You Didn't Ask For This
You Didn't Ask For This
120 | After Sex Pop Tart
Since we're halfway through the year, it's time to check in on those YDAFT Bingo Cards. The boys see who is in the lead among the fan submissions, as well as check their own progress and provide a list of the squares we've marked off thus far.
Then: What is the best pop-tart filling? Do you prefer frosted or naked? And what is our era’s Library of Alexandria?
Finally, we kick off the final round of this season of Google Gripes.
Matt's Star Trek voice memos for Poch will be released tomorrow, 7/18, for all Patreon members!
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Podcaster's Log pod date 712025.1. In front of me stands a strange, unusual creature, inexplicably tall and yet unexplainably weak. I see a puzzled look upon its creamy face as it observes me, creamy face as it observes me. Little is known about this new species, this new planet. He seems mute, as if he does not wish to engage with this medium in any kind of way.
Poch:Captain, I have to question your logic and judging such a creature that we do not understand first officer poach, I will ask you to please keep your opinions to yourself.
Matt:Go fuck yourself, jim yes yes, are you doing it?
Poch:are you finally doing?
Matt:it. Am I doing it, eric? Oh yeah, I fucking did it yeah, you blasted through some track eric poach, you sent me I believe it was 11, maybe episodes yeah, the critical ones of the original series of star trek. Yes, and I'm here to tell you that over the past five days, I blew through each and every one of them and I'm going to do one more, because you didn't include the episode where they kiss this famous kiss.
Poch:Oh yeah, the famous yes, yes. Where Kirk and Ahura kiss.
Matt:Yes, it's true, I have watched what you deemed to be the essential episodes of the original series Because, as we've talked about on this show, I have an interest in seeing what it is people like about Star Trek. Yeah, because I firmly in the Star Wars. You know, upbringing.
Poch:Not for long. You haven't made it to Next Generation yet. It's fine. What thoughts Thus far Give me thoughts.
Matt:Oh, eric, I had this idea for this cold open while I was watching my first episode, but I know that you asked me to send you voice memos as I went through them. Yeah, and I don't want you to think that I forgot about that requirement one little bit. Mr Poach, I have 48 voice memos. Holy shit. Some the first couple were like recaps after the episode, but then I started making them as I was watching them. Good man, I'm going to put this together for you in a big old super cut. Once I watched this last episode with the kiss cause, it feels like I have to. Oh, you got to. And it's the cherry on top. Indeed, it's actually the very next episode from where you told me to stop. Oh, good, the uh. So I have, I have those, I'm gonna put them together for you and I'm gonna give that to you. But don't worry, listeners, I wouldn't bring this up if I didn't intend to give it to you too. It'll be on the discord, oh what a good, just fucking day.
Matt:I'm gonna, I'm just going to dump it right into the Discord, so I don't know how long it ends up being. I mean, I said 48. Some of these are like five seconds long, yeah.
Poch:Man you are spoiling. You're making me an Excel sheet of critical survivor to watch. That corresponds with the season 50 contenders.
Matt:yes, and you're giving indeed, this is uh available for your uh consumption as well.
Poch:Listener, go to the show notes of our last episode oh, and you're, and you're giving me this mega cut of your, of your, of your steaming, hot takes.
Matt:I mean hot takes of this show from 1966 and 1967. Love it. It is largely, I have to say, it hasn't aged great, no no goodness, no God no, and that's part of the charm. But I think some of my takes will be of interest to the Star Trek community. For example, I mean, my main exposure to Star Trek is here and there seeing a TNG episode growing up like because it was just on. And then I saw the Chris Pine movies. Yes, with exception of the last one, beyond. I didn't see Beyond.
Poch:Did I see Beyond? I saw the first.
Matt:Were first were there three. I saw two, there's definitely three. Um, there's b, there's star trek into darkness and, um, yeah, the uh beyond, and I I feel like the star trek community kind of shits on into darkness, but I liked it quite a bit no, I liked, I liked Into Darkness a whole bunch.
Matt:And I also, granted, haven't seen them, but I'm culturally aware, as we've talked about, so I know that they reversed the whole con thing. You know like all that and what an episode that was of the original series. But yeah, I wanted to surprise you by telling you that I not only did I start, I finished I am over the moon.
Poch:It and and mostly because, like a, beyond stoked that you watched the original series.
The Watcher:Everyone should, um, I watched the key episodes you watch the key episodes and it truly, trekkies, miss me with this shit.
Poch:The real ones get it. What you did is perfectly fine, like, like, that's what I did, I, I, I don't think I've seen every episode of the original series and this eric how I got through it was I literally filled any dead time I had.
Matt:Uh with like serious like folding laundry. I put it on on my phone making l. Lindsay wasn't home for like five days. She was cross country at a conference. So making dinner, eating dinner, I'm just consuming hour after hour of some of the greatest acting known to man, from Mr Shatner Drink every time you take someone down with the, with the, with the, the hands clasped over the hands.
Poch:Class strike and what's the finisher? The universal move, mom.
Matt:There's so many fights that go, that oscillate between shockingly intense fight choreography yeah to for the time to just like a like fist hand over fist, one whack on the back and the man is dead. Like and then yep that, that ends it I say this in in the super cut as well. Some shows are brought down by remastering them. Some shows do not need to be in high definition and should not be yes correct. I don't need to see exactly where the makeup artist stopped putting Kirk's foundation on.
Poch:Yeah, yep, or they just stopped plastering it on.
Matt:But my big note and I bring this up a bunch of times in my supercut, uhura's cooch is practically out the whole time. Oh yeah, just the whole time. Anytime she remotely bends over, that ass is out.
Poch:Oh yeah, that skirt couldn't be shorter and we don't, and she'd be bending over.
Matt:we'd be like god damn god damn, yeah, so I, I'm here to say just a mini plug for the discord, because I'm throwing in that, throwing it in there. That's bonus content, baby.
Poch:Oh that's worth a dollar and and, and I will say this, say it to me, uh, the other. The foundational joy of watching the original series is is, as the future series happen, like tng, deep space, nine, voyager they're very self-aware of star trek's vibe in the 60s. So anytime they kind of have to revisit, like the pat, like in their timeline, like oh yes, you know, a hundred years ago, like they, they, they will they directly address a lot of the shit decisions that happened, he show made and it's wonderful.
Matt:I am looking forward to some of that and I'm looking forward to your responses to my takes. I'm not gonna do much. I'm not gonna do editing or anything. I'm gonna throw them in one file and throw them over, fucking as as they were, as god intended them. Uh, god damn, gun it my man. I'm gonna send it over to you and send it to the discord when this episode drops. I guess you'll get it beforehand, don't worry I want to take those hot.
Poch:I want, I want those hot takes delivered to me like a double fist overhead from kirk well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna finish this.
Matt:This last thing, I also, you didn't include the series finale. I feel like maybe I'll watch that too, and uh, then I'll send them over your way. Um, but my big note that I've taken away from Star Trek yes. It is a gay Fantasia in space that revolves entirely around this flirtation between Spock and Kirk, which is oh, my God, yes.
Matt:Which is the seemingly the backbone of the series. Yeah, the backbone of the series. Well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this. It's the podcast answering life's least pressing questions, and my name is Matthew Shea.
Poch:And my name is Eric Poach.
Matt:Eric Poach. That is logical. One last thing about Star Trek before we continue before we've completely alienated the entire fan base.
Poch:I mean of our show, not of Star Trek and dancing with alienating the Trekkie fan base.
Matt:And funny. You should use that term because when Lindsay came home from her trip and I told her that I had been watching damn near 12 hours of Star Trek over a four-day period or so, she came out of the gate with you cannot become a tricky. That was her response to me.
Poch:Matthew, our marriage cannot survive you becoming a tricky.
Matt:And I don't know that I have interest in becoming a trickyie. I really only truly have an interest in watching Next Generation and now that I've seen the original series, maybe the movies, because I hear the movies are better than the show.
Poch:I cannot wait for you to get through Next Generation and be like all right, okay, I'll watch Next Generation and Deep Space.
Matt:All right, I'll watch Voyager, but I'm not watching.
Poch:Strange New Worlds as we're waiting in line for the fucking Farpoint convention.
Matt:All right, I'll watch Enterprise but I'm not.
Matt:It is a compelling universe to a certain degree Right now I got to be honest right now only seen some episodes of the original series, and the new movies can't hold a fucking candle to Star Wars. But anyway, yeah, buckle, buckle, ye up. I'm, I'm, I've. I've been waiting to see the case for Star Trek my whole life, and so perhaps I will. But we can't, we simply can't, talk about Star Trek the whole time. Instead, eric, I want to talk about how you're doing. You just came back from the river.
Poch:Oh yeah, Just got back from the river. For those of you who may not know, I talk about this before. I have a big group of friends. We go paddling down the Shenandoah River every year. 25 miles, 26? Can't remember. It's a wonderful time, it's beautiful who keeps track of the mileage?
The Watcher:on on the, on the current we're, we're on river time we're on river time.
Poch:Uh, I do, I do have to update everyone. Um, and you, matt, I've been excited to talk, tell you about this especially well, good, I'm the only one here who can respond so? We have, uh, we have river bits, bits we do upon the river.
Matt:Yes, we talked about this much and more last year.
Poch:Yes, yes, last year, famously, my friend played the Jurassic Park theme on a trumpet as we were passing between the valleys of the Shannon. So funny this year, matt, me, the, the, the, the bits arms race has reached its arms race. It is reached an apex.
Poch:And I honestly don't know how we go, where we go from here. Yeah, where do we go from here? So, typically, what our day includes is day two. We paddle for a few hours and then eventually around, like you know, between like noon and two, we'll find some spot on on on the side of the river. We'll pull off, we'll pull the boats up on the shore, we'll eat lunch yeah, so we're doing that.
Poch:We find a beautiful spot, this lovely little cove, to pull our boats into, and you know, we're all eating food and folks are like taking a moment to splash around in the water. It's a hot day, like it's it's eating food, and folks are like taking a moment to splash around in the water. It's a hot day, like it's it's it's. Some folks are exploring the shore Just having a good lazy, laughter filled lunch. Matt. We go to get back into the boats and I hear Becky, our guest, becky, yes, and Alyssa, yeah, almost in unison. Yell. What the fuck? Uh-oh, matt, I turn the corner. Someone has placed a car boot on their boat. Oh, my God, someone has taken a fucking big-ass yellow metal car boot and booted two of the boats together okay.
Matt:Who and why would you do this to yourself?
Poch:that's the best part. Well, a it was easy to get off. It was purely a visual gag, um, but b uh, no idea how, how how they transport it how, how someone managed to to smuggle it onto the river, trip into camp, bring it.
Matt:Forget that how did they obtain it? How don't know how they got it. Where does one get a civilian?
Poch:boot. Don't know how they transported it down several miles of river without detection. Yeah, and we have no idea who did it you still don't know who did it, no clue. Well, it's one of you jokers that oh yeah, oh yeah it's a member of the party it was. It was so immaculately done that is.
Matt:That is a nice crowning achievement, I think yeah. Yeah, that takes salt, it does. It takes some stones to do such a thing and I applaud it.
Poch:Oh yeah, God, we love a river bit.
Matt:We love a river bit, and we also love a good bingo bit, do we not, eric?
Poch:Oh, we do love a good bingo bit.
Matt:Yes, it is July, believe it or not? Yes, if that it hurts bit. Yes, it is July, believe it or not? Yes, if that it hurts. When we were full disclosure. We're recording this on July. 1st of all the months of the year, it is the seventh, it's the seventh one of them, and so the first half of the year gone. So, as it has become our little mini tradition, let's, let's do a quick bingo card check in Now. Now, we talked about this on the last episode of Dairy King 11 a little bit as well. Dairy King 11 is doing extremely well.
Poch:He is in a terrifyingly commanding lead.
Matt:He is the closest to achieving a bingo. He has four greens in a row. He needs only the word of the year to become Corpo Cook.
Poch:What a needle.
Matt:So put that out there Now. Let's check in first with you and I. Eric, here's what I've got on my card. My top left corner is looking pretty good. Eric, you got into Survivor. We can say that. Yes, yes, I did. Joey Chestnut is going to be returning to the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. Yes, he is. So we have marked that as green. And GTA 6 was delayed until 2026, as predicted by me. In my bottom right corner I got TikTok will be rescued within 24 hours of the ban. Everybody pretty much got that as a gimme and a big old red square for me and I think for you as well. No, not for you. Yeah, huxatawney, phil was not. No, attempted assassination happened for our boy Phil. So here's what we got Some other things that you can mark off your bingo square if you haven't already. Matt gets into Eurovision. Douce poids.
Matt:We did mark that off and those are the big four that most people have across the board. I'm just doing a quick scan of the submitted bingo squares from listeners to see if there's anyone who is threatening Dairy King 11. Not really we have. At EJ Hoff. He has two in a row in two different places, Three different places, three different places actually, but one of them is blocked by the Puxatawney fill square and one of them is the center row or the center column, which does require us to get 100 patrons on Patreon. So, patreoncom slash you didn't ask for this if you want to help everyone out, including, dare I say, yourself $1 a month gets you access to the Discord.
Poch:$4 a month gets you access to the Discord Monthly bonus content in the form of oops all tangents and 20% off of all your Daft merch. Well done, eric Matt. I'm feeling good, okay, so let me tell you this yes, how are you feeling Because your three squares are very disparate?
Poch:They're very disparate. See, matt, it's like jazz. It's about the squares. I don't have that I feel good about. Okay, talk to me, I'm looking at my top left corner to bottom right corner, diagonal. Okay, so here's what we got. I feel like these are all achievable within the next six months. We got high profile genetic identity theft. Yes, the world's largest ball of twine stolen, matt, need I remind you I will be on the road to Tennessee this weekend in an RV. I've got opportunities. Okay, I expect to see you rolling back with a ball of twine. You daft reaches 100 patrons on patreon. That's up to you listeners. I've got mac. It's in eurovision.
Matt:And then bottom right, statue of liberty defacement now this isn't a call to action as such I'm just saying it seems like an easily achieved yeah for legal reasons.
Poch:This is a joke.
Matt:But Bootsy also has a submitted bingo card with. She needs two. She needs GMO pets will be sold and a reveal that billionaire has hunted humans for sport Something you need as well. Do I have that on my card? No, I don't, uh, but you know what? Hey, it could. It could I do have world's largest ball of twine stolen. That would give me four corners, but we, I don't believe, are accepting uh or no, not a four corners. A postage stamp it would give me a postage uh is a postage stamp.
Poch:Oh, is that when you have uh wait what is a?
Matt:postage postage stamp. Well, okay, so postage stamp any corner is what I would have. Postage stamp is the four in the top right corner where the stamp goes uh, cute, but you can also get it in the other corners uh, yeah, I've played bingo with my mother-in-law uh, bingo.
Matt:Every now and then I have dabbed some dabbers yeah so I think that's pretty much the bingo square update there. Haven't been there, haven't been too many others um you. You, of course, did offer that 2025 will be bisexual as fuck, and I do feel we're kind of on the road there oh yeah, we we're, we've got some.
Poch:We got some some movement there. We're on the board.
Matt:But I'm still holding out for the uh, the revival series, tuesdays with maury. I'm still. I'm still holding out, I'm still now. I hope for that, um, oh, and of course, our two deaths are still on the table. Plenty of time yet for that to happen. Winds of winter will set a publication date. It it certainly sounds from germ's latest uh announcement that he basically was like uh, leave me alone about the whole thing. It certainly doesn't bode well, uh, for that book, uh, setting a publication date or indeed ever coming out.
Poch:Yeah, georgie got his bag and he's going home.
Matt:Well, I heard an interesting theory about that in the sense that, like because the series ended on such a negative note after being so high for so long, that, if that was how he intended to end the series of books, he now feels compelled to change it. And if you feel compelled to change something that you felt was good, like, it will take a long time to come up with a better end game, especially if he had a certain end game in mind the whole time. I don't necessarily think that all aspects of the final season were his vision, but who am I to say you know who? Who are we? Who are we but men?
Poch:um two fellas that answer questions on a podcast. That's right, would you by?
Matt:the way. Would you like to do that, bro? I would love that. Let's get to some questions, because we do have the final round of this season of Google Gripes to begin this episode. So we'll get to that, but first, eric, give us the first question of the day.
Poch:Matthew, our first question and this comes from the goodest boy, the boy for me, zachy D. There you go. This is at Zach Deuce, he says. For decades people have talked about a basic moral question. Would you go back in time and commit an atrocity with the hope of making the world a better place? One of the most famous examples would be going back in time and killing baby Hitler to avoid the holocaust. You would essentially be killing an innocent baby that knows not what his future holds, but you did it with the intent of saving millions of people. So, with that said, what zacky d actually really wants to know is what is the best? Pop tart filling can be real, or you can choose a new flavor. And do you prefer frosted or naked? Zachy D.
Matt:That's Zachy D, and he sent that to us via the Discord. Zachy D, what a buildup to that question. Got to, got to have it Now. My question to you, pudge, is do we just ignore the first part Dare I say the majority of the question, or do we incorporate that into our answer?
Poch:I say in the spirit of the question as it was asked we ignore it entirely and talk about Pop-Tarts for the next 10 to 15.
Matt:There we go. Yeah, all right, I think I can start pretty easily with the frosted or naked. I feel that the naked is the exception to the rule. I think it's frosted or bust for me.
Poch:Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I'm going to. Is this a safe place to put out some hot takes?
Matt:Eric, you know it always has been.
Poch:I have dear friends, yeah, close, wonderful, beautiful, dear friends. I'm told who prefer the naked Pop-Tart and it's the reason that they prefer it, for that I respect. Is it the butter? It's buttering the Pop-Tart. Look, I buttered a Pop-Tart. I'm not a Pop-Tart butterer.
Matt:I buttered a Pop-Tart because Family Guy told me to.
Poch:And what'd you think it's?
Matt:fine, it's fine, it was fine. I haven't sought it out to do it again. Notice, yeah, yeah, notice that what? I will say is what I have done since our last episode. I did make a grilled cheese and put a little garlic powder in the butter as it's being cooked on.
The Watcher:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Matt:And I'm here to tell you, boys and girls, listen to Dairy King 11 when he gives you culinary advice, because that was banging.
The Watcher:Yeah.
Poch:The man had infinite access to a blizzard machine for most of his childhood. He is an honorary resident of flavor town.
Matt:The man can cook the man can cook is what I was gonna say.
Poch:Let that, oh man, on dairy king's banner. That would be the latin motto, which is the latin for let him cook. Let him cook, god hold on, uh, yeah yeah, I knew you going to look it up, gotta look that up.
Matt:While you're looking that up, I do feel that if you're going to butter a Pop-Tart, it better be naked. But that's the only good thing about having the naked Pop-Tart, is it not? Is having the canvas for butter, Whereas the Frosted is already taking care of that.
Poch:Yeah, the frosted also. Just looked it up. This is so badass. The Latin for let him cook is coquer, which looks a lot like the word conquer.
Matt:Ooh, let's see how it's pronounced Hold on.
Poch:Let me just get that my assistant right up to the Coquer.
Matt:Coquer, coquer, yes, and Let him cook. It's befitting a king, I think. Let him cook, particularly one of dairy king's status, yeah, but god gotta have a frosted I gotta have a frost it's the visual appeal I love. I like, I like the little little sprinkle spranks to be honest, if I can be honest with you, I prefer my Pop-Tarts. This wasn't asked, but I'm going to give it. I prefer my Pop-Tarts untoasted Brave. I prefer my Pop-Tarts straight out of the bag.
Poch:I'll toast them here and there Raw dog and Pop-Tarts.
Matt:If I'm having a Pop-Tart for breakfast, I will probably put them in a toaster. Oh, okay, yeah, sure. But, if I'm pulling out a pop tart at 4 pm, like as a snack, as a snack, you're not toasting that. I'm not toasting that shit and, if I'm honest, that's how I mostly consume pop tarts.
Poch:I also love how like our brains work, where like we could be eating the same exact thing at 7 am or at 4 pm but it different sweet.
Matt:This is a is a full breakfast yes, this is part of a balanced breakfast and this is a dirty snack.
Poch:It's my silly little dirty ass snack so what is your favorite pop-tart flavor?
Matt:eric is that? Is that what we're going for? We're. What is the best pop tart filling you can? Can be real, or you can choose and find a list yeah, that, bro you, you beat me to it list.
Matt:Well, it sounds like we're racing now all pop tart flavors from pop tartcom. That's gonna be what's. That's what we got currently anyway. So here's what. I'm just gonna run through through them real quick. We're not going to take a lot of time with this folks. Uh, we've got apple scent frosted. Just assume frosted comes before all of these apple, cinnamon, apple jacks, banana bread, chocolatey chip, pancake, cinnamon roll, also known as cinnamon roll, cinnamon roll bites, lemon, blueberry crumble God damn, that sounds good. Spring, no-chill sugar cookie, strawberry milkshake, girl Scouts, frosted coconut caramel, frosted Thin Mints also Girl Scouts. Blueberry, boston cream, donut, brown sugar, cinnamon Cherry, chocolate chip, pop tarts, chocolate fudge, confetti, cupcake, cookies and cream grape, hot fudge sundae, raspberry s'mores, strawberry, wildlicious wild berry. Girl Scouts, frosted coconut caramel. I thought I already read that. Frosted Thin Mints. I'm pretty sure I read that. Frosted harvest strawberry, snickerdoodle, unfrosted blueberry, unfrosted brown sugar, cinnamon and unfrosted strawberry. And then there's a bunch of the bites and the crunchy poppers which I wasn't aware of until just now same.
Poch:I'm also. I'm looking at a reddit post that has so many more, because they also list, like, all the discontinued flavors, the discontinued. So yeah, there's plenty more, but but I, I, I have my, I know, I know my answer. I know my answer as. Do you want to say it on three? Sure, three, two. One Small Wildlicious Wildberry Okay, now, wildlicious Wildberry. That was the one with the purple frost. It looks like the cool jazz design on top.
Matt:Yeah, it's got purple frosting and then like a blue, like squiggly lines of blue yes.
Poch:Now let me tell you when that flavor came out, the marketing was immaculate. Because I wanted it. I wanted it so bad, I needed it in my, in my body, and then I tried it and I was just not about it I will say that, uh one, I don't want to incringe on a much, much in cringe.
Matt:I don't want to increase.
Poch:Add that to the lexicon. I don't want to incringe.
Matt:That's where you interject something that makes the conversation totally all right, I made up a word, uh, I don't want to uh invade the uh space of the much more successful Bobcast, the Basement Yard, but the tie-in frosted Spider-Berry, spider-man limited edition Pop-Tarts that came out for the Spider-Man movie when we were children, that was like the red and blue ones it was. They were like red Pop-Tart, like the Pop-Tart was red, yeah, the whole the tart. The frosting was blue and the webbing was white, but it was essentially the wild berry.
Poch:Yeah, and the most patriotic part.
Matt:Also that they were dope. They were super cool. I still I am excited about the thought of them and I pulled up the image of them just for myself, just because I needed a little pick me up. Now I feel that there are dessert Pop-Tarts among us, and the biggest one being the Cookies and Cream Pop-Tart.
Poch:The cookie, I would say the top three dessert Pop-Tarts, cookies and Cream, birthday Confetti and.
Matt:S'mores. What about Hot Fudge Sundae? That's up there too. That's also up there. I mean, there's just no way to argue that those guys are breakfast material. You know what I mean. You know what I mean.
Poch:I just roll up, wake up in the morning, feeling, feeling like a fucking baller, fucking reaching for my balanced breakfast. I've got. I got my, my, my table, with a perfect sunny background, with a nuclear family playing in the yard, and there's my glass of orange juice, my glass of water, my glass of orange juice.
Matt:You mean the miracle elixir that fixes everything in the star trek universe.
Poch:Yeah, yes, uh, got my, got my bowl of nondescript corn flakes. I have a plate with an out with a waxy looking apple and a banana, and then the entree my, my hot fudge sundae.
Matt:Oh, my god, stop describing a norman rockwell painting to me I know I think, uh think, so I think it's honestly one of my favorites of the mainstream ones, Although I think the wild berry, the wild, delicious wild berry, is mainstream. You find it in almost every grocery store.
Poch:Yeah, it was a smash hit.
Matt:I think that the brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tart is the Pop-Tart that rides the line. Of this is as far into the sweetness category you can go before. This is not an acceptable breakfast pop tart with the caveat that these are all.
Poch:Just none of them are good like flat cubes of sugar. Yeah, none of them are good Like flat cubes of sugar?
Matt:Yeah, none of them should be given to say a developing human.
The Watcher:No.
Poch:But that s'more Pop-Tart though. The s'more Pop-Tart is something the s'more Pop-Tart fucks. But here's the thing, and this is kind of like it's my favorite, but if you love something you have to let it go. Vocalize its flaws, sure.
Matt:Okay, weird way to get into this, go ahead.
Poch:No, it's just that the s'mores Hold on.
Matt:Let me call my wife in here, so I can vocalize her flaws.
Poch:Our significant others love it when we criticize them that way that all know what to fix all. Direct quote from one of my best friends who is a husband and father, um, and a damn good one. Tbd, tbd, uh, uh. Here's the thing about the s'mores pop tart. I am begging you to tell me when it's when it's been toasted, yeah oh, okay, all right oh god, it like it can't be tough.
Poch:It's got. It's got the rich velvety chocolate and the melty fluffy marshmallow and just like that warm graham, but raw it's absolute dog shit.
Matt:Well, that makes sense. That's the heartbreaker. The s'more is a hot treat, so you're meant to have a melting um um marshmallow in there at the very least.
Poch:but here's the wild thing, tell me, and have you ever done this? Because they suggested? Because I remember when they started suggesting to the uh this to us as children, I tried it was like, oh, this fucking rules pop tart in the freezer. No, oh yeah, that's the thing. Pop, pop tart in the frozen pop tart turns it into like uh, the the s'mores pop tart becomes like almost like an ice cream inside. It's awesome.
Matt:Well, I have had. I haven't made a pop tart ice cream, which I am tempted to do I need to get back to my ice cream making habit but I haven't in quite some time. The frosted s'more, I could see it as I'm gonna say, an after sex pop tart. You know, oh, dude for sure, just break one in half and just sort of as you're laying back basking in the glow of our basking in the glow of your frosted s'more pop tart.
Matt:Oh my God, I would absolutely feed my beloved a s'mores pop tart. Having done, sin. Honestly, I'm looking through the flavors currently available to me. There's few others I would put in that category.
Poch:Bro, you're not telling me you wouldn't. You know, after you're laying there you're panting, you're covered in fucking sweat and you're telling me you're not like just.
Matt:And.
The Watcher:I reach over for the Boston cream.
Matt:Slinging a Spider-Man Pop-Tart oh anytime, anytime of the day, anytime those Spider-Man Pop tarts can come back right now and folk, folks, make your own joke here about slinging webs slinging web we'll let you fill in that one.
Poch:It's a it's a mad libs bit here on the show coming back as well. Yeah, not the only thing that's coming back, um okay, I guess we will enter the joke ourselves. I thought you know well dude, you can't, we can't be all like, okay, here, make your own joke and like it's kind of like if we went to like a little league team and we were like, all right, kids here play some baseball and then you were like, and then you like, tossed me a bat, said hey, poach.
Poch:And threw a ball at me. Like what am I gonna do not knock it out of the park and make all those children feel inadequate?
Matt:well, you need to make sure that you uh, you remain a giant in their eyes. I think that's good parenting.
Poch:You have to humble them yes, you have to humble them as I'm walking away.
Matt:I'm an adult, I fucking eat pop tarts but only after sexual intercourse and only after marriage and giving each other promise rings oh god, uh, we're getting into some interesting territory now, aren't we with the pop tarts and the relationship, once you pop the cease and desist, won't stop. I mean with the way we've treated this bit, surely.
Poch:Matt hot take. What's your opinion on toaster strudels I like a toaster strudel.
Matt:Love a toaster strudel. I'm down with a toaster strudel, you fuck with a toaster strudel.
Poch:They operate under a different brain center. Let me tell you something Pop-Tart is a grab and go, a toaster strudel, that's a whole. That's a. That's a sit, that's a sit, that's a sit down restaurant of breakfast.
Matt:Sit down breakfast yeah, that's a sit down breakfast. That is, and that is exclusively a breakfast, or a late night snack. It, yes, it is both categories, but you have to heat it. You have to heat it.
Poch:Oh, you cannot raw dog the toaster strudel.
Matt:You can't, something I'll say. I can say that, something that I learned from my father-in-law that I can authentically recommend is the following action Getting yourself some of that Betty Crocker icing and placing that on the toaster strudel instead of the strudel icing that they provide, the little baggages that they give you.
Poch:Yeah, the topping product, it's the Kraft cheese. Signals of icing yes. I'm like what is?
Matt:this Go get some big boy icing A miracle whip of icing and then get yourself a full spread of it. I will say that was some solid advice.
Poch:That dude. I could fuck up a toaster strudel with some fucking funfetti icing spread on it. Yes, hell yeah, hell yes. Are you kidding me right now? God, please, I'm also. I'm kind of curious what toasted pop tart with toaster strudel icing on it, oh we gotta try it, we gotta try that.
Matt:We got to give it, I still have to try to.
Poch:I still have to try to oh sorry, not try to I still have to objectively accomplish cooking pop tarts like ravioli's for you.
Matt:Well, of course you can have a pop tart date, sure, why not? We can, we can say that. Um, the do that, we can do it, we can say it, we can experience it. Chocolate chip pancake pop tarts only has a 3.4 review, and that is again on the official pop tarts website. So that doesn't bode well. I think that might be the lowest ranked of any of. Oh no, the boston cream only is three stars, a solid three stars. Uh, oh no, it goes down. Thin mints is 2.9. That is, that is the lowest square that I see. It's that 2.9. And that is again once more on poptartscom.
The Watcher:It's where you can find that.
Poch:Oh bro, I'm looking at the limited edition flavors. These go so fucking hard. Tell me some of them. Because I was just about to ask what?
Matt:because Zach also introduces the idea of us making a film. Yeah, so what? I wanted to know what you would make you got guava mango dulce de leche.
Poch:Oh, my Fucking grape blows my mind. I love grape flavored things. Fuck a grape Pop-Tart.
Matt:They have one now, that's current Grape. Pop-t now, that's current Grape pop tarts.
Poch:That's terrible. They made an A&W root beer pop tart. I'd try it. Maple bacon sounds dope.
Matt:Oh, I've had maple bacon. I had it, it was good. It was good. Oh fuck, I did have that. I didn't know that was limited edition. I did have that.
Poch:But get this shit. There was a mystery flavor in 2021. The flavor was everything bagel.
Matt:I'm intrigued by that, I'm intrigued, I'm intrigued by that.
Poch:Cinnamon churro de los muertos in 2021.
Matt:My flavor Cultural appropriation in a toaster my flavor, that I would add that I honestly can't believe I don't see is a nutella dude, a nutella don't pop tart.
Poch:It feels like a match made in heaven matt, you cannot fucking say those words to me and not immediately produce a nutella pop tart. Are you joking with me right now?
Matt:well, eric, eric, I'm not.
Poch:General.
Matt:Mills, Wait hold on.
Poch:There's one. This has to have been a thing, but I'm not. There has to have been a limited edition right, okay, so I'm going right to.
Matt:I'm googling it Nutella, pop-tart. Let's see. No, I'm not seeing any official result for it. Plenty of recipes, matt. Let me hit you with this.
Poch:I wish you would hit me For a Pop-Tart that I would make. So the tart, the flat, the bread, the rectangle hard part. Yes, I got it, eric, thank you.
Matt:You got it there eventually.
Poch:Would be chocolate flavored which is not unusual. Chocolate base Chocolate base yeah, filling, filling Reese's peanut butter.
Matt:Iced. Sorry, I gotta go change my pants.
Poch:Yeah, dog Reese's cup Pop-Tart come the fuck on, come on.
Matt:Oh, my god Put that in the freezer.
Poch:Put that in the freezer, though Put that in the fridge.
Matt:Oh yeah, well, you know, I'm a Reese's freezer, though.
The Watcher:Okay put that in the fridge.
Matt:Put that in the fridge. Oh yeah, ooh, mm. Well, you know I'm a Reese's slut, though.
Poch:Oh yeah, I fucking know it, I'm Fucking.
Matt:I didn't care for that Fucking. I didn't care for that one bit.
Poch:The most awkward, most awkward pimp dynamic. What a weird, I didn't care for that.
Matt:That's the best way to role play.
Poch:That's infringement.
Matt:That's good role play when someone.
Poch:I didn't care for that. The safe word is I didn't care for that. I didn't care for that. Let's do another take. I know you got them cups. Let's do another take, I know you got them cups.
Matt:Let's do another take of that.
Poch:I know you enjoy that, matthew. You fucking slut, oh God no, oh man, that's look my pants actually dried up, yeah. Kids New safe word for when you need to end the scene safely but also bring all arousal to a stop. Just give one of them. Oh, didn't like that it's permanent, is it?
Matt:uh, you know? So yeah uh, also, when I googled this, when I googled nutella pop tarts, yeah, some of the search results I'm gonna send you, like some of the search results, truly do look like someone came on top of a pop tart with some of this homemade frosting if it's got nutella in it. I mean, it's not even the nutella that is in the image that I'm throwing your way. I will put the nut in the Nutella. Hold on, I think I sent you a Google result.
Poch:Oh no, I found it. Yeah, they busted. They nutties all over that Pop-Tart, good Lord they did, oh man.
Matt:Splash zone Get the ponchoesus good lord, so that they look like good pop tarts though did you give us a flavor that you would make?
Poch:oh yes yeah, the reese's, yeah, so zacky d.
Matt:I think we covered this question from all possible inappropriate angles oh yeah, okay, so let's wrap things up in the question segment, also known as the main part of the show, with a question from our good friend, aaron. This uh, this comes from aaron, I believe from the discord as well um, what is our era's library of alexandria? Something that is part of our civilization today, that will be lost in 1200 years and that humans in that time will see as a triumph of our species, wishing they could experience it? I have something that jumped to mind immediately the same, okay, should we do another three, two, one yeah, let's do another three, two, one yeah let's do a three, two one.
Matt:All right, three, two one. Then say it Okay. Three, two, one.
The Watcher:Wikipedia. Donate today.
Poch:Donate today to Wikipedia, is it? It feels like a little bit of the easy answer. Here's what we do. Obviously, it's Wikipedia. Donate today, there is when we eventually lose the internet or there's global collapse. There will be people who do not believe us when we tell them that we had literally the summation of all human knowledge for free, accessible to us at all times. It will be the shame of our species.
Matt:There are people who judge me for how vocal I am about supporting Wikipedia and I know the donate today thing has almost become like some we've said it so much that it almost feels like a breath. You know what I'm saying. Like it's just part of the thing. I authentically donate to Wikipedia, at least minimum once a year. Yeah same. Because Got to Like take $10. You're telling me you haven't spent $10 worth of time on Wikipedia today. Fuck you, you spent it this week on Wikipedia.
Poch:Also I'm going to bits aside comment real quick. I've generally found that the people who get judgmental about voting they're like well, anyone can go on there, okay dog, but you can't. A, you can't.
Matt:There is vetting, but B Recent changes patrol.
Poch:I am a veteran of I don't know if they know how recorded human knowledge has literally always worked. Dog, it's always been open source someone wrote it down. Someone had to write it down. I find that, like the people who are like, well, anyone can go on there and add anything, are also the kind of people who, back in the day, would be like oh man, with the printing press, anyone will be able to write or say anything fuck that no dog go fuck yourself also knowledge is good.
Poch:Keep it it open, keep it free, keep it open source.
Matt:That was kind of the point. Also, I haven't done one of these in a minute. Let me just type into the Wikipedia search bar you didn't ask for this and yep Nope, Still no results. Nobody has found the time, I guess, to enter our show. Listen, I do do it, but that's just sad that that we can't do it, we, we cannot I need to.
Matt:I need to respond to it. You know what I mean. We need to respond to it, we need to critique it. It's like when, when we eventually become big enough, that we have a reddit community, you know, dedicated to us. We can't directly interact, we can only observe. Yeah, we, we you know what I mean Like we're the watchers from Marvel or the watchers from this, from this show.
The Watcher:Eric, oh, she don't forget about the watch he's. He may be sleeping for 17 years, but he's there, he's waiting, he will awake.
Matt:Our watcher. By the way, in my own mental image and the voice we've always given the watcher is a 1966 star trek. Uh, alien species, oh my god. Yes, captain, you've entered our airspace illegally we will give you until, let let's say, 50 minutes for you to vacate this area Careful.
The Watcher:the brood awakens.
Matt:Hold on. Allow me to make a web. It will take some time to complete.
Poch:Now I will leave you in the clutches of my perplexingly humanoid and attractive daughter. Please do not make coitus with her.
Matt:Farewell, my goodness Fair maiden. How are you, oh God, oh my, oh Christ?
The Watcher:Phasers, Mr Tulu.
Matt:They do not make a phaser setting high enough for what I must do oh god, oh shit, oh man, that was, that was, that was a real after sex. Sigh, we just had where's my where's my pop tart.
Poch:Yeah, now I want a pop tart. Babe, I've got a night, I gotta pitch something I've gotta pitch something is that.
Matt:Is that how it begins? That how your role play begins with a pitch meeting?
Poch:yeah, yes, you lay well, because, like, consent is sexy, so we want to pitch.
Matt:We want to pitch the play first I can see you, you, you pull out your little notepad and you're like okay, so here's the elevator pitch. Get this right, Get this shit. All moisture's dried up in the world.
The Watcher:Oh God.
Matt:All right, it's the Library of Alexandria Wikipedia, so excluding Wikipedia from the equation, okay. But yeah, if we were to go with something physical let's get like a physical place, physical I, I've got one well, tell me what it is, for god's sake uh, dolly parton's dream library, oh that that is good. I mean we could go with any of the actual like Library of Congress.
Matt:Library of Congress, or, you know, congress, but like the National Archives, you know something sort of dare I say, yeah, actually historically significant like that, but so is Wikipedia is the thing. Because, not to go back to it, but like it is the community contributing and policing wikipedia, because everybody likes to point the screenshots of, like the oh look, this wikipedia said you know whatever joke that was up for all of 10 seconds, truly, if the longest something like that would last is like a literal 24 hours before the recent strangers patrol gets on it.
Matt:They're gonna fucking see you, because most of and this is another thing about Wikipedia most of Wikipedia these days, in the year of our Lord, 2025, is sourced, and if it's not sourced, it's blatantly obvious that it's not. It says that it's not. What I'm saying is it's a trusted source that comes from our collective consciousness and knowledge and it should be lifted up and celebrated and not ridiculed anymore. This is not 2005, and you are not in sixth grade, unless you are in sixth grade, in which case, thank you for listening to the show, young one.
Poch:When we were in high school and early college it was still very much of the no, you cannot quote Wikipedia and I swear to God, by the time we graduated there, my professor was like, ah, fuck it, it's.
Matt:Wikipedia. It was fine, it works. Yeah, it's fine, it was absolutely fine.
Poch:But aside from Wikipedia, I do. I think Dolly Parton's Dream Library is a good.
Matt:Dolly Parton's dream library is good Because we're going to be sitting general.
Poch:Dollywood, which I will be going to this weekend, because we'll be sitting around the fires in the post-apocalyptic hellscape and we're like, yeah, we actually had this really nice person who would send books to children so they would learn how to read, and she just did this out of the kindness of her fucking heart.
Matt:Is that what made her a communist?
Poch:says the children. That sounds like commie talk, susan oh, you mean in our commune that's literally what we live in you dumb shit.
Matt:And then a shotgun blast rings out.
Poch:Blam Working 9 to 5. I was recently, while we were planning the Tennessee road trip this weekend. We were in our living room so I put on. I just went to YouTube, typed in Dolly Parton playlist and had that playing in the background while we were planning. It started, opens with Jolene and nine to five and the playlist, which is like 15 songs long it's like dolly's top hits opens with jolene and nine to five, closes with jolene and oh, they bookended it.
Matt:Just start. Alpha and Omega. Yes, jolene is the Alpha and the Omega. Oh, what a woman.
Poch:God, what a, when I think, national treasure. Dolly Parton.
Matt:I think Dolly Parton and Jolene, as we've talked about before.
The Watcher:Yes, yes.
Matt:What is your? Who is your? Jolene, write us an email.
Poch:you didn't ask for this email they cannot have flaming locks of auburn hair or green eyes yeah, they can.
Matt:Okay, yeah, they can I allow it.
Poch:You, you send those to me uh, matt what flavor pitch okay back to pop tarts, matt? What Flavor pitch Okay Back?
Matt:to Pop-Tarts Dolly. Pop-tart Dolly.
Poch:Pop-Tart Explain Dolly, pop-tart, dolly part Dolly. Hold on Dolly, dolly, dolly. Computer Synthesize, part top, dolly part top sounds like a, like a, like a dominatrix. It does like drag drag, it doesn't not yeah you know so okay.
Matt:So there's that. I don't know why this jumped to mind. The teletubbies set the teletubbies. It's not an actual place is the problem, but like sesame street, oh yeah pbs.
Poch:I think pbs will be a library of alexandria yeah, in the very near future.
The Watcher:We had this later this year. Yeah, yes, oh god I hate it here.
Poch:Um, honestly, if you want a good list of library of alexandria, uh, candidates, just look at whatever they're posing to cut in congress right now.
Matt:That's, that's look what's been removed from whitehousegov and that ought to be a good comprehensive list. Yes, um, anyway, um what else? Eric. What else is a good comparable to library of alexandria, which I don't think we ever established what it is, in case people didn't know, it was the sum of all human knowledge burned to the ground on Caesar's order.
Poch:And famously, infamously, the actual burning of. While the Library of Alexandria did catch on fire, it wasn't one giant like. It wasn't decimated, it wasn't reduced by a factor of 10, no it it wasn't destroyed in an instant by fire. It actually, like the collapse of library of alexandria, happened over a very long it's greatly exaggerated, is what eric's like trying really good, but god damn, do I want to go there?
Poch:um, I'd love to. No time we've talked about this time machine library of alexandria 100, I just want to peruse. Yeah, I'd also slip some shit in there, just to fuck with them. Put some I'd love to. Oh, we've talked about this Time Machine Library of Alexandria A hundred percent.
Matt:I just want to peruse yeah, I'd also slip some shit in there, just to fuck with them.
Poch:See, this is why we can't time travel.
Matt:Throw a copy of the Da Vinci Code in there. No Eric, no Eric. The cliffhangers, they can't handle it.
Poch:They don't have eight straight hours to read that book as most of the world read it.
Matt:Uh, the international seed bank. I thought you were gonna say the international pancakes.
Poch:Oh, bro, you could go there and they had so many.
Matt:Waffle house will be a library five different flavors of syrup right there on the table you'd only ever use the same one or two.
Poch:You'd only use original, but they were all there, but you'd be curious, you'd do a little finger dollop each time and go. Not for me, no, I don't think so, not today. The fall began when they tried to make burgers their thing for a little bit.
Matt:It was just a gag, eric, we all knew it. It was a bit.
Poch:It was a bit. It was a bit and it did not work. It was a giant flop. And if it's a bit and it didn't work, then it's just shitty.
Matt:Sure, okay, that's encringement there you go, writers everywhere. Your first idea truly bad oh, fucking garbage.
Poch:No, no, no. I'm saying like, if you're gonna, if no, I'm saying this in the context if you're a multi-billion dollar corporation, I expect you, I expect you to be able to to to threat your marketing ideas a little bit better yeah. So there you have it, the library of alexandria.
Matt:You know, dolly parton's dream library teletubbies international house pancakes yeah, but really we're all just trying to come up with answers beyond wikipedia because we nailed it out the gate.
Poch:We, we knocked it out of the park first try. It's wikipedia. It's wikipedia all the way now eric poach.
Matt:I do believe we are coming to the point of this episode where it is time for us to get into it with I'll fucking fight you oh, okay, sure. Now, eric, this is the final round. You enter it up five to four, so you, you do have a lead and, unlike last season, you could win it without any kind of helping hand. You really could, I could, and if I get a turkey here I try I get a hat trick.
Matt:We discuss going hard mode and I tried my best and I will say eric, I think we might have to go to some, either back to locations or something else, if we do another season of google gripes, because I went through so many movies that I wanted to do that I couldn't find good enough. One star reviews every every week, yes I must have gone struggle no, no lie. I must have gone through 20 movies that I was like I'm trying to find something that's both well known and has good, helpful but hard reviews yeah, it's a needle to thread um so, uh, here we are to finish things off.
Matt:Hopefully you don't need the prep. But Google gripes game. We play one star. Google reviews they're real of well-known movies. Eric's up five to four. Eric, are you ready?
Poch:I am so fucking ready.
Matt:All right, here we go. I got three movies for you with three reviews Each. This is film one review one oh M G. I watched this for the first time with my son and husband. My son gave up on it halfway through. My husband and I agreed it was so stupid and the singing was horrific. We really didn't like the movie at all. Okay, so there's singing okay.
Poch:Review number two all Okay, so they're singing Okay.
Matt:Review number two. I didn't care for this movie. It was kind of creepy. The vibe blank was giving, very predatory, which is disgusting. Outside of that, it was just boring. None of the characters were incredibly memorable or likable, the imagery was bland and the story was ridiculous. Fantasy slash fairy tales can be done well, but this isn't it.
Poch:Damn Okay. Singing fairy tales, okay.
Matt:Review number three I tried refunding this seven minutes in, but couldn't Boy do. I hate this 80s campy, bad acting teen movie stuff. The bar for 80s fantasy was just despicably low. I'm blanket banning all future 80s fantasy from now on. The best I could say is that it's visually appealing.
Poch:Okay, so we're getting a lot of heavy. It's fantasy, fairy tale, hmm, music numbers Okay.
Matt:Okay, I think I have it. You think you have it. Eric, Would you like to submit a guess? I submit.
Poch:Yes.
Matt:Labyrinth, labyrinth, youth. You say labyrinth, I say the uh, david bowie vehicle, one might call it yes it's just a movie, matthew, nothing more.
Poch:But if you turn it this way, it will show you your dreams and if you turn it this way, it's the answer, eric, you got it right it is labyrinth very so alissa's if not favorite, one of her favorite movies of all time.
Matt:It was very, very difficult to find a suitable review that didn't mention the muppets um oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I that, yes, god, what a good movie. Okay, all right, now maybe once again.
Poch:Nothing.
Matt:Nothing Tra la la.
Poch:Sorry, that's my favorite line.
Matt:Maybe what I considered to be hard mode wasn't really hard mode. We'll see. You are up six to four now, eric. Are you ready for your second film? Yes, an abhorrent film. Aside from the quite wonderfully filmed and historically accurate depiction of scenery and what life might have been like at a time where greed-driven men preyed on innocent landowners and how absolutely self-centered and unethical a man could be, the movie was absolutely evil in its depiction of religion. Nothing new for Hollywood, but this movie was a new low. Two hours in I wondered if there was ever going to be a point to the movie, but after watching the main character prove he had no redeeming qualities and commit two murders, I found out there was not. I can only pray for the actors who thought it okay to mock God and Christianity in an attempt to prove that there is greed in the world. Okay, an attempt it's my favorite part of that review An attempt to prove there is greed in the world, as if it needs to be proven.
Poch:Yeah, as if that was ever in question Okay, second review Are you ready?
Matt:Yes, I've just wasted two hours for nothing. Boring film. Kept thinking it was going to get into it and never did. Ending was boring and predictable. The ending would have been good if his butler dragged the body into the basement and the camera panned around and there was loads of dead bodies of the people he didn't like in there. That would have at least been something, but it was rubbish. Don't watch it if you're looking for an entertaining film after work. Crying, laughing emoji. Crying, laughing emoji.
The Watcher:Okay.
Matt:Now you do seem like you're chomping at the bit here, which upsets me, but I do have one more review. Okay, total waste of time. Sucked the big one.
Poch:Read the book. That was it. That was it Nice. Those are your three reviews.
Matt:Oh, eric, I really thought you, you knew, I thought you were locked in drainage eli you boy why are you doing there will?
Poch:be blood, air. There will be blood. That's my, that's my, that's my, that's my guess can you imagine if you were wrong?
The Watcher:Oh my.
Matt:God, how stupid you would look right now Bro.
The Watcher:I wouldn't, but no you drank my milkshake.
Matt:You drank my milkshake. I drank it up. It was the butler thing right Again from dozens of episodes ago. That was Eric's eyeballs. You just heard he did it again, this violent rubbing of his eyes.
Poch:The Butler. It was the two murders.
Matt:I thought you'd forget about the first one. Okay, eric. To my disappointment, you are now seven to four, which brings us to our last film. Well, it brings us to your last film that you have to guess anyway. Never heard of it. No one has ever mentioned it until I searched up the word today. I mean, no one even watches this in my place. Okay, yeah, I mean, no one even watches this in my place. Okay, yeah, so in this guy's apartment it's not frequently shown. Review number two it may have been effective back in 1979, but now it is aged as well as milk, with the only exception being visual effects, which still looks amazing. It is way too predictable and ticks off every horror cliche in the book. There is very little else to the story and the characters that make it worthy of a second viewing. Okay, and your final review Garbage movie. So boring. Blank showed up for only 45 seconds just to do jazz hands and stare at man with blowtorch what the fuck okay, so movie from 1979 horror elements.
Poch:Sounds like there's a, a person or thing that is like supposed is like it's like only shows up for 45? Did you jazz hands and scare man with blowtorch is now, is jazz hands man the one scaring someone with a like he's scaring someone with a blowtorch, or he's scaring someone who possesses a blowtorch sentence again is showed up for only 45 seconds and only did jazz hands to scare man with blowtorch.
Matt:So take that how you will, Eric.
Poch:Yeah, I fucking.
Matt:I have a bonus hint for you, but I am only going to give it to you after you submit your guess. Sure, sure, sure, because if I get this Well, I've learned my lessons. Okay, lessons from the past, and what I have to say might indeed give it away that fair. At least I got one that was legitimately hard for you. This is I'm I thought you'd take more than a a heartbeat to get. There will be blood, if I'm gonna be honest yeah, this one, I'm utterly lost.
Poch:I like I don't even have an inkling. The the jazz hands and blowtorch is the.
Matt:Give me that sentence, just that sentence one more time blank, showed up for only 45 seconds and only did jazz hands to scare man with blowtorch. Do you need in like an accent, or yeah?
Poch:Give it to me in like, like a like a transatlantic radio announcer.
Matt:Blank showed up for only 45 seconds and only did jazz hands to scare man with blowtorch. Oh, Mr Smith goes to.
Poch:Washington. No, um, uh, oh man, uh, mr Smith goes to Washington. No, oh man, okay, I've got it, I've got to get it.
Matt:I'm basing this literally, just off, you're going to get it. I can feel it.
Poch:In the first review you mentioned something about looking up a word which I'm assuming means that the title of the movie is a word that most people don't use normally or it might be archaic, but the movie I'm thinking of I have not seen, but I'm like it could be this, and it is a famous movie. I'm going to say Deliverance. Ooh, interesting. Final answer is a famous movie.
Matt:I'm gonna say deliverance, oh, final answer that.
Poch:That because I I I've never seen delivered, but I know it's like a horror movie. I know this is like. I just don't know if there's a bunch of crazy cool oh or what's he gonna do?
Matt:what's he gonna do what? What jumped to my?
Poch:clearly, you had a candidate jumped to my blade. What jumped to mind? Clearly, you had a candidate. Something jumped to mind Blade Runner jumped to mind Blade Runner.
Matt:Okay, so we got Blade Runner and Deliverance, two extremely different movies. Wait, he's cooking, speak it. Speak it now.
Poch:Predator. But that doesn't make sense. I was, I was like, I was like arnie has a, a torch at the end, but I don't remember the the predator, the yautia, as they are known in their tongue, of course doing jazz hand eric I, I think I'm gonna need an answer at it. Yeah, I'm just gonna go with my initial get. I'm gonna say deliverance, final answer. I don't feel good about it, I do not feel confident about it at all.
Matt:Going with deliverance final answer deliverance final answer. Didn't feel good about it didn't feel good about, nor should you. It wasn't right, it wasn't even close son of a bitch you were much. You were much closer with your third guess, because this is a film, eric, that you recently gave me shit for not seeing, except I now have seen it, just like Star Trek. It's all been a part of a theme, eric Alien, you saw Alien.
Poch:Bro, you finally saw Alien.
Matt:The scene that you've been trying to conjure up is when he's going through the vents with the literal flamethrower and it turns on the alien for five seconds and he puts the hands up or, I'm sorry, she puts the hands up.
Poch:Yes, god, yeah, I my. My disappointment in missing it is immensely outweighed by the fact that I got the first two.
Matt:But now you've seen alien I saw alien and I just want to say I this was another night when lindsey wasn't here and so I was just watching movies that I know she doesn't have an interest in. And I watched alien and I damn near I finished the movie at like 11 o'clock and you know work and whatnot, so I went to bed, but I was very tempted to just boot up Aliens.
Poch:Dude, it's a perfect movie.
Matt:Let me tell you, alien holds the fuck up. I knew very well what was going to happen in that movie. I literally know the plot of the movie and it still was so fucking suspenseful. It's such a fucking good movie and Aliens, I know, is very well regarded as well, so I'm interested in the. We're going from one director, ridley scott, to james cameron, so I'm interested to see how that plays out I will not tell you anything about plot of aliens.
Poch:All you should know, really, is that you're moving from a ridley scott to a james. You're moving from a suspense to a action movie, and it's still well, the poster alone gives that away.
The Watcher:But but uh damn yeah, it was.
Matt:It was really really great. I would watch it again right this very second. Yeah, it was really good I mentioned blade runner um.
Poch:Canonically, blade runner and alien take place in the same universe oh really yeah, yeah, very interesting uh, there there's a lot of um, because ridley scott also directed blade runner of course um, but like there's a lot of tie-ins to the alien universe and a lot of different media, firefly takes place in the same universe as really. Yeah, there's a way.
Poch:There's a weyland yutani crate in the background of one of the uh I see I see, god, my and can we just talk about real quick just one of the one of the the greatest lines in movie history? Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility oh, ian home is great in that ian home is a fucking treasure he was something else.
Matt:He was good. John hurt was great. I mean, of course, obviously john hurts great, but everybody was great. Sigourney weaver is incredible. Uh, but the. Honestly, I was blown away by the, the, just how well the, the suspense holds up, it's really really good and and and and something I I admire about the movie a lot.
Poch:I think like it's good for people to be like mindful of is like if that movie came out at a time where you go into that movie thinking dude in the vents was the hero, like was the main character, yeah, yeah of the movie and then he fucking just he just fucking dies, yeah, he just gets fucking murder, like what. Like, oh, the engineer is the fucking hero, hell yeah they didn't know what they had.
Matt:But nevertheless, we're not here doing oops. All tensions, eric. We are here to talk about google gripes and you end this season at seven to four. Live live score seven to four.
Poch:So that means we're at a point where we fucking christ, if you get all three, I have to hope for a tire. You have to hat trick it. I have to hat trick it and then we have to come up with an even more convoluted tiebreaker and I know for a fact you're gonna come hard for me.
Matt:I got to, you've got to because, quite frankly, it's yours to lose.
Poch:Oh, bro, don't tell me that. It's all yours to lose. Here I am, game in hand you pick three impossible things for me.
Matt:There's no way I can get through it. But we'll have to get to that next time. Next time On another fantastic adventure, which is how I felt like every single episode of Star Trek wanted to end. Yes, next time on another fantastic adventure of the USS Enterprise. Yeah, I mean, that's just the vibe it gives us off. Also the reason I say I'm oh, we, we didn't. We talked about that off mic. I was just going to say we were talking about casting.
Poch:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Matt:Star Trek in the Adept universe.
Poch:And I, such fucking dorks we were, we were dream casting members of our members of the discord into into Star Trek.
Matt:I do feel that you and I are not necessarily Spock and or Kirk. If the discord want to take this as a launching point, I do feel I am a candidate for, as you pointed out, bones and Scotty bones coded. Well, and Scotty, because I just I've. I. How many times in my life have I been like damn it, jim, I can't push it any faster. Jim, we're only at 79%, jim. Damn it, poach, I'm like damn it, jim, I can't push it any faster.
The Watcher:Jim, we're only at 79%, Jim, Damn it, Poach. I'm an actor, not a doctor.
Matt:Oh my God, I need a super cut. The last thing I'll say about Sergeant Jim I need a super cut of all the things Bone says that he isn't, but he's a doctor.
Poch:Yeah, it's just so good.
Matt:I'm a doctor, not a dentist. I'm a doctor, not an archaeologist.
Poch:I think I'd be the Gorn.
Matt:Yeah.
Poch:You'd be a good Gorn, I'd be, oh, your Gorn your dag Gorn right, your dag Gorn right.
Matt:And I want to see some dag Gorn good gripes out of you next time around, eric, because that I think will about do it for this episode of you. Didn't ask for this. We already gave you the reasons to uh, join our patreon. It's at patreoncom slash. You didn't ask for this, do it. Why don't you do it? Do it now and enjoy all this bonus content. That's just honestly. We're just dripping it out. We got that spreadsheet for for poach, we've got the, uh, the super cut, for sure, the survivor spreadsheet's out there, but I, I am dropping this, uh, this thing, exclusively for and if, if, for some reason, I'm saying this live, if discord doesn't, let me drop it, I will put it on patreon as a, as an oops, all tangents, tangent.
Poch:Nice, a tangent to the tangent.
Matt:That's just a random MP3. Here you go, that's for you, but we do need your questions. It's our bread and butter, after all. You can send them to us. You didn't ask for this gmailcom, that's all spelled out. Or on blue sky, facebook, youtube, tiktok, etc. Etc. Etc, but primarily Instagram at. You Didn't Ask Pod. That's the letter. You Didn't Ask Pod. Send in your questions today, eric.
Matt:Did I miss any of the business you didn't miss a goddamn thing, my man, although one more thing I will say is you do not need to be a member of the Patreon to get our merch, though, and you can get that from. You Didn't ask for this dot com slash shop. You didn't ask for this dot com as of now, still working on a new version of our website for you, but that should be dropping pretty soon, but it might already be out by the time this episode airs. But because we are a little bit ahead of schedule here, but that's neither here nor there. Go buy our shit, is what I'm trying to say.
The Watcher:Did I miss?
Matt:anything, eric? No, well then, for God's sake for all of us here, you didn't ask for this. My name's Matthew Shea, my name's Eric Poach, and listen, you didn't ask, but that's all you wanted to do.
Poch:That's all I had to do, Just the theme huh, that was all the dilithium crystal in the tank.
The Watcher:Oh God, so much of this goddamn crystal, so much.
Poch:We always have not enough or too much somehow.
Matt:It feels like maybe we need to take better care of our inventory.
The Watcher:Who can say you?