiate performance yes yeah, and obviously I feel good about you, know yours as mcduff, thank you, but the I would. I would love another crack at it as an adult who understands a little bit more about ambition gone right uh, uh, let's see.
Eric:Um, I, I mentioned this in the discord when the question was brought up and I do mean this sincerely, I, I, because we're talking bucket list, bucket, which for me is just to the left of dream, like it that it's like it's like a square rectangle thing where, like you know, just because it's on my bucket list doesn't automatically mean it's like it's.
Matt:It's like the Sweeney Todd thing with me. Yeah, Sweeney Todd is a dream role for me because it's probably never going to come true. But some of my bucket list, every bucket list role is also a dream role for me. But I can't put Sweeney Todd on the bucket list because I can't. I don't think I can actively cross it off.
Eric:Well, where I'm coming at this from is one of my, one of my bucket list roles is I do legitimately just want to play a guard, you know what I mean.
Matt:I know you've said this many times, yeah guard one.
Eric:guard two I want to see how much, how much acting I can do without being too like. I was like how much it's just a fun meditative exercise, like how much character can I express without taking attention away from the action but still like fucking flexing I?
Matt:I would love to play a name it's too bad you're not of indian descent, because guards at the taj would be a great show for you to play oh, I'm not familiar with that show.
Matt:Oh, it's a very good play. It's about two guards at the Taj Mahal. It's a two-hander. Any role in 12 Angry Men? Oh, 12 Angry Men? Yeah, sure, bucket list Mostly produced these days as 12 Angry Jurors. Yes, nevertheless. Yeah, you'd be great as the Henry Fonda role in right, it's Henry Fonda in the movie. Yeah, um, the henry fonda role in.
Matt:Uh right, it's henry fonda in the movie I think so.
Matt:Yes, I'm gonna double check, but I'm pretty sure it is uh. But the you'd be great, as uh henry fonda, which which one was henry fonda was.
Eric:Is that the?
Matt:he's the, the main, the holdout, yeah, yeah, the holdout.
Matt:Let me see he's juror number eight. I thought it was eight but I didn't want to pretend like I knew that.
Eric:But I did as it turned out, I think you would absolutely destroy, as in, if we're talking about 12 angry jurors, the angry dude, the one that's pissed off the whole time.
Matt:Yes, that's Ed Begley. He's the juror number 10. Ed Begley, of course, is the father of the more famous these days, Ed Begley, who's been in everything and if you look him up you'll know who he is, but I can only describe him as he's in everything. He's in Better Call Saul, Six Feet Under, like every show ever made.
Eric:Then there's like's, there's stage roles, and then there's the category which is just like, like big, lofty, like man that would be cool, like this includes film, or like things that have never, that don't exist as stage shows, but like I I I know I've mentioned this before, probably on the show. Uh, at the beginning of Batman 1989, batman stops the muggers at the beginning and then, after he whoops their ass, one of them is being dragged, carted away into an ambulance in a straight jacket by paramedics and he's screaming. I'm telling you, man, it was a giant bat. I want to be that guy so fucking bad. I want to be the one who cracks. This might be a deep cut for anyone. I don't. I'm mad. I don't take it, take it, take her deep. I'm gonna take it a deep cut. If there ever stay I know there's movie adaptation, adaptations of the Discworld novels. If they ever do one about the Nightwatch from the Discworld novels, I want to play Captain Carrot from the Discworld novels.
Eric:It's very specific it's very specific, but if you've read Discworld I say this with no ego I would knock that out of the fucking park. I have no doubt, if you feel that strongly about it, that it is true and you, I need you to read the disc world novels, because you would be perfection, as uh, commander samuel vines, they're on my list they are on my list.
Matt:I, in terms of dream roles, um, I suppose I've already kind of accomplished this, um, in the production of the stage production of the Shawshank Redemption, I was in last year. But I would love to be in a Stephen King adaptation, a movie. Specifically, you need to play Andy Dufresne. I mean, well, I would love to play Andy Dufresne, but I think that ship probably sailed last year but the I got to be his understudy, didn't get to go on but got to be his understudy, didn't get to go on but got to be his understudy. Uh, but uh, I would love to play andy dufresne, of course, but really it would be. It would mean a lot to me to be in any, any stephen king film of any kind in any role.
Matt:Oh my god, yeah uh, even if it was just like uh, here's your meal, sir, and you know that, know, that's it, I could at least be like I was in a Stephen King movie, and that would be big.
Eric:For me personally. That'd be a dream role, One I know I'm never going to get but would love to. In any adaptation of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I would love to play McMurphy.
Matt:Me too. Mcmurphy is a bucket list for me.
Eric:I can never because I cannot be taller than the dude playing chief. I can never, because I cannot be taller than the dude playing chief?
Matt:No, I don't, eric. Can I tell you there's been a couple of things that over the years I've bandied about for the two of us as a dream. Yeah, I don't think they should ever remake Home Alone, but if they did, brother, I want us to play Harry and Marv Brother. And also one Halloween party. We should go as Harry and Marv.
Eric:Oh, my God, it's so I, I ha yes. Yeah, um, the next time I have to shave for something, that's what we'll do, what we do what we do is we go as Harry and Marv, but in this this will require a little coordination. We show up as default Harry and Marv and then we excuse ourselves a couple of times this morning.
Matt:We come back with with injury, like we get the iron on your face, uh, because it's a given who's who. Oh, yes, the um, yeah, like I come with the hat, but at some point the top of it gets is burned off, matt, I think we can pull that off I think we can. It'd be fun we should do that like we.
Eric:We should do that for we. Let's find a halloween party this year and see what we can see.
Matt:But I I think there's, but there's, there's been, there's been a bunch over over time that I feel like like duo roles, the two of us I I think could, could really have some fun with, and I think one of to be realistic here for a second is I would love to do of mice and men with you.
Eric:Oh, man, with me as Lenny yeah.
Matt:Yeah, I'm Lenny, you be quiet yeah.
Eric:Eric, we'd kill it. Tell me about the rabbits, George Eric, I will tell you.
Matt:Tell me about the rabbits, eric.
Eric:I will tell you, eric. I will tell you. Tell me about the rabbits, eric. There was not a dry eye in the house.
Matt:I mean this sincerely. If I ever had to tell you about the rabbits on stage or in life, there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house. No, starting with mine. Oh, buddy.
Eric:I know we would Matt. We would Just oh buddy, I know we would Matt. We would Just stare ahead and look at the rabbit's butt. Oh my God, yeah, no, we would absolutely kill it.
Matt:Oh man, one big role for me that I realized I didn't forget is another Beckett role is Crap in Crap Slash Tape. I would actually even though in my head I've crafted a version that I think could really work for a young person um in in like a, even a podcast medium, but I've always imagined it as like a vlog because it, you know, video. But um, you know this is super niche now, but the um, this conversation, but as a like a last role man, that'd be so, that'd be so good. If I was like 89 and I got cast as Crap in Crap's Last Tape, that might be the time that I'm like you know what. I think I might be retired now. I think maybe I want to end on that.
Matt:That would be the final curtain call, that could be for me, but yeah, so there's some dream roles. I mean we, we should, we should we move on to some?
Eric:others. I think, I think we chewed that scenery pretty well.
Matt:Here's another one that's kind of in the same vein. By the way, the bucket list characters question came from our friends at effin, cultured um and uh, from who knows how long ago, because I have it submitted as from twitter, which we haven't been active on oh, and many months at this point, in many certain events made us depart from that platform um, uh. But alex kafirakis on instagram at one point told us you get one prop who played Lenny in production of I didn't know that of Mice and Men it was.
Matt:It was a real funky version. It was all house music. So you get one prop from a movie to showcase at your house. What is it, oh God? What I take this to mean, Eric, is like something you would like Mount on the wall.
Eric:It's the centerpiece of a room.
Matt:It's a centerpiece of the room where you put in like a glass showcase, because like I've got like stuff, like I've got recreations of stuff, but like I don't have any like movie prop, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The first one that jumps to mind for me is I that I would this is this is one that I would get a display case for the hoverboard from back to the future.
Eric:Oh one easy, if I, if I got the hoverboard it would be.
Matt:It would be encased in glass, yeah, with an alarm system around it. Really anything from back to the future, but that like sticks out to me, you know, is like a main prop.
Eric:Batman's gadgets, specifically in the 1989, the Keaton gadgets just had such a good look to them. It was like that black and like brass. Look to it. It was very cool. His Batarangs fucking ripped.
Matt:What would be your thought if all you could get you're at the Batman auction.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:I'm at and you're getting these props.
Eric:The Wayne Estate sale.
Matt:The Wayne Estate sale and the Batarang goes by and you know the utility belt Michael Keaton used goes by. It's such a good utility belt. You know all these different things goes by but still available in your price range for an opening bid the bat master card from batman oh, oh, one instantly, I would the greatest yeah, the greatest batman accessory of all, of all time.
Eric:I would too.
Matt:I, I, I, as I've gotten older, I've and as I've never, leave home without it never leave or never leave the cave without it. Isn't that what?
Eric:he says, yeah, never leave the cave without it. Isn't that what he says? Never leave the cave without it? As I've gotten older, it used to be in vogue to shit on the Batman and Robin and Batman Forever those movies, fucking rule.
Matt:Oh wait a minute. Who shits on Batman Forever? Dumb people.
Eric:I won't stand for it. It used to be in. Real People used to talk so much.
Matt:But Batman and Robin for it.
Eric:It used to be in real. People used to talk so much. But batman and robin everybody shits. Everybody shits on batman, including george clooney, and they shouldn't. It is a. It is. I think it's so wacky and fun. It is wacky fun it. Adam west had to walk so that batman and robin could run the the.
Matt:The issue people have with batman and robin, and probably batman forever, is because the Schumacher films are considered to be a continuation of the Tim Burton films and I, and I think canonically they are. I think it is a four, four movie series. However, I don't think they should be because, whereas Tim Burton's were these trailblazing, you know, first ever dark portrayal of Batman, gritty, gritty portrayal of Batman, and then you get to the Schumacher films, which I feel are more reminiscent of, like the Adam West.
Eric:Batman the Bang Zoom Batman. Yes, the Biff Boff the giant. Bang zoom Batman. Yes, the biff boff, the giant. The architecture of Gotham with the fucking like 20 story tall buff dudes holding like that is so fucking.
Matt:Buff dudes holding just this very large practical, painted like set pieces.
Eric:Oh my God, neon spotlights everywhere.
Matt:What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age Chill. Hey, everyone Chill, oh my God, everywhere. What killed the dinosaurs?
Eric:the ice age chill, hey, everyone chill, oh my god he, you could just do mr freeze's lines forever, and ever and ever.
Matt:they're, they're, they're, they're solid gold and I hope the rumors that the the I have I still haven't seen the patents in batman, which I hear is very good, it's very good, but the rumors I hear is that one of the villains in the Batman part two is going to be Mr Freeze.
Eric:Oh.
Matt:God, what a hope, and I'm sure it'll be delightful to see a serious take on Mr Freeze, but you're never really going to take away from Arnold Schwarzenegger's.
Eric:Mr Freeze. No, he's the beginning and the end of it is Mr Freeze, let's kick some ice. Beginning and the end of it is is mr, let's kick some ice, you simply I mean it's so good and and sorry, john glover, I was just gonna say mad scientist at the beginning. At the beginning, to say nothing is so. They gave that man five minutes of screen time and he took every fucking second and you remember him everyone.
Matt:Yes, everyone remembers John. When I say, oh, john Glover was Towson's first theater acting major, and people say who's John Glover? And I go you seen Batman and Robin? Yeah, they know who he's talking about. Dr Isley, yeah, yeah. Or Smallville Smallville usually gets it done, yes.
Eric:Let the poisons and toxins burn a grave for you, god, fucking poetry.
Matt:Yeah, he's great, he is great, tony winner, tony winner.
Eric:Tony winner yeah, so I would absolutely take the Batman credit card. The Batman, yeah, you got to. The Bat visa, you got to.
Matt:Got to.
Eric:I mean, really I like memorabilia, I am a sucker for sci-fi weapons like the pistol like the, the pistol from blade runner, classic of course, and that's what I mean.
Matt:Like if I had the opportunity to get. I'm a memorabilia guy, I like stuff. So if I had the opportunity you I've said this before I collect collections. So if I had the opportunity to get a real prop from something that I authentically like, love, I'm probably going to jump on it. You know, like, of course, the heavy hitters for me would be like you know, back to the Future. But like any of the many, many shows that I love, I'd be all about I would Uma Thurman's Sword from Kill Bill.
Eric:Sure, big one up there, but that's one. Honestly, I might not get that one. That's one because I could go to any flea market and find one close enough, but see.
Matt:Eric, that's not. That'd be the same type of sword, but that wouldn't be the prop. It wouldn't be the the prop. We're talking about the prop, the prop.
Eric:Oh, can't fit an entire DeLorean in my house. But from Back to the Future, the flux capacitor.
Matt:Yeah, would mount that on my wall.
Eric:Of course there's many many used in the production. I'm trying to think of like, of like.
Matt:Let me, let me see if I can do some deep cuts here. Oh uh, talking about obscure back to the future docs sniper rifle from back to the future 3 with the actual telescope for the that ain't obscure to me, my friend. Oh yeah, that's, that's. Oh, I'd be all the fuck over that. Oh, or if somehow his refrigerator uh, the ice machine in the refrigerator. That would be great I mean anything, any, any part of the model. That's not to scale um the uh from back to the future.
Matt:One well oh yeah it's in all three the the model bit. But you know, the original model would be fun. But to go real, you wanted to go deep. One movie when I was a little boy that I was obsessed with and I don't think anyone in the world remembers this movie. I really don't. I really really don't. I really don't, I really really don't. But when I was a kid and I would be going to the library with my mom, I would get this movie from the VHSs that you could rent from the library Not even a blockbuster, but from the library and I would get this movie over and over again and it's called Condor man, Condor man, Condor man, and it stars Michael Crawford, it is believe it or not a.
Matt:Disney movie. What is this? It is a movie I haven't seen since I was like seven, but I would get it week after week after week and watch it over and, over, and, over and over again. And if I could get Condor Man's wings, I oh these wings are baller. Dude. He like jumps off the fucking Eiffel Tower at one point and the theme song is literally like condor man is like playing. It's playing in the background and it's musical theater legend michael crawford, uh in the title oh, hell yeah condor man.
Matt:Oh it's so good. I just looked it. 1981 superhero comedy film man I should watch.
Eric:Condor man John Hammond's Walking Stick.
Matt:Oh yeah, With the amber Good luck. Good luck getting that. That's going to be millions, that one, yeah, yeah, I think we've tilled this soil as well.
Eric:I think we got through some good personal questions.
Matt:I think we did get through some good personal questions. I think we did get some through some good personal questions. And would you look at the time, eric? I think that'll about do it. That'll about do it For this episode of you didn't ask for this Not very spooky, but you know, I think it was personal, I think it was deep, I think it was oat adjacent. I'll say that.
Eric:Ooh. Now, Matt, when you say oat, are you referring to the monthly bonus content that people get as part of our Patreon? I am.
Matt:Yes, it would be the $4 level of the Patreon, of course, but there is a $1 level. If you just want to be part of our awesome Discord community, just chat about stuff happening in the world, chat about the show, hop into the orgy dome. That's a new benefit. A new benefit yes, patreon, the orgy dome is a benefit one dollar a month gets you a ticket to the digital orgy dome and I'll tell you that one ain't tipping over. And let me tell you what happens in that.
Eric:Can't tell you, can't tell you Can't talk about it.
Matt:That's why it's behind the paywall, can't talk about it. Nope, it's secret. So, patreoncom slash, you didn't ask for this, but beyond that, we do need your questions, so you can submit them to us at. You didn't ask pod, instagram, twitter, facebook, except not twitter, not twitter. I made that very clear earlier not x, not twitter blue sky.
Matt:We're technically on threads too, but thread sucks and I can't believe people still use it. So we're it's the google sheets it is. It's terrible and, like I know, blue sky skies like slowly catching on with. It has really caught on with certain communities. The Wrexham community moved over there right quick. But anyway, blue skies better use blue sky the. The situation is as follows Send those questions to us or you can call the fault line and leave us a message at 410-929-5329.
Matt:I think that'll about do the business Eric I think that'll about do it so for all of us here at. You Didn't Ask For this. My name's Matt J, my name's Eric Poach and listen, you didn't ask.
Eric:But another thing I'm naturally bad at is remembering that this stinger exists Wow.
Matt:Very good, Eric. Very good there. It is Very good. The audience won't even know we've been here five minutes waiting for you to think of something.
Eric:Unironically, have been sitting here five minutes. God damn, thank you.