You Didn't Ask For This
You Didn't Ask For This
123 | Dumped at the Bubba Gump
After 120 episodes, the unlikeliest of segments to make a return does just that: Unlikely Fights. Who wins: every creature in Australia or every Florida Man? But first: What’s the ultimate field trip experience? Finally, we wrap things up with a special visit to Lindsey's Correction Corner.
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Matt, if you'll recall about, you know, two weeks ago, sure, I opened this podcast with Magic With magic, with talking about a very exciting date. I was going on with Alyssa to a magic show.
Matt:And then you texted me later that very day and told me, hey, did you start editing the episode yet? And I said yes, and you said, great, we need to bleep the name of the place Because Abra could get a load of this shit.
Eric:Gang, gang, and, and, and please. This is the first sequel cold open we've ever had.
Matt:Yeah, no, true, true, true. Uh, it's the follow-up. What happened, eric?
Eric:tell us the tricks oh man, oh okay, gang, I will preface everything I'm about to say with I have nothing but the utmost respect. Oh, it's going to be good For the magic community and magicians, and I will say this, and specifically the magicians I saw that night, I have nothing but respect for them, I want the world for them. May they Do you, may they thrive, do you you? That being said, okay, all right, so, and I'll also say this we had such a good time, we, we, we really did it. Just, the good time time didn't really come from the magic, sure, um, so we got there, uh, and, and it was, it was, it was in a hotel, at the grand bleep at the grand.
Matt:Bleep grand is not involved in the name at the grand bleep, a pest hotel um.
Eric:So we, we got there, we got, we know we, we parked, we sat in the lobby, we got some drinks shared, some crab dip nice oh, euphemism I'll remind everybody again we're, we're, we're about to head into a show that has been billed to me as like seven of, like the, the most kick-ass musicians from around the east coast, and all that yeah, yeah, I believe, magella, we referred to it as the coachella of magicians, uh, so we go upstairs, like it's time for the show.
Eric:We go upstairs and they're, and they're doing like there's a magician, like who is? Like clearly, uh, the warm-up crew. Like, like, like the the b squad the opening magician the opening magician, not even.
Matt:Well, man, it's sad to be the opening magician to a magic show.
Eric:Yeah, they're they're doing crowd work in the lobby while people wait outside the doors to the magic theater and and to their credit, they're. They're doing some close-up card tricks and like they're it's, they're, they're blowing our mind. It's fun. They're like, oh, that's great. And and before the show you know, alissa and I, over crab dip, we're talking about like what we were the most stoked to. Like what are you? Because we haven't been to a magic show since. Like we were children.
Eric:So we're like what are you, what are you excited to see? And like, what are you hoping to see? And I'm just out here like I need to see a bitch get salt in half. Sure, that's classic, classic, classic.
Matt:Saw me in half saw anyone in half well it sounds like maybe you don't want to volunteer yourself based on the preamble to the story.
Eric:Uh, well, so then then, like the, the, like the head magician, the alpha comes out the leader. The leader and he's like hello welcome, speaking in like doing that affected, mysterious, like magician's patter.
Matt:I'm Duncan the Magnificent.
Eric:Magnificent Duncan informs us that apparently the tickets I paid for only pay for the first part of the show, excuse me, yeah, so let's break this down. Duncan informs us that yeah, there's, it's pay per magician. No, yeah, there, there's, there's pay per magician no. So what I thought I was getting was like these seven magicians. No, what I got was like three of those magicians, but like two of them weren't even on the poster. That's, that's the main show that we're getting, that we're about to go see, and then, if we want, the vip experience of other magicians which, but he's announcing this to the the hall.
Eric:To to to us in the lobby who have already bought tickets oh, you're not in your seats yet.
Matt:This is oh, we're not even in our seat.
Eric:yeah, we're just in the lobby, about to go in, and he informs us that if we want to get the VIP experience, we could pay $10 to his wife at any point. And she's sitting there with her laptop and just the one who checked us in and we're like cool.
Matt:Carolyn, the office manager.
Eric:And he was like you can do this at any time. We're like cool. Okay so is this a surprise to everyone, or just you guys? You could tell by the vibe that, well, the vips apparently, because he was like who bought vip tickets and like, excuse me, who among you are very important that you're, you're, you're nailing the energy and and, like you know, some people throw their hands up and and, and so they clearly knew about. The rest of us were just kind of like okay.
Eric:Oh, there's some vips so part of the vip is like oh yes, you get the vip seat, so vip people can come into the theater and sit first and then we'll allow everyone else to come in. Uh, two things. One, the theater. It truly like the size of my bedroom, is the entire space, got it? So we're let in. Here's the hilarious thing. Even though me and alissa weren't vips, the vips apparently decided they didn't want to sit right in front. There was only like two or three people, so me and alissa go in. We're like anyone sitting there front row. No, okay, vip seats didn't have to pay ten dollars nice, uh, so that's cool.
Matt:Didn't even have to talk to duncan's wife. Nope, okay, so you've stolen first class tickets.
Eric:Yes, to the magic show, yes, great um, well, well, if we want to stay for the extra magic, we we still have to pay $10.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Oh, that's right.
Eric:Yes, we go in, we sit down. Nice. And Matt, when I tell you the difference between the VIP seats and the regular schmuck seats is a difference of three or four feet, okay, like it is, yeah, but being that close to the action. So I'm just going to start rattling off some statistics about this show. Okay, statistic number one Just going to get this out of the way right now. Not a single magician we saw that night had a 100% success rate with their magic tricks.
Matt:Oh no.
Eric:Every single magician, without fail, had one trick, had a fail. That just that, just that just I can't.
Matt:I can't imagine being a magician, being on stage, having having a track, a trick fail and continuing to want to be a magician. I think the first time that rabbit done come out of the hat I'd be like that's it for me. I'm going to go become a high school teacher. Oh.
Eric:Matt, let me hit you with the next statistic, now that you mentioned rabbits coming out of hat. I mentioned, you know, folks getting sawn in half. No, tom Matt, 100% of the tricks we saw that night were card tricks.
Eric:A hundred percent of them, 100% of them. Even the tricks that started not with cards turned into card tricks and that's the trick matt. They were all card they were. They were all card tricks and I'd say a solid 80 of them were all based on the same exact principle of of like magic trick that I know and like most people know, if you've studied probability and statistics at all. So it was once I'd seen one of them. I've seen 80% of the show at this point.
Matt:Yeah, and you got that out of the way in the lobby, yeah.
Eric:And also one of the magicians. One of the three magicians I was seeing was the warm-up magician from the lobby who also did tricks that he did in the lobby wait a minute.
Matt:He didn't even have a second act, he didn't have a second trick.
Eric:No, he just threw matt, alissa and I. And again we are having alissa and I, because you and I talked about this being the most generous audience member imaginable. Despite everything that is happening, matt, I am their number one advocate throughout that entire show. Sure, me and alissa are just like. We're here for you, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're clapping, we're laughing at your jokes. It's okay, it's fine.
Matt:We actually got called up on stage yeah, probably, because you're not the only one booing and throwing tomatoes.
Eric:Oh, everyone else is way too fucked up to care I mean, I guess, if you go to a magic show, so, matt, we got called up and and it was like for this next trick, I, he's like, for this next trick I need two people who know each other very well, and me and alissa our hands like we're in the front row, a foot and a half from this person, yeah, and we're like, we're like, we raise our hands and we look around. No one else is raising their hands. So we're like, we're like yes, nobody no.
Eric:And duncan says done and and and, dude, dude, pulls us up and asks us how we know each other, like, oh yeah, we date. And he's like, oh, any other couples in here? No other couples in the audience? Good, so he does a series of three tricks. Okay, and folks, if you came to this sequel looking for me to like masked magician, anything that's going on you're in the wrong fucking podcasts.
Matt:I'm a magician's ally at all times, you won't reveal the tricks, even though it sounds like maybe the magicians themselves revealed their tricks.
Eric:Yeah, and that is on them, that is on them. So the way this worked with this magician calling us up is it was a series of three tricks. He would do a trick with Alyssa we get some oohs. Do a trick with me, we get some ahs. And then there's a third trick that ties it all together. So he does the trick for alissa, does the trick with me ah, does the third trick? We go, we flip, fucked up the prestige screwed up the trick that we were not my car that it was.
Eric:I was like, on the count of three, say the name of your card, one, two, three, and I said nine of hearts and alissa said seven of hearts, like you could tell, and that's kind of what it made it worse. As you could tell, he was just off by a hair, like he was. He must have gotten the card just to the left oh man, that, that's a bummer.
Eric:So now I bring you back to remember. I said no one had 100% success rate. You did so while no one had 100% success rate. Only one of those magicians stopped in the middle of the trick and had to restart the trick Now.
Matt:That's just bad showmanship restart the trick now.
Eric:That's just bad showmanship. And had to because it was a card trick. Had to stop, take all the cards back, put them all together, and we had to watch him go through the motions in front of, like muttering to himself okay, okay, I'm back and now this I wish you could see how wide my eyes are.
Matt:I would be mortified. If I fucked up a trick, and so bad that I had to restart the trick, I would drop, I would hand my cards to you and walk off the stage, never to return to any stage again.
Eric:And Matt, I knew there was like a part one, part two to the show, but I still thought I was getting like six or seven magicians and they were like, all right, at this point, if you're not a vip, you need to leave, and we did. We were like we had a great time, we love it. We'll never forget this experience.
Matt:Bye well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask for this the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. My name is Matthew the Magnificent.
Eric:And my name is Poach.
Matt:Great.
Eric:First name Eric the.
Matt:Hunter the.
Eric:Hunter. My true name is Valentino.
Matt:Oh man, you are a big game, you are. That's a deep cut for the magic nerds. What'd you say? No, we had. We had crossing bits, damn it ah never cross the bit never cross the bits. Ah damn, we are too in sync. Sometimes we're bursting at the seams with it. We are truly now eric. Uh. Well, first of all, how are you? Oh?
Eric:magical say no more. Matt is knowingly tapping the side of his nose say no more uh, matt, quick pitch.
Matt:Yeah.
Eric:We do podcast magic show.
Matt:With no audio only.
Eric:Now, Matt, look under your seat.
Matt:My God.
Eric:This shit writes itself.
Matt:Oh my God, I can't believe a Liger got under there. We can say anything. You know what's great is audio only. Magic is just lies.
Eric:Yeah, no, it's man. I call it the theater of the mind.
Matt:The theater of the mind.
Eric:It's what lazy dungeon masters use when they don't want to bust out the battle grids.
Matt:Oh, and it sounds like you know all about that Boy, do I? I do it all the time oh boy, um well, eric, I think it's only appropriate that we jump right into some questions because we eric a hundred. This is episode 123, if you can believe it 123 and me and you, and you and the rest and eric, 120 episodes ago, in episode three, we tried a segment called unlikely fights a segment, I will remind the listeners, which was originally the entire premise of our podcast yes, and then we pushed it to episode three and we didn't revisit it again until today so we are gonna bring we're gonna bringly Fights from episode three, which I believe to date remains one of our least popular episodes, but we will nevertheless try again.
Matt:Listen, we know a little bit, a tiny bit more about what we're doing this time around. We're a bit more worldly now and, honestly, it's only because the question that was submitted fits the bill oh, it's, it's perfect.
Eric:Who are our fighters? Who will win?
Matt:only one way to find out and that is to stay tuned after the first question, and then we're gonna wrap things up. We've got a special guest joining us. Uh, we've got her on standby right now in in the in the waiting room. She's in the green room.
Eric:She's like an EMT at an event, like she's just waiting with her pack ready to come in.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, she's got a defibrillator at the ready to save this show. I talk, of course, about my beautiful and talented wife, lindsay, and her correction corner will be coming later. The doctor is in. The doctor will be in and she'll be. She can probably hear this bit from the other room and is smirking why haven't we been doing that the entire time?
Eric:every time lindsey comes on the show, the doctor is in the new bit just dropped.
Matt:Wake up honey. Uh okay. Uh, eric, you want to give us the first question of the day, though we got to warm up a little bit for the main event.
Eric:Baby, do I? This question comes from our Discord and this is from Bootsy Hi, bootsy, hey Bootsy. Bootsy asks what's the ultimate field trip experience?
Matt:And I like this question, eric questionnaire, because, as you pointed out before we began, it is in the same vein as our bathroom. Five-star bathroom experience question. Yes, we have a way to craft a fantasy.
Eric:Oh my God, yes, we can write the wrongs of a reality.
Matt:Now okay, well, let's start there. Maybe you said wrongs. Do you not have any field trip? Do you not have a single field trip? In your memory banks that stands out as being like oh yeah, fucking, that one was great oh they're, oh, they're definitely some bangers. The best one, and that's the one I want to know about.
Eric:The best one. I don't want those shitty ones Was a field trip that I wasn't even supposed to be on. God Eric, in my high school, the art department like the AP art students. They would have a yearly field trip where they'd take the AP art classes to the Museum of Modern Art in New York, yeah, and it'd be like a whole day trip thing, yeah, so I was not in AP art. I'm dog shit at art that is visual.
Matt:There's still a huge target there. That. I respectfully, will not shoot at.
Eric:Thank you, Matt. You're welcome. I'm not a a classical artist don't talk about what you're not.
Matt:Talk about what you are let me tell you what.
Eric:I am a theater major and I was a theater kid in high school and because I was a theater kid, I was in the building with all like the the theater and arts classrooms all the time. Yeah, so me and my crew, we were really tight with the art teachers. They loved us, so they actually let us come on the field trip. Nice, and here's, here's, here's the beauty of it. We, we got, um, I can't remember who, because each like there were groups like you, each had your group, like we'd all go there on the Greyhound bus and everyone had their group where it was like the core chaperone for that group of like five or six students. Due to some we'll call it creative accounting on our parts, we were on this trip, but we did not have a chaperone.
Eric:Oh, so what my group of like five or six ne'er-do-wells did is we rode the bus to new york. We got off the bus in front of the museum of modern art and and the more I describe this, more I'm like I can't believe they let us, they like they, they, they had even the system they did have, and the system is you go into the museum of modern art and the bus will be back to pick us up at like, at like you know six or seven, and then we'll. And then you know we and they're like, yeah, you can like check out like some of the shops around the museum or whatever, but you know, don't stray far, matt we don't stray far, as they release you into New York City.
Eric:New York City Correct. New york city new york city correct. We got off the bus, never stepped foot in the museum of modern art and proceeded to wander the streets of new york for like the next five or six hours, jesus and it fucking ruled. We, we, just we. We walked around, we got pizza. We went to the nintendo world store, like we got. We went so fucking far. We had to ride a bus back to MoMA.
Matt:I was going to say those things already are getting a little disparate, oh yeah.
Eric:For a high school, Eric, that was peak. Nothing will ever top that. It was my first time ever going to New York City.
Matt:Was this during a school day, though? Is this a weekend trip? This, I believe York City Was this during a school day, though Is this like a weekend trip? This I?
Eric:believe was either like on a Friday or like a weekend day.
Matt:Because I think a field trip I mean, I had New York trips every year with the theater department as well, but they were always on a Saturday and it was like its own thing. When I think field trip, I think of something you did instead of being at school. That is the end, and I think that's the first for an ultimate field trip. That is a base requirement.
Eric:First, thing, and ideally I think it should either be on a Monday or a Friday, because either way you're getting a three day weekend of enjoyment.
Matt:You know what I mean Like it's got to be Friday, it's got to be for. Oh, it's got to be Friday, because then you can build up excitement all week.
Eric:Oh, my God You're. You're building up excitement all week and you're starting your weekend with field trip.
Matt:Like, for example, one field trip that sticks out to me is physics day and every physics class in my school, in my high school, I guess, every semester or every year when there was maybe physics was only in the spring, whatever, but whenever there was physics, all the different physics sections all went to physics day in the same time. Sections all went to physics day in the same time. Okay, physics day is when you go to Hershey park and you have to fill out a bunch of exercises and you know is it like asking questions about like the how the rides work and all of that Like you're like?
Matt:you're supposed to bring like a speedometer with you on a ride and be like, oh, this is how fast it was going, so what is the velocity of coming down the final turn? You know that kind of stuff.
Eric:Shout out to whoever put that together, by the way, because the thinnest veneer of education is enough to get us to Hershey Park.
Matt:Needless to say, my group was like cool, we're going to fill out this sheet in 25 minutes, hand it in and just be in the park.
Eric:That's the move, Dodds.
Matt:We all got Cs, sure, but you know what, considering we didn't actually answer any questions, I thought that was pretty good, yeah, so that like that, but it was all the things we're already talking about. It was out of, it got us out of school, it was on a Friday and it was to a notable location, like it wasn't just like oh, we're going to take the space of like two or three periods to go to, I don't know, this museum down to I don't know this um this museum down we're gonna, we're gonna go to like the barn nearby and like do a petting zoo or something sure like it's.
Eric:Honestly, it's worse when you know you have to come back to school.
Matt:When I was in elementary school, we also had um a uh a field trip. It was another all-day thing where we took a tour of the hers factory. Oh, the chips, the chips make hers yours makes hers yours.
Eric:That was fucking awesome oh, I bet that, I bet that was cool that was cool another, uh, cool one.
Matt:We went on, is I think we all got chips at the end nice.
Eric:Uh, I think in middle school we got to go out on like a skipjack on the chesapeake bay all day and we just got to like fucking sail, the waves and like, uh, like a, a, like an old school skipjack that was like powered by sail, it was dope yeah, yeah, yeah, so we need an oh, but we're talking about ultimate, though also the.
Matt:So what we've discussed so far like friday, friday all day, all day, out of school, notable location I feel like those are all. Oh, yeah, that's a great field trip. Yes, we need the ultimate. Like that's the baseline. That's where you start at great. Okay, you've checked all the boxes for this is a great field trip for a child yeah what makes it an ultimate, though.
Eric:If I get free swag like, you know what I mean like, like we're getting free shit like, and not just like.
Matt:Okay, we got a bag of chips from hers, which don't get me wrong, I'm not poo-pooing that yeah, yeah love free bag chips, and I think it's got to be like something exclusive, oh my god, like a commemorative hat, like you can only get it if you do that tour or whatever. Oh yeah, you know what?
Eric:I mean they're? They're because when it comes to free merch from field trip there, there are twinklers and stinkers like there's there's. There's good shit about it, like if I get like a, like a, like a pen, fuck off no, come on, just gave me a school supply. That's not even merch Give me like a cool gadget, like a fidget, before we had words to describe what those were yeah, oh yeah, like a nice fidget spinner before we knew what it was.
Eric:Yes, a dumb hat A dumb hat, specifically a dumb hat, like a silly hat. You go to the zoo, you get a hat with animal ears on it.
Matt:Yeah, I also think an ultimate experience. It should include something that perhaps, like a tour is one thing, but like I'm thinking, like I don't know why this just as an example if you're doing like a tour of a Broadway theater and you're like going backstage to see like oh, the dressing rooms and all this stuff, that's cool, yes, that's fun. I think what pushes it over the edge to ultimate is then oh, sutton Foster walks through the room and is like oh, hi, kids.
Eric:Yeah, well, in college, we got that in college when we went to go see Waiting for Godot. And we got to meet John Goodman, who was in that production, and he was a darling.
Matt:We did, and Bill Irwin as well, because Towson grad John Glover, the first Towson theater grad, was in that show as Lucky, and we did a little talkback with everybody except Nathan Laney yeah, he's the one who didn't join the talkback.
Eric:Notably.
Matt:Notably, notably. I took that personally, mr Lane.
Eric:Nathan staying in his lane folks.
Matt:Nice sir, thank you Got him. Got him, nathan Lane Got him.
Eric:A roast 15 years in the making.
Matt:But yeah, and I wouldn't even necessarily consider that I don't think you can have a field trip in in college, because if we do, I went to poland for a theater conference and that is pretty much the ultimate.
Eric:It's a bitch and field trip and it's college I'm paying for it. So it's really just yeah, yeah, paying me with my own coin. Um, for sure, for sure, yeah, uh, but ultimate field trip, yeah, like some kind of like hey, kids you're getting, so like like say you're going to the zoo, you're, you're getting something that like some regular snot-nosed piece of shit kid doesn't get when he goes to the zoo.
Matt:No, you get it because you're on a field trip from glendale elementary school yeah, like you get to like hand feed the penguins or something like you know something like that you get to meet a snake, get to get to, get to get to chill with some fucking lions you get to be thrown into the gorilla pen. Oh no, wait a minute, wait a minute hold on that ended poorly parachute and booty scoots didn't prepare me for this.
Eric:So, yeah, so like exclusively thing.
Eric:The one thing I I will say because because what we're touching on is this idea of that little extra something, genesequa, something that makes an ultimate field trip for me and I don't know if you've ever experienced this on a field trip I'll say I've experienced the opposite of what I'm about to describe is when you're on the field trip and you're, like you know, say there's like a designated, like all right, kids, we're here from like 12 to 2, we're like we're here from like 12 to two.
Eric:We're like we're here from, like we're here from like nine to two, 11 or whatever. But then everyone's having such a good time that, like the, the, the head honcho of the field trip says you know what kids, I'm going to go to the field trip, we're going to stay like the rest of the day, like we're, we're going to extend our time in this cool place because everyone's having such a good time, the sheer, the, so you get kidnapped, yes, but no, educators, take heed. If you ever want to win the undying loyalty of your charges, give them field trip, give them extra field trip that they are that their minds had not yet, like, considered as an option and and also pro move, that could be the move.
Matt:That could could be the move the whole time. Which is to say, you said, like on the permission slip, that it was till 3 pm or whatever, but you knew perfectly well you were going to be there till eight.
Eric:Yes.
Matt:Yes, yeah, because then you can be like oh, I'm doing a cool thing for you, yeah, I'm doing this for you child. I will knife someone for the teacher that does that for me. I'll just knife someone for any old teacher because I respect the profession.
Eric:I respect educators. I'll stab a motherfucker for him.
Matt:I don't give a shit. And it can be a kid. I'll stab kid.
Eric:You can quote me title the episode you can stab, I'll stab a kid. You can quote me, um uh, but but that I have experienced the opposite of that phenomenon, where, when I was stabs you, little bastard, I taught you well those karate days, yep left a mark uh, uh, no, what I experienced in in either middle late middle early high school.
Eric:We went to go see a local production of west side story, nice, and we got there. I knew nothing about west side story. When I was like in middle school I was like I don't know what this is and I I hadn't yet realized that like I wanted to do theater or anything, I didn't, that didn't clock as a thing. So like we go to see west side story, this musical, and I immediately like this is amazing. These songs are baller.
Eric:I'm fucking just like fucking along with them. It's great or amazing, matt. Apparently my dumb ass school didn't really clock how long a full-length play was gonna be so at intermission.
Matt:No, at intermission, not with West Side Story.
Eric:At intermission, Matthew. They take us to the lobby and they explain that the way they phrased it is. They said the play was taking too long, so we all had to leave.
Matt:Wow.
Eric:We left, I would have said.
Matt:First of all, all it's a musical, it's not a play, and second, second of all you knew, you didn't you, you didn't know, you couldn't long west side story was you, you?
Eric:it. I was, I was deaf, I was so pissed off. Of course I you were.
Matt:I was so pissed.
Eric:I was like but will he ever get with Maria?
Matt:Yeah, man, he will Still don't know how that play ends. Yeah, and I will not spoil it for you. That's my boy, I will not spoil it for you. Have you read Romeo and Juliet? Yeah, have you seen it? Yeah, why no reason?
Eric:Oh, that's weird. Um, but yeah, west side story great uh, great show, uh, at least half of it the first half great, wow. Ending ending with the quintet wow, what a choice uh and then and then in high school I lived it on the streets of new york, I guess it would have ended with the rumble really is really where the first act ends god so many cliffhangers so many unfinished storylines oh, I'm still bitter about it to this day uh, I would be I absolutely would be.
Eric:I I would say uh now, matt, we've talked about the what, the how long, the what we're getting, but let's talk about something really critical here. I want to know your feelings. I know you're going to have feelings about this.
Matt:Okay, I'm intrigued.
Eric:Matt, what's that lunch situation looking like on the ultimate field trip?
Matt:Okay, good like on the ultimate field trip. Okay, good If you need to pack a lunch. It is not the ultimate experience by any stretch of the imagination.
Eric:Now I will say this Typically if I was going on a field trip I think this is just because my mom was like I got to flex because I know my boy's going to be around I would get a much higher tier packed lunch than I normally would. Oh, sure if it's a field trip it's a special. I get like the good snacks nice.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Name brand instead like a baggie of uts.
Eric:I'm getting like, yeah, I'm getting like a, like a pack of combos, yeah, oh yeah, we're upgrading.
Matt:Oh yeah, I got a gogurt for sure, oh yeah, oh, I got a.
Eric:I got a 20 ounce bottle of coca-cola oh, 20 ounces that's, that's that's how you know it's serious. Not even, not even a can I never got soda with lunch, so like if it was a field trip. Good day, I'm getting soda, but but. But that said, ultimate field trip, that's a good field trip.
Matt:Yeah, like if we're going to the zoo or whatever, like you mentioned, we better be eating at the food court.
Eric:And the school's paying for it as they always should be. Correct Schools should be paying for lunches period.
Eric:I cannot believe it's 2025 and we need to explain to people that, yes, children should eat for free at school I can't believe we have to explain that spoiler alert if you're going to require a child to be in a building for eight hours every day by law, you should probably pay for their food and they have to arrive at the school before most adults go to their jobs, anyway. Anywho, anyway, anyway, yeah, no School pay for bitching lunch and ultimately it should be like we go to a place with a menu and they're like everyone can get whatever you want off the know what I mean. Like whatever you want off the menu.
Matt:Oh, okay, well, that, yeah, that is that, that crosses it into the ultimate, because, like when we would go to that New York trip, for example, we, we again I don't consider it necessarily a field trip because it was a Saturday, but we would eat, like even lunch was part of the experience. Like one year I remember we went to Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Nice. Before we went to the Broadway show.
Eric:They got shrimp for days.
Matt:But like there was a, there was an, there was a set menu for the school of like. Here are the three different things you can choose from. You know, like, you have free choice of these three things these three things off the kids menu.
Eric:See ultimate field trip. They're like slap the menu down, point at something.
Matt:That's what you're getting I'd pair that with the cabernet sir. He says to the 16 year that's what, that's the ultimate is the asparagus a la carte I'll take one of those. Uh, why would it be a la carte sir? The bubble gum sir, this is a denny's sir, we do not serve asparagus there are no asparagus here then just keep the popcorn shrimp flowing.
Eric:My man, oh man, I haven't been to a bubble gump in a long time.
Matt:I've never eaten at the bubble gump. Just keep the popcorn shrimp flowing. My man, oh man. I haven't been to a Bubba Gump in a long time. I've never eaten at the Bubba Gump, Really.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:It's worth it, at least just the one time you daft and afraid, bubba Gump. It's super overpriced, obviously I bet. Obviously it's a tourist trap. Yeah, but it's a tourist trap with memorabilia on the walls and Forrest Gump playing 24-7.
Eric:Love it.
Matt:So already it's, great.
Eric:Could you imagine?
Matt:Have you been to like a Planet Hollywood?
Eric:Yes, or a Hard Rock.
Matt:Cafe yes.
Eric:Okay, same vibe, but just exclusively Forrest Gump.
Matt:I would say it has the same-ish vibe as a Planet Hollywood rather than a Hard Rock Cafe. But yes, just Gump, Matt, could you imagine? Oops, all Gump I mean Bubba Gump is built on a joke that is essentially oops, all shrimp.
Eric:Come for the Bubba, stay for the Gump. That's right, matt. Could you imagine getting dumped at the Bubba Gump? Matt, could you imagine getting dumped at the bubba gum? Imagine?
Matt:getting. It's like look, I just listen, duncan. I've been seeing other magicians and I was running and again I'm trying, I'm just trying to have an adult conversation with you and you keep doing your Forrest Gump impression Something bit me, I'm going to leave. I'm going to leave. You're going to pay for this.
Eric:Yeah, you're going to pay for this. Oh man, a magician, a bad magician getting broken up with at the bubble gum. I think that's my new. I found my new bottom. That's pretty rock bottom. Yeah, yeah, that's a recipe for suicide yeah, oh my god, the final disappearing action. I don't believe that this time when I'm never seen again look, friends, we've talked about a lot on today's episode.
Matt:Sir, you can't walk through the Holland Tunnel.
Eric:If you or a magician you know has been dumped at the Bubba Gump you have resources, Please.
Matt:there are resources available to you Look Call the Bubba Gump hotline today. Don't pick any card pick this card I mean, in a way, bubblegum should have that in the first place of being like. I noticed you're eating at a bubblegum.
Eric:I would I would here's a number for emergency the dude clippy said the weirdest thing to me. I noticed y'all writing a distressing note.
Matt:Um that, unironically, I would would you like to add more poetic language to make your final statement really pop?
Eric:I would 100. A I would, I would, I would volunteer for a crisis hotline, but b I would 100 volunteer for a crisis hotline for magicians but I don't think it's a voluntary position.
Matt:First of all, it is a job.
Eric:These people oh I know and they deserve to get paid. What I'm saying is like I'd volunteer, oh man uh but that also.
Matt:But, dude, not that that says too much, because, uh, I don't know why. Why would I be compelled to bring up the ted bundy work to the suicide hotline? Why would I be compelled to do that? And yet I've done it hi duncan.
Eric:Yeah, my name's eric. First off, before we start, I just want to ask is there anything up your sleeve?
Matt:yeah, yeah, okay, do you want to?
Eric:do you want to show me what it is?
Matt:it's a, it's an ace of spades very good, duncan.
Eric:Very good. Now let's talk about what else you're hiding. It's the Ace of Hearts.
Matt:Every time, duncan, you have to be more original. We have fun.
Eric:Don't we Jess? So the ultimate field trip for children I think we've explained it pretty good, I feel like we nailed it. I would say any for the roads, any just for the on the way out the door. Last minute perks on this field trip One. Ideally I don't have to return to school that day.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:No, definitely not.
Eric:My mom picks me up from there, if you're returning to school.
Matt:You are only returning to the parking lot to get into your.
Eric:I'm never stepping foot in that building again.
Matt:No, you're not going back into the building. No Again. Cannot reiterate this enough. You shouldn't have ever been in the building in the first place.
Eric:No, no, the ultimate field trip should start, begins and ends in the parking lot of the school. Correct, yes.
Matt:Yes, you take a bus to school to get on the field trip bus.
Eric:By that point I'm plum tuckered, so I am.
Matt:And the bus should be like a, like a coach bus it shouldn't be a school bus, it should be.
Eric:There should be a movie that plays oh with the little flip down screens, with a little flip down screens for sure or you knew a field trip was good and they never told you like ahead of time which, but you were. It was like nine times out of ten we got the just the standard yellow school bus, but on the one time they're like oop, all we had available was this fucking greyhound when we went to new york, we always had the uh, we always got the coach and it often was yeah well, we were the rich school, uh, the uh.
Matt:I didn't know that at the time. I only found that out after the fact glenn, bernie did, did not have We'd usually get the coach bus that has the TVs like only every couple of rows, you know, so you got to look at the nearest one.
Eric:Oh, oh, the scramble on that. The initial like getting your seats, yeah oh, bloodbath.
Matt:So the ultimate field trip. There you go. Folks Nailed it. We've laid out a lot of things and perhaps they can be strung together and make criteria.
Eric:And if you or a magician you know is struggling, please know we are here to help.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:We are here.
Eric:Guide you to the appropriate resources, because we are not qualified. We are not qualified. We are not. We are qualified to help you punch up your act. That we can do. We can, absolutely. If you need notes on delivery, how to I don't know stick the landing on a messed up trick got you. We can help you with that we can help you with that, everything else therapy and the abundant resources available to all of us.
Matt:Absolutely. Now, eric, I think it's time for our unlikely fight. Ding, ding ding. This was given to us by now. If you remember, way back in episode three, the unlikely fight was who would win in a fight to the death between Bea Arthur and Bob Ross? Yep.
Eric:And if I remember correctly, Bea Arthur came out on top.
Matt:I believe that is correct. Yes, I had to think about it for a second, but I do believe that is correct. This time around, we are going to be deciding every creature in Australia versus every Florida man. Now and it was suggested to us by Zach Deuce on the Discord. Thank you, zach Deuce. Every Florida man let's just talk about this for a hot second. Does this include fictional men or is it only generic real life Florida men? Generic real life Florida men? Okay, that's my inclination as well. Now, every creature in Australia. We know there's a wide birth or a wide breadth of animals in Australia. We know this and by the looks in your eyes and the typing sounds, I'm going to say you just pulled it up.
Eric:I've pulled up the Wikipedia article donate today animal attacks in Australia Hot damn. So it breaks down like the sort of the dangerous animals, by category of land and sea Ooh Sorry, land. And then oceans, coasts and rivers. And then there's an other category.
Matt:Ooh, I'm going to pull up this. Animal attacks in Australia. That's the article you've got. Yeah, I've got it up as well.
Eric:So before we ponder the animals, I feel like first let's talk about what I feel like we're more familiar with. Your standard issue Florida, maine. Yes, they are going things they have going in their favor off the bat, usually a lot of narcotics, bath salts, meth, uh, pcp.
Matt:so these will be in the tool belt and I think florida man phrase, the iconography, entered the zeitgeist because of how often it appears in a headline of Florida man did this. Yeah, florida man caught doing this, and just the way you have the animal attacks up. I just entered a Google search for Florida man and went to news Nice.
Matt:And here's what we got. Yeah, and I think immediately, sight unseen, this, this is going to give us. Anyone who's not somehow not familiar with the Florida man concept You'll know what we're talking about and and and and.
Eric:A quick like heads up as to, in case anyone didn't know why it seems like florida man is such a florida man or so crazy. Florida has press laws. They cannot name someone in an article like in like a headline of an article they're, they're not allowed to to name. That's why they just say florida man I didn't know that.
Matt:I mean it's. It's not uncommon to be like, you know. Pennsylvania man found dead in South Carolina. Anyway, florida man catches 87 invasive pythons in a month, awarded $1,000 through state incentive system. Florida man opens fire on brother after watching him stab his girlfriend. Florida man charged with defrauding Lynchburg doctor. Florida man, 30, who went missing months ago, is found dead. It is hard to express the depths of our sadness. Family says that one not as funny Florida man arrested for assaulting deputy during Cantina Louie disturbance. I think you. Oh, here's one more Florida man who tried to outwit regulators and EB-5 scandal loses bid to end supervised release early.
Eric:So I think off the bat something we can agree about between.
Matt:Oh wait, no sorry, One more I got to throw this one in.
Eric:Give it to me baby.
Matt:Florida man Fox 35 Orlando reports. Florida man arrested after allegedly shooting neighbor's dog after he claims it beheaded his goat.
Eric:Yep. So here, and that's the point I want to get to Folks, his face is animals on the other.
Matt:I think Florida man takes it for not, not, not the fight, but like wins out on sheer unpredictability. I was going to say you know the in a in any fight the element of surprise is important, Like with Australian creatures.
Eric:We can, they. They might not be. We might not be able to predict any individual's animals response in a situation, but we can generally agree. We're going to find the sharks and paralytic octopi in the ocean and we're going to find, you know, the, the, the spiders, literally fucking everywhere. But with Florida man, you don't know who, what, when, where or why. They could strike anytime, anywhere, for any or no reason.
Matt:They are basically the at will employment of murderous psychopaths, but in the context of an unlikely fight, eric, I think we have to assume that it's all of the creatures in Australia versus all Florida men, now, where is the In a? Giant Pokemon Stadium Escarina. Okay, that was going to be my question. I think that is the only way. Neutral territory.
Eric:Okay, okay, so the neutral territory, so we just okay. So we're a Pokemon Stadium style arena. Yes, so yeah. No, that makes sense. It is built to withstand Gyarados, so I think it could handle Florida men and Australian creatures.
Matt:Now give us a couple Australian creatures that could be making an appearance. So right off the bat we've got cassowaries creatures, Now give us a couple Australian creatures that could be making an appearance.
Eric:So right off the bat, we've got cassowaries. Right off the bat, Right off the bat, we got cassowaries. Cassowary looks like a cross between a vulture and an emu and a turkey, I'd say yes, looks like it's wearing a fez.
Eric:So let me hit you with this. 2007 edition of the guinness world records lists the cassowary as the world's most dangerous bird. During world war ii, american and australian troops stationed in new guinea were warned to steer clear of them. These were people fighting in one of the deadliest conflicts in human history and they were told to stay the fuck away from the cassowaries. Jesus, a quote the inner or second of the three toes this bird is three fucking toes is fitted with a long, straight, murderous nail which can sever an arm or eviscerate an abdomen. Quote with with ease. Wow.
Matt:There are many records of natives being killed by this bird, Damn cassowary.
Eric:So recent research on hundreds of cassowary attacks has only been able to find one human death.
Matt:Oh, I am taking a look at this middle toe and holy shit.
Eric:Oh yeah.
Matt:We do not fuck with do not fuck around with the cassowaries feet, my god so cassowary, notable cassowary strikes to the abdomen, okay, are among the rarest of all.
Eric:Okay, damn, I was gonna say uh, but there is one case of a dog that was kicked in the belly. So where do they typically? So they tend to charge and they kick at the neck. Now I will say this when it comes to natural armor which for this fight I feel like everybody's dealing with, um, animals don't get any sort of armor. And florida men, notoriously shirtless, they're not going to be rolling up. One must assume they are sure one in ten will be wearing like a fucking bulletproof vest, but that that vest is like is on is straining just, and it is just on top of flesh.
Matt:There is no, there is no white tank top, even there is no, no, no there is just the florida man's bear skin. Now, most will, most, if not all will, have a hat of some kind, a trucker hat, on oh, oh, for sure they. They now see, here's okay because with florida, men, you also are gonna have to be really aware of the projectiles, by which I mean the things they will throw at you.
Eric:I, I I honestly think it florida's open carry, like I honestly feel like it is safe to assume that one in every five Florida men will probably be packing a firearm.
Matt:I think that is a safe assumption in Florida, so it is a safe assumption in this exercise as well. But do we not that it would make a difference to the Florida men? But do we ban firearms from the fight?
Eric:See, that's the thing. Even if we do, they're just going to scream. Shall not be infringed.
Matt:And they're going to smuggle it, and then we got to deal with that. They're going to talk about how they're a sovereign citizen.
Eric:Yeah, they'll round up the smaller ones, the smaller Florida men. Those will be gun mules, the Florida boys.
Matt:And they up the, the smaller ones, the smaller florida men those will be, those will be gun mules.
Eric:The florida boys and they, they will be gun mules, they'll, they'll get the. If there's one thing that florida man is known for, it is ingenuity. They will get those guns into the arena. So, but, but, we'll still probably be able to screen for a few. So why don't we say one in every 10 will be armed with a firearm yeah, but most are gonna come in there.
Matt:I don't even need a gun. I got my own ingenuity to help me through.
Eric:And that is also another point in the Florida man's favor. They are very adaptive. They are very capable of making a weapon out of any item to hand, even if it's another Florida man, which turns to a kind of a sort of disadvantage because you would, or a sort of both sides disadvantage, because we're just dumping every creature in Australia in there they're immediately going to start fighting each other. But the same is also kind of true for the Florida men. There will be no strong alliances here. I feel like it's going to be in every Florida man for Florida himself.
Matt:No, I forgot my Glock, so I ripped off this man's femur and I'm going to use that as my bat. Yeah, they will.
Eric:The bath salt ones will will immediately begin eviscerating oh.
Matt:I do got some bath salt. You want some bath salts, I got some.
Eric:Yeah, they'll, they'll got so yeah, they'll, they'll, they'll. They'll start using other people's bones their own, pass them around for battle. Oh yeah, they'll, they'll.
Matt:A florida man would probably beat a gator to death with his own severed arm or or their compatriots arm correct in this case that they, that they have, but I think also, despite gators being present, I believe, believe for the Australian lineup of creatures. Right, they got alligators.
Eric:Oh, they got gators.
Matt:Crocodiles. For sure, they definitely got crocodiles, they got to have crocodiles. I mean, steve Irwin taught me that.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:So, even though they have them, at least some of these Florida men are coming in with a gator on a leash. And they yes, I'm unleashed, oh some off leash. The Florida men will have the advantage against gators, for sure against gators and they, but they will also be brandishing gators they will be, oh yeah, they will be swinging them like flails, yeah. I got this one in the parking lot outside. This isn't quite a Florida accent. I don't really know what to do, so I'm just doing my best. It's working, it's working.
Eric:Remember, gator, don't just eat your body.
Matt:Nah, so gator eat your soul, eat your body and soul.
Eric:So I feel, like the crocodiles that Australia is bringing the bear might just kind of be canceled out both by the crocs, the gators, that honestly this is going to come down to the classic clash of croc versus gator, the classic. Who wins that fight? I think gator takes that fight.
Matt:Crocodiles are Florida gators, florida gators, I think they take it Florida gators have been through it.
Eric:Yeah because they haven't just dealt with nature shaping their evolution, but Florida's extremely lax environmental policies.
Matt:Those Gators are and they live amongst the Florida men.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:The Florida men who go out there into the swamps for reasons unknown go out there into the swamps for reasons unknown.
Eric:What I will say is, if it comes to this is I think this is the overall, the, the over overarching theme here australia has a lot of deadly things, oh yeah, but it does, and and they have a lot of like brawlers I would say, I would croc, I would classify like your kangaroo, your, your crocodile, these are your brawler animals. These are animals that seek to win via brute strength or like you know that kind of thing, and I think the florida men take them. I think the florida men are equipped to deal with them. What I don't think the florida men are equipped to deal with, I think is going to be a real problem for them are going to be your blue ringed octopi. Oh yeah, you're, you're, you're, you're glass cannons, if you will, because they only got to get you once they only got to nip you and then you're you're fucked for.
Eric:For anyone who has to remember the, the blue ring octopus, that's the one that bites you. There is no anti-venom for it, and it paralyzes your entire fucking body and you just die.
Matt:But that's water-based. Really, there's going to be a pool in the middle.
Eric:If we're following Pokemon Stadium logic, there's a pool, there's got to be some sort of reservoir that shows up. There's going to be here's what we got. There's going to be like in classic Pokemon, sort of safari zone logic. We're going to have different biomes of the stadium. There's going to be a big ass water feature. There's going to be palm trees, there's going to be like little rocky cliffs and such, and and I will say this florida men are able to thrive in all of those environments. They live in florida exactly they, they.
Eric:They've got biomes on biomes down there, they so that is, the main advantage of the florida man is that they can adapt to any biome. But the austral Australian creatures are masters of their individual domains.
Matt:I think yes, and I think they also know how to respond to certain stimuli, to certain threats of okay, if I see a human person, I'm a rattlesnake, say, I'm gonna, I do the rat, you know, I get the rattle, I get the rattle going, and if they get too close, bam, I get them. The thing is Florida men. It goes back to the unpredictability, it goes back to the element of surprise. We can't, we will have a difficult time even coming up with actions that the Florida man may or may not pull off. They're truly the X factor. I go back to the headlines. Okay, incompetent representation argued to halt execution of Florida man convicted of killing three people. You know, florida man arrested, tells deputy, I guess I drunk too much. Body cam video shows. You don't know what they're capable of.
Eric:No, they can. They can truly pull the most wild card shit. Now I will say this Everyone's got a plan until they're fighting a great white shark. Sure, yeah, I think the sharks might be the the carry potential of the Australia delegation. Speak more on that. Florida man could deal with Crocodile.
Matt:Yeah.
Eric:Florida man can probably deal, kangaroo can deal, cassowary deal it, but when they're fighting a great white shark, as long as Florida man has a strong base because Florida man's used to fighting in the in for lack of a better term the bayous and marshlands of Florida they got they can stand in that water. They can stand in that water. They're up to the open ocean. But I don't know, in your research do you see a lot of Florida man headlines involving open oceans? Shit? No, I don't.
Matt:I feel like that's where their weakness comes in and Australia got them great whites, but they be boating down there in.
Eric:Florida. They do be boating, but they be like fucking hovercraft boat. I think they're out there on the ocean as well, my friend oh, I'm sure they are, I just don't know how like deadly they are out there.
Matt:I don't know, I haven't. I've never been to florida myself and these days I have to say absolutely zero interest in appearing there.
Eric:But you know, I think they'll be boating, I think they'd be boat, I think they'd be boat and I think they got boats, but like they're going to have to get in there and fight the shark eventually, and this is what I mean.
Matt:This is where the unpredictability of the Florida man comes into play, because the logical thing to do would be to fight great white white from shark, from shark boat we have all seen Jaws this man will jump in there with just his friend's femur as his only weapon and go head on into the shark. And you're telling me definitively, when this shirtless man holding a femur and wearing a bulletproof vest jumps off the orca boat into the waves to fight the the, the great white, you're telling me, you can definitively say the great white is the one who's going to surface, the victor when these two disappear beneath the dark waves.
Eric:You really feel confident, you know who's coming up, let me I'm going to look up some the potential allies of the sharks, because it's not just great whites. They got a lot of sharks, of course not. Uh, it's been recorded that since 19 1791 there have been 639 shark attacks in australia, with 190 of them but why are you focusing on that?
Matt:they got. They got spiders the size of a disc. That's what I'm getting like like frisbee sized spider down.
Eric:That that's where I think again. Yeah, I. I would say that the sharks are another category of brawler. They probably will be overwhelmed by florida man. But it's the glass cannons. It's, it's your blue ring, doctor pie, it's your cone shells. Uh, the, the classic, they, they sting you.
Eric:You're fucking dead like it's like man handled the cone and its regular tooth pierced his hand, injecting venom. He was unconscious by the time the launch, returned to the mainland and died on reaching the hospital. Nice, uh, you got so many the spiders, everywhere they're literally everywhere they can get into your house. They can get into your car like anytime I see a post about spiders from australia. You know they banned an episode of bluey in australia because the the in that episode bluey made friends with another kid who was like a spider oh, and they were like we cannot teach our children that spiders that it is okay to approach australian spiders.
Matt:Yeah, I think that was a good call.
Eric:And while deaths from spider bites aren't insanely common in Australia, believe it or not, I feel like being bitten by fucking millions of spiders is going to put a severe hamper in the battle capabilities of a good portion of the Florida men. The bath salters will press on, but a good chunk of them will be significantly slowed by the siders, not even mention the snakes.
Matt:You don't need to mention the snakes, they're all over the place, they're everywhere. There's so many variables to this fight, eric. It boggles the mind. Matthew, do we feel like we can make a call Because we have to? We have to Because the last time we did an unlikely fight we're approaching it a little differently. Last time we approached it as a narrative.
Eric:Yeah. You know, we got into it, but we can't with this.
Matt:We can't with this, because I mean we'd be here for 100 episodes.
Eric:Matt, here's what I think comes down to Tell me for a hundred episodes, matt, here's what I think comes down to tell me each side has a ringer, okay. Each side has their secret weapon, okay. What do you think that is for the florida men? What is? What is the? The rko out of nowhere that the fucking florida men pull? And I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna see if I can find anything on the animal side that I think. We each think our potential clincher, we discuss that clincher and that's what decides it all right, I I'm down with that.
Matt:I would say that my clincher for the, the ringer of the florida men, would be natural born floridian carrot top. It's carrot top. He is the, he is the secret weapon that will be pulled out. He will be pulled out with his prop comedy. He will a gallagher-esque uh and be sweet. You don't know what carrot top's gonna do no, he's ripped.
Eric:Now he is ripped. He's fucking jacked. Have you seen carrot top recently?
Matt:he is. I've seen him recently just the other day I got coffee with him oh nice. Yeah, I saw him the other day. I said scott, how you doing?
Eric:oh yeah, you call your first name basis yeah, oh, yeah me me and old scott. Yeah, yeah, we, you've been with him since the carrot bottom I've been with him since he sprouted now.
Matt:But but who is the ringer for australia? I must know, matt I googled something.
Eric:I should have googled probably right at the start of this, because I listed, like you know, dangerous animals, australia, etc. Etc. Etc. But I didn't look up. What is the deadliest animal in Australia? Human deaths, and I think we are, as a result of this animal, at the hands or should I say hooves of this animal. The deadliest animal in australia is horses. Oh, australia's deadliest animals. I'll say it again most human deaths caused horses. That's extremely surprising, extremely surprising, and that is what I think will throw florida men off their fucking game.
Matt:You expect kangaroos, you expect sharks, you expect croc isles, you do not fucking expect horses if I'm a florida man and I'm on the front line and I'm looking around, I got my femur in my hand andemur in one hand, swinging a crocodile in the other, swinging a crocodile in the other, and I look around. I got kangaroos to the left of me, giant spiders to the right, right ahead of me, a group of horses. I'm concentrating on the sides. I'm not like, okay, those are just horses, yeah.
Eric:So what are these horses doing? Let me tell you something about horses. I would love it if you would. It is, and what I'm about to say will at first sound like a weakness, but let me explain. They are prey animals. Are you sure? They live in constant fight or flight mode? They're scared of everything. Fight or flight mode they're. They're scared of everything. But, matt, we're talking about a pokemon stadium full of all of the creatures in australia. Yeah, all of the florida men shooting guns, hooting and hollering on bath salts. Matt, let me tell you something about horses. They are prey animals right up until the moment that they have no other option and, matt, I would say this is firmly no other option they are flight, flight, flight. And then, once it's fighting time, that's when they remember that they weigh about 2,000 pounds and can kick things to death. Oh yeah, so I think the horses are just indiscriminate in there. They are just fucking pounded, beaten, hoofed. They are doing everything in their fucking power.
Matt:They turn into bulls at that point.
Eric:Yeah, they become murder machines. Everybody's got a plan. Until they get a back kick from a fucking horse, then you're just dead.
Matt:I think so. I think that pushes australia over the edge for me oh yeah, oh yeah I think, I think for me. When the dust clears, it's the horses, baby, because the horses being the deadliest, that's unpredictable. So, yeah, yes, the florida man is unpredictable, but they are but one species.
Eric:We've got a whole continent full, oh my god, unpredictable species yeah, and even if we adjust, like I would assume, like even if we if yeah, yeah, yeah, I it is, it's the, it's the unpredictability of a, of a, of what most people, especially Florida men, would wrongly, I might add assume is a very predictable animal Horse, mm-mm. You see domestic horses, you see farm horses, you see work horses. These are Australian horses, these are Australian horses. These are horses that have had to grow up in Australia in a place that just wants them dead.
Matt:Where things are actively always trying to kill you Animals, climate or otherwise.
Eric:Yeah, so I think much like the riders of. Rohan the horses take it.
Matt:I think that takes it, and I think it's about time to get Lindsay in here. Don't you think let's get the doctor?
Eric:in. The doctor is in.
Matt:Yes, that's a perfect way to jump right into this Lindsay R Barr. Dr Lindsay R Barr, welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this Welcome back.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Thank you, happy to be here, as always.
Matt:Now it's been a minute since we've had a lindsey's correction corner, which is a source of anxiety for me, because that just means there's fertile ground for you, we could be here for an hour.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Yeah, we better buckle up no, I told matt a few days ago that maybe a couple of weeks ago, who knows that. Uh, surprisingly you all have not been too bad nice I'll take. I'll take it yeah it's been a little hard, which is good. I I have. I have corrections going back to oops all tangents one, but that's the earliest I have oops all tangents.
Matt:One bringing up corrections to oops all tangents on the flagship show. Bold of you.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Well, it will push people because they know what they're missing.
Eric:Right, If you want to catch up on what you've missed. Please donate to our Patreon today. For one measly dollar a month, you get access to the discord. For four dollars a month dollars a month you get access to the discord a monthly bonus content in the form of oops all tangents which lindsey is about to uh reference, and you get 20 off of all your daft merchandise in the merch store. If you sing it, you can't fuck it up that actually worked, because that is the third take.
Matt:Um so good job, eric, and we saved everyone from listening to the the spiel at the end of the show. So well done. The boxes are all checked. I do it again great.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Are you ready to be corrected? Oh, please absolutely make me good okay, so in oops, all tangents one, I don't remember the name of the episode. I didn't put episode names down, so, okay, you'll have to do that. Um you are talking about? You are talking about, um, legends of the hidden temple. You're talking about watching it.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:You're talking about the people who are in it yes, yes, all true at six minutes 24 seconds, poach says he starts naming the teams on Legends of the Hidden Temple and Poach says that there are the silver snakes, there's the green iguanas, I think, and you say that there are the purple parakeets.
Eric:How many teams do you think? And the teams being the Silver Snakes, the Orange Iguanas, the Purple Parakeets, which is Alyssa's favorite team?
Matt:I gotta be honest, I don't remember any of these team names.
Eric:You are more of a, that is such a Silver Snake thing to say.
Matt:Don't fucking come at me with these insults that I don't understand.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:They obviously are not parakeets. They are the Purple parrots, as any law-abiding 90s child knows. God.
Eric:She complicates this even further to prove that you love no one.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:You then go on to say that it is Alyssa's favorite team. So you know that one.
Eric:Oh, you didn't have to, but you did.
Matt:You didn't have to include that.
Eric:I respect it. Thank you, I'm taking this in and I am becoming better.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Purple parrots Purple parrots, obviously Not the purple parakeets.
Matt:Obviously Learn it.
Eric:Respect it.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I've been hearing about this one.
Eric:You better be.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Well, you should, frankly. And how dare you disrespect legends that hit and tumble like that by?
Eric:the way. Oh, Mac, forgive me.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:So that is correction number one. Okay, Now we here at lindsey's correction corner the team of researchers.
Matt:Yeah, here at lindsey's correction corner.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:The team of researchers at lindsey's correction corner are a humble bunch yes it may not seem as though we are a humble bunch, but we are, and sometimes, in attempting to correct you, I'm incorrect. Oh what Now? I'm not foolish enough to say get on a podcast and say things incorrectly.
Matt:Sure.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:But because who would do that?
Matt:Yeah, but Brave men.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:There have been Okay, there have been moments, there was a moment where I was so sure you were wrong about something, so sure that I was like these fools.
Matt:This is basic fact. Okay, one of them again, husband, but all right, and then?
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I thought to myself am I wrong?
Matt:could I be assuredly am be the problem.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Am I the problem?
Matt:Is the correction me?
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Do I need to be corrected? And indeed once and only once, Everybody gets one.
Eric:That has been the case, everybody gets one.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:So in episode 102, at 38 minutes and 35 seconds, you all are talking about going to see the Statue of Liberty.
Eric:And.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Matt had been to see the Statue of Liberty, poach had not been to see the statue of liberty and matt had been to see the statue of liberty, poach had not been to see the statue of liberty. And you go back and forth and you're talking about is it worth it to go see it? And as you're talking about it, matt asks you've never been to liberty island. And I thought to myself the statue of liberty is not on liberty island. What is liberty island?
Matt:have you ever been to?
Eric:the statueue of Liberty.
Matt:Mm-mm Seen it Admired it, but from a distance.
Eric:From afar.
Matt:You haven't been on Liberty Island, no.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:That's not true. And I said the Statue of Liberty in my brain. This is all brain conversation. The Statue of Liberty is on Ellis Island.
Matt:Oh, lindsay no.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:And then I thought to myself well, that doesn't really make any sense, does it?
Matt:No, ellis Island is something totally different. Ellis Island, yes.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Yep, so know that I wrote it down. I have the timestamp because I fully intended to correct you that the Statue of Liberty was not on Liberty Island, which, when you say it out loud, it makes a little sense.
Matt:It's an odd thing for you to feel was wrong.
Eric:I'll be honest, but I will say lindsey, notably demonstrating the steps that she takes, like the, the say a thing, reflect on the thing, do the research come to the correct conclusion, something that we don't do, notably do not do.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:No, don't do afraid of doing but I felt that it because, again, we are a a humble bunch here at Lindsay's Correction Corner it only felt right to acknowledge that I almost corrected you on something that did need to be corrected on, and I welcome all comments about how that is a fifth grade civics lesson. I understand that.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Comment your unbridled humility is somehow more infuriating than being corrected humility is somehow more infuriating than being corrected in this, in this house, there are some moments where I like to think I'm a smart human. Right, I've done a couple of things that might indicate that I'm a generally average or above.
Matt:Goddamn right. Multiple academic institutions have labeled you as constantly some might say yeah, sure for what it's worth.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:And there are some times where I say something and I just look at Matt and I will say frequently I'm too smart at times to be this dumb.
Matt:That happens. That does happen in this house.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:And this would be one of those moments. If I said to Matt out loud the Statue of Liberty is not on Liberty Island. Liberty Island doesn't exist, matt would be like no Lindsay.
Matt:I could pull out examples, but I don't want to do that to you well, they're so far and few between you.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:We'd be here all hour, we wouldn't have the time there's one just the other day, but we will.
Matt:We will press on what I say, you know you have to say you did tell me, did you know that fortunate son is about the vietnam war, and went. I can see the look on your face and I literally went. Yes, I've heard the song.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:And I said, I've heard the song too and it clearly is like anti-government, but I didn't know it was anti-Vietnam specifically.
Matt:I've also seen a movie, you know.
Eric:But this, all this, all Like Lindsay your brain is so you have so much brilliance in there. Like something's got to go, and if it's going to be anything I mean Liberty, Ellis Island I feel like that's a fair sacrifice All right.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Thank you so much. Thank you so much for arguing on joining my argument that I say frequently in this house, which is I have a lot in this brain that I have to keep track of. There's so much. I have a lot in this brain that I have to keep track of. There's so much. I do a lot of stuff. I got to keep track. I mean, I'm not saying that I do any more than everybody else, but you know, I have to read a lot, I have to know a lot of books, I have to do a lot of stuff, whatever, and but what that means is that I have no space in this nugget passing things. So when we, when we watch a television show, when that season has ended, I remember nothing gone.
Matt:No, it gone. It leaves her brain immediately. It does drive me a bit crazy, but yes we.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:We always have to watch when a new season of a show comes up. We have to watch a 30 minute recap video on youtube of what the first season was.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:These days in the current tv ecosystem where things take two to three years to have a second season, that is somewhat understandable but oh, please, please, please, please I was gonna say, but maybe even still matt would be like oh, this actor played so and so in game of thrones and I was like you have to know that I have no idea who that character is, even when we were watching game of thrones, to be fair I'd be like I have no idea who these people are oh my god, yeah, like, uh, alissa and I have these moments all the time.
Eric:Alissa can explain to me the, so the social dynamics of, of character, of like contestants on like every season of survivor, like ever like I'm. Like she could show me that web so can I? I know but like and at the same time when we're watching, when we're watching eurovision. Uh, she didn't. She didn't believe me when I told her denmark was a country so like it's gotta go. It's it's gotta go somewhere. It's gotta go somewhere. It's gotta go somewhere. I can tell you pages she thought.
Matt:She thought shakespeare made up denmark.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Well, she knew it was a place she just didn't think it was a country.
Matt:You know, he invented a lot of words, he he also invented a country or two.
Eric:I can tell you the geopolitical situation across all Middle Earth. But, God, this podcast is a testament to my memory for things I talked about last week.
Matt:Yeah, no, it's true. I got to help you. I got to help you through this world.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I am making that Matt's going to edit all this out. I am making Matt watch the challenge to the real world challenge. Okay, as I said to Matt, this show, for better or for worse, developed my brain Like when my brain was developing as a teenager. I was watching drunkards throwing each other into the wall, hooking up in bathrooms and then throwing themselves off of platforms in the name of 20 grand.
Matt:While I was watching the West Wing.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:And so I'm making Matt watch the challenge.
Matt:Yes.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:And there are moments where I'm like this is a really famous moment, matt. So I have cataloged all of these moments of the challenge and I can't remember what happened last season on Severance.
Matt:And I do have an exciting update. I can offer a correction to Lindsay in Lindsay's correction corner. Matt, not going to edit that out. Okay, I have more. I have two more.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Yeah, in episode 115 at eight minutes and 40 seconds. I don't remember exactly the contours of the conversation, but Poach starts talking about how Matt has a really nice voice for like radio, like an NPR voice.
Matt:Which he does yes, and you're going to correct this.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:No, no, no, no, no, no. Not that that would be awful, no, but Poach says that Matt has a really good timbre of voice.
Eric:You have a natural NPR timbre to your voice?
Matt:Are you listening? Npr, Are you listening?
Eric:Oh, my God, matt, you would thrive on NPR. Are you kidding me?
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Now I'm sure there are people who say you can pronounce it timber, but that is not the accepted pronunciation of that word. It is timbre, timbre good to know so, even though it's spelled t-i-m-b-r-e, it is pronounced timbre timbre.
Eric:Good. It's one of those words, um, that I fun fact once, because it's one of those words which I'm sure you're both familiar with. You've read it your whole life but you've never really heard it said in conversation. So I once got into a into an intense argument with a girl I was dating in high school because we were debating the, the, the, the pronunciation of the word. I'll spell it for you WIZ INED.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Wisened.
Eric:Wisened, or as I pronounced it, I was wrong wizened, wizened.
Matt:Well sure, I think it might be a Mario Lario situation in my defense, wizened is what you do to a dumpster at Miller Time.
Eric:Nice.
Matt:Matt, thank you.
Eric:But yeah, it's. Timber is one of those words apparently.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I love, I love learning the actual pronunciation of words and I'm sure I'm sure there are people who are better musicians than me who will say like you can pronounce a timber. I don't know, I don't care, that's what I've been taught. It's timbre next correction um in episode 121, recent episode Very recent yes, Very. This was the one that gave me enough things to do in this correction corner. It comes from Matt, thank God.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I knew I'd get one, so you're about to do Google gripes and you're setting up the situation right. You're sort of tied. This is really high stakes. Yes, you get what I'm saying so, at 47 minutes and eight seconds, matt says that he has a real Pregunta.
Matt:Ah, yeah, yeah, we even talked about this. Off mic, eric. Eric, we've got ourselves a real Pregunta. Well, I do anyway, yeah.
Eric:You said you have a real Pgunta well, I do anyway.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Yeah, you said you have a real pregunta. Now I don't speak spanish, but I have read enough back of shampoo bottles to know that the word pregunta means question yes, it does in the context you used it in. You suggested that pregunta meant problem.
Matt:It's true, it's true, it's true. No, it does mean question, it does, lindsay, can I just?
Eric:say now that I'm not the one being corrected. Can I just say that is and I mean this with absolute sincerity deeply impressive. Just the attention to detail that I have never given.
Matt:To this show, or indeed to me, to life. The actual word I was looking for, which makes this even more embarrassing, is just problema, problema.
Eric:Ah, there it is.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:As I was listening to it, I was like I don't speak Spanish. No, it's pregunta.
Matt:Tengo una pregunta, senor Ross, is something I would say in Spanish class.
Eric:All of this really begs the pregunta.
Matt:And that pregunta would be puedo ir al baño? No, mateo, sit down tail sit down.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I was recently in mexico for a conference and, uh, when I was in tijuana, I was taught I was like the big cult it's called, it's a big cultural government-run building for the arts, it's called sekut, and um, I was in the building and I was like near the door with what I was doing and so many people walked up to me and like asked me so many basic questions in spanish like where is the bathroom? Where is the bathroom? Where is the water fountain? Where is blah, blah, blah, and I couldn't help them at all.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I was like I said no habla espanol 67 times that day. But I do know that Pregunta means question.
Eric:Hell yeah, hell yeah, and that's really what it is, that's all that matters. And you, because you fielded many a pergunta. Yeah, I also. I also like to imagine that that. I know this wasn't the case, but I like to imagine that, all like I'm envisioning you and like a sea of dramaturgs and tijuana just raging, fucking, going off the hook. This is where you get it out. It was nuts.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Do you want to do? One is very cool. Do you want? Is very is very cool. I was only there for the day but then went back to San Diego. But no, but my brain thinks very kind of you to say that this is impressive, poach, but much perhaps to match your grin. I live my life in detail.
Eric:Truly you do. You live an entire career field that is just detail, detail, detail.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:an entire career field that is just detailed, detailed detailed I am many things, and organized and detail-oriented are at the top.
Eric:Which are basically supernatural powers. To me, they are at the top of the qualities of Lindsay Arbog.
Matt:Is that the final correction?
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:That's it. That's all I had.
Matt:Eric, that's not too bad.
Eric:Not too shabby, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, but she found some good nuggets of us being wrong.
Matt:I mean, there could very well be some in this very episode. Who can say, who can say?
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Only.
Matt:Lindsay, only Lindsay.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:In 20 episodes. Yes, no, I think you've gotten your unbridled bravado in check, and so there's less corrections to be made because we're learning matthew, we're growing we're learning, we're growing, we're growing, we're learning every day, thanks to lindsey, we're vibing and thriving vibing that's all I have.
Eric:Thank you, dr lindsey.
Matt:Thank you lindsey, our bar, you're welcome.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Do I hang up now?
Matt:Well, we're going to end the show, so you can either stick around and do the credits, do the business with us, or you can just leave. Now it's up to you. What will she do?
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I'll stay, but are you going to make me say my name?
Matt:If you'd like to, now we are. Now we are.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Oh, okay, sure.
Matt:Jesus Christ. All right, fine, great Folks, we need your questions. Okay, go right into it.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Give them the business, come right out and say it.
Matt:I thought Eric would team me up with. Give them the business. Give them the business. We do need the questions. They are the lifeblood of this podcast and you can give them to us on any of the various social medias at you Didn't Ask Pod, that's the letter. You Didn't Ask Pod All over the place, mostly Instagram, but all the other places, blue Sky, etc. Etc. Etc. At gmailcom, that's all spelled out. Or talk to us on the thought line 410-929-5329. It's been a few episodes since I dropped the thought line number. So go ahead, give it a call today, or you know the way a lot of people are giving us questions these days is directly through the discord. We already told you all about that. Patreoncom slash.
Matt:You didn't ask for this to get all our special special stuff. You want our special stuff as a reward for paying us a minuscule amount of money Tiny amount of money in this country, very tiny, eric. Did I forget any of the business? I don't think you forgot a goddamn thing, baby. Is there anything else we have to talk about in the presence of my beautiful wife, dr Lindsay Arbar?
Eric:I mean how fetching that leopard print bow looks on top of her head.
Matt:We did a great job, not mentioning the leopard print bow on top of her head, but here it is Not mentioning the leopard print bow in the room.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:I just washed my face.
Matt:Yes, yes, yes, you did. And what a wonderful face it is, and now it's glowing, so that'll about do it For all of us here at. You Didn't Ask for this. My name's Matthew Shea. My name's Eric Poach.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:And my name's Lindsay Barr.
Matt:No, it's not. What is it? Say it right.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:My name is Dr Lindsay Arbar.
Eric:Thank, you and listen, you Didn't ask, but did you know? I was literally Googling this today. Do not ask me how I got here. So, lorem ipsum, the filler text that you see on all the things. I always thought it was just gobbledygook. It's not. It's Latin. It is in fact texted that is 2,000 years, like over 2,000 years old. It was written by. You didn't think it was Latin, I didn't. No, I never paid attention, I just thought it was gobbledygook. Apparently it was written by Cicero in 45 BC.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Oh, my goodness.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, that's neat.
Dr. Lindsey R. Barr:Squarespace and Rick's Wix were really on it.
Matt:Absolutely nothing to do With anything at all. But you know what? It's a fun factor. Thank you, thank you.