112 | YDAFT & Afraid 2: Costco

Ya boys are back on the street. Well...back on the aisles. YDAFT and Afraid returns for its sophomore voyage as Matt and Eric take the episode into a Costco to answer all your questions about the bulk retailing giant! 

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Transcript

Matt: 0:01

Oh hey, everybody, oh hi, didn't see you there. Now listen, this is just a little preamble to the podcast you're about to hear. This is a pretty special and unique episode of you. Didn't Ask For this.

Eric: 0:15

You Daft and Afraid. We call it Costco edition.

Matt: 0:18

Absolutely. We've done one other of these so far. Almost a year ago, you Daft and Afraid Ikea, ikea. So what's gonna happen here is we're for the bulk of this episode. We're wearing personal mics, we're walking around a costco, so we wanted to hit you up top with what the sound quality of this show normally sounds like.

Eric: 0:40

This baby right here basking it butter smooth, buttersmooth, chocolatey voice.

Matt: 0:45

Because for the rest of this episode you're going to hear a lot of carts in the background.

Eric: 0:49

A lot of carts, especially towards the beginning and at the end, a lot of whoosh. It was a windy day.

Matt: 0:55

As we approached Costco, it was a windy day, I tried to cut out as much of the wind section as possible. So, absolutely, it's a unique episode, but we hope you enjoy the hell out of it.

Eric: 1:09

We know we did.

Matt: 1:09

So that's the story for you. We collected your questions in advance for some Costco-based questions. We're going to be talking to some folks. We're going to be eating some samples.

Eric: 1:22

Oh, aaron, oh, we're going to be joping and a-jorking, yeah, and of course we're going to be joping and a-jorking, yeah, and of course we're going to get ourselves a glizzy. Oh, brother, and honestly, if you're listening, best way to listen to this episode, pull out your dollar, pull out two quarters, go to Costco, get your glizzy, get your soda and buckle in and just walk around.

Matt: 1:39

We, of course, reference some images and stuff which will be on the Instagram linked in the show description. You know where to find us. Anyway, let's turn it over to Matt and Eric in the field. Live in the field, live in the field. Please enjoy. You, daft and Afraid Costco. Costco Kirkland. Well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask for this, you, daft and Afraid edition. You, daft and Afraid babies. You, daft and Afraid babies. We are here in the parking lot of a Costco. Yes, on a Saturday.

Eric: 2:14

And it is bumping.

Matt: 2:15

Folks, we are arriving. I'm looking at the clock here it's 1 47 pm and we are about to go in. We're parked about half a mile from the actual Costco.

Matt: 2:32

So we're going to walk over now, all of which, I'm assuming, is going to get cut for wind. We've got your questions here that you have submitted both on the Instagram and on our Discord, which is great. We got so many, so thank you for that. We did. We got a bunch of duplicates as well, so but so, but we, we did combine some, uh, so we'll answer those as we're going along. Uh, we'll probably get a glizzy. We'll get it whoa, we debt.

Eric: 2:58

We got to get a glizzy at the end. We'll stop by at the end.

Matt: 3:01

Hit some sampies, hit some sampies, eric, shall we begin?

Eric: 3:04

let's do this, let's just fucking get into it let me, let me ask you this please be, do We'll go in there Anything like podcast aside?

Matt: 3:28

Yeah, yeah, anything you're scoping out or on the lookout for as we go in, I have two One thing that I might actually get is we're pretty low on like band-aids of various shapes and sizes, so if I see like like a big variety pack, I might go for that. I might go for that. I'm sure there are things we need. I told them I wouldn't spend a fortune on random bullshit, but you know what Content doesn't create itself?

Eric: 4:00

No, you gotta spend content to make content.

Matt: 4:04

So if we come, across some sort of I want to say outdoor patio set that I feel we need to have. Who am I to stop myself?

Eric: 4:15

you providing for my family yeah, I mean, and you have. You have a lot of patio canvas to paint truly.

Matt: 4:23

Um, you have to switch the old eyewear. All right, we're here, we're going in. Okay, let me get out the card. Play it, cool, everybody. Yep play it cool, nobody has to die today. Thank you, All right. Holy shit, that was close. All right. So the first thing we got here are televisions oh okay, yep, got the flat screens.

Eric: 4:49

Oh, stuff now so what are you in the market for?

Matt: 4:51

are you in the?

Eric: 4:51

market for telephones. One of my two is, uh, um, one of my two is, in no uncertain terms, giant like squish mallow, stuffed animal for al. Okay, oh, does she know about it? Oh yeah, oh yeah, because we discovered that you could buy Squishmallows at Costco. It was all over.

Matt: 5:14

Well, what we got here is this giant Pikachu.

Eric: 5:18

Big-ass.

Matt: 5:19

Pikachu $16? Oh no, it's $39 for Squishmallows.

Eric: 5:23

I might have to get that. Oh yeah, it's $39 for Squishmallows. Yeah, I might have to get that, is this Squishmallow.

Eric: 5:26

Oh yeah, it's the 24th. The big old boy.

Eric: 5:29

What is this?

Eric: 5:30

It's like a Hello Kitty purse oh made of Squishmallow.

Matt: 5:36

So we might need to get that for Lindsey. Oh yeah, there's a big old oh, they got Squishmallows of all shapes. Yeah, yeah, there's big old oh, they got these squish models of all shapes, yeah yeah, yeah.

Eric: 5:47

So what are you actually here for besides that Sunglasses? I lost mine on the river this past year. You lost mine on the river. It is a flex.

Matt: 5:56

The river took them.

Eric: 5:58

But let's be clear, the Shenandoah claimed my sunglasses and I am bragging about that.

Matt: 6:03

I think you should. There's all kinds of good electronics that we are gonna look at, but not get. No. The watches are neat. Well, I got one of them on me right now, although I could use an upgrade, as is the mac way of life. Gotcha, we do need a beer fridge. Let me check out some beer fridge.

Eric: 6:23

Uh, yeah, we need a beer fridge. Let me check out some beer fridges.

Matt: 6:24

Keeping beer fridges? Yeah, we need a basement fridge. Let's see what kind of prices we're working with. I won't get one right now.

Eric: 6:31

Do you want to? Tell me how much this is yeah, it's Maytag, so it'll probably be worth every penny you spend. See, the fact that they're not showing me prices is giving me pause. That's suspicious. Watch behind you there.

Eric: 6:44

Oh yeah, thank you, thank you Thank you?

Eric: 6:46

Oh, they have Kirkland Signature sunglasses. Excuse me, oh hello, you don't get a prescription for this. No, my prescription isn't strong enough to warrant them.

Matt: 6:56

Oh well, I enjoy seeing things, so I just did it. Now, this is one of those smart fridges that has the screen here for no reason the smart fridge is such a trap. Of course it is Like why do I need Just first of all put an iPad? They make magnets for your iPad.

Eric: 7:13

Yeah.

Matt: 7:14

Isn't there a way that it becomes a window? I thought there was a way to.

Eric: 7:17

Oh, the super fancy ones that are like here's what you got inside, yeah.

Matt: 7:22

I don't know about that, so why don't we whoa Eric?

Eric: 7:27

Yes, look at this, it's like a oh hello, it's a plastic outdoor like bar it's like, but it's made of shed.

Matt: 7:34

Oh, it's made of shed. Hold on, I'm going to go in.

Eric: 7:42

Yeah, oh hi, you got any questions. Welcome to my backyard.

Matt: 7:48

Do I have any questions? Do I? Let's take a look. I don't know how the sound is here. What's funny is people are actually trying to look at this thing and we're not going to let them. We're not going to let them.

Eric: 8:01

No, that'd be too neighborly of us Is this from Rubbermaid. This here, this feels dangerous, this little lip, because it's so wobbly Like if one asshole, just like everything sitting on here, just goes pear-shaped.

Matt: 8:16

So the first question we have here is from you. Keep saying goes pear-shaped.

Eric: 8:21

What does that mean? English expression means goes wrong, got it goes pear-shaped.

Matt: 8:25

What does that mean? English expression means goes wrong. Got it, becky, the sassy seagrass scientist who has a number of questions here today. Thank you, becky says what isn't Costco good at what isn't Costco good at I'm going to leave the shed barn the shed bar, I would say acoustics, acoustics.

Eric: 8:45

It is a pretty. Even when it's not that busy, it feels like it's always loud in here I do think so, they.

Matt: 8:53

And it is busy today, but not as busy as I feared, not absolutely slammed which is nice we have reached, uh, one of the key areas of Costco, which is the piles of clothing. Yes, I think it could be appropriate for you and I to choose one article of clothing for the other.

Eric: 9:13

I love that. Let's do it Okay. But while we're pondering clothing, what would you say Costco is not good at?

Matt: 9:22

What is Costco not? I don't hate these shirts From Jacques.

Eric: 9:27

Yeah, these are pretty nice.

Matt: 9:31

What is Costco not good? Well, obviously small sizes. You know, discretion doesn't come easily to Costco, but by design that's by design.

Eric: 9:45

Yeah, they're not good at chill amounts of things.

Matt: 9:50

No.

Eric: 9:51

Unless you're buying a single item. It is either single item or you're buying a pallet of them.

Matt: 9:56

You're buying a pallet of something, or you're buying something very large.

Eric: 10:03

You're buying one very large thing like a jacuzzi and it's usually something that like, unless I have a family of 12, I'm not gonna get a whole lot of like I'm wasting it. If I was like this will go bad before I use it.

Matt: 10:16

You didn't think you would, but you'll find. You'll find if you spend the cash. You'll find the reasons you love a henley.

Eric: 10:23

I do love a henley, so do you oh yeah, I am wearing a henley right now the same one I wore to uh ikea, by the way, a collared. So this is okay. Short button up. I do like I do love a forest green are you?

Matt: 10:36

is this you dropping hints for me to buy?

Eric: 10:39

no, no, no, I'm just letting the the listeners know about me, you know what I really got to establish that parasocial relationship.

Matt: 10:46

I am spying something. It's poach-based right here.

Eric: 10:52

Yeah, this is pretty poach-coated, I'm not going to lie. This sort of flannel.

Matt: 10:57

I do dig this. It's like a shacket a little bit. That's on my list of things I might make you get. Oh, I am so sorry.

Eric: 11:05

There were a cute pair of swim shorts. I saw back there that I would love to see you in. Oh really.

Matt: 11:10

Yeah, they were very festive tropical Festive and tropical. All things that describe me. What is this?

Eric: 11:16

Oh my God, this is very so, oh my God, matt, I think we might have hit a little bit of pay dirt. I love this. It's so small. I think I'm just going to be getting this by default. You know what we could do, what we could get matching, let's get matching let's get matching so we're getting matching Rainforest men's textured hoodies, hoodies, yes.

Matt: 11:36

I mean, it is actually, I think officially the softest thing I've ever touched. Never Now do they have XL? Do they have anything other than small, small, small, small?

Eric: 11:45

That ain't going to work for me.

Matt: 11:46

I found a large. What do we think? I'm not going to put it on my person. Oh, I covered the mic. Oh well, this fits you, you think.

Eric: 11:54

Yeah, is this the L? This is the L. Do I just you know what? Go with the XXL? I might just have this be baggy hoodie. Yeah.

Matt: 12:03

Because I don't see any XLs. No, they're usually the first to go. So there's XXLs. I think I'm going to risk the L Because an. Xxl for me is way too big. This is cute. There you go.

Eric: 12:16

Okay, so we matched in clothes, I think mission accomplished and Alyssa will be delighted that I've gotten her this hoodie as well. All Alyssa will be delighted that I've gotten her this hoodie as well. All of my hoodies and sweatpants are also Alyssa's hoodies and sweatpants. Oh, I see I see.

Matt: 12:33

Well then perhaps we're done with the clothing, Unless there's something else you want to get your lady. No, this is cute. I like our cute matching hoodies. We should mention we are recording this on International Women's Day.

Eric: 12:42

Yes, happy. International Women's Day Happy.

Matt: 12:43

International Women's Day. Yes, happy International Women's Day, happy International.

Eric: 12:45

Women's Day, I'm going to celebrate by buying my girlfriend a giant-ass Squishmallow. I do think that's appropriate.

Matt: 12:50

What are you getting for your beloved? Matthew, I'm just going to say we're passing princess dresses designed for children. Where did Good bit, bad bit, bad bit, yeah For International.

Eric: 13:01

Women's Day, but no, matt, can I just say it's got flowers. The fact that you stopped to reflect and this is how I know you're an ally, that's growth, that's growth, that's growth, that's growth. Take note, ladies. Thank you, take note, gentlemen.

Matt: 13:18

Oh, they got good rugs here.

Eric: 13:21

Oh, we love a rug. What is this?

Matt: 13:26

Here's the danger of costco I could get distracted by things we actually need. Yep, like a poof, like a nice poof. My parents like a poof. Um, all right, this is lighting matt and that's another thing about costco. You just every, every time you turn a corner, you're faced with a section that you didn't expect but you suddenly need. Yeah, I didn't expect to see emergency lights that I'm like, oh, do I need these, do we need? Oh, and and.

Eric: 13:55

On the other side, mattresses yes, ooh, mattress toppers. Look at this trash can oh it's.

Matt: 14:02

It's quite, quite close to my trash can, but it's. This is the simple human. It's. Uh, it's very fancy. We do need a uh we need a new track. Yes, give it a kick. Well, don't give it a kick. Oh, and it's got the separate. It's got separate compartments. Yeah, it's like mine, but it's better. Oh, here's a nice safe. Oh, look, look at all these safes. I have a safe that I inherited from single care.

Eric: 14:30

This is a classy safe. It's got glass shelves on the inside it's got glass shelves.

Matt: 14:35

It's got little velvet. I broke it.

Eric: 14:39

Wow, Nice fucking safe. You actually did oh yeah.

Matt: 14:43

It's.

Eric: 14:45

I'm getting quiet because, eric, no, you didn't fix it, you just put it back on but, matt eric legitimately broke something that is now beeping at him.

Eric: 14:53

Yeah so so gang just found it that way there's a little electronic number pad on the front of the safe that just pulls off, just pulls off.

Matt: 15:03

Now this is that's a gun safe. This is a safe that is clearly being advertised to do other things, but it is definitely just 100 of gun safe. Um, and we can't, I'm afraid we, in this uh climate, we can't even look at it no, no, no um, we're not backtracking immediately, which is interesting. Are you in the?

Eric: 15:22

market for a KitchenAid. Matt, I am always in the market for a KitchenAid. I have one, but is my bank account in the market for a KitchenAid?

Matt: 15:30

Eric, on the way here, we were having a very serious discussion about how you only live once.

Eric: 15:36

God, you only YOLO once.

Matt: 15:37

You only YOLO once.

Matt: 15:39

And I say remember money's not real, and so when you're grilled later about the bank account statements, that's true Remember to say that I find it helps. We're in the Roomba aisle. We just got a new robot vacuum from Rock Queen. We call them Rocky, yeah, but it's like rocket. It's amazing. It's actually amazing. It's so smart. It maps the whole room like very detailed, to the point that when you look on it on the map, the like legs of the individual chairs are mapped out, so it knows what it can get under.

Eric: 16:22

I'm gonna ask you a question right now. All right, you, you, you use your little robot butler. Yeah, it's mapping rooms and you can send them to a specific room. You're looking at the map data and you see him cleaning a room that is not on the blueprints of your house. That'd be great, wouldn't that be?

Matt: 16:38

dope you just added to my square footage. That's gonna be huge. What a revelation that the the previous tenant in our house had a secret room, something I've been on the lookout for since day one.

Eric: 16:49

All things, considering everything you've told me about the previous tenant, yeah, that like it can only be cool shit in the secret room.

Matt: 16:58

I, I am not kidding. I have every now and then. Give a little feel to the walls to see if there's a panel.

Eric: 17:10

Give a little feel to the walls to see if there's a panel, give a little knock that I'll open. Okay, so I I do need to get a good surprise for lindsey for international. While we're here. This question did occur to me and this is a question that we got from several people yeah, uh, what doesn't costco sell that they should, that they should Off the dome bookshelf secret doors. I want one. So bad. I want false walls to install in your home.

Matt: 17:32

Oh, we just passed a little shelf that the guy passing it gave it a little slap, and then I gave it a little slap for no reason.

Eric: 17:43

What did you take away from the slap? It's solid, it's not. It's solid. Ooh, Matt, my eyes do a spy. Okay, we have reached our first sample. We've reached our first sample of the day.

Matt: 17:51

I think we have to take it, no matter what it is yes, unless we're allergic to it yeah. And then we have a bunch of sample questions we can start getting into.

Eric: 17:59

Eric, there are three in a row. Oh, matt, I'll tell you this the only thing I'm allergic to is cowardice. So excellent, that is sulfa, but you know who's counting popcorn. Oh, I've had that, matt. Brace your taste buds.

Matt: 18:14

Thank you very much, oh my god eric oh all right, it's like a cinnamon sugar popcorn I can I can eat so much it it's like Eric.

Eric: 18:25

Okay, so this brings us to our next question.

Matt: 18:27

I'm going to take a picture of this. Yeah, there's a giant slide. Like a gigantic inflatable water slide that is currently set up floor to ceiling. I'm taking a picture of it. It'll be on the Instagram.

Eric: 18:43

At an angle I would honestly say seems terminal. It's troubling you are not surviving that. I don't think it was designed.

Matt: 18:54

I was going to say I do think it is positioned upside down. I think that is the starting point, but it is notable that it looks. It is a few degrees from perpendicular if I came in as a manager and saw this setup, I'd be like, yeah, that's not how we wanted the slide set up.

Matt: 19:15

It looks like a death sentence yes, like how you would execute someone. Yeah, yeah, let us look at the sample questions. Yes, yes, yes. Before we move forward, we have the following questions let's get out of the main thoroughfare. Yep, yep, yep. Oh God, this is no better. They're everywhere here. Let's take this sample and walk over. How about this Tattooed chef? Ooh.

Eric: 19:43

Ooh, stir fry Okay.

Matt: 19:45

Almost ready.

Eric: 19:45

We'll have to come back to that one. We'll come back, don't worry. Good things come to those who wait.

Matt: 19:52

Okay, so we've got sample maximization strategies. That's also from Becky the Seagrass Scientist. Dairy King 11 asks what should Costco give free samples of but doesn't which is similar to Sarah Feldman asked this question first, but many others followed which is what doesn't Costco sell or offer that they should? Yep, yep, yep and then how many? Free samples must you eat before you've technically eaten a meal? That's from alwaysacookie on Instagram. So let's talk maximization, let's talk about it. So right here we got three in a row.

Eric: 20:31

Yep, and we've hit one, we've hit. The others are in their preparatory stages. Now here's what I'll say Do we need a cart?

Matt: 20:38

I think it'll slow us down.

Eric: 20:39

It'll slow us down. It might also create a lot of noise. Yes, yes, yes, god, you're smart. I love you.

Matt: 20:48

Love you, jury's out on you.

Eric: 20:55

So what I'll say? Maximization In terms of an approach path. I don't think it's in terms of what order you hit the samples in. It's the. What kind of approach matters is your attitude. You gotta be easy to work with. Yes, you show up if they're, if they're in the middle of prepping the sample. You do not fucking hover around them. You don't like sit there saying are they really well. Is it done yet?

Matt: 21:21

no, first of all, that makes you an asshole. It makes you an asshole. You're losing time, you asshole. Second of all.

Eric: 21:24

You're losing time. You're losing precious sampling time. You move on, you make a mental note, you circle back. You were nothing but polite and respectful to the person giving you the sample. You know what, if it's not busy or slammed, maybe do a little small, like a little hey, how's your day going. This gets you in their good graces, because if you're in their good graces, that means you might get a little. Oh, do you want another?

Matt: 21:47

one yeah, because you just made a little joke to this woman. Yep, she might give you two. She might give you two. And also another maximization strategy. Say, you come across something that you don't particularly like, or your partner is with, yeah, and they don't particularly, you can take your sample, send them to get you another one.

Eric: 22:08

Yes, absolutely. This is the classic sample switch.

Matt: 22:11

And if somebody's super slammed at the sample station, you take one without really drawing attention to yourself, right?

Eric: 22:20

They don't actually see you take it. You come back again, you come back. Or yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But that all said, if you have a good rapport, usually you just be like, hey, can I, you know, maybe If there's a little something extra for me, there's a little something extra for you.

Matt: 22:35

Exactly, it's just a little slides in my nudes I print out and keep on me, in case I run into this exact situation.

Eric: 22:47

I have a dossier of feet pics I take with me everywhere I go.

Matt: 22:51

God there's so many different kinds of frozen pizza? What?

Eric: 22:55

if I got bagel bites from Lindsay for International Honestly, like it's not the worst random thing I could get the three words every girl wants to hear Bagel Bites, yes, bagel Bites, yes, bagel Bites, yes.

Matt: 23:11

Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening pizza at supper time.

Eric: 23:17

That's what it's all about, oh, eric.

Matt: 23:21

We got to get our stir fry. It's about to go away.

Eric: 23:23

Oh is it? I don't even think. Oh is it? I don't know, it's not even. I thought it was there.

Matt: 23:26

But it's not you good, so we missed this.

Eric: 23:30

Yeah, we're fine, we got a circle.

Eric: 23:32

We're swinging around to. There's more samples happening over here. Oh this.

Matt: 23:36

Oh, this sample has a three tier table.

Eric: 23:39

Now this right here. Oh, this one's not ready yet either. Okay, so we're in a changeover period. We have entered in a dead zone.

Eric: 23:46

Yes, because they're over here.

Matt: 23:49

Garden Fresh Gourmet Hummus. I got to be honest, I got absolutely no interest in this, but I will eat it.

Eric: 23:56

I love a good hummus. Welcome guys, Hi Matt.

Eric: 24:02

From top to bottom. Okay, that's a lemon garlic dill right there. So these are too savory.

Matt: 24:05

This is a bit of a spice, and this is our sweet.

Eric: 24:07

I know that the brownie batter hummus is like chocolate. Yeah, I was like that's very intriguing Okay.

Matt: 24:16

Lemon garlic dill. What's your review?

Eric: 24:20

It's quite nice. Actually, I'm a sucker with anything that has dill in it.

Matt: 24:25

I agree. I'm moving on to the Arctic Shogun spinach. These are very good chips.

Eric: 24:32

Yes, oh, he's after you.

Matt: 24:35

Oh, yeah, yeah, I got to wait for the brownie batter.

Eric: 24:39

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm most excited for the brownie batter.

Matt: 24:43

I bet, this is a honey jalapeno.

Eric: 24:47

Yes, it's not spicy at all, okay.

Matt: 24:51

Are you waiting for the brownie batter? Yeah, I don't blame you one bit.

Eric: 24:56

I'm just going to slide in and get a little. Can you get two packs of these for only?

Matt: 24:59

$5.99?.

Eric: 25:02

The honey jalapeno is actually quite good.

Eric: 25:03

That's a steal, we're only here until tomorrow.

Matt: 25:08

That's a steal. Oh, this is a pop up. It's a pop up, both offering and sample.

Matt: 25:15

For rolling my trash away.

Matt: 25:18

But this is you guys over here, right yeah?

Eric: 25:20

Okay, I think They'd be fools not to take you.

Matt: 25:21

Yeah, okay, okay, you guys can tell Tosslehead we want us to be here.

Matt: 25:25

I think they'd be fools not to take you.

Eric: 25:28

Yeah, from what I've tasted so far.

Eric: 25:31

Oh, and it's on the pretzel chip. I love the pretzel chips too.

Matt: 25:34

Tastes like chocolate pudding, only five grams of sugar, because we use dates.

Matt: 25:38

Only five grams of sugar, all right, I might have to get a container of this on the way out. Where are they? All right, I might have to get a container of this on the way out. Where are they? It's $5.99.

Eric: 25:47

Come on that's a steal. That does straight up taste like chocolate pudding.

Matt: 25:53

You know what these people were featured here? This is Garden Fresh Gourmet that we were speaking to. Yeah, I'm going to take a picture of their dessert hummus here.

Eric: 26:02

Please sponsor us.

Matt: 26:04

Please sponsor us, if you wish. Should we tell them that we're recording a podcast?

Eric: 26:08

Maybe, maybe, we'll feel it out Right now. They're busy Right now they're busy.

Matt: 26:14

I don't hate this little shed. I could probably fit this in the backyard.

Eric: 26:19

So this is the cool thing. So we're at the foot of the slide right now I'm tilting my head down, so I don't get lost Mike.

Matt: 26:26

I'm trying to figure out what it is, which of these things it is.

Eric: 26:29

Body Glove, aqua, luxury Wham-O Air Slip and Slide. It's not the Crocodile Cave, because that's this, I think it's the 31-foot Wham-O Constant Air Slip and Slide. Oh yeah, because there's the yeah. So we're looking up at it and you have to crane your neck almost entirely back to get this. It is, I took a picture of it. It's going to be on Instagram. Get it from this angle so you can like truly, so they can grasp the horror.

Matt: 27:00

Yeah, so like, just so you get the plunge view.

Eric: 27:04

So circling back to samples, real quick, yeah. While we wait for samples to be cooked because I don't know about you, I'm too far away from them I'm eyeballing that tempura shrimp sample hard. Let's get closer.

Matt: 27:18

Oh, it looks like Christmas just landed, let's move. And that's part of it, folks. So you got to. When you have the opening, you got to go.

Eric: 27:25

So you're already fucking done. Oh, looks like you're about to go. So here's the thing kids Tell me. And tell them A, keep a respectable distance while they're preparing. But B, do not take, do not lose sight of that prize, because some samples are going to be popular, some samples are going to get snatched up. The second they hit that plastic tray. Yeah, so you, just you know respectable distance, but watch it like a hawk.

Matt: 27:51

I agree, and that's what we're doing now. We're right outside of tempura shrimp.

Eric: 27:55

And while we wait this extra couple minutes, what should they have? Samples of that they don't.

Matt: 28:02

Oh, Eric, I'm looking over here. We totally missed the crocodile cave. Oh Eric, I'm looking over here. We totally missed the Crocodile.

Eric: 28:05

Cave, I got to get it from that action. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get to it.

Matt: 28:07

There's this giant inflatable crocodile cave.

Eric: 28:09

I'll say this THC edibles, fuck, yes, like instant. Could you imagine if the second, we should have done some before we got it, if Kirkland edibles would be so good, kirkland Edibles would be so good, kirkland Ganja, I want it.

Matt: 28:30

That Kirkland OG. Kirkland Signature Kush we might have just found a name for the episode.

Eric: 28:40

Kirkland Signature Kush. Hi Costco, please hire us, we're only serving up slam dunks. Sorry, we only do success.

Matt: 28:50

Take only samples, leave only slam dunks, I am. They're putting out the cups. So I think we're close to tempura time. Okay, tick, tock, tempura o'clock yeah, uh, any other?

Eric: 29:00

oh uh, how many samples constitutes a meal?

Matt: 29:05

I think on a good day when, when you're at prime middle-of-the-day sample time, they have all shapes and sizes right.

Eric: 29:12

They have savory, they have sweet. We just went through the hummus samples. They have the entire spectrum of flavor, all flavors that exist from dill to brownie, Absolutely All right.

Matt: 29:23

They're pulling it out of the little hot caliente okay, I need.

Eric: 29:28

You know what a pro move would get would be. I want one of those hot caliente magnets for my fridge. I want one for you, oh my god. But like everyone recognizes the hot caliente magnet, from the back of these little sample ovens. I agree.

Matt: 29:46

Oh my god, eric, look, the cups came out and people are even closer than us just surrounding the place with their carts.

Eric: 29:51

They made a moat of carts. They're trying to keep us from the tempura. They're circling the wagons. Let's get in there. This is the juncture at which you start politely queuing up, much like the Oregon.

Matt: 30:05

Trail. We've got to get in line.

Eric: 30:07

Yep, what a pro move.

Matt: 30:10

This woman just cut us off with her cart, then pushed the cart out of the way.

Eric: 30:16

Yep.

Matt: 30:20

And let it free roam while she went and got the two-par.

Eric: 30:21

Honestly brilliant strategy. I'm doing it. Let's get a work. I do feel bad for anyone trying to get an Akai bowl right now.

Matt: 30:30

Yeah, the Akai bowls are off limits. Yeah, they've been, they've been. Oh, panko shrimp loaded by humans trying to get to brew a shrimp, eric. I'm going to say it. I don't think we're going to get to Matt there's 20 people.

Eric: 30:44

People, I want you to look me in the eye right now. I am very uncomfortable doing so, but okay, we will have shrimp.

Matt: 30:50

Okay, I need you to trust this process. I don't, but I trust you. You know what? I trust you, yeah. We'll be taking a closer look at this shacket you've got on. It's quite nice.

Eric: 31:05

Isn't it? Lucy's become a big fan of Shackets. I love. I'm very pro-Shacket. Now Alyssa got this for me. Oh, did you need to get through here? Oh, okay, I'm just making sure I'm not blocking anyone.

Matt: 31:14

He constantly feels he's an obstacle to his people.

Matt: 31:16

Yes, it's because he's so gargantuan.

Matt: 31:19

Oh, yep, Yep, yep, yep. I'm just going to say we're a little slow on the upkeep with the temporary. Yeah, you know, it's a.

Eric: 31:31

I always like to remind myself like okay, most of these folks give you a sample are retirees.

Matt: 31:36

They're very smart, they're very smart to do so yeah, Because Lindsay had to give me the prep talk of. Since she's not going to be here, you have to keep my mental faculties at bay.

Eric: 31:49

I will be your port in the storm.

Matt: 31:53

Because we're flirting with the time where I might have to lash out. Yeah, any moment, Any moment.

Eric: 32:01

I could. I'm the thread by which your sanity hangs.

Matt: 32:06

Yes, and that is incredibly dangerous. And Lizzie does this every day, Every moment of every day. Isn't she a saint? This International Women's Day, honor my wife Now.

Eric: 32:15

Matt, this is what we call the scramble. This is where everyone's going in.

Matt: 32:20

It's literally like seagulls on the beach.

Eric: 32:22

Now, and it's okay, so like. So, now, what you'll notice, matt, we are now first. We are now first, we're going to hit that direction.

Matt: 32:33

And now, matt, we are locked in, we're locked in, we're committed to this sample. Oh yeah, oh, a little prep sauce.

Eric: 32:40

Okay.

Matt: 32:41

Truly an artisan approach to the same thing.

Eric: 32:44

See, that's me. Anytime I get a thing with a little packet, I always no, no, that's why you don't have this job. Yeah, you can't do this. I am woefully unqualified. You don't have the skill set for that? Oh, I don't think you are. I really don't think you are. I don't think so at all. No, no, I don't think so no. How's your day going Busy?

Eric: 33:07

Oh yeah.

Matt: 33:08

How quickly do you think people are scooping up these shrimp tempuras?

Eric: 33:12

I don't even think they all made it to the tray last time. I barely got a look at them that quick yeah, there you go. See, now that's a pro.

Matt: 33:23

That's a pro. If nothing else you can just do a little shot of teriyaki sauce.

Eric: 33:26

Yeah, see, if this were me, by now I would have squirted the first packet everywhere. I would have lost the second packet somehow.

Matt: 33:37

This is the point. At home, I'd be digging through the trash looking like where did I? The main part of this episode has turned into waiting for the shrimp to burn. Waiting for the shrimp tempura, oh no Cheyenne's getting yelled at.

Eric: 33:53

No, I know that the wait for this has been extended, but I will say that the person doing this has been busting ass Busting her ass, dude, to get me the shrimp tempura.

Eric: 34:02

Oh, it's backed up a little bit.

Eric: 34:03

I feel like there we go. Oh, thank you, we got our shrimps, we got out.

Matt: 34:07

It truly was a feeling frenzy just now.

Eric: 34:09

Thank you so much.

Eric: 34:11

And you always thank them.

Matt: 34:13

Always thank them God yeah, that was sad.

Eric: 34:15

There were people like there were a few hands in there that were definitely there way after. We were at the front of that line and we're trying to get cute. So, yeah, you've got to seize the day by the throat.

Matt: 34:28

Oh my God Dude, it was worth it it was worth it.

Eric: 34:32

Oh my God.

Matt: 34:36

That was excellent, yeah, excellent. All right, we've sampled Excuse me, people are all over the hummus.

Eric: 34:45

Now I'll also say this for sample etiquette Once you have gotten a sample, the only, I would say, socially acceptable time to go back for potential seconds, because nothing's guaranteed in this life. No, you wait until the crowds have died. Way the fuck back.

Matt: 35:00

Yeah, Like.

Matt: 35:01

I'd feel bad going back there If they're still getting slammed.

Eric: 35:04

Do not complicate things further.

Matt: 35:07

No, that poor woman who then just got scolded by someone a third of her age.

Eric: 35:11

She was getting scolded by clearly someone with big middle management energy who was like complaining about how long she was taking, and our sample lady was going legitimately as fast as she and the laws of thermodynamics could go.

Matt: 35:24

I'm sorry, I tried to make everything easy and I made everything difficult. So, like this man's got his ear pods and he might be listening to our show, One can only hope. Why don't we just grab someone and tell them hey, I'm a podcast player. I thought about wearing the hoodie today, oh, but I thought it might be, a little like wearing the band shirt to the concert you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So right now we're in the meat section we have entered the meat section, one of my absolute favorite sections it is.

Eric: 35:54

It is so much fun. This is one of my favorite places to eyeball shop because they will often have stuff. It was like I'm never going to purchase that, but it's fun knowing that it's here if I need it. I want to look at the marbling.

Matt: 36:03

Oh.

Eric: 36:03

God, I love it.

Matt: 36:04

Are we going to talk about marbling, I guess. So, all right, what do we got here, okay, beef brisket, a whole beef brisket. Oh my God, oh the whole beef Honestly. God yes.

Eric: 36:17

Sliced ribs 60 bucks for 12 pounds of brisket. Yeah, no, that's a yes for me, dog.

Matt: 36:24

Okay, so these are all your stew meats, your stew meats yeah, your slow cookers. Some little flank steaks.

Eric: 36:32

Ooh beef, matt. Have you ever had beef tongue?

Matt: 36:35

I have not have you had a beef tongue.

Eric: 36:36

It's delicious. I wouldn't be opposed to trying a tongue, if you're ever at a good Mexican. I mean, I've tried some tongue.

Matt: 36:42

Now see, this is pork belly Skin on pork belly. It looks like two-inch thick bacon, right?

Eric: 36:50

now and I'm all about it. Yes, that is dangerous.

Matt: 36:54

I want it. I want it inside of me. I believe the kids say raw, and I'm going to say raw and with your yacht, and I'm going to say raw and with your yacht. Now, this is Dungeness crab.

Eric: 37:10

I don't know why it's even in there I've heard Dungeness crab is very delicious, it is.

Matt: 37:14

It is good.

Eric: 37:18

But us being from.

Matt: 37:19

Maryland. It feels like we're class traders. My sister-in-law, who now lives in Seattle, goes on and on and on about these crabs, these BDSM crabs yeah, and the answer is no. She's obviously wrong about it and she's originally from Maryland. So well, mostly. So. There's really no excuse for the blue crab blasphemy the blue crab.

Eric: 37:41

blasphemy Sumit did we get through all of our sample questions?

Matt: 37:48

Let's dip into the side aisle.

Eric: 37:49

Blasphemy, the blue crab blasphemy. Sumet, tell me, did we get through all of our sample questions? Let's dip into the side aisle and let me see, because I know we started talking. We got distracted, rightfully so.

Matt: 37:59

I will add, by the tempura, shrimp, rush Macaroons. Macarons, macarons, macarons. What if I got a macar Macron for International Women's Day?

Eric: 38:05

They're only $5.99. Does Lindsay like a Macron? Let me ask you this who?

Matt: 38:08

doesn't.

Eric: 38:09

That's fair. Thank you, that's fair.

Matt: 38:11

Okay. So what should Costco get free samples of? But doesn't I?

Eric: 38:15

don't think we ever oh yeah yeah yeah, we mostly get the Maxima.

Eric: 38:20

Oh yeah, we were talking about Kirkland Kush yeah.

Eric: 38:22

Kirkland Kush what doesn't?

Matt: 38:25

That's in general. What doesn't they offer? But they should. We should keep that in mind. We should keep that. That's a running question. How many free samples must you eat before you technically had a meal? We never finished it?

Eric: 38:34

So I'll say this At a minimum I know for a fact that once you've hit every sample, you've definitely like if you've hit so many samples to the point that that, like, there's no way to go to them without doing a second pass, yeah, yeah, I think you've hit a meal. But I think it also depends on what time of day. If it's like on monday at like 11 am, I don't think there's going to be like a robust sample selection.

Matt: 39:00

But if it's on a a.

Eric: 39:01

Saturday of two. You've got a meal's worth of samples in store. I think you could.

Matt: 39:06

for a lunch type size meal, I'd say six to ten samples, depending on what they are of, could do it. We've had shrimp tempura. If we also went back, got that stir fry, Got a little rice in you got the carbs, got some more of those chips with the special little hummus.

Eric: 39:24

Okay.

Matt: 39:25

We're looking at a grand old time and I think you're approaching a lunch, not a dinner, not a dinner.

Eric: 39:33

But you could have a lunch, a sample brunch, because at a certain point you think of it, it's just tapas. Yeah, truly, oh, now see, these are two of my favorites. Oh my God Gang, if see, these are two of my favorites. Oh my God Gang, if you realize look at this, the size of this shepherd's pie, like truly. If you've never had these, I've never had them. The pre-made Kirkland shepherd's pie and the chicken pot pie. You vouch for them, I vouch for them, so fucking hard.

Matt: 39:59

I can't wait to eat them.

Eric: 40:00

You just throw them in the oven. Yeah, you wait, and then you have food for, like the next week. They're huge, they're gigantic.

Matt: 40:08

They're delicious. I'd reckon this is a 13-incher, yeah.

Eric: 40:12

Oh, easily, easily, Easily. It's a five and a quarter pound pie. Oh, or the cheese section.

Matt: 40:22

French brie Gotta have it, gotta have it.

Eric: 40:24

Gotta have it. My personal favorite. I saw this on the other side the little balls of mozzarella swimming in olive oil.

Matt: 40:32

I love those and I'm new to that experience. Lindsay got them for some specific, oh really. Yeah, lindsay got them for a dish not too long ago. Oh, and I discovered the great joy of just popping one right in Matt.

Eric: 40:46

You ever want to be everyone's favorite at the potluck. You just buy a tub of those. You buy a bunch of cherry tomatoes. Slice cherry tomato in half, skewer it on a toothpick, skewer the cheese on the toothpick. Instant, instant, hordoverous, hordoverous. Okay, all right, that guy just slammed an empty carton onto his Under his flatbed cart Like he was declaring a transaction completed, correct.

Matt: 41:18

And Eric, this is what I'll say. This is what you have to prevent, yep, because I saw that and I said that's a maché action, if ever I saw one. Yeah, oh, that's the. I'm done. That's the. I am losing touch with how to behave in society. That is the point of which I'm ready to go home. What are these?

Eric: 41:40

oh, my god little poofs they are like little poofs Frontier Bakery. They're like little choux pastries.

Matt: 41:47

Oh, eric, we have to have a slight moment to talk about the Madelines here. Oh, the classic. And you had them. Yes, because they are so goddamn good.

Eric: 41:57

The fluffy, buttery, the churro donut bites Churro donut bites that is dangerous. I'm seeing so many snacks.

Matt: 42:07

There's so many things I could, and that's another place. Costco really excels. Snacks, snacks, oh my God, snacks. A nice party setup, for sure, for sure. Yes, why don't we check on a question?

Eric: 42:20

Yeah, let's answer a question while we're chilling by the emergency exit. Let's see, let's answer a question while we're chilling by the emergency exit.

Matt: 42:24

Let's see it's one of the best places to go. Mike Parig Jr, Don't tell the fire marshal he asks is the full name Cost Company? Feels like a Google would answer this.

Eric: 42:37

one Feels like a Google would answer this, but I don't think Mike wouldn't come to us.

Matt: 42:41

He didn't trust Google and he trusted us. You know what wouldn't come to us?

Eric: 42:44

He didn't trust Google and he trusted us. I'm going to throw it out. Costner Company, follow the money. See who sits on the board of Kirkland. I guarantee it's a Costner. You do Guarantee it. I don't think you're correct. I'm willing to bet Alright.

Matt: 42:57

How much A dollar Fine Low effort bet.

Eric: 43:02

And I will say this I said a Costner, I didn't say Kevin.

Matt: 43:06

Yeah, sure, just any old. Are you Googling the board?

Eric: 43:09

Yeah, oh, okay, I think the answer is probably no, by the way, mike Paray Jr.

Matt: 43:14

But no, the whole name is Costco Wholesale Corporation and it's the third largest retailer in the world. Congratulations, costco, damn.

Eric: 43:23

Not a costner on the board. Damn Eric. I'll then owe you a dollar.

Matt: 43:30

Well, I gotta pay you for breakfast.

Eric: 43:31

No, you don't. You're gonna tell me how much I know I love getting you a Lindsay breakfast.

Matt: 43:36

Oh wait, hold on Eric. It's our little tradition no, for real, for real I am looking at this.

Matt: 43:41

Oh man.

Matt: 43:41

So we have been pricing this out. This is a. This is a workbench toolbox combo. Oh, it's got. And there's. There's one at home depot husky that I was thinking of getting 349. This is cheaper. This is by by. This is by a country mile.

Eric: 43:59

This is cheaper. Lindsay needs to know about this.

Matt: 44:01

Usually run yeah, no, this is like literally the size it's going to go right inside my, because we have very limited space in my utility. Yes, so we need something of this size. Oh God, I'm going to be coming back to buy this for sure. Yeah, that's 100%. Now that I know it's here, speak Okay.

Eric: 44:20

You may. Oh, I was just going to say do we have another question? Ooh, bidet aisle.

Matt: 44:24

I do think we need to get bidet. What if?

Eric: 44:27

I got a bidet, A bidet, dude. I'll tell you this right now It'll change your life.

Matt: 44:32

Wait, is this how much bidets are?

Eric: 44:34

Yeah, here's the wild thing. The actual Isn't it just a seat? No, usually it's a plumbing system built into this as well. But I'll tell you this.

Eric: 44:45

Normally the actual toilet part of your toilet is dirt cheap. The bidet itself is usually just a topper that goes on, and they are expensive and they are worth, Matthew, every fucking penny. I don't own one of these. We have one of those like Water phone. Yeah, Kind of like a little. Also, I want to get a nice one. I want to get one because this one it's electronic, I'm thinking. This one has a seat warmer. Change your life.

Matt: 45:14

All right, well, I'm not going to drop that. That'll get me in trouble, I think, without a discussion.

Eric: 45:19

Oh shower heads.

Matt: 45:20

Now, this is what homeownership does to you. I was drawn to this gutter guard.

Eric: 45:25

Mm-hmm.

Matt: 45:27

I think it's something that I might need, Matt. How?

Eric: 45:31

many drill bits do you need? Does this not make your brain go happy?

Matt: 45:35

It does make my brain go happy, but I do have a decent collection of drill bits. I've got to be honest with you. I wish they'd give samples of drill bits.

Eric: 45:43

There's someone standing there with an impact drill and a bunch of bits, so here, give this a swing see, this is what happens.

Matt: 45:47

You pass this section of like faucets that we're passing and you're like, oh, maybe I do need a fucking nice faucet. I wouldn't hate this either, for above the thing I was just talking maybe I do need somewhere to hang my seven drills I am thinking that I need something like that and I'm taking a picture of it, not for my seven drills. I am thinking that I need something like that and I'm taking a picture of it, not for the seven drills, but it's nice to have the option as time goes on.

Eric: 46:11

I'll tell you this right now. This takes me back Back when I used to work night shift. Brooklyn brand blackout curtains saved my life. I bet I would have lost my mind far sooner if it weren't for them. What is this? Is this a nice flashlight? God, I love a good flashlight. Sorry, I get. So it's a good one. Apparently. I'm like it's heavy. It's like the old school maglizer. Yes, yes, yes, it's also kind of a weapon.

Matt: 46:39

Yes, that's what you need. This is what I keep. Multifunctional, 5 000 lumen how much is it?

Eric: 46:45

what are you?

Matt: 46:46

30 bucks. What are you lighting up at 5 000 minutes? Who can say I will? Find a reason that's right, you are the son.

Eric: 46:55

Y'all have a good one, uh, the, I love, I love bantering uh, listening to this podcast comedy, good plug, good plug.

Matt: 47:07

Does anyone buy the Hot Tubs and the who that is also from Mike Briggs Jr? Somebody's got it, so here's what I'll tell you. Let's get in the flow. Yeah, are we going this way? Which way are we going?

Eric: 47:18

We're following the flow. Costco is very cool in that not only are you usually getting this shit cheaper here, but rolled into that price as well, is them coming out to install it for you.

Eric: 47:33

I know that's the case with their appliances like fridges, ovens and stuff. I can only assume that also applies to hot tubs. So I would love to meet the human, though, who comes here. I would love to be the person that comes here, and I hope I have a fuck-off amount of money one day to do this. I'm going to come here and say no, no, no, no need to install it, just bring it out to my truck, nice. And they have to carry the like I want to see like. Will they even let me do that at?

Matt: 48:00

they're like sir, you can't just so. You want to have enough money to be a problem. Is that what you're saying? I'm gonna tip them all like ten thousand dollars. Now here are squishmallow minis, mini squishmallows is that attractive to you?

Eric: 48:13

honest to god? Yeah, I think alissa would love these little guys. They're so cute. It's like a little sample pack a little squishmallow little parrot. There's a little cheetah, oh, there's a little koi fish. Yeah, I think. What is this? The? Yeah, I'm, I'm getting a list of the sample pack of the squishmallow let me tell you about my girlfriend. All right, my girlfriend, my girlfriend, loves two things Soft things and small things.

Matt: 48:46

If it's a tiny version of a thing she goes gaga. And this is a good find, then, because Costco, as we've already discussed, doesn't do tiny no, yeah, yeah, they struggle with tiny.

Eric: 48:57

They struggle with tiny. I stand corrected.

Matt: 49:00

Both of us have just been walking around with these sweatshirt hoodies on our necks.

Eric: 49:04

Oh, I know.

Matt: 49:04

They're so good. Have you had these Dots, pretzels?

Eric: 49:08

Oh yeah, the Dots pretzels are very good.

Matt: 49:10

Oh my God, they change your life. Have you had the?

Eric: 49:13

I think they do like a honey mustard. Oh yeah, oh you fucks with Zapp's Voodoo chips. Right, I've had them. They do Zapp's Voodoo pretzels and they're like the dot-style pretzels with the Voodoo seasoning.

Matt: 49:25

We can't even go this way. We can't. It's closed.

Eric: 49:28

It just got stanchioned off, All right, so we're by the like deli area.

Matt: 49:34

Here's a non-edible sample of wicking air wicking Right air. Wick right here if you want to take one. Oh, we can just take this oh we can just take this, okay.

Eric: 49:48

Gotcha, gotcha.

Eric: 49:51

I was like I don't want to waste it.

Eric: 49:54

They were just handing out Airwicks Good air. Good out, eric. But that's a really good strategy on their part, because if you already buy them, it incentivizes you to come back. But it also like oh, oh, maybe I get into airwix, since you're giving me a free one. Yeah, it's just a free at that point um, now, okay, now we're in what I would, what I think we can all agree. We're in the most boring part of the costco right now the back. Giant cases of paper towels, giant cases of water charcoal.

Matt: 50:30

I got.

Eric: 50:30

Miracle-Gro Organic Choice, which means it's priced up While we're hanging out by this manure.

Matt: 50:33

While we're here at the fertilizer Got any?

Eric: 50:35

questions we want to yeah.

Matt: 50:36

This seems like an appropriate time for one.

Eric: 50:38

Yeah.

Matt: 50:39

What is the minimum number of people required to justify a five-foot-long cheese log, and that is from Always a Cookie? Are you familiar with a justify a five foot long cheese log and that is from always a cookie. Are you familiar with a five foot long cheese log?

Eric: 50:48

the the, that it's in what I would put into the category of catering size things. Okay, um, what I will say graduation party? Oh sure. What I will say graduation party? Oh sure, Graduation party's worth of people, there's no like, honestly, the five-foot cheese log. Unless you're going for a meme, you're never going to bring that to like a party at your house. Okay, Unless your house has like is like a McMansion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cheaper by the dozen house. Yeah, yes, Unless your house could also double as a venue. That juice ain't worth the squeeze.

Matt: 51:33

No, I agree.

Eric: 51:33

No one's taking a cheese log home with them. No, I shouldn't think so.

Matt: 51:37

Where would we find one?

Eric: 51:40

Probably in the cheese section. Should we look? Yeah, now, that's to say, I don't think they have them here, but we can always take a look.

Matt: 51:48

That's always the fun thing about Costco that's always a cookie. That's Costco across the pond, oh.

Eric: 51:54

Costco across the pond. I thought that guy was going to fist bump me.

Eric: 51:56

He was raising his fist. Maybe he was British.

Matt: 51:58

Oi mate, oi mate, oi mate, oi mate. Oh yeah, watch out the traditional British fist bump as we're known for.

Eric: 52:05

A la best. That's one of the things I love about Andy. He would always end his emails and messages with a la best, a la best.

Matt: 52:14

A la best, isn't it A la best?

Eric: 52:16

Don't see a five-foot log.

Matt: 52:18

No, I don't see a five-foot log and that's okay.

Eric: 52:20

But yeah, I would say like this has to be like. If you're catering your own wedding, yes. If you're graduation party yes. Retirement party yes.

Matt: 52:35

All right, we're accidentally heading towards the perimeter wall.

Eric: 52:41

Do we want to? Oh, they got banana-flavored milk drink, jesus.

Matt: 52:44

That's interesting.

Eric: 52:45

Is this good Can't be. I would love a sample of that, because I'm not buying a. What if you Okay?

Matt: 52:52

In terms of what did Costco offer that they don't offer? That they should, On-demand samples. Go up to someone and be like I'd like a sample of this Perfect example.

Eric: 53:05

Right now we're in this exotic drink style.

Eric: 53:07

Yeah, exotic drink style, yes.

Eric: 53:09

What if they had a little mini? Not a vending machine, you wouldn't put money in but a little mini fridge with just onesies, twosies of all these different drinks and people can be like, okay, go up and like.

Matt: 53:19

I think, for sure. Here's a 40 variety pack of capri sun whatever. Also something I brought that home 40 capri sun everybody.

Eric: 53:29

I've never met a person in my life who wasn't at least a little stoked about getting a pre-sale like who has ever been?

Matt: 53:35

like, I don't care for him because you drink them. You turn into liquid metal, that's right turn into alex mac from the secret life of alex mack how many years inside a costco can you ask, without leaving the costco stays on.

Eric: 53:49

I think he meant open oh, no, alex, or see how I interpreted that. And alex, first off, cook a click, second off, uh, I, I now that I'm thinking about it. That makes so much more sense. I thought he was being very what's the word? Sexual? Oh, I think it was almost like when I say to Alyssa the Carhartt fanny pack stays on. Oh, okay, but no, yours makes a lot more sense, the Carhartt let's speak more about that.

Eric: 54:23

The Carhartt fanny pack stays on when I look her in the eyes, as we're about to, and I'm not going to be blue here. So you're nude, but with one big exception, with one notable exception, I look into my beloved's eyes and I say the Carhartt Fanny Pack stays on, eric come over here.

Matt: 54:43

Come over here, let's get real close to the Stacy's Organic Chips Classic statement, cape Cod.

Eric: 54:50

Have you done that?

Matt: 54:53

That's all I needed to know. That's all I needed to know.

Eric: 54:56

You will never know, Eric come here again.

Matt: 54:57

Come here again. What do you get out of that? That's all I needed to know. That's all I needed to know.

Eric: 55:08

I feel sorry for everyone listening to this only because they will never see the, the looks, that me and matt just gave, we just had a full conversation. We shot each other, looks yeah, I mean, that's that's. That's what rules about having like bestest buds?

Matt: 55:21

is like all right now I just have a question. Yeah, do you load it up with like I put snacks in there.

Eric: 55:27

Oh, snacks like a little, put throw capri sun in there. Oh yeah, take a little dinner break. Oh, dude a little dinner break, a little dinner after my dessert. Um, uh yeah, I, funny thing like again, cannot stress this enough. We don't have sponsors and I really wish we did oh yeah, because the fanny pack would jump on. Oh my god, carhartt, carhartt, if you're listening, please. Before we even came here, I was showing, I was making matt feel my new carhartt wallet that I got you made me put this wallet.

Matt: 56:01

yeah, my face, sorry, the genuine saddle leather is so fucking supple. Eric. We are in the Eric listen and listeners listen. We are in the far corner of the Costco. We're surrounded by diapers and frosted flakes, because those two things should be next to each other.

Eric: 56:19

It is wild, it was like crossing a barrier. This section has, like the acoustics of a church.

Matt: 56:24

This is the quietest place in the.

Eric: 56:26

Casca. I have never. It's almost like disconcerting.

Matt: 56:32

We could stack up some of these sun kists and play a game of chess. No one will find us back. No one. We could live back here undisturbed. See that there's an upper shelf. That is missing one. There's a little gap that's missing one pallet. We could just make a little ladder out of the Coca-Colas. Step on up there, yeah, and we just host the show from up there. We just live up there and, matt, I'd love that. I'd love being like a mystical, wise man in a store that people can just come up to.

Matt: 57:02

We fashion cloaks from our Kirkland hoodies, yeah, and we still have name tags, still have name tags and we offer advice and then if people are like, excuse me, where can I find the diapers We'd be like? Oh, not that type of question actually.

Eric: 57:15

Be gone.

Matt: 57:16

Go see Jerry yeah.

Eric: 57:19

This is not our remit Only.

Eric: 57:22

Joanne knows that, honestly, if you're in a survival situation, look around. We have, there is there's everything. We have beverages, we have cereal to eat and we have diapers. We have every conceivable human. The hierarchy of needs is addressed.

Matt: 57:38

Let's go further. We have mattresses, we have bedding, we have more TVs than we know what to do with. Oh my God, oh no.

Eric: 57:46

I'm just like talking about this.

Matt: 57:49

This is where we would set up. I think we have another question coming down about the zombie apocalypse. Oh yeah, yeah.

Matt: 57:56

If a zombie outbreak finally happened. This is from Zach Deist. What is this? The undead roam the streets. Amid the chaos. You find yourselves trapped in a cost. Going to come back to that verbiage it's only a matter of time until the zombies start breaking in. What are the best non-conventional melee and ranged weapons you'll be able to use? Again, from zach deuce, I'll tell you this right now the survivalist for me, I'll do it for you. I'll do your bit for you. How about that? Okay, all right go on.

Eric: 58:23

That was a good you did well. Thank you, you did. You did right. I'll say this first off um well, we passed some bows and arrows. We passed bows and arrows, we did. We legitimately pass archery equipment? I'm pretty sure. Well, that's that okay, that's pretty conventional, I would say. Is it in today's economy?

Eric: 58:42

I would say they're still designed for killing things, sure, but what I will say is this Costco cart. Costco cart, especially up against zombies, is a good knockout. Like that is good. The number one thing you have to keep in mind when dealing with zombies who are trying to bite you and also turn you into a zombie keeping distance. Yeah, turn you into a zombie keeping distance. Yeah, costco cart is like it's like a ram and you can. You can keep supplies in it, you can keep a cache of weapons in the cart, so you're just putting. Shove zombies over, pull your fucking number nine iron out of the cart, or how many, goddamn forklifts are in this place.

Matt: 59:18

Oh, forklift, you put it. You put the forklift up halfway. Yeah, about head height. Yeah, you just get some, maybe a couple of accoutrements to it. You just whip them heads off, absolutely.

Eric: 59:31

In terms of not so much weapon but survival techniques. Again, these shelves, these pallet shelves. You just live upstairs. They're dumb, they can't climb, and so Zach said, trapped in a Costco.

Matt: 59:41

I'm seeking out the Costco Because once you clear it, sure it's going to be very dangerous initially, initially very dangerous, but if you were able to clear it or if it was closed before the outbreak, why would you ever leave? And there's minimal things, that's what I'm saying. You take these shells, you put them in front of the door, take some of these, king, look at this. We're staring at a pallet of Kingsford charcoal. Yep, we can stack this in front of all the entrances and exits. We're in here, baby. Sure, we'll never see the sun again. Why do we need to? They got these windows up top. We build a ladder and then we're roof access.

Eric: 1:00:16

And what you do is because, honest to God, if you're trapped inside the Costco, your biggest immediate concern is going to be spoilage. Like you have thousands of pounds of meat and dairy, tens of thousands of pounds of meat and dairy. So at least for the meat, immediately take. Go to the charcoal aisle, yeah, build a big old pile, start burning. Punch out some ventilation in the roof. You're going to want to start smoking that meat. You're going to start curing that meat. Try to convert as much of it as humanly possible to jerky.

Matt: 1:00:49

Yeah, or get to the freezers in the back. If it still has power, oh sure, if it still has power. I think, Eric, we might be coming to the end of our strollabout.

Eric: 1:01:00

Yeah, yeah, it's just about time because we've thoroughly. I do want to hit the sunglasses section.

Matt: 1:01:06

We should mention the rotisserie chickens.

Eric: 1:01:08

The rotisserie chickens are such a bargain, so good, they lose money on the chickens, but they gain money from all the people who come to their store for the chickens, because I came here for a chicken, but you know what I'm leaving with Chicken and Squishmallows.

Matt: 1:01:21

That lady had a nice plant. Maybe I'll get a nice plant.

Eric: 1:01:24

Maybe I'll get a nice plant. Oh, these cookies look good Like that's what I need the MBAs of the world to understand. It's like you gotta think further. The next quarter.

Matt: 1:01:38

We're now at the bakery. Now I don't know about you. Oh, are you going to direct me to the Costco? Rugal Staple in my house, so good, staple in my house so good. Staple the Rugal can't be beaten. The Rugal is Is also a staple growing up for any kind of event my mom would get you know for party things All these people have these like fragrant things, these massive pies Jesus H.

Matt: 1:02:00

These are so good. What if I just went back into the working area of the bakery, just started interviewing people? Just started interviewing people? Excuse me, life story please. We also have a Costco question here about caskets. Oh, it's from Alex Kavraks. If I buy a casket at Costco, can I return it under any circumstances, is the question.

Eric: 1:02:21

So if I buy a casket from Costco, can I return it under any circumstances? Matt, honest to God, let's hit up the information desk. I want to ask them. I want to ask them directly. This is always fun. I love coming into the. We're in the fridge room. We're in the fridge room because we had to, you got to. It's a little refreshing, especially in summer. I'll tell you this I'm glad we went coats on. Yeah, I think so. I would have been a cool boy.

Matt: 1:02:46

You just got a very evil eye from that guy. Oh, I don't know why, but I did, and this is what I mean. It's a good thing you're here keeping a lid on that, and also that I am trying to do a comedy show.

Eric: 1:02:59

Yes, because without those, first of all, Eric, if I'm coming in here without, if I'm browsing, that's one thing, yeah.

Matt: 1:03:13

But if I came to browse I'd come at night. But if I came in here on a saturday to do stuff, hold on, hold on. Spotted in the wild, spotted in the wild, there is a parent driving around, I'm gonna say driving around in a cart, a child who is laying down, yes, the length of the cart fully asleep that I let me tell you this I am furious, not because the child is wrong, no, no, it has nothing to do with the child being in the cart.

Eric: 1:03:36

I think that's amazing. I think that's something. Yeah, just just like there. What I'm so so angry about is I'm looking at I looked at that kid. That kid is sleeping so much better than I ever would Like. That kid is what are? Are they handing out samples?

Matt: 1:03:52

of Michelin wiper blades. Eric, let's go.

Eric: 1:03:55

Let's do, we get a free wiper blade.

Matt: 1:03:58

Are these sample wiper blades? No, they're not samples. Man, I was like damn, they just gave you the sample cart. You see how I arrived at that conclusion. I thought you were going to be like oh, you get one, the first one's free. No, no, no, only the first wiper is free.

Eric: 1:04:16

You have to buy the second one.

Eric: 1:04:17

They are on a great deal though $7.99.

Matt: 1:04:21

That is a really good price for windshield wipers For Michelin yeah.

Eric: 1:04:25

Oh yeah, I had to replace mine recently, and now I'm mad that I did it before this.

Matt: 1:04:30

Well, yeah, I mean, I don't blame you. Thank you, sir.

Eric: 1:04:34

Ultimate organization.

Matt: 1:04:41

Is this just various straps for your hauling purposes, or perhaps you can put them in your Carhartt fanny pack for whenever you might need straps?

Eric: 1:04:48

You never know. Never know when you're going to need an anchor point. Now, what were you saying? Before I was distracted by a sample of wiping blades that were not I was furious about the child sleeping in the cart, because that child was sleeping so much better than I know I ever will for the rest of my life, and they're on a metal mesh cart. That kid was sleeping.

Matt: 1:05:12

the sleep of kings and assassins, while we're nearing it, I do want to peep sunglasses. Well, optical is this way.

Eric: 1:05:15

I was leading us towards the optical, yeah yeah, yeah, oh wait, we do have the packs of Kirkland sunglasses.

Eric: 1:05:21

Oh yeah.

Matt: 1:05:22

We passed those.

Eric: 1:05:23

There's a weird leopard print that I do not like on sunglasses yeah, you can rock a leopard print. Oh, I matt. Let me be clear. I know I could thank you, but this is about what I want. That's and that's at the end of the day. Is that not what costco is about? What do you? What do you want?

Eric: 1:05:38

and how much of it.

Eric: 1:05:39

Do you want exactly look and if the answer is a lot. If the answer is much, I want much sunglass. Eric, I'm.

Matt: 1:05:49

I want big fridge. I'm distracted by how nice some of these TVs look.

Eric: 1:05:53

These are really nice, $1,500.

Matt: 1:05:59

Well, yeah, eric. First of all, it's a 77-incher.

Eric: 1:06:03

O-L-E-D and it's LED O-L-E oled that's a 4k and look at it, though.

Matt: 1:06:08

Look at what you're getting.

Eric: 1:06:09

But like the one on the left is like maybe an inch or two smaller, also 4k. Oh, it's not it's not oled. That's where you go but less than half the price. It's that oh you're paying for. Sorry, more than half, I less this is some good images. Hurting yourself, can't help but notice all the motion smoothing is on Side note. If you buy a TV, turn motion smoothing off. All right, here we are at the optics.

Matt: 1:06:33

Okay, should I buy these? Are sunglasses, Eric here's 83-inch OLED $2199.99. What?

Eric: 1:06:44

a steal.

Matt: 1:06:44

But look at it.

Eric: 1:06:46

At a certain point there's too much, at a certain point get a projector. If I have to start rotating my head to catch everything that's happening on screen. It's too much.

Matt: 1:06:56

That's what I'm saying, Get a projector, then Now you need a theater room. Yeah, at that point. Do I need to get a drone? Yes, okay, do you think Lindsay would be pleased if I come home with a drone? I mean, I can't imagine her being it's International Women's Day it's.

Eric: 1:07:11

International Women's Day, it's for her. I couldn't agree with you more. It's like a prescription sunwear, but I just want to look at Were those the only sunglass options it could be. I'm going to Well. Well, we can circle back around. I'll ask him.

Matt: 1:07:25

oh, bro oh, I got one of these not this one.

Eric: 1:07:28

I I I honest to god this is a percussion power.

Matt: 1:07:33

Percussion pro is what eric's looking at.

Eric: 1:07:35

It's a massager, massage gun air quotes body massager, but but realist of talk, I actually want to use it for that we never found those plants.

Matt: 1:07:46

I want to find the plants Are they maybe outside.

Eric: 1:07:49

Oh, I see a plant ahead, okay.

Matt: 1:07:52

That looks like an orchid. So we'll see. Now let's see how many more questions we have to go through. If you were offered a whole pall at costco of one costco item, what would you get? That is also from alex caporettis okay.

Eric: 1:08:13

So there's the fantastical, and then there's the practical, practical q-tips. Because this is the one thing that, when we are out of them, I feel it in my fucking soul and I and I despair, I straight up despair. If I, if you, could tell me, eric, we'll give you a pat, you will never have to worry about q-tips ever again in your life, I would be over the moon, matthew, would you really? Yes, I mean, be real, but like, truly and truly, just like that I was, like I never had.

Matt: 1:08:44

They don't go bad, they don't spoil, they're q-tips now, this is what I saw people with fragrant collection.

Eric: 1:08:51

Oh, they're rose plants roses and then okay, looks like we've got some, but like in the fantastical- yeah in the fantastical yes, eric, you've said it in the fantastical Pallet full of super soakers. Get all the friends together, have a grand old time. That's a good time. Yeah, yeah, super soakers or Nerf guns.

Matt: 1:09:10

For me I'm wondering about, like something I get here Allergy medication. Never have to worry about that again.

Eric: 1:09:17

Yeah, that is also a good call being out of that. What's the word? Fucking sucks? Yes, God, it does.

Matt: 1:09:25

Well, I think I'm definitely going to get some of that fancy hummus. Eric, are you noticing that the line to get out is forming here in the middle of the store?

Eric: 1:09:32

Oh, no, oh goodness.

Matt: 1:09:35

So what I'm thinking is I think we've got to get in this line soon.

Eric: 1:09:39

We've got to get in line. Oh man yeah.

Matt: 1:09:41

What are we?

Eric: 1:09:42

closing. What the vine? Yeah, Is there an express line? I think it's time we get in line and we discuss some. We can discuss any leftover questions.

Matt: 1:09:49

I think I'm going to get that hummus. Okay, because that's a nice little surprise, yep.

Eric: 1:09:57

I got my girl who had her little squish malls.

Matt: 1:09:58

Eric, we can't even get out this way, oh my God, we can't even get out the aisle this way.

Eric: 1:10:00

It, it was made by those who are waiting in line, and those who are waiting in line keep it. The way is shut, the way is shut. We are just trying to get through this. As a kid coming to Costco, that was always the part that, with my little undiagnosed ADHD brain, killed me.

Matt: 1:10:16

Oh, it's because it was just torment.

Eric: 1:10:18

I was like how long am I going to be in line, though? How long am I going to be standing in a place where I'm not allowed to leave where I'm standing? And the answer, eric, is too long Forever, all right. So I'm going to get some of the gifts and then, like some Costco worker, would scream at me like you're going to die in this line, kid.

Matt: 1:10:33

I think, rather than try to navigate the plane because we don't have a cart, no, I'm going to get the hummus. You get the hummus and call it a day.

Eric: 1:10:45

You have to get a picture of this line.

Matt: 1:10:54

It is legit listeners halfway through the store, okay.

Eric: 1:10:59

And Matt reaches for the hummus. Matt has the hummus.

Matt: 1:11:04

Matt elbows. Oh, they come in twos Packs of twos.

Eric: 1:11:07

Only twos For $5.99?. That's, you buy one, you open one, you freeze one.

Matt: 1:11:15

Can you freeze hummus? I'm not a big hummus person, I don't know. We'd probably freeze anything, what was? Your favorite of the others, do you think?

Eric: 1:11:23

My favorite of the other two would probably be between lemon garlic dill and the honey jalapeno.

Matt: 1:11:29

I think she'd like the honey jalapeno. I think she'd like it.

Eric: 1:11:31

It truly is not that spicy. It doesn't even really have spice, but it tastes like jalapeno. It does.

Matt: 1:11:38

Are they only in the two packs?

Eric: 1:11:40

Yes, Okay, yep, yep, yep, yep, he is. He has told us that the honey jalapeno is the most popular one.

Matt: 1:11:52

No, less, no less than like five times. I would agree, if not more.

Eric: 1:11:56

Okay and honestly he's, he's on the grind. I respect it. Oh shit, yeah, you, you get in line and I, I know this game. Go, go get your macaroons. I'm going to go get the macaroons.

Matt: 1:12:06

Am I in line yet? And right now we're doing. What we're going to do is we're going to I'm going to keep talking and you're going to keep talking, Yep, and we'll see how the conversation goes.

Eric: 1:12:14

Oh, I hope, oh yeah.

Matt: 1:12:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've left Eric in. I'm walking away. I'm going so hard against the grain right now Waiting in line like a jackass.

Eric: 1:12:27

Luckily people don't think I'm insane.

Matt: 1:12:31

I am not convinced that they only have two packs of this hummus, because they probably think I have Bluetooth.

Matt: 1:12:40

I think I saw some on the shelf. In fact, just to give a little credence to that, I'm going to Eric. I'm talking to Poke my ear so I can hear you better. Okay, but I respect that I don't have the time to do. Are you trying to get past all right now? I'm alone without my emotional support, eric. Oh no, they're only in two packs over here too, and here we are got the macarons I. I am returning to Eric. I'm just it's like are they closing early or something? Everybody's making their way to the exit. It's really hard for me to not look like a crazy person?

Matt: 1:13:16

Right when we're trying to make our way to the exit. It's madness why.

Matt: 1:13:20

Oh, my God, everyone's in all kinds of directions. I'm in dangerous territory, eric. It's pretty tight. I could easily see myself getting hurt, emotionally Packed in, and I'm just realizing Eric's going to kill me. I'm making a detour because I'm realizing, if I'm going to get all this hummus, I better show up with some sort of pretzel chip. Oh my God, a little dog in a pouch. Oh my God, a little dog in a pouch. Oh my God, a little dog in a pouch.

Eric: 1:13:50

I can only imagine what Matt is doing right now.

Matt: 1:13:54

I thought I knew where the pretzel chips were. Shit, eric, this is your airwax the Eric. Yes, the Eric the free dispenser. I know, airwax Lady, I know, I know it.

Eric: 1:14:05

I think most people are not even aware, like me, or they are. They think I'm insane.

Matt: 1:14:14

He's probably scared. He's there by himself. What if they put him into an express lane and he's like no, no, I'm waiting for my co-host. And they're like, what co-host, andhost? And then they say, oh, are you making a podcast again? God, we're always constantly kicking you people out of here, good clip. I'm lost and I'm afraid. Sorry sir, see, I brushed against that man and to be honest, I said I'm sorry sir I'm being honest with you listeners.

Matt: 1:14:45

It's because I'm being recorded. The madness is beginning to take me Of all these people coming and going. You don't want to know what it is. You want to know where the anxiety is coming from. It's because I'm trying to find something, I'm trying to accomplish something, and this is where I have to say, and I think I'm justified these people are in my fucking way. At this point.

Eric: 1:15:09

You know what I mean Now, matt has not returned and I'm worried that he has died.

Matt: 1:15:17

There's the princess dress again. I should have gone with that option in the first place. For International Women's Day, it's all right. I wonder if Eric kept up his end of the party. Where did he go? Oh my.

Eric: 1:15:29

God.

Matt: 1:15:31

What do you think? What's the over-under on Eric talking? All right, I'm cutting ahead. I'm going to try to intercept Eric in line, because if the chips are anywhere, they're probably around here. I feel like I'm in the zone. I feel like I'm in the neighborhood. Oh, they're probably around here. I feel like I'm in the zone. I feel like I'm in the neighborhood. Oh, by the way, the Kirkland nut bars very good, very good. You know what? That pulled me back a little bit.

Eric: 1:15:52

Honest to God, matthew where are you?

Matt: 1:15:55

I'm getting so stressed out.

Matt: 1:16:00

I found.

Matt: 1:16:01

Eric, I intercepted him too far ahead.

Eric: 1:16:05

How did you end up in front of him?

Matt: 1:16:07

We're going to have a brief reunion. Eric, it's creeping in. The dread is creeping in. It's been moving fast. I've been looking for the chip crackers Because if I'm coming home with all this hummus. I better have some dippers. Probably we are passing bouquets. I could just get flowers for International Women's.

Eric: 1:16:25

Day as well better have some dippers.

Matt: 1:16:27

Probably we are passing bouquets. I could just get flowers for the. International Women's Day as well. That's a nice touch, isn't it?

Eric: 1:16:32

Yeah, I realized I started like something, but then I realized there's so many people close to me I sound like crazy.

Matt: 1:16:38

Eric, I've been talking this whole time.

Eric: 1:16:40

I just said to the listeners what is the over under on Eric still talking.

Matt: 1:16:43

Nobody's stuck with you. That's the problem. Moving around, what is the over-under on Eric still talking, nobody's stuck with you. I'm going to check this aisle real quick for chips and he's off the back all the way into the night.

Eric: 1:16:54

Oh, sorry, that back.

Matt: 1:16:54

Pretzel chips Okay.

Matt: 1:16:59

Oh okay, thank you, oh yeah the.

Eric: 1:17:00

Stacy's chips. I'm going to check this way. Good luck, champ. You're my rock, I love you. I love you.

Matt: 1:17:09

And I never saw him again. So there you go, eric, I was afraid to keep talking.

Eric: 1:17:14

Because I knew he would be. Oh Matt, you better be swift dog. He's afraid he's a delicate soul. He doesn't want to look crazy.

Matt: 1:17:21

Oh Matt, this line is a-moving, even though you know between you and I listeners, we know all too well he's fucking nuts. This ain't going to work. I'm going to run out of time.

Eric: 1:17:31

Actually I might have to call Matt and be like get back here. This line is moving with Kirkland swiftness. I know I saw them at one point in time.

Matt: 1:17:39

They do nothing by half measures and I'm getting ready to just there. They are Fuck me measures and I'm getting ready to just there. They are fuck me. Okay, found it. It's the biggest, biggest bag of them you've ever seen yes, I'll tell you.

Eric: 1:17:53

I'll tell you this. The line is moving swiftly.

Matt: 1:17:56

I'm coming, I've got them. I've got them in hand, okay, good, I'm coming, I'm racing where last you saw me. I'm racing back to you, I'm coming, I'm racing back to you. I'm racing back to you. Yeah, you run myself. I'm running, you know, in a socially acceptable way.

Eric: 1:18:09

I believe in you. I'll see you soon. Oh, we're past the bouquets.

Matt: 1:18:12

No bouquets. Why do I keep saying bouquets? It's not the word. All right, listeners. I'm in the supplements, Got some whey protein. Seems like maybe I could use it. Thank God Eric is 100 feet tall, because I can see him from all directions. There comes my hero. Watch him as he comes.

Eric: 1:18:34

I found this giant bag of those chips. Oh, those are the best, the pretzel chips, man, we are past the flowers.

Matt: 1:18:38

Yes, so no flowers for my lady. Are we still going to get glizzy?

Eric: 1:18:42

Oh, you've got to All right, my lady, are we still going to get glizzies? Oh, you've got to. Oh, alright, because we were also given a question to do a definitive ranking of the Costco food court items. I figured we could do that while we're shopping for glizzies.

Matt: 1:18:57

I think that's a good idea that we talked about before. I will tell you this, eric, I'm now exhausted from that. Yeah, I am now stressed. I was thinking that would all get cut, but maybe not. I don't know how the hell I'm going to edit this episode.

Eric: 1:19:10

It's going to be an adventure, to be sure.

Matt: 1:19:12

Okay, so this is good. While we wait in line, we can do Costco fashion hits for unexpected fits, Unexpected fits.

Eric: 1:19:19

I'll tell you right now the hoodies.

Matt: 1:19:21

We found immediately the hoodies we found like immediately, and they're not even hoodies. They're what I like to refer to as hooded garments.

Eric: 1:19:26

Yes, because they're shirts with hoods. Yes, I would never wear this into the cold. I'd never wear this. This is my new house hoodie.

Matt: 1:19:33

I was going to say I might never wear this out of doors.

Eric: 1:19:36

No, if I'm at a beach, though, I'd wear this A beach at night, beach at night, a beach at night.

Matt: 1:19:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, To guard against the cold.

Matt: 1:19:45

Oh, absolutely. Well, you know you can take.

Matt: 1:19:47

You know, it's good that these hummus comes in twos, because you can take one of each.

Eric: 1:19:51

And we got so many tortillas at home.

Matt: 1:19:54

There you go. I've got the snack factory big bag of pretzel chips, got two. I made somebody laugh when I was walking and talking, when I told you I was running to you in a socially acceptable way. Good, I heard him guffaw.

Eric: 1:20:08

Yeah, you got to give him a good little gut buster every now and then.

Matt: 1:20:11

From now and again A little knee slapper. Now this is a question I like. So we talked about the fashion hits for unexpected fits. But there are other options. They have all kinds of clothes. I'll tell you this. Those short sleeve button up shirts they're great which I want to get into this year. I want to start wearing them.

Eric: 1:20:29

You want the short-sleeved. Oh, we have much to discuss. What?

Matt: 1:20:32

creatures lurk beneath the shelves, as of yet unseen by man or elves.

Eric: 1:20:38

Matt are we about to invent a Costco cryptid? The Costco cryptid, the Costco cryptid the Costco cryptid the Costco cryptid the Costco cryptid the Costco cryptid, the Kirk. Cryptid the Cryptcom. Cryptland, cryptland, cryptland, the Cryptland, cryptland, cryptland signature cryptid.

Matt: 1:20:57

Well, his name is Kirkland.

Eric: 1:20:59

His name is Kirkland. He subsists entirely on the samples.

Matt: 1:21:02

He said creatures, they're Kirk's.

Eric: 1:21:08

Kirk's.

Matt: 1:21:08

This is the kirkland and this, that's what it is. That's eric, are we?

Eric: 1:21:11

not world builders? Are we not the philosopher kings of old? Are we not myth makers?

Matt: 1:21:19

yeah, the kirks they come out at night, they in the kirkland the sample.

Eric: 1:21:23

Ladies know about them they leave they they leave them little for it's like for good luck. It's like you gotta leave.

Matt: 1:21:29

It's like me leaving milk out for the fairies and you talk about spoilage, the kirkseed, the sport, the, the one they got one day left on them products and meats. Yeah, just drop them on the floor, if you, if you leave them. Little closing time k Kirkland time, you know? Yes, tiktok it's Kirk and Klopp it's.

Eric: 1:21:48

Kirk and Klopp, but they're the ones they can be mischievous. They're the ones that, like when you come in on a Thursday and you see palette upon palette of like a thing, you're like okay, I'll come by like on Saturday and grab that. When you come back they're all gone, yeah.

Matt: 1:22:05

That's Kirk, and similar to what just happened where you go when I'm looking for these pretzel chips and I go to three or four shelves that I swear I saw them and they're not there. Kirk's moving, kirk's, those mischievous little bitches, mischievous little bitches they are.

Matt: 1:22:21

Do we have any other questions? We should get over Costco. Do we have any other questions we should get over? Costco has spare 10-ounce silver bars and it's one of the cheapest places on the market to get them. That's not a question, Just preppery financials. That's from Tim at Against All Oddities. Thank you, Tim.

Eric: 1:22:35

It's just dropping some knowledge. So for anyone listening, next time you're at Costco, you see 10-ounce silver bars. Buy them up.

Matt: 1:22:42

Buy them up. I'll tell you. I am at the point where I'm sort of wishing we had a car. Oh yeah, this hand is lifting for a family of four, yeah, each of whom get their own tub of hummus.

Eric: 1:22:55

Yes.

Matt: 1:22:56

Garden Fresh gourmet hummus Again. I can't say enough about it.

Eric: 1:23:00

I'm willing to bet this is the same company as Sabra, because it looks like their signature swirl.

Matt: 1:23:11

The problem is the next you adapt. I'm afraid we need to go to a regular size REI. Maybe or even a Tarjay, a Tarjay.

Eric: 1:23:23

Is Tarjay an ally.

Matt: 1:23:25

Oh, you know what Maybe not Costco is? That's why we're here.

Eric: 1:23:28

And God Costco, Ms Kirk's, I beg of you, Because Walmart's out, walmart's out, amazon's out, amazon's out.

Matt: 1:23:36

I think Target is also pro-trump, so they got to go too. So it's just Costco and Betty Jerry's. That's all you can trust, that's all you can rely on in these hard times In fascist America. That's what we got. We got bargain deals at your local wholesale retailer. All right, you go, you drop your knowledge, and then I'll put a second bar.

Eric: 1:24:00

Oh, you got to put a second bar. Oh my God, Did you just shake out my Carhartt wallet? I want to get a Blackstone. So bad, I do kind of want a Blackstone. I want a Blackstone. So it's on my wish list. Everyone loves it. My dad has one. I've never seen him happier. No.

Matt: 1:24:23

Well, that's because you're such a disappointment, yeah.

Eric: 1:24:26

Yeah, I wish my old man looked at me the way he looks at the grill the way he looks at a blackstone. He's proud of the grill.

Matt: 1:24:35

Well, that turned out the way you wanted it. Yes, we laughed, oh yeah, we laughed. The therapist gets the tears.

Eric: 1:24:49

Man, I'm on fire in this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eric: 1:24:52

Man, we need to find out what that is in Latin. Like that used to be the motto of the show we laugh, the therapist gets the tears Put it in Latin there's a recognition for superior member service over here, just like a wall of fame.

Matt: 1:25:10

I like that for this week.

Eric: 1:25:14

Let me hit you with this. All right, talk about stats. I want to see at the end of my life, at the end of costco's existence, I want to know what the law, which sample held the record for both most samples given away of this thing, but longest running sample. Was offered the longest. Yeah, that's a good step. What was the Phantom of the Opera of samples? I saw this.

Matt: 1:25:38

TikTok around Thanksgiving. Around Thanksgiving, somebody at a Costco put up a camera on the big section of the pumpkin pies and just did a time lapse of all the piles of pumpkin pies rising and falling to the Benny Hill theme. It was all oh, that's not Benny Hill, but it was that song.

Eric: 1:25:59

No, that's the Benny Hill. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Benny Hill.

Matt: 1:26:01

That was right, I am smart yeah, and it was just a constant like up, down, up, down, up, like that's really it was really good, that's good, oh, oh perfect how's your?

Eric: 1:26:30

day going.

Matt: 1:26:31

Yeah, good, better than the alternative. Oh, thank you. Is there ever a slow day at Costco?

Eric: 1:26:41

Tuesday at 2 o'clock.

Matt: 1:26:42

Tuesday at 2 o'clock. All right, just good to know. Is that my stuff? Thanks, I got you. Y'all have a 2 o'clock. All right, just good to know. Is that my?

Eric: 1:26:47

stuff. Thanks, bud, I got you. Y'all have a good one. Thank you everybody. We have checked out and now we're going to check out some glizzies. We're going to check out some glizzies.

Matt: 1:27:01

A child just nearly ran straight on into my knee and I had to do like oh geez whoa. And the mother then said to me be careful, matthew, I'm just out here walking.

Eric: 1:27:18

I just want you to know that you are seen. Thank you, you are valid, aaron, and if this were a sane and just society, you would have been perfectly justified in punting that child right across the street.

Matt: 1:27:30

I didn't say anything to this one.

Eric: 1:27:31

No, Also international woman today, let's get another selfie. Hold up your dog.

Matt: 1:27:35

Okay, so we're back after a concession delay. We got our dogs. We got our dogs, so we got. What are some of the options? We got chicken bake. Oh, actually no, I frequently get the food at the end of Costco.

Eric: 1:27:50

So I've had all but one of these items that is currently open. Okay, what is the one you haven't? I have not had the chicken and bacon sandwich.

Matt: 1:28:00

That seems newer, as a result of the chicken wars probably.

Eric: 1:28:05

Yeah. So here's what's going to come out the gate Bottom tier, dumpster tier, the Caesar salad. The size is great, the filling is, but man, you're a food court, you're not going to want Caesar salad. Come on, what I will say at this point? We're just going to be going degrees of awesome. I'm with you At great tier. We have the frozen fruity drinks, we have the smoothies, the cold brew, mocha freeze, your ice cream sundaes, your ice cream cups, yeah, great. But I need a meal. I will say in solid, fantastic tier, the pizza.

Matt: 1:28:48

The pizza is very good, one slice of that pizza is enough to sate my hunger. And I'm sure there are people in this world who say this hot dog is a meal. It's not. It's a heavy snack.

Eric: 1:29:02

But this bridges me to my next meal. The $1.50 meal deal Can't beat it. The fact meal the $1.50 meal deal Can't be beat, it's the fact that it's $1.50.

Matt: 1:29:10

And here's the thing I happen to know, at least I heard this story. It could be bullshit, but the original founder of Costco, when he gave over most control to the board or whatever I think I'm telling the story right he kept enough power that he could basically say he was like you have full control over the direction, blah, blah, blah. However, you will never touch this dog. You can never increase the price of the $1.50 hot dog meal he felt that strongly about it that he, at one point it came up and he got on a board call and of the $1.50 hot dog meal. He felt that strongly about it that he, like, at one point it came up and he got on like a board call and cursed everyone in a fucking blue streak.

Eric: 1:29:52

Yeah, because he's intelligent and understands that if you lose money on one thing but everyone likes to come for that and they remember that experience they're more likely to buy something else while they're here and you make money, it all comes out in the walk. Well, here's the thing.

Matt: 1:30:07

Nobody's coming here just for the hot dog. No, it is a bonus, and because it's so cheap and you get two things, it's guaranteed a little bit of extra money. Yeah, basically.

Eric: 1:30:19

It is a motivator to keep you in the store.

Matt: 1:30:22

By having that motivator, every second you spend in the store you are likely to buy something I could easily say oh, that person's got Cottonelle wipes, I should get those. For example, I didn't even look for the band-aids, but I'm not going back. Not going back Too late. I forgot all about them. I was distracted by the sweet hummus.

Eric: 1:30:40

I would say for the socioeconomic savvy of the hot dog. That puts it in a top tier, just because of the culture surrounding this dog.

Matt: 1:30:54

You think of Costco, you think of the hot dog that has to mean something it does and for that reason, if we're doing our off-the-cuff definitive ranking, it has to be number one.

Eric: 1:31:04

It has to be number one. I think it's just degrees of second place after that. I will say this though Divorce your mind from the hot dog. In a world where there is no hot dog, Okay, the chicken bake reigns supreme. I don't know if you've never had it, Matt. It is incredible, so like, and it is easily. Yeah, it's like it's almost a thousand calories. Nice, so you are getting your. That will sustain you through a day, Because you have like thick, golden, like buttery bread crust and inside is like a creamy, like somewhere between ranch and Caesar dressing, with chunks of grilled chicken and bacon. They don't tell you about the bacon. It's written up there, but you don't think about it. No, and that's like a nice savory surprise.

Matt: 1:32:04

It is so good. It's like a salty cream. You don't think about it, no, and then it's like a nice savory surprise.

Eric: 1:32:06

It is so good, it's like the salty cream. It is so decadent, it's perfect. I'll eat half of one and save the other half later for dinner. If the Kirkland hot dog is the king, the chicken bake is the prime minister.

Matt: 1:32:24

Okay, I get that.

Eric: 1:32:26

One is the figurehead, the projection of power, but one's getting business done.

Matt: 1:32:32

One's getting shit done. I think the only one we missed. You have to commit to one pre-fried frozen junk food. Oh yeah, you're about to buy an 8 to 38 pound bag of it. What are you getting? Chimichangas, hotty Pocky Pockets, cheesy Stickery Doos. Edited to add as Werner Herzog.

Eric: 1:32:55

I know my answer. I guess you have to give it as Werner Herzog.

Eric: 1:32:58

As I look out over the frozen wastes of this aisle Significantly better, by the way. I see a reflection of my own humanity, but more so I see the reflection of those once great creatures that walked the earth, the dinosaurs. Sure, I buy my 38 pound box of dinosaur nuggets and I take them into my home, where I know they will reside in my freezer, much like they now reside in the crust of the earth itself.

Matt: 1:33:42

Eric, really good. Thank you, and I want to say do not take offense to this. Have you been working on the Werner Herzog? I have been. It's really good. Thank you, and I want to say do not take offense to this. Have you been working on the Werner Herzog? I have been. It's much better.

Eric: 1:33:49

Thank you, it's much improved. I've dialed some sliders in. I can see you've done some work shopping and it's paid off. That is my answer to learn the style of Werner Herzog, dino nuggies.

Eric: 1:34:00

I can always eat them.

Matt: 1:34:01

Sure, in this cold and dark world, I find there is but little comfort to be had as a lonely individual on this endless, vast, ever expanding timeline of sadness and strife, and it is for those reasons that I will always pick up the very embodiment of wrapping one's raw intentions and motivations and dreams in the loving and caring blanket that is, the miniature piggies in a blanket.

Eric: 1:34:44

Yeah, Thank you, werner, you're welcome.

Matt: 1:34:51

I'll be honest, you might have better Werner at this point by the next. You Daft and Afraid. You Daft and Afraid 3, all German, All German. You Daft and Afraid 3, Oktoberfest when.

Eric: 1:35:04

I am at home. I call them Werners in.

Matt: 1:35:12

Herzog, when it is just me alone, with my piggies and blankets, comforted only by carbohydrates.

Eric: 1:35:23

Eric, I think we've done good. I think we've done so good. I think we nailed it.

Matt: 1:35:27

I think we nailed it as if there was another option. Is this what we bid adieu?

Eric: 1:35:33

I think we might be ready to wrap up. Yeah, we're sunsetting here in the food court.

Matt: 1:35:39

We stopped the Ikea in the food court it feels only right, we stop here.

Eric: 1:35:43

You come in, you get get overwhelmed. You stumble around, you grab samples where you can get them. You see things you never expected, never thought you knew you needed. Yeah, uh, never wanted before you saw them. And at the end of the day, we're just retired to the food court, eat one last glizzy and wait in that long line for the man to check our receipt. Yeah, it actually is quite a long.

Matt: 1:36:08

Oh, yeah, we got it, we're gonna be in purgatory for a little bit. Well, we I mean we can make our way over to the line um we're away. Oh, thank you, but how are you gonna put all of me? Got him All right, so we are in the car now. The line moved very quickly, yeah, and now we are. We have come to the end of yet another you Daft and Afraid.

Eric: 1:36:35

To quote Greg Davies, what did we learn today?

Eric: 1:36:38

What did?

Matt: 1:36:38

we learn today. What did we learn today? We learned that the efforts of you combined with me trying to put on a comedy dialogue, I can make it through prime Costco time on a Sunday, Saturday.

Eric: 1:36:58

It gives your brain something like it's a safety anchor. It's like, oh, I'm performing. If I feel myself starting to slip into dissociation and dread, I just remember right bits we can talk about funny things.

Matt: 1:37:11

I think it is only appropriate that you submit questions to us. Yes, Not just about the regular riffraff. But what is the next place? Where should you Daft and Afraid 3 take place?

Eric: 1:37:25

Yeah, all I ask and like I'm not trying to like influence your decision making all you ask of me phantom got him make it rip, make a rip, make a rip. She says like a beyblade just like one.

Matt: 1:37:41

Yeah, I haven't mentioned the beyblade. Good callback. Yeah, it's been a minute. Yeah, it's been a minute in a minute anyway, uh, well then, I think that'll about do it.

Matt: 1:37:51

So, uh, submit your other questions that you didn't ask for this. Gmailcom, that's uh all spelled out. And also you didn't ask pod, instagram, blue sky, facebook, tiktok, etc. Uh, and then, of course, patreoncom. You didn't ask for this. You can join the Patreon $1 a month, you get into the Discord, $4 a month, you get the Oops, all Tangents, bonus episodes. When we're recording this episode right now, your latest, the March Oat, features you and Alyssa, yeah, telling us a rather rambunctious tale.

Eric: 1:38:26

And cute.

Matt: 1:38:26

It's just straight up adorable, it's very good, it's quite the story. Adventure did indeed find and take you.

Matt: 1:38:33

Yes.

Matt: 1:38:35

But I think, from all of us here, that'll about do it. That'll about do it For this. You daft and afraid episode of you Didn't Ask For this. My name is Matt J. My name is Eric Poach.

Eric: 1:38:45

And listen. You didn't ask, but I forgot to get sunglasses.

Matt: 1:38:49

No, you didn't forget, you just didn't find the option. I thought, yeah, you want to go back in?

Eric: 1:38:53

No, I don't, let's go back, we're going back, let's go back, let's go back. Thank you.