121 | Jimmy Nut and Tommy Cock

On the docket this week: The teddy bear is named after Teddy Roosevelt. What other stuffed animals should be named after Presidents? What is the “secret chord”? The one that David played, and it pleased the Lord? What bit would you etch on the bit?

Then: the season finale of Google Gripes!

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Transcript

Matt 0:00

Well, Eric, we've both come back from vacation. Are you feeling rested? Are you feeling rejuvenated?

Eric 0:07

After double fisting vacations. Yeah man, weekend to weekend, I'm feeling something. I did enjoy the hell out of myself.

Matt 0:20

But now, you're. Now you're feeling it, you're the revenge of the self is taking place.

Eric 0:25

The revenge of the self is taking place, the revenge of the self when I'm on vacation, like that's a, that's a, that's an after vacation eric problem. And here I am after vacation eric.

Matt 0:34

For me after vacation, matt is always just like how much alcohol and butter and sugar did I just consume for the last seven days? For sure, because I just give myself permission to. You know it's vacation. We're eating out every night. You know I was with my parents. We go down to the beach. It's become a sort of a yearly thing, lindsey and I. There we've got this same rental house that we keep renting. It feels like our house. I think my dad might have asked about its availability. Actually, I don't know. I don't know what they do. What a world, what a world, but anyway. So you know it feels like home, it's nice.

Eric 1:16

And you were on the river as well, which you talked about before. Yes, I was on the Shenandoah one weekend and the next I was in a rented RV with some homies going to Tennessee to see concerts in a cavern.

Matt 1:26

Oh, and how was that cavern it?

Eric 1:28

was fucking dope man. The best part you would love this, Tell me then, Because the cave is 300 feet underground. It is a constant 59 degrees Fahrenheit down there, so in the midst of a Tennessee summer, oh my God. Oh, that was nice, Ooh it was juicy.

Matt 1:50

Sounds very relaxing.

Eric 1:52

It was very relaxing. It was also balls to the wall nonstop driving and traveling for like five days straight. Oh yeah, sure, sure.

Matt 2:00

Yeah, well, that sounds very nice. It sounds like you had a lot of adventures and but we're able to chill out and see that some great music yeah, yeah, that's great okay, great, I'm getting a vibe.

Eric 2:15

What vibe are you getting? What is this? What are you doing?

Matt 2:17

I'm just asking about your vacation you're.

Eric 2:19

No, you're asking about my vacation the way, like a cop just wants to ask some questions.

Matt 2:24

I just it sounds like you had a nice time and your vacation was drama free and you know, I think that's what a vacation should be and shouldn't involve seeing a human corpse.

Eric 2:42

Fucking bat. What Fuck what. Bat reverse off I saw a body. You saw a fucking body. Dude, you got me out here talking about fucking seeing bands in a cave and you're just holding out on me I saw. I saw a body eric bro, where you're being very jovial about this context.

Matt 3:04

Now I saw and I want to be clear this next story does involve a dead person so trigger warning a fucking corpse is gonna show up. Go on so, okay, we're sitting at the beach, right, we're all there. We are with our books and, in lindsey's case, an e-reader, and we're sitting there. We're having a grand old time chilling out. I'm staring out at the waves, getting contemplative as I want to do. Oh, yeah, and then I see a bit.

Matt 3:36

So we like to we're, we like to go to cape henlopen because my parents oh yeah, going down to cape henlopen my parents have, uh, uh like a delaware state park pass so we can kind of drive in and you know they've already paid for that, so it's nice, so there's less. So first of all paid, so there's like slightly less beach traffic in general, yeah, and then we go down to just the tip of the un-lifeguarded section of the beach.

Eric 4:04

Oh, you like to live dangerously.

Matt 4:06

Well, as soon as you cross that threshold you go from people packing in every inch of sand to now there's only a dozen people out there, you know, and you're a little spread out. Yeah, so we like to go there. It's a little private and all that More private. I should say you can drown in peace. Funny. You should say, oh no. So there I am contemplative, looking out at the Atlantic. Yep, yep, this, like odd boat, goes by.

Eric 4:40

Oh wait, wait, oh sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Pause. An odd boat, an odd boat. Tell me what made it odd.

Matt 4:51

Okay. So what makes it odd is you're looking out and you see, you know the shipping ships and everything that's going by and the occasional sailboat or whatever, and so there's a certain type of boat that's around, and so I had already downloaded the. Because of an errant question from Lindsay of, like I wonder what that boat is, I downloaded marine traffic the app marine traffic oh sick, so I could identify these boats. My man's out here profiling boats, profiling boats it's a great time was on the verge of buying this app anyway, because I followed, uh, ollie and phoenix's travels, uh, from for my tiktokers out there, that from uh washington state to hawaii in his maiden sailing voyage.

Matt 5:34

He lived, uh, but I was concerned about him and so people were tracking him on this app then, so I knew it existed, yeah, so, anyway, I was like, well, I was going to use this for phoenix anyway, so I'll, uh, I'll just, it's ten dollars for the year, whatever. So, okay, so I bought in. I'm looking at these boats and so what I mean by an odd boat is the boat that goes by is like a very official looking coast guardy boat, okay, and I'm like, oh, that's not a sailboat, oh, that's not a yacht going by.

Eric 6:05

It's a boat with purpose.

Matt 6:06

It's a boat and it's moving with purpose. Oh, that's not a good sign. So, yeah, so we're sitting there. My dad, of course, brought along binoculars to the beach, as all people do, and so I'm like give me those binoculars. And so I'm looking at the boats and, sure enough, I see uniforms on these people. There's like four people in this boat and I went oh, what's this? So I bust out marine traffic, find out, Come to find out, it's the police. And I say what are the police out here doing?

Eric 6:37

Boat police, no less. What are the?

Matt 6:38

boat police. That's four stars in GTA, yeah, at least. So you got the boat cops after you Can't take a jet ski out to paradise. So we go. I'm watching this boat and it keeps going. It seems to go out of my periphery vision and I put the binoculars down, I go back to my book, blah, blah, blah, and all of a sudden I kind of notice that the people around us on the beach are kind of standing up doing the arm cross. Look out.

Eric 7:10

Oh yeah, like the hunched shoulders like hey, what is that?

Matt 7:14

You know, all the dads are like supervising. You know what I mean, yeah, yeah, and I'm like, uh-oh, something's worth looking at. Basically, their kid's only knee deep in the water but they still make them come in like five or six more feet. Just feel like they're doing something a hundred percent. Because then all of a sudden we start hearing whistles and like like loud, prolonged whistles, and I so I come out from under the canopy, I look down the beach, just past where a casual periphery vision stopped, I see our boat, but the boat has been joined by several other boats, one of which is big and red, and and I'm like, oh, something's going on. So I said, father, quick the binoculars. Um, so, because the lifeguards are pulling people out of the water pulling everyone out of the water.

Matt 8:02

Yeah, yeah and so I was like, oh my God. And I said to my dad, give me the binoculars, I'm looking through them and I just get a glimpse of a bunch of men three men on the side of a boat and one man in the water on a wetsuit. In a wetsuit lifting something into the boat, oh no, and I just catch a glimpse of it before it topples over the edge. And so I was like they pulled something out of the water, and you know me, I'm a true crime guy, all this stuff. And so my mom is like what? No, come on, like they didn't do. And my mom's like, well, there was that kid. Somebody drowned in Rehoboth, like a couple of days ago, and they haven't found a body.

Matt 8:50

And I was like this might be our guy, yeah, so all of a sudden this boat and its compadre boats come back the way it came, but now it is hauling ass. I mean it is speeding away. So I'm talking to my parents, my parents are like it probably wasn't whatever. And so I look back and, as I'm looking, everybody's sitting now, everyone's sitting. They're all kind of like looking out, doing that thing where you don't want to acknowledge something necessarily. And I look down at their feet and I see a big white plastic bag and I say I think that's a body bag and I was like I think it might be a body and my parents and Lindsay were like, well, it could be, it could be, it's probably not Because I know what they're thinking Swamp gas reflected off of Venus.

Matt 9:42

I know what they're thinking. They're thinking I'm making something out of nothing. I I'm seeing what I want to see, you know telling tales out of grade school yeah, wboc cbs update body recovered from ocean near cape henlopen state park, eric. I saw a body.

Matt 10:06

Oh my God, I don't know anything about this man. I don't know how he came to be in the ocean, but I do know his name is Gregory Carito, 27 of Kenya that is, who was unfortunately pulled from the water, and I, eric I alone, in the privacy of the binoculars, had to see it I there's, so there's so much to unpack I've been through a trauma.

Eric 10:32

I saw yeah, yeah, you've been through a trauma a fragment of a body. Yeah, I, I saw a veil did you do like a little fucking victory? Hop like a fucking, curb your enthusiasm like hooray.

Matt 10:45

No, Eric, why would I do that I?

Eric 10:46

was right, as they're pulling a body out of the wall.

Matt 10:50

Yeah, no, eric, I didn't do a victory lap around my beach blanket area. No, I simply said what I've said several other times when I've been in the vicinity of something like this it's never me, I never get to find the body. I never get to find a body, eric. I have to hear about it secondhand from WBOC and be satisfied with a benocked vision. I could have found that body.

Eric 11:24

Fucking Christ, fucking goddamn. That's my cold Emphasis on cold, cold, ooh cold as ice.

Matt 11:36

Again, sorry, gregory, about your untimely demise. Well hello everybody and welcome to this extremely upbeat version. You didn't ask for this On the left, on the left, on the left. Well, we're still the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. My name is Matthew Shea, my name's Eric Poach and.

Eric 12:16

Eric Poach, how are you? Well? I'm not being pulled out of the water and put into a bag while Matt Shea cheers for my demise.

Matt 12:26

I didn't cheer for his demise. If anything, I lamented it because I'm just saying I never get to find the body.

Eric 12:35

I never get to be involved.

Matt 12:37

I never get to stand outside police tape and be like is there anything else I can do to be useful?

Eric 12:42

And they're like they've got it, like they've got a blanket around you and you have a a a cup of something steaming that the EMTs have.

Matt 12:48

I have seen every episode of every iteration of Dexter. I think you know. I think I know a thing or two I could be useful, I could theorize.

Eric 12:56

I will tell you this I I do say you would have done right by him, because you would have done the thing. You're walking out of the surf with him cradled in your arms.

Matt 13:10

There was nothing I could do with my back to the sand and as I turn around and say, hide the children, get these children off the beach, tell them not to look protect them but,

Matt 13:21

make sure they see it was me who found this and then fall to my knees as I drop him and look up and say somebody call 9-1-1 yeah, yeah, you would, you would have, you would have done right by him. I would have, but I didn't. Instead, he gets to unceremoniously be pushed onto a boat. Yeah, again, sorry, gregory, you did die, um, so I yeah.

Eric 13:46

Gregory, we did not have you on our bingo card for that. I am sorry, my friend.

Matt 13:50

I did not have. I did not have. I was going to say finding a body on my bingo card, but I guess that's still out there.

Eric 13:57

Speaking of not having that on our bingo card. Um, we are recording this on the day ozzy osbourne passed.

Matt 14:05

We do mere hours after the the news bulletin came out, unfortunately something tells me this is going to be a macabre episode it has an air about it. That's probably my fault, uh, but we can change. Uh, we can change that, eric, we can change pace, and we can do that because we have something in the thought line. We have the light is going off here. The thought line alert. Oh yeah, catch it through. Yeah, it's actually. Yep, it's been going off for weeks, as it turns out, okay, actual weeks, but that is okay.

Eric 14:40

We do have. How many dozens of messages do we have in the buffer?

Matt 14:46

I don't want to reveal all our data, eric, but there is one at least that we can play Tight tight. And we've been sitting on it. As Eric put it before we began recording, it's been marinating.

Eric 14:59

Yeah, it's been sitting, been marinating, getting a little like letting those muscle tissues break down to good, fatty question, Fatty question, the skin sloughing off as it sits hour after hour in the hot Atlantic.

Matt 15:17

Anyway, let's play this. Go ahead. Oh my God.

Eric 15:20

Hey, you didn't ask for this. This is your old friend, steve Liston, seattle, and I have a question for you. Today, the teddy bear stuffed animal is named after Theodore Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt, correct? I was wondering if there are any other stuffed animals that should be named after current or past presidents.

Matt 15:40

Thank you. Well, I'll tell you right now not fucking current.

Eric 15:43

Not current, too current, too easy, too easy.

Matt 15:46

The fruit hangs too low. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think for because he's right, as you fact-checked during his message it is the teddy bear does come from Teddy Roosevelt's name, so I think something of that era or previous feels right?

Eric 16:06

Are we sticking specifically to bears?

Matt 16:10

Oh, I don't think so. Didn't he say what other animal is? If there are any other stuffed animals that should be named after current or past presidents, says the transcript of that message.

Eric 16:24

Because I feel like a barrio lends itself very well to a childhood, like a beloved childhood stuffed animal. A barrio, yeah, what a barrio be.

Matt 16:34

What could it be? A barrio, barracuda, a barrio. It could be also a bear a what a burrow.

Eric 16:43

It could be also a bear.

Matt 16:44

A, what A burrow.

Eric 16:47

Oh, oh a capybario.

Matt 16:49

It is already a donkey after all, so that's appropriate.

Eric 16:53

Yeah, but no, like a capybara Capybario. Capybario, a capybario, a capybario. I like that. I feel like Obama's bringing some serious capybara energy.

Matt 17:07

Sure, yeah, I barrio, I like that. I feel like obama's bringing some serious capybara energy. But sure, yeah, I feel that way as well also. But again, teddy is, since teddy bear, teddy roosevelt, I think it feels like we don't want to be using, uh, the current, the current set. Uh, we want, we want something from the before times, the back times yeah like honey I I'm concerned about little little Isaiah's.

Eric 17:29

He's not, he's shunning his toys, he's barely touched his tafty penguin Tafty the penguin A taft penguin.

Matt 17:39

Okay, so Teddy nickname. So George Washington, it's just Georgie. So George Washington, it's just Georgie, a Georgie.

Eric 17:49

Like a curious George. I feel like he'd be a little chimpanzee. Could be a curious. George A little chimpanzee dressed like George Washington Come on, let's see we got to get.

Matt 17:58

None of the Johns are any good. The Adams could be an anteater, rutherford, rutherfordford, as in bee haze.

Eric 18:10

What do we do with rutherford? Rutherford, which would be a, it'd be a dog yeah you're rough to be animated you're, you're ruffy dog, you're ruffy ford ruffy ruffy dogs, ruffy dog, ruffy ruffy ducks.

Matt 18:24

Why, I don't know why I think, ducks, but ruffy ducks, doesn't that sound nice, ruffy?

Eric 18:29

ducks, is it like a like a haggard ass?

Matt 18:33

duck. Come on, timmy, grab your, grab your ruffy duck yeah, you want your ruffy duck.

Eric 18:37

It does it, does it. It hits the cadence of, like the when you're talking to a toddler, the way you would talk to your, to your cat or to your dog. You want your roughy duck you want your roughy duck.

Matt 18:48

You want mr skippers I though.

Eric 18:50

Okay, I will say one exception that I feel to the. I know you said like oh, we should have black and white photo or oil painting like that far back. But jimmy carter, I feel like earned it. Oh, a jimmy, a jimmy, something a jimmy. Oh, you want your, you want your, you want your.

Matt 19:04

Jimmy, john, it's a, it's a little stuffed sandwich oh, I was gonna say, is it a stuffed peanut? But uh, now I see what you've done, your little your little jimmy nut, your little jimmy nut.

Eric 19:13

Gotta get my jimmy nut it doesn't?

Matt 19:19

it sounds both good and bad gotta get that.

Eric 19:22

J Jimmy nut though.

Matt 19:24

No, no, you don't want to be telling little Timmy to get his Jimmy nut.

Eric 19:29

Here's your Jimmy nut.

Matt 19:30

Look you've got your little tricky dick. Oh no, we gotta leave him out of this. Tricky dick's gotta stay way the fuck out of this yeah yeah, yeah, okay, here's the easy one.

Eric 19:41

Just anyone post-Kennedy, I feel like, is not on the table. I agree. I might even say I only listen to post-Kennedy.

Matt 19:55

I'd even go one up and go, you know, like Eisenhower on out.

Eric 20:01

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then there's Truman, god. Every time I look at them, there's just a new shitty one. Uh yeah, fucking fdr though for a franklin frankie d a turtle immediately comes to mind.

Matt 20:15

I'm of a certain I'm of a certain age that franklin evokes the turtle oh, oh yeah, I forgot about franklin okay, what about chester? Okay, what about Chester A Arthur, because Chester is a more unique name. It's none of these Johns and Jameses.

Eric 20:31

Chester, yeah, yeah. A Chester like a Chester immediately evokes, either like cat or tiger, yeah.

Matt 20:40

Chester the cheetah, but that's trademarked. So we can't say that Chester the Cheetah, but that's trademarked. So we can't say that Chester the Chupacabra.

Eric 20:49

Oh, a little stuffed Chupacabra.

Matt 20:50

But no, we can't even entertain it. We're saying the in the middle and that doesn't fit the teddy bear aesthetic.

Eric 20:57

I'm thinking like a boar, a boar for Chester, like a Pumbaa kind of vibe.

Matt 21:03

Well, again, I guess chester's not a nickname, it's just a man's name. What about man's name um?

Eric 21:08

really, really, we just gotta ask ourselves some questions, like we ask ourselves what is abe lincoln? I feel like I feel like, uh, a, a babe, a babe lincoln. A babe lincoln, where it's like a little baby ab Lincoln, like it's a doll. It's a little baby doll, but it has the Lincoln beard and the little hat. Sure.

Matt 21:29

Yeah, but it's got like the it's got to have.

Eric 21:31

when I say baby doll, I mean it's like one of those like Mama, like the eyes open up when you sit it up. Right. It's got the little baby face, but it does have the beard. Full ass, beard, got two. Or it's got the little chubby baby body. It's got like the little pudgy, like little little doll body, but then the most photorealistic a blinking head.

Matt 21:54

Yeah, as as much as it can be mustard for a plush toy, say yes. What about Thomas Jefferson? Because we could go Tommy, we could go Jeff, we could go Jeffy.

Eric 22:07

Oh yeah, Jeffy, you want your. He was a Francophile. Yes, big time he loved France. What animal is traditionally associated with France? I?

Matt 22:19

don't know actually Do.

Eric 22:21

they even have animals in France. They do, aside from those bastards in Paris.

Matt 22:32

All right what.

Eric 22:33

Sorry. Sorry to all the French listeners out there. Excusez-moi, the national bird, the national animal of France. Oh sorry, there's not an official one, but unofficially, the Gaelic rooster continues to be an emblem of the French people.

Matt 22:53

Oh it does. You know, they put that rooster on many a soccer badge actually now that I think about it Now that I'm envisioning the rooster.

Eric 23:04

It could be your Tommy Bird, tommy Bird, your Tommy Cock.

Matt 23:10

A Tommy Cock. It is good. Why are all the good ones bad?

Eric 23:13

It sounds like that would be something that wouldn't be funny or apropos, or like not apropos.

Eric 23:19

At the time.

Eric 23:20

Inappropriate. It seems very, tommy. Oh, yes, I gave Billy his Tommycock.

Matt 23:25

Get that Tommycock Billy William, I do like Tommycock, tommycock For the time.

Eric 23:31

For the time.

Eric 23:33

We love Tommycock.

Eric 23:35

For the time. For the time, ulysses S Grant, I've been staring at this absolute unit and just trying to think of oh, you can be a little stuffed Cyclops, yeah that's what you want to give Grant.

Matt 23:51

A Cyclops Feels a little disrespectful of the man who saved the Union. Yeah, I don't know.

Eric 23:56

I feel like he could do it with one eye.

Matt 23:58

Although in the grand scheme of things, one must admit that Grant was a great general, bad president. But you know what can you do? You can't win them all.

Eric 24:07

A Grantigator. A Grantigator? What your Granteigator?

Matt 24:21

What's your granny gator? Because I feel like.

Eric 24:22

I feel like ulysses s grant has, like alligator, death roll energy. It is funny that his name is ulysses s grant and you went for grant.

Matt 24:27

And man, what was I gonna do with ulysses? I don't know, but it feels like a good nickname for Ulysses Ulysses.

Eric 24:35

Nuts Got him.

Matt 24:38

No, all dumb, is it? That isn't Lee or Uli Uli? Can you imagine calling a kid Uli Uli and him being oh, my name is Ulysses.

Eric 24:51

Oh, we'll call you Uli. We'll call you Uli, uli, uli, ulillie, oxen free. Oh, you're ollie ox, you want your ollie ox, he's a little ox.

Matt 25:01

I'm watching you become a bully in front of my eyes mocking little ulysses s grant.

Eric 25:09

New, new side segment where I just bully imaginary Ulysses S Grant as a child.

Matt 25:16

A child, Ulysses S Grant. Yes, I think we've got a few here, honestly between Tommy Cock and.

Eric 25:27

Tommy Cock, I think, takes it.

Matt 25:29

Tommy Cock takes it, but I do not mind Jimmy Nut either.

Eric 25:35

Jimmy Nut, Tommy Cox.

Matt 25:38

Didn't mean to step out. I didn't mean to do this, I didn't mean to drag us down this alley, but here we are.

Eric 25:47

All the kids who got an Andrew Jackson toy just get like a fucking rough-hewn board made of hickory.

Matt 25:57

It's just heredle this. And yeah, and whoever is giving it to them does have to slap the child with it across the face oh god, what a bad man uh, such a terrible piece of shit, um, I think you're in, I do think. I don't know I'm marty mole.

Eric 26:12

what's your, marty mole? That just sounds like you're in. I do think I don't know. Marty Mole, you want?

Matt 26:14

your Marty Mole. That just sounds like you're talking about Martin Mole. Now, all right, and that feels offensive, all right. What do you think, eric? Have we answered this question?

Eric 26:23

We have, we have, I'm sure that toy makers everywhere.

Matt 26:29

Hasbro are lining up Beating down our door On to an assembly line. Got Bro are lining up beating down our door on to, uh, an assembly line.

Eric 26:36

Got to, got to ramp up production so we can get those Jimmy nut out the door.

Matt 26:41

Yeah, we're trying to get our Jimmy nut. Hmm, got to that would be.

Eric 26:45

That would be like the tagline Got to get that Jimmy, nut Jimmy nut, jimmy nut. You don't have to divest from fun. It's Jimmy Nutt Tommy.

Matt 26:59

Cack. That's the ad.

Eric 27:05

It's always at the end of the Jimmy Nutt commercial Tommy. Cack, tommy, cack, fucking Tommy, grab your cock.

Matt 27:14

Well, Steve, listen, Seattleattle.

Eric 27:15

I hope we answered the question um we did I mean tommy cock jimmy, I don't know what more that, what more do you need to say, tommy cock?

Matt 27:26

aaron from our discord. Uh, purveyor of many a question, or submitter many a question over the years, he says what is the secret chord? The one that David played. Oh, and it pleased the Lord, as mentioned in the Shrek anthem. Hallelujah Eric.

Eric 27:47

Well, I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? Well, it goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift, the baffled kick, proclaim their hallelujah, yeah so that one yes of course that's the rufus wainwright version and, hallelujah, not the original leonard conan, certainly not the jeff buckley version.

Eric 28:28

Love that pentatonix version, though, when they hit it yeah, baby nut gotta get my jimmy nut when I hear that pentatonix oh, and then there was of course the kate mckinnon. Uh, one of the days yes, yes yes, when we back in 2016? Um, so the secret chord? So the song david refers to the biblical king david, not david hasselhoff people. No, we don't Hassel the Hoff on this show, goddamn right, we don't. We're talking about D-A-V-I-D, the one who slew Goliath. Yeah, the big David the.

Eric 29:09

David, the big D, if you will.

Eric 29:11

They've got a pretty popular statue of the guy, king David.

Eric 29:15

David, my guy oh, this is my favorite part too. I'm on the page, the Wikipedia page for biblical King David donate today, uh, and it shows it's got like the art depicting David. There's a couple of him best in life. There's one that looks like the like the cover of, like a like like of an eighties fantasy novel, like it's just like like an oiled bodied Goliath, like laughing, and like this, just this honestly like, terrifyingly accurate to picture this like emaciated child David just getting ready to fucking send it. I actually love this picture. This has, this has got potential.

Matt 29:53

I'm glad you're discovering your faith in this moment with this question. Eric, but yeah, he's out there with he's got a harp, he's playing it oh yeah. And that is the, the instrument on which he played. The secret court said secret court. We've been tasked with saying what that secret court is, eric.

Eric 30:12

We have been. But and with saying what that secret court is, eric, we have been. And I will just also say I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the second picture of David besting Goliath. The picture, the caption, is David raises the head of Goliath. Yes, gustav Dore's illustration from 1866, colorized and published in Josephine Pollard's Sweet Stories of God. The name of this book is sweet stories of god. Gang cannot stress this enough. The image is showing david holding the mournful head.

Eric 30:46

Oh yeah, the fucking severed head of goliath aloft like above his shoulders.

Matt 30:51

It is dumping blood out the neck up to his elbows and fucking viscera.

Eric 30:56

We can see the neck hole. Like David's body is in the foreground. We see neck hole and neck blood spilling out of it.

Matt 31:04

Sweet stories of God, and what's most notable about this painting to me is that there's a big battle happening for some reason Right behind everything, and he's holding this head aloft like look at the tyrant's head. No one is paying attention to David.

Eric 31:23

No one is paying attention, except for the two homies behind him who are raising their hands as if yelling Go.

Matt 31:33

He just scored a fucking touchdown some, some people find bodies, you know some people, some people just get to cheer so that's david, and he played a secret chord.

Eric 31:43

He played a secret chord, notably a secret chord.

Matt 31:47

It's a secret chord, people don't know what it is, but notably made god kind of you know smirk asirk as a. You know it didn't say you know he was overjoyed, just said it pleased him.

Eric 31:59

Oh yeah, and I'm going to go.

Matt 32:00

He just went, that's fine.

Eric 32:02

Sufficient.

Matt 32:03

That's sufficient. I'm good with that. Keep playing it.

Eric 32:06

And I'm going to go, I'm going to go a little deeper here, go deeper Eric. Because I'm, because David played a lyre At the time. It probably would have been like we're talking biblical times. It probably would have been a seven-string lyre. I thought it was a harp, harp lyre. Somewhere a music major is like screaming at their.

Matt 32:27

As well as theology majors as well.

Eric 32:32

Yeah, but lyre harp on a seven, on a seven string liar he's out there playing an electric gibson guitar and please the lord. He's out here shredding on a primo bc rich.

Matt 32:46

Fucking d goliath slayer man's out here with a, with a standing harp, that he's man's out here blasting on a harpsichord my man's got himself a baby grand out there in the desert oh king d out here on a strata caster just just jamming.

Eric 33:12

Oh.

Matt 33:19

King D just slapping bass out in the fucking dunes. No, don't make him a bass player, come on. Oh, you know who even played the Seinfeld Beheads David.

Eric 33:26

Or beheads Goliath.

Eric 33:30

Plays the Seinfeld thing. Just fuckingid. Out here noodling at a fish concert. King david out here just with the other dead heads. Just king david with the audacity to bust out his zither it's this man, I tell you this is there enough

Matt 33:54

down the desert paths um.

Eric 33:57

There was nothing he couldn't play thou shalt melt thy faces.

Matt 34:05

yes, david, he didn't get to those commandments, but you know, david and his Calliope. That is so good that you pulled Calliope out of your ass, and it's also a Goliath-y David and his Goliath-y.

Eric 34:26

David and his Goliath-y.

Eric 34:30

King David, inventor of the theremin.

Matt 34:32

I think you had a point that you wanted to talk about.

Eric 34:36

Oh yeah, Well, I was looking up what chords are possible to play on a seven-string lyre.

Matt 34:44

But that list is going to be useful to you.

Eric 34:46

It really matters what you tuned it to.

Matt 34:49

But, eric, it's going to be useless to you because, no matter what that list is, that's a list of known chords.

Eric 34:56

Oh, that's a list of mortal chords.

Matt 34:58

Yeah, he played a secret one. Only Big D knows it.

Eric 35:04

Only Big D and Daddy G know the secret chord Know what pleases. Just here, let's do some Foley.

Matt 35:17

Okay, let's do some Foley.

Eric 35:19

Oh, you want to try to pull out the chord as if this is tribute. Yeah, yeah, let's see if we can. I'm going to try to find it.

Matt 35:25

This is not the secret chord. This is just a tribute.

Eric 35:28

Oh yeah, I thought you were, I see you. I see your tenacious D reference.

Matt 35:34

I just I want everyone to know what you're about to hear, not the secret chord, not the, don't worry, an approximate, a horrible approximation. All right, what? Okay?

Eric 35:46

Bling, thwang, thwang.

Matt 35:53

I heard there was a secret thwang that David played and God went dang maybe no, let's try maybe together, our voices together yes we owe you the harmonica here.

Eric 36:10

Let's make Becky proud. Let's do sustained eye contact for a moment.

Matt 36:15

Okay, are you just looking at the camera?

Eric 36:18

Are you looking at the camera?

Matt 36:19

I am, so in a way, we're actually less looking at each other.

Eric 36:23

All right. Well, you look at my eyes on screen, I'll look at yours. No, look me in the fucking eye I am. I see your little blue light reflection. You're looking at my eye. But I need you to look into my eye. I'm scared of what I find there. There it is now, we're ready. Now, we're fucking ready, my dude. All right, all right, I'll start us off all right with like a okay, oh no, sorry, let me, let me retune.

Matt 36:52

Oh yeah, oh we were, I didn't tune, I didn't tune. Hold on, all right, all right, oh, yeah, yeah sorry, let me just.

Eric 36:59

Let me twist something on the neck of my theremin all right, I'm twisting my pinky finger and all right and.

Matt 37:26

And that's the secret chord that's the secret chord.

Eric 37:31

We found it. It turns out the secret chord is in Dune. It's in Dune. We found it. It turns out the secret cord is in Dune. Just go watch, you know when they're on the.

Eric 37:50

I heard there was a sacred spice.

Matt 37:54

Play it again and then I'll put in that thing of just what the chord was, the secret chord. I'm saying when I say play, that's you see, I see. Okay, and that's comedy. That's it, folks. That's comedy. That's it, folks. That's it. That's bring it when the show comes to a grinding halt.

Eric 38:21

Oh, like a screeching momentum, murdering halt.

Matt 38:28

That is when to wrap it up.

Eric 38:30

So, for all the people, the three people who know the sacred cord Big D Daddy. G and Frankie H.

Matt 38:41

That's it.

Eric 38:41

That's everybody.

Matt 38:43

Who's Frankie H?

Eric 38:44

Frank Herbert. Author of Dune.

Matt 38:46

Oh got it.

Eric 38:47

Thank you.

Eric 38:47

Yes, you know he wrote that throat singing music for the.

Matt 38:52

He sure did One more time the chord, chord one. And what are we gonna call this chord?

Eric 38:58

eric, oh, that's, oh, the, the, oh, my court oh my court.

Matt 39:04

Yeah, because normally they're like a letter.

Eric 39:06

But no, oh, oh, uh s oh, yeah, s sharp sharp S medium.

Matt 39:15

S medium Now, eric. So there you go. That's the secret cord.

Eric 39:21

Don't tell anyone, no gang for real. Bring it in. Bring it in, Take a knee, Don't fucking blow this up. Thank you, Coach Boach. Be cool, Do not tell the cops. We found it and we all can go home.

Matt 39:39

We can all go home tonight. Thanks, Coach Poach. Got you babies, Got that little pep talk Good hustle. And we needed it. We needed a pep talk because, eric, this next question has been sitting in our email inbox for months yeah, it has, and we have had no idea what to do with it, and we still don't.

Eric 39:59

We have bits aside. We have legitimately spent so much time staring at these words on the screen and we prune questions. There's a bunch of questions we get. Not everything's a good fit for the podcast, but this one. We don't know what to do with it, but we can't get rid of it.

Matt 40:17

And you'll see why Because it does come from former guests of the show, ian the Holy Mole. Thank you, ian. He emailed that to us, that's you didn't ask for this at gmailcom. All spelled out, eric. The question is, if you would, what bit?

Eric 40:31

would you etch on the bit? What bit would you etch on the?

Matt 40:34

bit, what bit?

Eric 40:35

would you etch?

Matt 40:37

on the bit. What bit would you?

Eric 40:39

etch on the bit.

Matt 40:40

We have said it in so many different ways, we've said it to each other, we've said it silently, oh, go ahead, rewind.

Eric 40:47

Go ahead, hit the back 15 seconds. It will not help you. What bit would you etch?

Matt 40:55

on the bit On the bit. What does it mean?

Eric 41:00

And this is why I love Ian. He throws us these things where. I'm like, ian. What music do you hear? What secret chords play for you? Where have you been? What have you seen?

Matt 41:12

All right, but we got to try Eric, because we can't just leave it in the inbox forever.

Eric 41:16

So I think we need to do. We need to, like, crack down into some, like we need to get fucking elbow deep into some etymology. So I've got the page pulled up for the word etch. This is a real reversal of roles, with you having the tabs pulled up, dude I know Mercury is in Gatorade right now, so I feel like this is just, it makes sense. So typical the origin it's a mixture of atzen, so German cause to eat, which calls the Dutch etzen.

Eric 41:49

And then you have English, which means to eat, and then like mid-17th century etz. So eating here, meaning like carving to eat, means to eat, and then like mid 17th century etch. So eating here meaning like carving to eat, to eat away at something, so that's etch. Okay, then we have bit Bit. I'm just going to start reading off definitions of the word bit A small piece, part or quantity of something. Give the duck a bit of bread, don't.

Matt 42:14

A short time, a bit of bread, don't A?

Eric 42:16

short time. Don't do that. Don't Don't do that. It's bad for the ducks. A short time or distance Noun A bit. I fell asleep For a bit For a bit. A fair amount Noun A bit. There's a bit to talk about there. Informal a set of actions or ideas associated with a specific group or activity. She's gone off to do her theatrical bit.

Matt 42:38

Okay, that feels like it is halfway to the bit, like joke sketch type meaning.

Eric 42:46

Oh man, I think I might have cracked something here. Okay, his eyes couldn't be wider. Dated informal usage. A unit of 12 half cents used only in even multiples. The sideshow admission was 25 cents. Two bits, the fourth of a dollar. You might remember the famous shaving a haircut two bits, two bits. So ian is asking what bit, what bit?

Matt 43:20

what bit would we add bitcoin?

Eric 43:23

is that why it's fucking called bitcoin I swear to god if that's why it's called bitcoin, but I thought it was because, like no, it's made of computer bits. That's gotta be that. That's that exactly. So I think ian's asking what bit, what like bits would we? Would we etch on a if I'm going to pay my currency bit on a currency bit, fucking we.

Eric 43:48

This is such a weird feeling because we actually I think I feel like we actually cracked it. We're gonna have to have ian like call in or something to let us know if we, if we fucked this up.

Matt 43:58

Here's my initial impression for putting a bit onto a bit in what we've just, on bits, laid down the monopoly guy.

Eric 44:06

The monopoly guy because it's real currency oh, it's real currency, so the bit is oh, that's good, you got our.

Matt 44:17

What's his name?

Eric 44:17

penny penny oh, uncle pennybags uncle pennybags.

Matt 44:21

Yes, we got him. We got his face on the pen, on the uh, on the bit.

Eric 44:27

So in itself, the the etching of it is the bit okay, yeah, and then and then in latin at the you know how we have in latin, we have partem committee, partem committee, latin for commit to the bit partem committee.

Matt 44:45

That's written underneath his face partem. That's. That's the in god we trust. That's yes, yes, eric, this eric. We've been sitting on this question for months and we nailed it out the gate. All it took was us actually thinking for, like, for half a second, yeah, yeah, and doing a modicum of research that you did not me wait.

Eric 45:05

So if monopoly guys on one side, we do need to what's on the other side do we put a second bit? Oh, is a second bit about to hit the coin?

Matt 45:14

what's the most famous bit of all time, do you think? Oh, man, I'm thinking like a got your nose. Oh, I got your nose here.

Eric 45:25

That's a that's a bit as old as time uh, maybe we lean more towards a famous like what are classic money bits? What explain uh? Like like I'm just thinking about like bits centering around oh centering capitalist centric bits, or so you got monopoly guy on one side, oh, or monopoly guy on one side, flip it over, that's one bit, oh. On the back you just put the word copy, copy. Like have you ever had, like every any like collectible coin you've ever gotten?

Eric 45:58

or like oh, it's not actual?

Eric 46:01

yeah, that's what we do. We have the monopoly guy on one side, on the other side with the, with the latin, for you know, partem committee, commit to the bit, and on the back it just says not for resale, or it's or it says collector's edition oh collection or we buy gold bit for gold uh gold we talk about my uh, one of the best uh billboards in baltimore. We buy bits of string. There you go I love I.

Eric 46:35

It's got two bits yeah, basically the bit we're etching onto the bit is that we're loading this up with non-currents. Everything you would expect from non-actual tender the the most, the most fungible of tokens yes, it is a fungible token, and it is a fungible token.

Matt 46:56

Ah, eric, I think it's time for google grips oh my god, yes eric, we we've got ourselves a real pregunta. Well, I do anyway yeah because, eric, I've got a real problem on my hands here. You do, Matthew, because the score is 7-4. You sure do I have to get a perfect round just to force a tie. Eric, you are in a good position.

Eric 47:28

I am in such a.

Matt 47:29

I am in a One should say you should win this easily because we did say hard mode, we did say hard. I'm expecting you that.

Eric 47:38

I'm expecting that you brought it and, because I respect you, I did Okay. So, folks, for those of you not in the know, google gripes. It's a game we play where Matt and I find one star Google reviews of famous things. The first couple of times we did it, we did famous places. The past two seasons we're doing movies, so I'm going to read Matt one-star Google reviews of three famous movies and he's got to guess what each movie is based on the three one-star reviews I read him.

Matt 48:12

I think they got it. I think I got what I have to do. I I have to enter my mind palace and prepare myself. I I'm gonna keep my notebook close because I'm taking notes, because, eric, I I have to, I have to give this my all.

Eric 48:30

You have to swing for the fucking fences, my man and I'm swinging and and for ultimate, for ultimate, suspense. What I'm gonna do, matt? So we're gonna go through all of them, but I'm only gonna tell you which ones you got at the end you're not gonna tell me if I got it right oh yeah, because if you fuck up on the first, one the drama's out it. And what did I do these minutes of work for?

Matt 48:56

Oh my God, eric, you are a genius, you are a creative genius, knowing the plot of drama, the plot, of drama, the plot of drama.

Eric 49:06

You know the plot of drama.

Matt 49:08

That's NASCAR baby. I do not know what's wrong with me. Give me my reviews.

Eric 49:13

Movie one Review number 1. What a terribly awful movie, lol, but it's from the 80s, so what can you expect? Famous actor walking around with this I'm so cool, calm, silent type thing and trying to smoke Terrible acting, silent type thing and trying to smoke terrible acting. It's so cheesy. It's funny and definitely worth the watch if you want to have a few laughs, though it's not a comedy. Obviously sometimes cheesy movies can be entertaining, especially if you're from that era, like me. Very cringe worthy indeed. Smiley face.

Matt 49:53

Cringeworthy. Okay, so they're saying it's not a comedy, but it's funny. Okay, I have a couple ideas already, one of which I would be shocked if you pulled out. Okay, all right, continue.

Eric 50:11

Parentheticals deep breath.

Eric 50:14

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha. All right, continue Parentheticals, deep breath, ah.

Eric 50:17

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha. I only watched this, so I have a frame of reference for the remake Mistake. I didn't need a frame of reference and I certainly didn't need the sights and sounds of this film etched in my memory. This movie is incredibly bad. Bonus points for all of the nostalgia it conjures, for all things 80s cinema, but this is not a good film. It even manages to outdo itself by becoming worse and worse the longer it runs. By the end it's just a parody of itself, with cheesy, cheesy one-liners and laugh-out-loud, comically bad fight scenes.

Eric 50:54

Hmm, the remake.

Matt 50:58

Uh, that's interesting. Kind of eliminates my first two guesses. Alright, continue.

Eric 51:08

Useful educationally for reflection on the bad old days Banal testosterone, fest, riddled with repulsive male behavior. How sad that we thought that by the 80s there'd have been improvement. Other famous actor was the most cringe-inducing of all. The cherry on top is the decade. The cherry on top is the decade. Worst fashion since well ever.

Matt 51:37

Uh-oh, I feel a little. Uh. Hmm, I feel a little unsure. I thought I knew where we were going with this and now I don't. I'm really thrown by the remake.

Eric 51:50

And what I'm also I'm going to throw in a. There is a boat. Can I ask a quick clarifying?

Matt 51:54

question about that. Is there a remake of this movie? Yes, or did they just say that?

Eric 51:59

Okay, there is a remake of this movie.

Matt 52:01

Okay. Okay, that's important to know, yes, because they could just be like, oh, I'm waiting for the remake.

Eric 52:07

Oh yeah, no, there is a remake, okay there is a remake. Also, I do have a little bonus here. It won't tell you anything. Well, it really won't. Uh, bonus review yeah, not bad. I enjoyed the homoerotic parts towards the end Made me feel things, things I haven't felt in years. I'm so horned right now.

Matt 52:25

I think I got it. I'm so horned I swear to God if that gave it away. Truly I do think so. Did I pull a Matt Shea? I do think so, because if it's the movie I'm thinking of, okay, you know what. I'm going to go just off of that, I'm not going to say my thinking or anything I'm going to say. You are referring to the 100% gay Fantasia that is Top Gun. Okay, that is my submission. That's my final answer. I'm not going it over. I'm not going over it again.

Eric 53:02

Okay Movie number two. Movie number two Review number one.

Matt 53:08

I'm already the anxiety. My brain is already peeling away a layer to think about. Oh, I answered too quickly. There's no way. It's Top Gun. Why did I do that? It's already happening. The not getting confirmation is really fucking with me. So continue. I am distracted.

Eric 53:28

Review number one what an absolutely stupid movie I watched till the end. The main female lead buys two blanks to a random stranger she just met once and she went all the way to an island to give him that and they just fall in love just like that. The blank attack just happens without any explanation and the movie ends in the most stupid way. The male and female lead, the little sister and the mother all sit in a car and leave town and we are shown lots of blanks sitting allowing them to leave. Why would blanks behave like that? What was the reason? None even the movie says it doesn't know. I mean, if you want to waste two hours, drive right into it. Even the dialogues are senseless.

Matt 54:22

Otherwise I would have given it two stars okay, that was a whole lot of a whole lot, and I wrote some things down, none of which helped me, except I had a few ideas that are all from the 90s, and didn't it say from the 80s again? Or am I getting?

Eric 54:42

the first review confused. That was the first review. Should I just tell you whether or not you got it?

Matt 54:48

No, you should not. You should not. We have to keep the drama going. That's NASCAR.

Eric 54:53

That's theater, baby. All right, that was review number one. Review number two Absolutely weird. First, why did all this happen? And only when she arrives, she has the same set of clothes on for days and still looks good even without a shower. The ending was stupid no explanation to why it happened and how and if they got rid of the problem. Totally crap and confusing. That's it. That's it.

Matt 55:23

Oh fuck no-transcript.

Eric 55:33

A misinformed movie. The happening 2008 of its day, additionally an era I know, where even cheap props, cheap scripts and superfluous acting can basically just easily soil the pants of anybody. Truly, movie title upon horror an era of ignorance. I don't know what that sentence means either, but that's what they wrote.

Matt 55:59

Okay, okay, that's bringing me back. Yeah, because I had a guess for the first review, but then I was distracting myself by thinking I had to put it in the 80s. But that's not true.

Eric 56:12

Yeah, you don't have to put it in the 80s.

Matt 56:14

Okay, the happening of its day is something that I was thinking, because I also thought are they talking about the happening? The island throws me too, because, okay, so the honestly, what I had written down was, during the first review, I I wrote down invasion of the body snatchers, and then, during the second review, I wrote down mary poppins. So that is, that is the breath, uh, that is the breath with which I am working, the and, okay, male and female leads, the mom and the little sister. Are you humming a theme while I'm talking?

Eric 57:00

Like I got, you got Mary Poppins song stuck in my head, Okay.

Matt 57:05

So it does sound like it's a horror movie. I thought for a minute, mentioning the happening, they could be talking about the mist, but that is not the group of people that are in the car at the end of the movie. No, the it was until. Are in the car at the end of the movie. No, the it was until. You mentioned the mother god. That's confusing and so that this era makes me think it is of the invasion of the body snatchers, like era, or older, like a older horror movie like.

Matt 57:34

Like the birds the birds watching.

Eric 57:40

You have a moment like the birds. Is there an island in the birds?

Eric 57:48

Matt. Matt is having like a legitimate, like a, like a, like a tormented genius moment.

Matt 57:54

I can't remember if that takes place on an island. I don't think it does. Oh no, that doesn't make any sense either. I was going to say does I Know what you Did Last Summer take place on an island? But it doesn't matter, because I already think it's of the older movies with cheap props and what happens. Superfluous scripts. Creature from the Black Lagoon. Why can't I think of any good old horror movies that take place on an island? Is the island? Am I focusing too much on?

Eric 58:25

the island. You're focusing too much on the island.

Matt 58:28

Fuck, I don't know, eric, I don't know. I've got a female lead buys something from a random stranger. There's a blank attack. There's a blank attack Blanks just sitting around letting them leave. That's the thing Letting them leave.

Eric 58:52

Why would Blanks behave like that. What was the reason?

Matt 58:57

Is it the birds, though? I don't think so. I don't think they.

Eric 59:01

I would pay any amount of money to just have that. I'm going to need you to clip me that audio so I can just make that your ringtone every time you call me.

Eric 59:09

Is it the birds, though? Is it?

Matt 59:12

the birds I'm going to. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to say the birds, for right now, thinking and knowing that that's not right.

Eric 59:23

Okay.

Eric 59:27

The classic Matt Shea. Look, I'm going to torture myself, but I reserve the right.

Matt 59:32

And I'm going to make you watch. I am reserving the right to come back to this before I submit a final guess.

Eric 59:41

Except I threw the curve at you of making you wait until the end to tell you you got them or not. So I feel that is a vow. I'm flipping through the rules right now.

Eric 59:50

Yes.

Eric 59:51

And yes, this is up to code.

Matt 59:54

I have not locked it in, but it is, at the moment, my final answer okay, okay are you ready for movie three?

Eric 1:00:02

I am this one. This one came to me in a dream of sorts. Oh, I was inspired. Some might say that none of that was a hint to what the movie is, by the way.

Eric 1:00:16

Okay good, because I was like, are you doing a bit?

Eric 1:00:18

Making grim hints, but nothing that you have to worry about. Review number one Watched this with family for old memories sake and turned it off halfway through. I cannot believe this was a kids movie. It's full of old lore and myths that is completely inappropriate for young ages. The whole film was full of moments clearly aimed towards adults and even of the room full of adults watching the movie turned it off halfway through. While I can't vouch for story, since we didn't watch the whole thing, I cannot recommend this to anyone, much less children. That would lose interest quickly. Anyway, I'd give it zero stars if I could.

Matt 1:01:01

Damn, I don't know what I was supposed to pull from that my guy. Maybe I wasn't listening closely enough. I'm distracted by the last movie. Still, I can tell Continue, you're still in the 80s.

Eric 1:01:11

I could be Review number two. This was an instant classic when it came out, but while watching it I realized how bad of a movie this is. It feels rushed, for. The important scenes and the non-important scenes that have no impact on the film whatsoever feel too long. Also, what I dislike about the movie most was in the last 40 minutes of the film it became a musical with four minute numbers. My suggestion is only watch this if you literally have nothing else to watch or if you are daring and want to be bored for an hour and a half.

Matt 1:01:44

Okay, that's interesting. It's like a half musical but it's at the back end. That's interesting.

Eric 1:01:51

Hmm.

Matt 1:01:51

I give it a?

Eric 1:01:52

hmm Okay, review number three, your hmm, has been entered into the record. Thank you. What is that into? Based on novel and movie Is animated. Films Is censor, are sick and red bull energy Drink is ruined in a rankin bass. Film is ruin my childhood In rated G mean kids Are not allowed in legal naked Stuff and seen missing is never watched. Don't let your kids watch it, eric, sir, illegal naked stuff and seen missing is never watched. Don't let your kids watch it. Eric, sir, my Lord.

Matt 1:02:22

I'm supposed to get a movie from that. I mean you, you said the Frank and bass, but okay, the, the rank and bass thing is making me really only think of a couple of movies. But they're musicals up top too, like Rudolph the red nose reindeer starts with a song, so does Frosty. Couple of movies, but they're musicals up top too, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer starts with a song, so does Frosty the Snowman. And I think, if you're going to pull out either, if you're talking about a Rankin-Bass, you're talking about those is what I feel. Like I'm going to say Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I'm not overthinking this, I'm saying Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Okay, it does seem like a weird pull for you, but meaning only meaning that like we haven't done, like really christmas movies, but that's not yeah, you can't okay, let's, let's just review, let's not get so excited.

Matt 1:03:07

So for the first thing I said uh, top gun yep, I still feel good about that.

Eric 1:03:12

I did say that was my final answer.

Eric 1:03:14

Okay, it is my final answer okay, but that brings us to movie two where you have reserved the right you've.

Matt 1:03:21

You have right of first refusal, refusal on my answer of the birds, and I don't think that that's that. I don't think that it is, but I'm gonna stick with the birds, you're gonna stick with the birds and I'm gonna stick with rudolph the red-nosed reaper.

Eric 1:03:38

Okay, matthew begin the reveal for movie one. Yes, terribly awful movie 80s. There was a remake homoerotic parts towards the end.

Matt 1:03:53

Yes, and I'm thinking the remake. They're talking about the sequel.

Eric 1:03:57

You guessed Top Gun I did. That is incorrect. No way, it was in fact.

Matt 1:04:06

Roadhouse. I would never have come up with Roadhouse. Oh, I get the remake. It's a horn fest. I would never have come up with Roadhouse. Pain doesn't hurt, Okay.

Eric 1:04:18

Pain doesn't hurt.

Matt 1:04:19

Okay, pain doesn't hurt. What's the second one?

Eric 1:04:20

The two actors named in question were Patrick Swayze and the other one where they said other famous actor was the most cringe-inducing Sam Elliott, I thought Sly.

Matt 1:04:30

Stallone was the other one in that.

Eric 1:04:31

Anyway, no, what am I thinking of?

Matt 1:04:33

There's some boxing Not the big boxing one, but there some like bar fight movie he's in yeah, I think, oh yeah, uh, I can't remember.

Eric 1:04:44

Oh, oh yeah, he's in the one the arm wrestling movie. He's in the arm oh right, that is over the top, over the top, yes, fuck I saw that movie for the first time this year and, god damn, you should all go watch over the top right.

Matt 1:04:57

I got so distracted by the homoeroticism that that put me straight on to top gun, which again is a is a gay fantasia. It is a fantasy, it is a delight, it's a great, it's a great movie, but those men want to do each other and you have and that's beautiful and it's great.

Eric 1:05:21

We should all all dudes should fly jets and hold one another.

Matt 1:05:27

There wasn't enough of that in the sequel and in top gun maverick not nearly nearly enough matthew for movie number two movie number two, I believe I said the birds and I believe I said it was wrong the birds?

Eric 1:05:39

yeah that is. It's wrong. Not for the birds, it is correct. Whoa, you got the birds matt, would you I? I?

Matt 1:05:48

play the clip. Play the clip of me again.

Eric 1:05:50

It'll be like the birds and I, I, I, I will watch that in my watching you. Just suddenly, the birds it came to me the tune I was humming was from Mary Poppins. I was humming feed the birds, eric, you devious little bitch. Review number three, which I will now. That makes me so mad about.

Matt 1:06:18

Top Gun, because I based it on a fucking bonus review. All right, continue which.

Eric 1:06:22

I will now reveal. I did not select these reviews. They were given to me in secret by whom. Don't worry about it. Wink Looks at the camera. Wink, what? Lindsay gave you these reviews? Double wink, wait, lindsay gave you these reviews.

Matt 1:06:38

Double wink. Wait, lindsay, gave you these reviews. That's what you're saying. Winks a third time. Eric, I don't know these winks. I can't decode your winks.

Eric 1:06:46

Indeed, don't worry, they know, you guessed. So this is the one Stupid movie Supposed to be a children's movie but weirdly it not turned into a musical in the last thing, that third one. Really, the two things that should have stuck out to you were red bull and and fucking uh, rankin bass, which you did latch on to that. You guessed, rudolph, I did that is.

Matt 1:07:12

Yeah, I didn't feel great about it.

Eric 1:07:15

It is.

Eric 1:07:18

When the last eagle flies Over the last crumbling mountain and the last lion roars At the last dusty fountain In the shadow of the forest. Though she may be old and worn, hear how she sparkles hear how she sparkles.

Eric 1:07:49

No, see how she sparkles it's the last unicorn it's the last unicorn, never seen it. Oh, it's such a good movie.

Matt 1:08:08

There's no way Lindsay gave you these reviews, so you were being cheeky. It was Alyssa. Alyssa submitted these. Who can say Alyssa did your work for?

Eric 1:08:17

you again. Someone did my work for me.

Matt 1:08:20

Why is it a big secret? Who provided you with your?

Eric 1:08:22

own job. I was gonna tell you, but now I'm seeing how.

Matt 1:08:29

I'm just. I'm so shocked, eric, that you, I, had to do even less work for this. The one thing like the one time, every other episode. You have to come in prepared with something and you didn't even prepare that yourself. Look, eric, tell me who did this.

Eric 1:08:45

Wink, you're infuriating me right now.

Matt 1:08:50

I know I am boiling. Here's what I'll say. I know, Lindsay's.

Eric 1:08:58

I couldn't tell you Roadhouse was a film so there's no way she did to whomst ever she get.

Matt 1:09:04

Wait hold on they. They provided the reviews, or they just told you what movies to do.

Eric 1:09:08

They gave me the movie and the reviews. They did everything. They did everything for no, no. For for the third, for the, for just the last unicorn, oh for just the last unicorn, oh for just the last unicorn. Oh, you thought I didn't do any of.

Matt 1:09:20

Oh no, that's why I was so indignant. I was like you didn't even.

Eric 1:09:26

I could always bring two-thirds of a fuck to give.

Matt 1:09:29

And you know what. You can take that to the bank, oh yeah bro, I would never do that to you.

Eric 1:09:36

No, it was just the third movie. It was the last unicorn I was given and I was delighted when I was sent these, then I suspected it was Alyssa that gave that to you. Oh, who can say?

Matt 1:09:49

Who can say and you know what, I don't even care anymore, it's not even a question, I'm not even thinking about it.

Eric 1:09:56

God y'all, he cares I'll tell you what the first video, the first movie should have been top gun yeah, yeah, yeah, it should have been, but it's not, but it's not so, eric, in the end, I did somehow manage to get the birds, which is very satisfying. I got to watch. You have that brain blast, I mean what a moment it was.

Matt 1:10:22

So that was delightful, but it does unfortunately mean that I lose this time. Fair and square. Seven to five. Eric, you won this one of your own accord. There's no asterisk here. I did it, you did it, eric, you did it. I perhaps provided too easy reviews, but you did win, you did, you bested me, and we're going to have to really think about the next season. So this concludes yet another season. We did it Of Google Gripes. Eric, you've done it. You get the trophy. You get the gripe trophy. Is a president going to show up and steal it? Maybe, eric, you're going to have to tell the people I just had a brain malfunction. The birds here's what else the birds, the birds, folks. We need to know because Eric and I have been discussing for the next season of Google Gripes do we go back to do we do movies again? Do we go back to locations or do we do something else?

Eric 1:11:28

Let us know, give us suggestions, send us your thoughts Because I Because I feel like we've caught the birds We've but like the birds.

Eric 1:11:39

The birds, but I feel like and correct me if I'm wrong I feel like we've covered most of the movies.

Matt 1:11:48

Well, that's what I mean, Because when I try to think of well-known movies, this is a well-known movie. I am having trouble finding good one-star reviews of what's left at this point that are both amusing reviews and useful.

Eric 1:12:06

Fun fact when I was researching because often I'll run into this problem if they're beloved movies like I was going to give you the Land Before Time, the first one. Not a single one-star review, exactly.

Matt 1:12:20

I've had a few of those where, exactly where google doesn't have any one star reviews. So I'm like, okay, well, I want to do this movie. I'll look in on on imdb and I'll tell eric because there's so few. But then there's not enough there. So it like I I said it in the episode I must have gone through 20 movies that I wanted to do for you and couldn't find the material and then here I come. And then here you come.

Eric 1:12:47

Have a third of my work done for me.

Matt 1:12:49

Your special friend really came along. My accomplice, your accomplice, yes, absolutely. Accomplice yes, absolutely so. Unfortunately I have lost, but we do want to know what you want to hear gripes about in the future for a full season. But we also need your questions.

Eric 1:13:25

Oh, please send us your questions.

Matt 1:13:28

Email them. You didn't ask for this at gmailcom. Put it on the social media, on our various accounts, instagram and otherwise, at. You didn't ask pod. It's a letter. You didn't ask pod. It's a letter. You didn't ask pod. You know that by now Instagram, blue sky, tech talk, et cetera and, of course, you could draw if you're in the cool kids crib, as as everyone calls it that's what we all call it. You could just drop one in our question collection channel in the discord. Eric, give them the Patreon business.

Eric 1:14:01

So so get this everything you just heard for the past. Let's call it hour and a half. You can pay to fund this. You can give this money.

Matt 1:14:12

You can give this, your money, every month all you had to do is say what you get with the patreon for just one dollar for one etched bit a month?

Eric 1:14:24

no, we do not accept etched bits, we only accept united states dollary dues. Usd, usd, usd, um. For one dollar a month you get access to the Discord, where we just have rip-romping good times. We talk about our favorite Weird Al songs, our favorite Ben Jerry's flavors and we just kind of vibe.

Matt 1:14:47

It's lovely, just some good old-fashioned conversing and community happening in that Discord, immaculate.

Eric 1:14:54

For $4 per month you get access to the Discord, you get monthly bonus content in the form of all tangents and you get 20% off of all your daft merchandise in the merch store.

Matt 1:15:13

You didn't ask for this dot com slash shop. You didn't ask for this dot com Still under construction. We may have a surprise or two coming up, we'll see. It's been a very busy time. I haven't had the time to work on the website that I thought I would or want to. I'm getting around to it everybody, don't worry. But, as proved with the last episode, you occasionally get even more bonus content, since we just dropped the Matt's Trek special bonus episode. It's not an episode, it's not an oat. It's something else entirely.

Eric 1:15:45

It's great.

Matt 1:15:48

Something illogical. So if you want to hear that, that lives on the Patreon as well, patreoncom slash. You Didn't Ask for this. Please give us money today and, eric, I think that'll about do it. I think that'll about do it For this episode of you Didn't Ask for this for all of us here. My name's Meche, my name's Eric Poach, and listen, you didn't ask.

Eric 1:16:11

But I actually got to meet the author of the Last Unicorn at a convention when I was 17. He was at otacon. This is kind of a bummer. Uh, we started a bummer. Let's bookend it with a bummer. All I remember about interacting with this man was he would. He would just talk about to everyone who would listen how the rankin bass film a he got no money from it and b they like he, he it. He was like the Alan Moore of like he was like I was like he was like active, like actively trying to sue Rankin Bass for for oh at this point now Studio Ghibli, I guess for for monies from the last unicorn.

Eric 1:16:50

Apparently, that's been like a legal battle for ranging decades.

Matt 1:16:54

I had no idea.

Eric 1:16:55

Yeah, now you learn something.

Matt 1:17:01

Wow, so you are just dropping like a hard fact at the end? Yeah, just a little fun fact.

Eric 1:17:06

We end with this, with this fun fact, and we, we we closed with this fact and we opened with the cold, hard fact of beach death yeah, although I don't know, where.

Eric 1:17:19

Give us money the birds.

Eric 1:17:22

The birds. It's truly I.

Matt 1:17:38

Like the birds.