You Didn't Ask For This
You Didn't Ask For This
119 | The Eric Ultimatum
You've heard his questions. Now...hear from the Dairy King himself. Eric D'Errico is on the show! Eric D. shares how he became lactose royalty and hits us with some of his top-notch quandries, such as: "If you had to legally marry a sandwich, what sandwich would you choose?"
But wait, there's more! For the first time, our guest has brought us a game of their own...
Looking for Matt's Survivor Guide? Look no further!
Join our Patreon!
$1/month
- Access to the YDAFT Discord
$4/month
- Access to the YDAFT Discord
- 20% off all merch
- Access to our monthly bonus episodes..."Opps! All Tangents!"
Go to https://www.patreon.com/youdidntaskforthis to become a member!
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
So this is appropriate. Okay, the theme of today's episode is going to be very Eric forward.
Matt:It is going to be Eric forward, eric dominant.
Poch:Eric dominant, eric supremacy Sure, if that's what you want to say, eric.
Matt:Nope, you already said it, eric. Ultimatum We'll get all the borns in there.
Poch:The Eric ultimatum yes, an Eric ultimatum, we'll get all the borns in there. The Eric ultimatum yes. So I've been watching the Righteous Gemstones Finally.
Matt:Thank God, Finally. I've been pushing it on you.
Poch:This is something you all need to understand about me. I might have brought this up before. I legitimately like y'all need to understand that I start watching things like three years after their culturally relevant minimum. Like I with few exceptions, it's usually at least three years after it's started that I'm like all right, I should probably check this out.
Matt:I agree that that is normally the case with you. This out, I agree that that is normally the case with you. But if you're about to say Righteous Gemstones, is that even though this year was the last season and it wrapped up, this is also the year I watched it. I tried to catch up in real time. I feel like it's a Schitt's Creek kind of show where by the time the last, it only got to the mainstream of everybody being like you got to watch Righteous Gemstones in preparation for the last season. Only got like to the mainstream of everybody being like you gotta watch righteous gemstones in preparation for the last season gotcha like I think that's when it hit the zeitgeist, and it was already ending um, but.
Poch:But I say all that to say in the season I'm on season two and in this season, going back to eric forward eric um starring eric roberts oh yeah, now I'm watching season two Eric Foward, eric Foward Starring Eric Roberts oh yeah, now I'm watching season two. I'm looking at Eric Roberts and me and Alyssa, both the entire time like where have I seen this guy?
Matt:I know where you've seen him.
Poch:And, as it turns out, Matt the man is like Do you want me to?
Matt:Can I guess where I think you discovered? You know, eric Roberts from.
Poch:I do have it written down here, like what my Eric Roberts touchstone is, so please.
Matt:Your Eric Roberts touchstone for you. Eric Roberts, if you don't know him by name, you know him by face. He's a great character actor. He's in a bunch of stuff.
Poch:He's in over 700 movies. He's one of the most prolific actors of all time.
Matt:He's really in a ton of stuff. You probably know him right off the bat from the dark knight yes, that is my touchstone, he was. He was maroney in the dark night and like when I'm the dark knight.
Poch:That's right, but then I started looking through his. I was like holy shit and and like I started, and that's really the. The subject of today's cold open is it's fucking with my head, because like this dude's in over 700 films. I've probably been seeing him in movies my entire life and just not realizing it A hundred percent. And like he's, he's like he's. So how long have I've just been like Eric Roberts, pilled and not understood that that was what was happening.
Matt:I mean Eric Roberts. What's your Eric Roberts touchdown? My air under the dark night. What was happening? I mean Eric Roberts. What's your Eric Roberts touchdown? The Dark Knight.
Poch:I'd say the Dark Knight. Okay, I mean, I think that's one of his. Oh, fall from this high up. Fall won't kill me, fall won't kill me.
Matt:I'm counting on it. I'm counting on it. Yeah, I don't think. I think Eric Roberts similarly, for our generation, the Dark Knight was his big like, his biggest role, like biggest highest profile role of our, like, high school age.
Poch:But he's in so much, yeah, like as I was looking up Eric Roberts, like most people discuss him online.
Matt:Everyone has, like each generation has different fucking eric roberts touchdowns like for for some people he'll be like oh, the guy from uh righteous gemstones, like for season two, yeah, because but he and I mean he's so different, like just take those two roles. He from maroney wildly to um. I forget his character's name in Junior. Thank you, totally different. Totally different.
Poch:So different, an amazing actor.
Matt:Another amazing actor in this same realm, I would say, is the recently passed away, unfortunately, harris Ulan, who you know, eric, as, if nothing else, as Buddy in Ozark.
Poch:Yes, he's incredible as buddy in Ozark.
Matt:Yes, he's incredible as buddy in Ozark I didn't know he passed away. He died last week when we were recording this. He died last week. Oh my God, he was like, I believe 92.
Poch:Did not have that on my bingo card?
Matt:No, but Eric, you know him from other stuff. Yeah, this is the thing. He was the judge in Ghostbusters 2.
Poch:Yes, oh my God, it's the Scolari brothers.
Matt:Gave the chair 20 years ago.
Poch:He also plays the oh, that was Buddy in Ozark.
Matt:That was Buddy in Ozark. He also plays the crooked cop in Scarface that Al Pacino famously calls the cockroach Cockroach. You fucking cockroach, Cockroach, you fucking cockroach, you fucking cockroach. That's Harris Yulin too. He's in so much stuff. He also has an arc on Frasier. I will say A multi-episode arc on. I want to say season four, but I don't know that offhand.
Poch:Earlier today, as Alyssa and I were getting breakfast, she turns to me and says what's that she's like, what's that one character's name from Frasier and Matt, the sheer you might've felt, the tremor from the sheer willpower it took me to not immediately respond. Oh, you mean Frasier, Eric, she was talking about Niles.
Matt:Oh my God, she didn't know niles's name.
Poch:I know, I know, uh, I've never watched. Um, shut the fuck up, you've never watched frazier. This is not the first time we're talking about this eric, you've never.
Matt:You're telling me, you've never seen an episode of an episode of eric. I am standing up and off camera. Now You're telling me you have not seen.
Poch:Frazier, I think it gang. I think it makes him so angry every time I bring it up that he forgets all the other times that I've brought it up.
Matt:I can't you know what it is. I can't imagine a human who doesn't know and love Frazier. I know, and I'll say this to you, eric it's on Paramount+, you can watch it anytime. My wife is watching Frasier with me for the first time, like from the beginning. Yeah, it's our, like, one of our wind down shows now.
Poch:Toss and salad scrambling eggs.
Matt:Absolutely. Oh, and you've never seen Frasier. I'll tell you this I, as someone who very much lives to make my wife laugh, yes, I have rarely heard her laugh as hard and as often as during any old episode of Frasier Damn.
Poch:So, like I'm telling you, dr Lindsay Barr is a, is a is a. You'll pardon the pun, she's a tough laugh.
Matt:It's a high bar. It's a high bar If you get an LOL, a laugh out loud, out of Lindsay. You fucking had a good joke.
Poch:Oh, that makes my day. Oh, yeah, it makes if I make Lindsay crap.
Matt:It's a daily challenge for me.
Poch:Oh, I can't imagine brother.
Matt:I mean the pressure I'm under Eric.
Poch:Her standards are so high, impossibly high, impossibly, unreasonably high.
Matt:I don't know where we go from here. Yeah, start the show. All right, great, let's do it. Fuck yeah, brother.
Poch:Nailed it.
Matt:Well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this. It is the podcast answering life's least pressing questions. My name's Matthew Shea. My name's Eric Poach least pressing questions. My name is matthew shea, my name is eric poach, and joining us today we have a certifiable you daft giant. He I. I feel like he's been here since the beginning, mr poach, oh, what is that? Are the trumpets sounding? It better be. I'm praying for the king. All hail the king baby. It's Eric Dairy King. 11 to Eric-o in the house.
Eric D'Errico:All hail, thank you, thank you, everybody Appreciate it, appreciate it. Thank you. You may or may not hear me, but thank you, we don't know.
Matt:We did have some technical difficulties and we are now recording on a prayer. Yes, yes, uh, but eric, but hey guys, hey it has been, you've been with us for so long. A loyal question submitter but not long enough and yet not long enough. Yeah, it's never long enough. How, eric? I usually start saying eric poach, how are you? I'm gonna say eric derrico, how are you?
Eric D'Errico:this won't get confusing at all with no erics but uh uh, things are going great, I'm doing well. Um, my son, your godchild, is uh six, six, six months old now.
Matt:Yes, yes, thanks to our advice.
Eric D'Errico:He's going strong, he's living strong. Thanks to you guys.
Matt:We were going to check it. It is one of my questions I have for you. I did want to know how Derek Eric Derrico is doing Also one of?
Poch:yeah, because he stands to inherit all of our lands in our untimely deaths.
Eric D'Errico:All of our families.
Poch:Nothing, our friends Nothing.
Matt:Eric Derek Derrico, everything Our godson will receive it all, all our kingdom.
Eric D'Errico:Perfect, he's doing great, I'm doing great and I'm ready to rock and roll and provide our millions of listeners some entertainment.
Matt:Hell yeah, we love to hear it, we love to self-actualize that way Manifest and attack, manifest and attack. So that would imply that you've brought some questions for us. Is that true? Yes, I have. Well, mr Poach, unless you have any upfront questions for the king, I say we jump right in because you have also brought with us something. No other guest thus far has you brought us a game. Is that correct?
Eric D'Errico:I did because you guys, you don't get to play a game together ever. It's always one or the other.
Matt:Only when we go over to the neat cast do we get to do that.
Eric D'Errico:So yeah, we'll do a game at the end, which will be a surprise until we get there.
Matt:I love it, I love it. So let's reveal those questions, then, and jump right into business.
Eric D'Errico:So, question I have nine, so I'm going to read them off and then we'll choose the best from there. So, number one, why do you think I'm nicknamed? Read them off and then we'll let's go the best the best from there. So, number one, why do you think I'm nicknamed the dairy King?
Poch:It is one of my other questions, I also love it when a guest provides their own meaningful interview questions.
Eric D'Errico:You can save that for later if you want to.
Matt:Well, all right. So dairy King question mark yeah. So Dairy King question mark yeah, Dairy King, why.
Eric D'Errico:One focused on Matt. Matt, what's a spreadsheet that would help Eric's life?
Poch:Oh, that's good Damn.
Matt:I mean, I've created many for him that mostly go unused or referenced, but you were saying Derek King, one for Poach.
Eric D'Errico:Yep, create a rave that Matt will actually attend and a joy, yes. Question four you have a superpower. The superpower is you could cause a minor inconvenience in someone's life. What do you do if a public restroom had a yelp review? What's considered a five-star toilet experience? Yep, that's really funny if you had to combine two muppets to describe your personality, which two Muppets would you choose? Okay, ooh.
Matt:That's tough.
Eric D'Errico:If you had the same machine that Steve Urkel had to turn into Stefan Urkel, what would happen when you walked into said machine?
Matt:Oh yeah, this is going to be a good one.
Eric D'Errico:And then, if you legally had to marry a sandwich, what type of sandwich would make the best spouse? Yep.
Matt:Best spouse sandwich. All right, I've got them written down here. And as always, solid gold, yeah, obviously, that goes without saying. I think the one for each of us. We should do, right, eric, 100%. So we should do that. I got these others written down, so why don't we start with the top three, or the first three, beginning with why we this is interesting why we think he's Dairy King, yeah, and then, after such a time, you can give us the real answer In interview as we go.
Eric D'Errico:Oh, I like that Breaking the form of that Eric poach?
Matt:Why is Erica the king?
Poch:of dairy spaghetti at the wall. You were district manager for dairy queen and district manager for dairy king. You worked at a dairy queen at some point in your life and were like an. You were a pillar of the community in your time there, Spaghetti at the wall.
Matt:You won a milk chugging contest at the age of 14. And you conquered the milk chugging contest and then immediately became lactose intolerant. Yeah, you got any other good options?
Poch:I was gonna slide one under the door at the last minute and you kind of covered it, which was you're actually massively lactose intolerant.
Eric D'Errico:I was just saying. The dairy queen angle seems a little simple to me I know too simple.
Matt:He called you simple I'm not gonna say I
Eric D'Errico:expected, but I expected better out of you.
Poch:No, that's fair.
Matt:It wasn't his best effort. I'll help you out, Eric. You secretly have a creamery.
Poch:Worked on a dairy farm. I would absolutely believe.
Eric D'Errico:Worked on a daily farm.
Matt:You have that salt of the earth about you connecticut is known for its dairy farms absolutely, but so is wisconsin, where you used to live and operate a cheese farm and factory and distillery an assumed name?
Poch:did you become like the heisenberg of milk factory?
Matt:he had to hide out, he's the dairy king he had to hide out. He's the Dairy King. He had to hide out. Okay, so what I'm picturing now is you actually had some sort of monopoly over the cheddar industry in Wisconsin and then had sort of this mafia sort of altercation. You had to be hidden away. You're in witness protection. Yeah, You're to be hidden away. You're in witness protection.
Poch:Yeah, you're in lactose protection. I always like, I like to imagine yeah, like when you're being interviewed, you're all in shadow, your voice is distorted and they're like so how much were you taking off the top during?
Matt:this time. And you mean as we are viewing him now in silhouette, and a changed voice.
Poch:Yeah, Silhouette and a changed voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is correct, that is correct, but I'm imagining the interviewer being like so how much were you skimming off the top as you were embezzling these funds and you just look at the camera and go 2%?
Eric D'Errico:See, I was going to go, we skimmed away. I was going to go with the skimmed away. I was going to say you were slicing off the top.
Matt:So much better, Matt. Can we cut that? I was saying slice off the top.
Poch:Slice off the top. The pasta-bilities are endless.
Matt:Pasta-bilities.
Poch:That doesn't have dairy in it. Eric, I love a creamy pasta. Matthew, I will knife a bitch for some penne alla vodka. Well, who wouldn't?
Matt:Who wouldn't, who wouldn't? Okay, so I assume we're in the ballpark.
Poch:We obviously nailed it.
Eric D'Errico:I assume, we're in the dairy cow pen. I will say one of the things you said is in the ballpark.
Poch:Which thing was it? I swear to God, if you tell me it was working at Dairy Queen, I'll be so angry.
Eric D'Errico:My parents used to own a dairy queen.
Matt:Oh, growing up used to own.
Eric D'Errico:You say they owned a dairy queen. They retired. They retired. I became dairy king and then they sold the business. Damn, I was only dairy king for one day, but I kept it.
Matt:Is the Dairy King. Okay, so the 11 is just what number you had to make it work on X.
Eric D'Errico:My favorite number is 11.
Poch:Likewise Did you just Were you just swimming in free ice cream and, more importantly, did you just have buckets of Blizzard toppings on tap?
Eric D'Errico:Free ice cream my entire life growing up. I would never buy ice cream anywhere because I would just get free ice cream at work. Yeah, I would be able to invent my own blizzards. So whatever toppings I could possibly think of, I threw in that little machine and then also for birthdays. Instead of bringing cupcakes for your birthday in school, you brought little tiny ice cream cups.
Poch:Oh my god, dude, you were a pillar of the community. You were hands down the coolest fucking kid in your school, Also at the very least, everyone was excited for your birthday. Yes, Tangential question what is the wildest fucking thing you ever put in that blizzard machine?
Matt:Tell us those dirty blizzards.
Eric D'Errico:A hot dog, a hot dog. I made a hot dog blizzard once.
Poch:That is my fucking king. A glizzard, a glizzard.
Eric D'Errico:A glizzard. A glizzard Was definitely the wild Guzzling blizzards. It was disgusting, but I did do it.
Poch:You flew too close to the sun and then licked it. You're my fucking hero.
Matt:Let me ask you this Okay, I would think you heard our brief. You daft and afraid. Introduction to the segment when we went to a Dairy Queen.
Eric D'Errico:Yes, yes.
Matt:What notes do you have for us? What notes?
Poch:do you have for that Dairy Queen? From your very limited exposure to it From that episode months ago.
Matt:Months, it was over a year ago, my guy Son of a bitch. I do not recall, but I can listen back and I will give you extensive notes, god, no, I wouldn't ask anyone to do that.
Poch:If someone put a gun to my head and asked me to tell them what we talked about, I can't get Eric to re-listen to tell them what we talked about in. I can't.
Matt:I can't get eric to re-listen to these things, let alone, let alone, moment. What's that? I live in the moment. Yeah, I know you do. You can't be contained or pinned down by such cannot be domesticated.
Poch:I am catch and release you, you are catching release.
Matt:I'm catching you, little devil you you're the catch, I'm the release. All right, well, jerry.
Poch:King. That's so fucking awesome. That is a great. That is amazing.
Matt:That's a great reveal. That's a great way to have done it. The truth has come out. All right. So we got two questions for each of us. Mine is what spreadsheet would benefit Eric the most? Yes, mine is what spreadsheet would benefit Eric the most.
Eric D'Errico:Is that right that would help Eric's life, benefit him the most. Whatever you want to take it, and poaches is a rave that.
Matt:I would actually want to attend.
Eric D'Errico:I assume that means without For free, for free, I was going to say without my fee, without my mosh fee and worth noting.
Poch:there typically aren't mosh pits at a rave. Depends on the rave, but usually by default. Most people assume there would not be a mosh pit there yeah, because the whole goddamn thing is a mosh pit.
Matt:Spread me, matthew. Spread all right. Well, I'll get you in the sheets one way or the other. Well, let let's see what could I put in a data bank that would help Eric. Well, I would say the things we've talked about in each episode. But again, that spreadsheet exists, yeah, and he can consult it at any time. Yeah, doesn't, but could.
Eric D'Errico:Maybe a list of the Google gripes that you guys have done maybe.
Matt:Don't worry, we have that too, Weird.
Poch:That's weird, and we have stress tested it. Oh, we've stress tested it. Alright, I tested Matt's stress for the fact that he created this cheat.
Matt:I don't know, Eric, do you need a budget document?
Poch:Honestly, a budget document would help.
Matt:What could I build for you? That would you know what I think? I just thought of it. And this transitions to a little bit of business we have to sneak in regarding bingo, because the next episode we're going to do our bingo update. It's been, you know, now that we're getting into July, here we'll do a bingo update of the first half of the year, and that is important because it was just revealed when we're recording this that our boy, joey Chestnut, is returning to the Independence Day, nathan's famous hot dog competition.
Poch:Thank God, yeah, and that was a bingo square. Richard the Lionheart returning from the Crusades.
Matt:That was a bingo square and it is your Eric Derrico's fourth bingo square in a row. You need just one more, one more. What? What's the one and the one more that you need to be the first person to get you daft bingo? Is that some major outlet credits corpo cuck as the word of the year?
Eric D'Errico:Goddamn To threading the needle I am going to spam every AI with that word.
Matt:You better be asking chat GBT to tell every single submission to work in Corpo Cook.
Poch:My God, the needle you must thread.
Matt:Everyone out there, make this happen for the king Come on Work it. Just drop it in your casual Slack conversation.
Poch:Say God, kyle, what a corpo cuck Like Goku unto the spirit bomb. Lend him your algorithm.
Matt:That being said, I think one of the other bingo squares that I think we can mark off, if it hasn't been officially marked off, is from a low, I believe. Wait, was this last year you getting into Survivor? Is that this year?
Poch:Last year was me getting into Survivor.
Matt:Yeah, that's what I thought, Because you did.
Poch:I did. I super got into Survivor.
Matt:But you only know the new era really. I don't know my history. You only know the new era really, I don't know my history. And the bits of lore I have left you in an enthusiastic haze via voice memo, tiktok links and voice mail links and TikTok links. I would make a spreadsheet for you because we're coming up on season 50, which will have a bunch of returning players. I would make a spreadsheet for you, eric, that has where these players came from, like their original seasons, matthew, yes, seasons that are notable, that you have to, seasons that I think you can skip, as someone who's seen every single episode of Survivor, yes, and other fun little factoids in preparation for season 50. That is a spreadsheet I think you could actually use and get into. Yes.
Poch:That would be insane and wonderful.
Matt:I'm sure somebody's already done it out there on the internet, but I would make my version for you, but it wouldn't be your, yeah it wouldn't be the correct one.
Matt:It wouldn't have the, it wouldn't have the gin and shake law that I could bring to it. And guess what? Everybody, I have done just that. I have built the survivor season 50 prep cheat sheet. But why should Eric be the only one who benefits, I ask you? I've made it available for public consumption, link in the show notes and on the Discord. All right, eric, let's talk raves, let's talk mosh pits.
Poch:So if I could, craft, a rave for my dear, dear friend, matthew Shea. So here's you're going to. Instinctually, people are going to wonder like, oh, what music? That is immaterial. What Matthew needs to enjoy himself at a rave are creature comforts, creature comforts that I myself often find myself craving when I'm at a show of any kind. Very interesting, so here's thing number one One it's going to be a silent disco. Okay, so it will be one of those affairs where everyone brings their headphones or their ear pods and that's where the music's being pumped in yeah so matt at any time can just pop them right out and be in the quiet eric, you're starting off on the right foot.
Eric D'Errico:I gotta say yes, yes, yes I think there needs to be a three foot space between people.
Poch:Yes, like like a healthy, a healthy buffer it. It, I think, clearly labeled dancing your face off zones. So like almost like Ooh, you know how. Like you know, it's like a pool that gets gradually deeper. So like at the way, at the back, it's just people talking about their day, like you know, like there's like 10 feet between everyone and as you get like a little further in to Matt's comfort level he can, the people start to get a little closer, the lights start to get a little more intense.
Matt:Just get your feet wet at the at the shallow end.
Poch:A grave-edient Like a gradient but with a rave.
Matt:It almost sounds like you're trying to kill me, but sure I know it sounds very cryptkeeper by the end of this rave. You will be in your grave.
Poch:Rave to the grave. Oh, now I have to do a cryptkeeper at a rave.
Matt:You don't. You're an adult man who can make your own choices. Make sure you stay hydrated.
Poch:We wouldn't want you to die out um so crypt keeper or mark hamill's Joker?
Matt:A little bit of both. A little column, A a little column B.
Poch:He didn't play the Crypt Keeper. Did he Watch out for those glow sticks? They'll knock your lights out. He always does the little.
Matt:No, it's John Kasser, by the way. Way is the voice of the cryptkeeper.
Poch:Yeah, john casser um from baltimore, huh from baltimore apparently baltimore's own oh oh yeah, I had no idea uh, so there would be a a grave dint to the to the thing, so you'd you'd be able to. I feel like matt will be happiest when he can choose his level of engagement anytime Also, so the dance floor will have that levels of intensity he may choose. It'll be a silent disco. Pop your headphones in and out, and there will at all times be a quiet room available to you.
Poch:At any point you can just be like I'm just gonna, and you're gonna sit in a lounge chair. You're gonna hydrate. There's screens showing you the show you can like.
Matt:Fiddle with the volume now is the quiet room. Also, is it the same as like a crying room at a church or a child forward event? You know what I'm saying.
Poch:Yes, but there's lots of snacks.
Matt:Okay, but what I'm saying is is the quiet room really quiet or will there be screaming babies there?
Poch:Oh no, screaming babies. No, no, no, Just checking this will be like your own little. Yeah, this is your own lounge, All right.
Matt:Okay, yes, yes yes, yes, yes eric, this is this.
Poch:Of all the the mosh pits you've pitched me, this is the most appealing to me I, I think so, and then and then what we, what we could also do, is, because you've got to have a rave outfit, because you're going to a rave, but like I want to think I, because when I think of you, matt, I think like, cozy, rave, okay. I think like, like you're, you're, you're covered in glowing light up shit, but it's a cardigan, nice, nice, you're, you've got, yeah, you've got some like well ventilated cargo shorts to go with it and like, yeah, you, you've, you've, we'll, we'll just take your present outfit and we'll bedazzle it. We'll throw some cool kick-ass lights.
Poch:We have a little, a little, a little bandolier of glow sticks perhaps the uh, perhaps the corners of the pit have like a little lounge, literal lounge section of couches or yes, and and for the music um, the beauty of the edm rave scenes and stuff is, if it exists, there is rave version of it that goes so fucking hard and they'll catch us like I'm talking.
Matt:Billy joel remix oh, eric, I was just about to you. You better be careful here with what you say. Oh yeah, yeah, no, no, no Like they will think I'm going to abide a Billy Joel rave edition. They will come. Correct man, all right. They better, they will come correct.
Poch:I will tell you this man I was bopping out my car the other day to like a hardcore EDM remix of Jolene by Dolly Parton. It rips so hard. I was listening to one of 17 by Stevie Nicks, oh sure.
Matt:I believe you're referring to the song Edge of 17. Edge of 17.
Poch:Thank you, it's always been present, but recently there has been a new push of 80s stuff that's getting remixed really well, what what is old is now new again.
Eric D'Errico:uh rebirth a renaissance a renaissance a ravissance a ravissance scenes from an italian edm concert matthew shea, the ravants man Many have described me as such.
Poch:Yes, oh, I can only imagine it now. I know you haven't seen Oliver and Company, am I remembering?
Matt:that correctly, you are correct.
Poch:I have not seen Oliver and Company. For those of my babies who have, can you imagine the things? You choose to remember the things you choose to get lodged into the crystalline forms of my brain. Yes.
Matt:I have not seen Oliver and Company.
Poch:But for those of you who know what the fuck is up, just imagine the rave remix of like why should I worry? Why should I care? Oh, it would rip so hard. So, yeah, I think we can get you set up nice. I think we can get you set up nice, I think we get you set up nice.
Matt:I think you've done good.
Poch:I think you've done some good work and, of course, I will make sure that wherever you're sleeping that night, like we, we'll get a hotel you'll. You'll be, you'll have, we'll stumble back to your hotel like you won't have to drive or transport. Don't drive home.
Matt:You're good, oh nice, very good, um, eric, eric's. I think this is good, I think this is very hell. Yeah, I think we're on the right track here and I think, for the next uh question, I think you, since you've got a bunch here, I want to know from you, derrick king, which one you want us to answer, because they're all bangers. They're all bangers. You're making this once again oops, all bang, oops, all bangers, all bangers, no mash.
Eric D'Errico:I think I want to know what a five-star bathroom Yelp experience is.
Matt:Yeah, it was only a matter of time until we got to it. So when you're talking public restroom, you mean like any old thing, from like a McDonald's to like a restaurant, to a hotel lobby.
Poch:It's got to be a bathroom, like the best experience, like a five-star experience.
Eric D'Errico:Public bathroom. Public bathroom.
Poch:Yeah yeah, I didn't need a reservation to have access to this bathroom Like I am.
Matt:Okay, I'm going to start out with a bold claim, with a tweak. I'd like a bathroom attendant, but I want him outside the bathroom. I don't want the pressure of knowing he's waiting by the sink. I want him, in his little stand or whatever, to be right outside. The maitre d' of the bathroom needs to be outside of the bathroom and he can provide me with whatever information bathroom attendants provide. I don't think I've ever actually encountered a bathroom attendant in my day. I'm not in the right tax bracket for it I have and it's.
Poch:And it's every bit as awkward and anxiety inducing as you would think, because the entire time do I tip this guy, do I have to do? I talk like what do I? I?
Matt:I would. I'd be all bit central with him. It reminds me of the time that I pulled up to the Lord Baltimore Hotel in Baltimore appropriately, baltimore here. It's a very nice hotel. The job I was doing at the time was having a gala there, so we were staying overnight in the hotel as part of the thing. Anyway, at the time I was driving a 1997 Pontiac Grand Prix and so I pulled up and I knew immediately like the guy in front of me is driving like a BMW, there's a Lexus behind me. You know, there's all these luxury cars. And I remember, getting out with my keys, that I twirled and handed to the guy and said, hey, not a scratch. I'd have to do something like that when I found a bathroom attendant, but I would like the works in terms of the kitchen arrangement. Mouthwash, I want moisturizer, should I?
Poch:choose to use it. And and let's, let's pretend for a second that we're. You know we're living in like the cap, we don't care about environmentally conscientious. I want single use mouthwashes single use? I want to know that, no other lit like like little, like you know, like just little little swisher, bottles, just yeah, travel size, travel yeah so I I I'm not pulling from a jug and I don't know what the fuck I'll accept a Listerine strip if the attendant gives it to me, pulls out the little mouth strip for the gentleman, don't mind me, here's mine.
Poch:If you've ever watched videos of high precision CNC cnc machining where, like they cut metal out of other metal and it's like they did it to such like the tolerance is so small that when it slides in you can't even perceive a seam yeah that is what I want with the door situation yes, yes, no peakies, no, no peekies, because florida ceiling stalls for for our friends across the pond you might be listening to this and who who may have visited america.
Poch:America is egregious in the fucking gaps we have in stall doors, so, like when the stall door is closed, they're still like easily an inch and a half of just open gap and they can see all. And the toilets are always positioned so that that seam lines up right with my right with my biscuits and gravy. Yeah, right, with my business, and I hate it. The best gravy, my biscuits and gravy. Do make of that what you will.
Matt:I was gonna say normally a liquid isn't used in that euphemism, but okay, the best bathroom door I have encountered.
Poch:these are in National Harbor in Maryland, at the Gaylord National Resort. I knew it would be the goddamn Gaylord Dude. Their bathroom stall game is so because each stall is its own self-contained little room and the door not only goes wall-to-wall no seams it goes floor-to-ceiling.
Matt:Yeah, that's what it needs to be. It needs to be floor-to-ceiling. I want to feel like I'm in my own room and I'll tell you an establishment, a chain establishment that isn't around these parts anymore, is removed, and it brings me great sorrow. Bahama Breeze did that, bahama.
Poch:Breeze had like rip bahama those stalls were like little cabanas and oh, I was by myself in there.
Matt:I didn't feel any pressure. I felt like I could disappear into that room.
Eric D'Errico:Yeah, yeah, I think within the stall the toilet seat cover needs to not rip the second you take it out of the thingy oh, yes, yes, oh 100%.
Matt:Yeah, those protective covers need to be. And also, why do we need the little thing that we have to immediately rip to go in the middle? You know what I mean? I know it's like probably structural integrity or whatever. It is 2025. We can't find a way to get the protective seat covering to come out the way it needs to.
Poch:Yeah, when I was in Iceland they had the. There was a bathroom. I was somewhere. They had the electronic like toilet seat where the strip is. You don't do anything. There's just like a conveyor belt that goes around the bowl of the like, around the rim of the seat. That's just continuous and it resets and it knows Like a doctor's office, like a doctor's office, but like you press a button, it automatically feeds it. It's like a little machine and it goes like you watch the old strip go into the thing and then you watch it go for like another two to three seconds, because whoever designed that knew that I need that portion of the toilet seat, no matter how flawlessly clean it is, to be as far away from me as possible. Yes, so like it is fed into the bowels of hell and then I am given fresh ass toilet seat.
Matt:It's immaculate yeah, that what we've described so far already gets five stars from me yeah, that's a.
Poch:That's a five stars for me.
Eric D'Errico:Anything you would add dairy king will there be a urinal at this?
Matt:bathroom, not in mine, I no need.
Poch:So I, I matt will never use a urinal. No, um, never again, and I respect that. Not after the drama. What I, but what takes something to a five star for me, is when I'm at the urinal and there's an activity, meaning there is a screw like uh, uh espn zone in fucking baltimore used to have these, where you'd have a little TV screen you could watch little sports games.
Eric D'Errico:While you're pissed, watch a little game. While you pee, watch a little game, sure.
Poch:Or funny comics those of us Like visually entertaining.
Eric D'Errico:Those of us with the ADHD appreciate that Matt.
Matt:Yes, I think I very well might be one of those people, but just not diagnosed. But I do see the appeal.
Poch:I do see the appeal, I do see the appeal it's, it's, it's very nice. I also, if it's a urinal a urinal that there's the really classy ones where there's no water at the bottom, it just seamlessly flows into like an empty slot also had those were all over iceland. I don't want to have to flush, I don't like where it's, just like you don't have to do anything, just no, I don't want to touch anything.
Eric D'Errico:And I think just one there's just one no room for someone to sneak next to you.
Poch:Nope, no signs.
Matt:And if there is, I better have that fucking divider have the divider and I would say then like several feet in between you and the next divider, so they're like little urinary stalls.
Poch:How do we feel, gentlemen, about the musical ambience? Do you like music in your bathroom? Do you like silence in the bathroom?
Matt:I think it needs to have some sort of ambience.
Eric D'Errico:A little elevator music, maybe of some sort.
Matt:Yes, and that is exactly what I was going to say.
Poch:It's a little like uh lounge, like elevator lounge. Remix of sandstorm by darude.
Matt:Like you wouldn't notice it when you walk in, but if it was not there you'd be like why is it so quiet? Why is it so fuck? Why can I hear my thoughts? Exactly like something just a little, filler a little, and whatever it is should be like, separate from whatever the vibe is outside. Yes, you know. So it functions. The bathroom functions as an oasis.
Poch:Now may I introduce the clincher Always, this is what will seal the deal on my Yelp five-star review.
Eric D'Errico:And.
Poch:I kind of want to open this up. I don't want to poison the well or prime the pump. What have you After you've washed your hands? How are you drying them? Because you have. There's the classics, there's the wavy, wavy. Not a huge fan, no, no.
Matt:Well, there was that study, done not long ago, of the cleanest way to dry.
Poch:What was it?
Matt:Between the various machines and stuff and I believe the air dry is the cleanest.
Poch:The air dry Now, is that referring to the classic straight down air dry or the dyson?
Matt:no, no, not the dyson. The dysons are the dirtiest yeah, okay so because it blows all that shit on you.
Poch:Yeah, it blows it all because, like I always remember, like the first, like after covid, using those, I was like, oh, I can't do this no more. There's a pool of fetid fingy water that never drains.
Matt:Here's how I exit every bathroom these days If it has a paper towel. That's key because I can actually get out of the room. I will like I'm wiping the hands. I'm wiping the hands with said paper towel.
Poch:I'll get it behind that doorknob, open it, flick it into the trash, walk out, having never come into direct contact with the door yeah, that, that if, if they give me a way to never have to put my hands in, like if I can enter, do my business and leave without my hands ever having to touch anything other than my body or my clothes. That's the dream. Ooh, that's premium.
Eric D'Errico:I think the attendant somehow knows when you're about to exit.
Matt:Opens the door for you. Yeah, excellent, excellent. Here's something I would accept. Attendant opens the door. Attendant has a fresh towel, a real towel that he and he drives his hand, drives my hands while looking meaningfully into my eyes. It's like a hot towel. It is a hot towel and as soon as he's done, he deposits it into a hamper of other towels.
Poch:It's incredibly wasteful and he makes sure you see him doing that. So you know it's a one and done each towel.
Matt:Yeah, and then I tip him and he gives me Ferrero Rocher or something.
Poch:You know some sort of, Some sort of An.
Matt:Andy's mint. Yes, an Andy's mint.
Poch:A little treat, a little treat A.
Matt:Halloween Junior mint box. You know something classy.
Poch:And like he holds out his hand and it just pops out of his sleeve like he's a magician.
Matt:Yeah it pops out and he goes yeah, gum you know, whatever An Orbitz for the gentleman, no small talk.
Poch:An Orbitz for the gentleman. I love that he's slowly becoming like the janky ass vending machines you've seen in the bathroom Prophylactic sir.
Matt:Will the gentleman be needing protection this?
Poch:evening. Would sir like a small squeeze bottle of warhead juice?
Matt:And then the women's bathroom's right next door and he pivots and says can I interest you in a sanitary napkin for the lady?
Poch:Wings or no wings For all the ladies out there, for all the people who menstruate out there.
Matt:Oh man, uh. What a hard job we've given this. What a fine line that bathroom attendant has to ride for his fucking life.
Poch:Oh, he better be making fucking bank. If anyone has to attend a bathroom, I don't care if it's at a fucking like sheets. If your job is stand in bathroom and interact with humanity, you better be making fucking bank and it should go without saying he's in a in a jacket with tails. Yeah, like oh god dress to the nines got to there's no other way to attend me, you like. If you come there enough, you start to get on a first name base basis with him.
Eric D'Errico:Yeah, yeah, yeah, thomas yeah, I don't want him to know my name.
Matt:I know no no, he does not know my name, so he does not know your name, or at least it isn't spoken. He might, he might know your name, but he'd never be so bold he would never presume address you as such.
Poch:Oh, no, no, no, that would be far too impertinent.
Matt:Oh man.
Poch:But again, he better be making bank, because I want to interact with him that way. But, like, in order for me to feel good about that, like I'm not a class trader, I need I need to know he's making a fuck off amount of money doing that how much per year?
Eric D'Errico:How much per year? Oh, like 90 K, like men.
Matt:Minimum Minimum per year should, oh, like 90k, like min, minimum, minimum. I want him, I want him to. Before tips, before tips, look at what he has to do.
Poch:Yes, and here's the ideal tip system is once I get back to my table or wherever it is I'm going. It's once I've left the bathroom and we are no longer interacting that it prompts me for the tip.
Matt:Because if I've had, because, like I, don't you need to know his, you need to know the end service yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah suppose he forgets to give you your listerine strip, which he never would, knowing for others, of course not not, not bartholomew no, no, no, no, no, not tomas not um, he would never and he does take card for tip.
Eric D'Errico:He does take your card.
Matt:You can Venmo him. That comes out of the sleeve of fucking Apple Pay. Yeah, he just actually pulls his sleeve back. He's got a QR code tattooed on him.
Eric D'Errico:Just scan this. Please Just go ahead and scan.
Poch:This QR code has been in my family for generations.
Matt:Yes, from the Bitcoin days it's been.
Poch:Yeah, so that's all I need.
Matt:That is a five-star fucking bathroom right there.
Eric D'Errico:That's a five-star bathroom, if ever I experienced one. I agree.
Matt:Now, poach, what question would you like to take next? We've got the five-star toilet covered. We have inconvenient superpower, the combined two Muppets, an alter ego machine and the best sandwich. What was it Best sandwich?
Eric D'Errico:If you had to legally marry a sandwich, what?
Poch:type would be the best spouse All right.
Matt:Eric, you got excited about this.
Poch:Bro, I know off the fucking dome. If I had to legally marry a sandwich, this will be your spouse. The French dip. The French dip.
Matt:The French dip, because it's juicy Like a marriage, are you planning on eating your spouse?
Poch:matthew, yes, okay, um, you don't stop. Once you get married, you always gotta eat okay, you gotta become one, so yes, uh, but like a french dip, much like a marriage, is work. Yes, like it. It requires it. It's. It requires everyone going into it to know what they're signing up for. You don't like willy-nilly order a french dip. You don't like get a french dip to go.
Matt:I'm not like you know if I get a french, not unless you're my mother-in-law.
Poch:No, I'm your mother-in-law ordered a french dip to go.
Matt:She loves any sandwich that features au jus. Yes, correct. If it needs to be delivered or whatever, she'll do it.
Poch:What a monster. Oh, like, get it delivered to her house.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Poch:Oh, okay, I'm sitting here, imagining an insane fucking person who gets oh, like walking away dip in hand Ate half of the sandwich.
Matt:Put the rest to go oh, no, no, no, no, no yeah we're driving with a french dip.
Poch:See, that's no she'd never do that.
Matt:I'd say she'd order a french dip, that would be delivered.
Poch:I shoot 100 yeah so like that's what I'm getting at is like yeah, yeah, you can't walk away.
Matt:You can't just fucking drive through a french dip.
Poch:you can't just fucking drive through a French dip, you can't. Just, many of the time you have to commit, you have to sit down, look at yourself like, okay, am I ready to put work into this experience? Am I ready to sit down, grab my hunk of bread with some fine ass no roasted beef and dip that shit in some meat juice? Because, like you, can't you, you gotta, you gotta commit. And like the french dip, it's, it's, it's got history, sure it's got.
Matt:it's got it's got romance, sure it's it's got, I will say there is something in the context of I'm marrying the sandwich and you choosing a dip of any kind.
Poch:There's something inherently and wrongfully sexual about it yes, and like, I don't want to be ashamed, like and that's the other thing, when I order a french dip, I order my french dip the way I marry my fucking wife shamelessly, shameless. What does that mean? What does that mean? I look around as I am dunking because, matt, I don't eric you when you said dunking right now.
Matt:I need the audience to know you just humped your desk I need them to know that you penetrated your workspace.
Poch:When I dunk my fucking wife, I dare anyone in that fucking restaurant to give me side alley. I'm sorry, excuse me. Excuse the fuck out of me.
Matt:I'm enjoying a meal with my wife, sir, I again have to ask you to put your pants back on.
Poch:All right, that's on me.
Eric D'Errico:You're meant to dip the sandwich, sir, Not your just the sandwich, sir, not your. Just the sandwich, sir, not your.
Matt:Matt, what would you call that body part?
Poch:I believe it's called some sort of the young man statue, roll the dick montage. I would never say such a grotesque term. Um, a french dip. For me, like a marriage is, on the surface, simple it's. It's it's the joining of two people. It's just, oh, it's just, baguette beef, some, some, some swiss, yeah, and and. But like to do it right takes work, because I've had many french dips and many marriages and and like a marriage, you got to come correct.
Poch:You have to come correct, or else what the fuck? Or else you just end up with fucking meat juice all over your dick and you're like what am I doing?
Eric D'Errico:here. One third of all French dip ended in divorce.
Matt:It's true. It's true, it's a tragedy. God, I want a French dip now. It's an epidemic.
Poch:Matt open the floor. Gentlemen, what sandwiches are you marrying?
Matt:Okay, I would say the, and I do want to know yours, derek King, of course. Of course I would say the only sandwich I could see myself with for the rest of my life is my favorite sandwich. It is, and like a marriage, as Eric said some things you left out complexity. You know there's contradictions, you know there's boundaries. There's a conversation, an endless conversation, a dialogue between the two parties, and the sandwich that has all those things swirling around on top of it, inside of it, is the Reuben. The Reuben is a complex hot sandwich, hot sandwich, hot sandwich, full of a variety of flavors, of textures. There's juice coming out of that sauerkraut mixing with the what?
Poch:dressing gentlemen, thousand Island baby Russian. Russian dressing.
Matt:Russian Thousand Island in a fucking pinch. But if you go to a restaurant, if you go to a restaurant.
Poch:Is that like code for an affair? You listen to me, Eric.
Matt:Both my Erics, although one of them came correct. If you are ordering a Reuben and that description says Thousand Island dressing and not Russian dressing, it's not a real Reuben. Only one exception I'd make that if they call it some sort of house sauce, you can almost guarantee it's Thousand Island dressing. But on the off chance, if you're at a New York deli and it says house dressing, I trust that whatever they've put in there is a custom thing for their Reuben. It's not Thousand Island, it's not Russian, it's somewhere in between, and I'd order that in a heartbeat. Also, it should be like fresh from a delicatessen of some kind, oh yeah.
Matt:That's the only place you get a real good Reuben.
Poch:I love where your head's at on this, and I would also add because get a real good Ruben. I love where your head's at on this, and I would also add because I fucking love a Ruben. A Ruben is about much like a marriage getting the balancing so much, it is the ratio Like ratio of meat to sauerkraut.
Eric D'Errico:Yes.
Poch:Ratio of bread to sandwich. There's so much, but it's worth it.
Matt:It's worth it because when you get it perfectly correct, there's so much, but like it's worth it. It's worth it because when you get it perfectly correct, there's nothing better than a perfect.
Eric D'Errico:There's nothing better what bread, what bread?
Poch:oh baby, new york marble rye, the only option got it and, and much like our views of marriage on this show, whether it's a ruben or a Rachel, correct, we support you Absolutely With this take from 15 years ago.
Matt:Well, done, eric. Yeah, now, eric, Derrico, what sandwich are you putting your? I mean, what sandwich are you marrying?
Eric D'Errico:I'm thinking more when I think of a sandwich. I'm marrying. I'm thinking comfort, I'm coming home. Nice comfort food, a classic maybe reminds you of the happiness you had as a child. Oh, I think I know where you're going. Classic grilled cheese, my man. Nice, simple white bread toasted with butter cheddar cheese in the middle. You could come home to that every day.
Matt:The sandwich I turn to at, say, 10 pm, when I have become elevated to a different plane.
Eric D'Errico:Yes, every time is good for grilled cheese.
Matt:Every time is good for grilled cheese. It's so easy to do.
Poch:And much like a marriage. You got to make it with love. Got to make it with love Always tastes better.
Matt:We've talked much more about grilled cheese on this show over the course of its history. Let me ask you from the your grilled cheese what kind of cheese are you working?
Eric D'Errico:with. Walk me through it If I'm being fancy. I would like a cheddar cheese, ideally.
Matt:On a fancy grilled cheese acceptable.
Eric D'Errico:On a fancy. If I'm going classic, I want white American, not craft single, not Kraft single.
Matt:Not Kraft single.
Eric D'Errico:Land of Lake.
Matt:Oh, okay, nope, it's perfectly acceptable.
Poch:I don't think I've had the Land of Lake cheese Wisconsin style, wisconsin style yes.
Eric D'Errico:You know, from my old days at the dairy farm. Yes, okay.
Matt:And so what kind of bread?
Eric D'Errico:yeah, what bread we talking white bread I think, it's traditional nice white bread butter, not oh, it's gonna say are you a butter?
Poch:man or a mayo man, my butter man, mayonnaise in a pinch but.
Matt:But butter is correct I did the mayo not long ago simply to try it, because I've always been a butter man.
Poch:It was fine can't find the butter man, now what?
Eric D'Errico:let's move on I also go a little crazy and within my butter on the outside I sprinkle a little garlic powder oh, my goodness, god, a little garlic powder.
Matt:Oh my goodness, garlic A little garlic powder on the outside. I need to try that. I need to try sprinkling any old thing really into the hot crispifying butter. That's the word.
Eric D'Errico:Crispifying, you get a tiny bit of garlic bread vibes.
Matt:Ooh, I love that Just a touch. I could see this is the Marylander in me.
Poch:I could see a little bay on there, just a touch also you got me curious about like now I'm kind of tempted to make a grilled cheese with Texas toast like it'd be good it'd be good, it had to be good.
Matt:It's Texas toast you can't fuck that up. You can't fuck that up. You need a lot more cheese, though. Gotta have more cheese. That's a thick bread.
Poch:You need the ratio ratios yeah, wow, I am so, though Gotta have more cheese, because that's a thick bread.
Matt:You need the ratio Ratios. Yeah, wow, I am so fucking hungry right now. These sandwiches you've married are immaculate, gentlemen, we have the best wives, we have the best wives In real life. Also, in case she ever listens to this In case also I mean mine is frequently on the show to correct us, which, by the way, she does have a correction corner ready to go.
Poch:Oh, I'm sure she does, so we got to work that in an upcoming episode, that's our.
Matt:Reuben, that's my Reuben. My Reuben's sitting out there watching the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, or some such thing, right as we speak. Yep, yep, yep, yep. I can, I can almost guarantee it is in that family of show that she is watching. So great sandwiches, great wives, best, best of wives. And best of sandwiches Best of women oh yes, yes, okay. And best of sandwiches best of women oh, yes, yes, uh, okay. So, uh, I think we can get one more good question before we play this game.
Matt:Well, unless you want to ask a question of the dairy king? Eric, I do have questions for the dairy king um let's ask some questions let me, let me, let me hit you with this unless there was one more question you wanted to hit, I think we could do one more, yeah are there.
Poch:Are there any other like like truly? Is there any like you're like god? We got to talk about this or I will not be able to. How will I be able to look my grilled cheese in the eye tonight?
Matt:I don't know, because I honestly feel like I don't have the depth chart of the muppets up in my brain enough to be able to do a good pull, I'll flash answer it.
Poch:If I could combine two Muppets to make you Matt, it's Statler and Waldorf.
Matt:Fuck Eric, that's so good.
Poch:It was like right.
Matt:I mean, that is me, how do I?
Eric D'Errico:I think, you have a touch of Kermit though.
Matt:Oh you, eric, you have a touch of Kermit, you got a touch of Kermit, you gotta touch a kermit. It ain't easy being green baby. Eric and eric, have you seen the university of maryland's commencement speaker for 2025 graduating class? Of course I have, of course eric, you are in this state and you haven't seen the graduation speaker of the university of maryland no, I know that's the jim hens.
Poch:I because I bet I've seen when they use the context clues use the context clues use those context clues, eric make the connection, make that rainbow connection.
Matt:Yeah you're about to go watch this after we're done. The commencement speaker for the university of maryland 2025 oh, is it going to be? Kermit the frog. It was kermit the frog oh he gave the speech.
Poch:I'm like my dumb ass is like. Jim henson's been dead for years. How?
Matt:no, it's kermit, it was. Yeahermit gave the speech and it will make you cry.
Poch:Oh, I even saw clips of this I think it will make you teary. Damn. I was cheering for, like Sweetums, doing the commencement speech.
Matt:All right well, eric I love you guys. Eric did take Statler and Waldorf from me, but I do feel like they are my spirit muppet in a way. But I do feel like they are my spirit Muppet in a way. Yeah, are we expanding? This is crucial. Are we expanding? Muppets out to?
Poch:Sesame street.
Matt:Yes, and the Fraggle verse. Yes, If you need to, if you need to what I would like to suggest is that I would have Gonzo and Oscar. The grouch is what comes to mind immediately For you, for me, I don't see the Grouch. I don't see the Grouch you don't see the Grouch, the Grouch with a heart of gold. You got to spend more time with me, eric Derrico, see I.
Eric D'Errico:I be Grouchy. I sense Kermit for his leadership, but also anxiety.
Matt:Uh-huh, oh, I can get behind that. I do see some of myself in Kermit.
Poch:A Kermit rising, to use Tarot terms.
Matt:Perhaps I'll thread the needle between the two. Get Rizzo involved.
Poch:Oh, Rizzo the rat.
Matt:Rizzo the rat.
Poch:That's where the anxiety lives.
Matt:That's where I'm thinking.
Poch:My fellow Eric. I will never other eric you. Thank you, um, my fellow eric, I get you, and I swear to god and christ in heaven above. This has nothing to do with physical traits bunsen honeydew, I get, bunsen honey. I get, like the, the, the, the lightness that the, like, the excitedness of learning new things I also was a science major in college.
Eric D'Errico:Oh, absolutely scant a learned man science and theater. Could you believe that I should have been bill night? Science and theater. Science and theater. My man, my man, um, yeah, I was thinking that I got a little fozzie bear, I think, in me, me.
Matt:I do. I do get a fozzy bear out of you, I guess. One hundo, one hundo.
Eric D'Errico:Poach, I think you have a little animal in you.
Matt:Ooh Eric, I got to say, now that it's been spoken, I see animal in you as well.
Eric D'Errico:Just like the randomness, the yeah.
Poch:I, I, I, I'll just take electric mayhem, I'll just there you go, they're all they're all bouncing around in here.
Matt:Now electric mayhem. What kind of questions do you have for our guest, that's you, Eric Poach?
Poch:Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, thank so, my question for you and we touched on this briefly, eric, in a world full of Eric's like what have you, what have been your? My question for you what have been your struggles being an Eric Jesus?
Eric D'Errico:My struggles have been based off of my last name of Deerico, that is growing up. Every kid comes up to you hey, what's your name? Oh, eric, dear, did you know? Your last name had your first name in it. Almost everyone I've met has said that in some way, shape or form, and my answer to that is simple no shit, sherlock, yeah, of course I know.
Matt:I would think it's assumed, you know.
Poch:Yeah, it's yeah. What are your opinions on the other spellings? This is a safe space.
Eric D'Errico:They are low class trash. My man Get that K out of here. Yeah, get that CK out of here the CKs. That's the low of the low.
Matt:I don't even get out of bed for a CK. Of course not, and I agree with both your hot takes about your name and its spellings E-R-I-C-H for our friends across the pond. How do we feel?
Eric D'Errico:Stay across the pond and it's fine.
Matt:Come over to.
Eric D'Errico:America, pick a side, pick a letter over here. Yeah, erich.
Matt:Threw the T into the bay along with some of those extra letters. Didn't work. Didn't work.
Poch:No, keep it simple, keep it sacred. E-r-i-c.
Eric D'Errico:That's the way. This is the way.
Poch:This is the way. E, before I followed by R and C. There you go.
Eric D'Errico:What's my thoughts on Eric?
Poch:Have you ever been other Eric? Have I ever been other Eric? Have I ever been other Eric? I don't. This is this is the secret fear that we all live in, because there's a couple of rules with us. Like in any given environment, there are multiple Eric's. Oh one of them is other Eric.
Eric D'Errico:This might be the first time I'm with another C.
Matt:Eric. First time I'm with another c, eric. I do think our generation came up at a time when the, when the k was a popular spelling, because I did know several erics with a k in in like high school and in, I'd say. Nowadays I never encounter an old someone older than me named eric with a k yeah, yeah, yeah, I will also see this.
Poch:The the, though even uh, the exception of what we were just talking about when, years ago, I had a co-worker who was also eric eric also had a last name that started with p and also had a middle name that started with r, and we were cute mates.
Matt:Someone thought they were being cute I will say for the record, my brother also eric yeah, I have encountered in the wild.
Poch:Get this shit a r y k no, yeah, nope, that's not unacceptable they are a murderer and that is their like. That's their burner name.
Matt:If I said, if I saw that name, and I said how do you say that? And they said Eric, I'd say try again.
Poch:Try again Now. We're going to need to take that one more time.
Matt:I'm going to need to take it again from the top.
Eric D'Errico:I'm getting like Aryan vibes from that.
Poch:Yeah, I'm with. I'm with Derry.
Eric D'Errico:King.
Poch:That is. That name is nefarious. This is also true of most Eric's I know due to the aforementioned like. There's usually like a gang of us in any given work, school setting. Did you have you always gone by in like personal and do people call you Eric? Or do people ever call you by your last, do they say?
Eric D'Errico:Oh, in like personal, and do people call you eric? Or do people ever call you by your last? Do they say, oh, derrick goes here. Like all my theater friends, including our friends over at epic culture, I was all throughout college.
Matt:Yeah, they have heard them call you dear. It's why I'm poach.
Eric D'Errico:I'm dearico for a lot I work.
Matt:I'm eric college I'll say this about the poach thing poach, yeah, it came so naturally. Yeah, Like there are like I feel like when we met, oh hi, I'm Matt Shea, Hi, I'm Eric poach, and within I'd say that first day I was calling you poach.
Poch:Yeah, yeah, it, it. It was cause up in up until college, most people called me my first name. As soon as I got to college, poach, and that wasn't like a decision I made, just everyone started calling me.
Eric D'Errico:Poach, it just happened. Yeah, me too.
Matt:And Eric, you and I, eric Poach, that is, you and I both suffer from having a two-syllable full name. Yes, so I have long since accepted. There is a huge population of people who refer to me exclusively as matcha yes, same uh.
Poch:People either call me poach or they call me eric poach. If someone calls me eric, like my fellow eric said, I'm either at work or someone has died I call you, eric, on the show from time to time yeah, oh yeah I'd say, I'd say it's like 80, 20 poached to eric it's also like weirdly, like a how well you know me thing.
Poch:Like I, I truly don't give a fuck like people can call me what I don't. I truly do not have a preference, but I generally notice the people I'm closest with in my life. Like alissa would never calls me poach, alissa calls me eric. Sure, my parents call me eric, my brother calls me eric. I would say I'd think it'd be a little weird if alissa called me poach.
Matt:Alyssa calls me.
Poch:Eric. My parents call me Eric. My brother calls me Eric.
Matt:I would say I'd think it'd be a little weird if Alyssa called you poach. It'd be weird if my parents were like hey, poach, yeah, even weirder if it's your parents?
Poch:Yes, but like most people, like my acquaintances, either call me poach or Eric poach.
Matt:Now, one thing I want to know before we get to this game, which I think it is just about time for what is one thing, Dairy King, that the listeners, because they have heard your name spoken for literally?
Eric D'Errico:years yes.
Matt:Per near half a decade at this point, if you can believe, and what is one thing about Dairy King 11 that you need our listeners to know?
Eric D'Errico:It's all about the bit. I love the bit, similar to you guys, so if there's a bit to be given or taken, I will be there. I love to joke around, live and die by the bit I love to have. Wasn't that one of the new golden rule, I believe? Going back, episodes commit to the bit um, all about the temper tyrannous all about having fun, um in it to win it.
Matt:Life's not that serious, don't take things seriously fuck, yeah, man that's great and that's why I feel like I love to to upvote and probably can never bring myself to mentally accept in real life.
Poch:Yeah, I think it's why your questions always fucking rule is because you've always brought that energy to the question. It's always something fun. Every time I read your question I'm like yes, yes yes, and when there's a lull. Fertile ground.
Matt:I do have to say that sometimes there will be a lull where we don't get a question from derrick king 11 for like a couple months or something, and when you come back into the fold, it's, it's always. This is how I know your questions always come from like a genuine place and you don't just send us any old thing that comes to your mind, because you, you, you must filter, because sometimes there will be a gap and you'll come back and I'll be like god damn, we're slotting it in next episode.
Eric D'Errico:Yeah yeah, there's no. There's no room for the b plus question, all questions not now, not 119 episodes, in no way no um, also for the uh the viewer, it might be nice to have that spreadsheet that we can see all the other questions I've ever been asked. That is yes.
Matt:Well, it's funny that you should say that we are working on a. If you go to our website now, you'll see that it says it's under construction and I am working on that. I would say bless you for saying we.
Poch:Bless you for saying we.
Matt:I am working on that. Bless you for saying we, I am working on that, I am also. Before we got to that which we had to do for the shop, um, I was already in the progress process of working on my website, uh, and redoing mine, and so this, this is a little bit of put your own mask on before you put your child's mask on yes, oh, that is words I've honestly lived by like a lot in recent years is make sure your own oxygen mask is secure before you could try to help anyone else with theirs.
Matt:Yeah, we are. So I'm trying, I'm finishing up my now we're going to get the site up and running, and part of that is you heard it here. First, I do want to include a directory of questions that we have done.
Eric D'Errico:We got the scoop. We got the inside scoop.
Matt:Just to prove that this spreadsheet does exist. I am looking up right now the first time Dairy King 11 submitted a question. Oh, the first time I have down that we heard from Dairy King 11. It was our 70th question overall and it was in episode 23. Oh my goodness, it was. Why does Baltic Avenue get such a bad rap? That would be from our Monopoly episode.
Eric D'Errico:That's a great question, good job.
Poch:That's such a good question that's.
Matt:That's a great question. Good job, such a good question. That is, that is the first time, derry king 11 appears on the spreadsheet of questions.
Poch:A lot of your questions invite us to re-examine things that we've been looking at our entire lives, which is kind of like the vibe that this show sits in most of the time is like that is peak, you daft vibe.
Eric D'Errico:You just got to think of things that you wouldn't ask for.
Poch:Oh, my God. He said it. He said it, he gets us.
Matt:And to prove that he gets us. I want to know. I can't wait anymore. I have to know what this mystery game is yes.
Eric D'Errico:Let's get to the game.
Matt:Let's get to the game. So let's get to the game, baby.
Eric D'Errico:Similar to games that you guys have done to each other, where we have a list and you have to pick. Is it blank or is it a blank? Love it. You've done it before. You did it with, like Tolkien or something else, right? Yeah, I have a list of 11 news headlines and I would like to know is the headline did it happen in Florida or did it happen anywhere else in the world? I have named this Florida man or Regular Dan.
Matt:Nice Love it, florida man. Or Regular Dan Trad Nice Love it, florida man or regular. Dan Trademark TM. All rights reserved.
Poch:God damn, that's good.
Eric D'Errico:These are real headlines, not made up Sure, of course. I also have a you know the little one paragraph through line, if you require more information.
Matt:Okay, okay. If more context is needed, so the first one Okay, okay, if, if more context is needed.
Eric D'Errico:So the first one yeah, man has hours long junk food feast inside a closed Walgreens.
Matt:Okay, um, oh man, when you, when you introduce the idea that it could be Florida. Hearing something like that is hard to picture anywhere else. But I'm going to say you're starting us off with a softball.
Poch:That is where mine is, that is Florida, florida, man. So my mind actually went the opposite. I said it's too perfect. I'm going to say regular Dan.
Matt:Good, one of us immediately will take the lead. I like this.
Eric D'Errico:It did happen in Florida, yeah, baby. So after being in the restroom for five hours, the police say the man began roaming around the store treating himself to Tostitos, spinach dip, reese's chocolate, ghirardelli chocolate bars and a Dr Pepper.
Poch:And a Dr Pepper.
Matt:Amazing, and that man is now a state representative.
Eric D'Errico:So we have a 1 Pepper Amazing and that man is now a state representative.
Matt:So we have one. Nothing, matt, yeah, get used to it.
Eric D'Errico:Number two man saves his neighbor from the jaws of an 11-foot alligator by hitting it with its car.
Poch:I'm going to say regular Dan.
Matt:I'm going to say regular Dan as well. It feels too precise.
Poch:Because it involves saving someone.
Eric D'Errico:Unfortunately, that means you both are wrong. This happened in Florida again.
Matt:Okay, Damn it Sometimes, when it seems like a sure thing, it is.
Eric D'Errico:All right. Number three Neighborhood on edge after rage-filled feral duck attacks. Elderly resident.
Poch:Oh, it's got all the Florida elements. It does have.
Matt:It has all the right check boxes to have taken place in.
Eric D'Errico:Florida. While you're thinking, I am going to give you the exact quote from the victim, if you don't mind.
Matt:Please, yes, please, thank you yes.
Eric D'Errico:I sit on my porch from 7 to 7 30 at this time every day to catch a sunset. You know, I had my eyes closed. All of a sudden I felt a jab on my hand and it was bleeding. The man showed off his banded hand to the news outlet. He also allowed fox news to film inside his home, where the outlet captured footage of the duck threatening lurking outside his door.
Matt:I mean, it's hard to not say Florida. Man, I gotta be honest with you.
Poch:I'm going to say regular Dan.
Matt:I'll go with Florida man.
Eric D'Errico:It did happen in Florida. Son of a bitch, come on Meth ducks. Florida, I mean it. It was too good to not be for it. So you're Son of a bitch, come on Meth ducks.
Matt:Florida. I mean, it was too good to not be Florida. So you're two up now. I'm two up now. Son of a bitch, you haven't gotten anything right, I haven't gotten yeah, number four.
Eric D'Errico:Most of 15 million bees have been contained after truck crashes.
Matt:Oh wait, I remember this.
Poch:I'm going to say regular Dan Bees, don't go to Florida.
Matt:I do think it's regular, dan. I do remember this happening. I don't think it happened in Florida.
Eric D'Errico:You are both correct. This happened in Maine, we're on the board.
Poch:We're on the board Number five.
Matt:Who's the we? Just you, yourself and you.
Eric D'Errico:I am on the board okay, number five fake cop pulls over real cop on highway gets arrested florida, oh yeah I'm coming out strong with florida that is florida, you were both that required no debate, yeah person dressed in bear costume used to fake attacks on cars for insurance payout.
Matt:Regular Dan, regular Dan. No way that's happening in Florida.
Eric D'Errico:You're correct, that was California.
Matt:Yeah, it's right there on the flag.
Eric D'Errico:It's true. Police charge woman with a tote bag with the inscription definitely not a bag of drugs for trafficking, meth inside the bag.
Matt:Ooh, Florida, Florida man.
Eric D'Errico:Florida woman. Ah, ah, very good. So we got 6-4 meth.
Matt:It is heating up.
Eric D'Errico:Robot chicken fights now legal in blank state.
Poch:Regular Dan.
Eric D'Errico:So the state just greenlit a bill that adds a twist to its current cockfighting laws by allowing live rooster to fight robots, as long as the birds don't get hurt.
Poch:That's where they draw the line. Don't want the robots hurting the bird.
Matt:Just other birds. Eric said regular dan, I'm gonna say florida man it has happened in oklahoma.
Eric D'Errico:Closing in with three to go, dope number nine man arrested for throwing live alligator through a Wendy's drive-thru window.
Poch:That's got like. I mean it's got to be. This is where I'm torn.
Eric D'Errico:If it matters, it was a 3.5 foot alligator.
Matt:Oh, that could be any old state. I'm going to say regular Dan. I'm going to say regular Dan too. I'm getting a red herring vibe.
Eric D'Errico:And it has to do with alligators. But you're both wrong. This happened in Florida.
Poch:Son of a. This is good. This is truly difficult.
Matt:This is solid material. Two to go.
Eric D'Errico:Number 10. A helicopter reporter goes on bizarre rant about marriage issues, divorce and love of whiskey during a live broadcast.
Poch:I'm going to say regular Dan.
Matt:I was also leaning regular, dan, but now you're copying me Well you're so smart, are you playing me or are you playing Florida, or am I playing the current standings? I'm going to say regular Dan.
Eric D'Errico:It happened in California.
Matt:Yeah, buddy All right Last one.
Eric D'Errico:Matt is up by one, so you could tie it.
Matt:You could tie it, Eric.
Eric D'Errico:A second alligator rescued from home, found inside drug raid. So I'll give you the through line of that one. The SWAT team has found an eight foot long alligator in the basement during a drug raid, six months after they found a two foot long baby gator in the same house.
Matt:I mean it's got to be Florida, right. But at the same time, you know what I don't want to be accused of just picking the same thing Eric does.
Poch:I'm going to say regular Dan. I was going to say regular Dan because it could be Louisiana.
Matt:But I said it first.
Poch:Yeah, so I can't be accused of copying. I gave my justification.
Matt:Okay, you want my justification, I'll give you my justification. All the other Gator ones was Florida and he was setting us up for the finale, which is not Florida Would be good.
Eric D'Errico:Now poach. Do you want to stick on that or do you want the chance to tie it and go Florida man?
Matt:Fuck Cause, if you stick with regular Dan, I win. Win or lose, right or wrong.
Poch:Fuck it, I'll Florida man, one of those guys have gotten this correct.
Eric D'Errico:Obviously, this happened.
Poch:One of you have gotten this correct obviously this happened in the great city of Detroit, detroit, michigan. Baby, there's.
Matt:Detroit Gators. Detroit Gators Crawling out of Lake Michigan.
Poch:Wherever it is, that's most. That's a good game. That's a good game.
Matt:That's a good game, eric Derrico. Oh, and you've been a good guest too, my friend. Thank you.
Eric D'Errico:Thank you, it's been a pleasure Been a pleasure.
Matt:The first guest to bring us a game. I do believe, Eric. Yes, that was a delight. You have been a delight not only today, but every single episode that features one of your questions and, of course, you're a pillar of our Discord community.
Eric D'Errico:Yes, I know you say this when you do the business, but join the Discord guys. It's only a dollar. You could afford a dollar. It's only a dollar. It's nothing. It's $12 a year. That's what A sandwich, One sandwich.
Poch:That is like one combo from Wendy.
Eric D'Errico:Can't even get a good Reuben for that price, but you have so much fun, you have so much entertainment, you get to hang out with us giants.
Matt:You get memes. You get every now and then Zach Dues will put your face on something.
Eric D'Errico:It's great Every once in a while.
Matt:When the mood strikes.
Eric D'Errico:And just for pennies more a day you could join and hear a bonus episode which is called Noobs.
Poch:All Tangents.
Matt:He's doing the business.
Eric D'Errico:Eric, and that's a delightful half hour show once a month that you get just as a bonus smile. So you know, if you guys just do me a favor and throw them your money, Eric to Erica.
Poch:I'm speechless. You truly bring the crystallization of everything we want from a guest which is like so much less effort on our part.
Matt:Providing literally every aspect of the show.
Eric D'Errico:However, there is a 30% chance, no one will hear this episode.
Matt:There is a non-zero chance that this is all for naught.
Eric D'Errico:But we're hoping you heard that, we're hoping. Thank you guys so much.
Matt:Oh, thank you for first of all agreeing to do the show. It has been a true delight. If you want to be as cool as Eric Derrico and submit questions to us, you can do that at youdidntaskforthis at gmailcom that's all spelled out or on the various socials at youdidntaskpod. That's the letter you didn't ask. Pod on Instagram mainly, but also Facebook and TikTok and Blue Sky and et cetera, et cetera.
Eric D'Errico:And you didn't ask. But no, just kidding.
Poch:Oh. I don't mean sassy from from I can't do that.
Matt:I'm so sorry. Anyway, listen, you didn't ask. Oh, wait a minute, hold on. Yeah, you've thrown off my for all of us here. You didn't ask for this.
Eric D'Errico:My name is matt shea, my name is eric poach and I'm eric dierico, the dairy king that's right.
Poch:And listen, you didn't ask. But in the words of florida man gator, don't just eat your body, nah, sir gator, eat your soul. Where is this quote coming from? It's something me and my friend tyler have been saying to each other since high school.
Poch:Of course it is I thought you were on your body gate each so I thought you were on floridaproverbscom I did once not florida, but I looked up. I found a video of like. It's like a 20 minute long video of appalachian myths and sayings and it's like one very like like butter, like buttery smooth Appalachian and accent dude who's just like giving all of these old, like superstitions and stuff. 90% of them end with the same way where it's like remember, if you sweep your back porch before you sweep your front porch, you will die. Like that, like they most sweep your front porch, you will die. Like most of them end with you will die. If you look a chicken in its eye, you will die.
Eric D'Errico:If you don't join the discord, you will die. You will die.
Matt:I like this. We had a nice succinct play out and then instead we changed it to threatening the audience. I like that. You will die. You will die.