You Didn't Ask For This
You Didn't Ask For This
108 | Critical Girth
What is an appropriate dollop size before it becomes a scoop? What makes a Good Stick? The boys tackle these problems before Eric tests Matt with a Pop Quiz.
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Matt, you know how you're always saying to me that we don't do enough visual bits for our audio medium show.
Matt:I don't think that's what I'm saying. All right, well, get a check of this baby. Eric, you told me what was that? A tattoo. It's fresh ink baby. You got a tattoo on your upper knee yeah, just above the knee. What is it? A noose.
Eric:No, it is, it looks like a noose.
Matt:No, it is looks like a noose. It's a knot a noose is a knot, is it not? Yeah, but matt, you've all right, let me get really good. If you're gonna do this, let me see the goddamn ink.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me uh cold open let me, let me, let me just go ahead and purchase because, you being an eagle scout, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Matt:Let me see the knot. Yeah, yeah, I can't get in there. Just let me know when you can peep it. Uh, okay, it looks like hold on. Let me get close to the screen. Yeah, it's a little out of focus, but I think it looks like it could be like an odd square knot. Like you tied a square knot wrong and that's a weird tattoo to get. Also, eric, your room is a disaster.
Eric:Yeah, it is speaking of visual bits. Good lord, I know this is. This is currently because this is a mix of like. This is mostly alissa's art supplies. This is like this is all.
Matt:This has become pseudo so this is like your room of requirement. Yes, yes, okay, so what not, is it?
Eric:it can't be a wrongly tied square knot it is uh, it is a fictional knot uh, one of our friends, uh, we go on a river trip each year. I've talked about this yes, you have, yes, bugles.
Eric:Our friend joe, who's an eagle scout, okay, uh, one year he found a machine where he could print temporary tattoos. Uh and a lot of our friends and stuff will uh do like art of knots and stuff, um, or like the classic, you know, not tattoo stuff. So we got temporary tattoos of a knot he just made up like an impossible knot. Um, I call it the jolin the jolin the jolin knot and uh, I had uh just a couple days ago, um, I like, like not tattoos and stuff. So I had a friend of mine, uh, who last year he's an archivist and he became like hyper obsessed with uh stick and pokes after receiving one. He's one of those people where, like the second he decides to learn about something, he just becomes like like he dedicates all of his time and energy to it until he's mastered it. So he's been given.
Eric:He's been given out a, a stick and poke tattoos to the friends and uh, yeah, and this was mine. I'll probably get more at some point. I'm probably gonna get a map of the shenandoah down my leg so it's.
Matt:This is a but. This is a real tattoo this is a real tattoo.
Eric:He spent two hours poking that into my flesh, sure.
Matt:Yeah, interesting. Yeah, and what I'm going to do Talk to me about the placement. Why above the knee? I know you've talked about the, you know the cover up and stuff for acting. Obviously it's out of the way, but why there?
Eric:I mean you could have put it anywhere. Could have put it anywhere. Um, I have plans for my arms. Um, I don't really plan any. I I would, wouldn't mind back tattoos. The problem is, if I have a tattoo, I want to see it and I have plans for my legs as well. So, like I have no, like there's no, the above the knee was the spot where I was like I have no feelings about like anything.
Eric:So this is your first tattoo. This is my second tattoo. Then it got my little dots on my wrist here. Oh right, you have your dots and, weirdly enough, my small, the smaller of my two tattoos was done by a machine, by my friend, uh, ellie, who's a insanely talented tattoo artist. And uh, yeah, a little knot here was done by, done by, uh, done in my friend's living room with the utmost care and sterility. Oh, I think that. I think that's very exciting. But since it's a made-up knot, my run, the bit I'm going to start doing now, which thank you for being the first, is I'm just going to approach every eagle scout I know and ask them if they can recognize this classic knot yeah it.
Matt:It did confuse me because it did not look possible like. And my initial bites? They can't be done. My initial response was well, I can't tell him that that knot doesn't make any sense oh, you wanted to protect my feelings I was like I don't want to tell me as a tattoo of a nonsense. No nonsense.
Eric:I would absolutely get a tattoo, because that was the other thing?
Matt:Yeah, no, clearly.
Eric:There's a lot of really good looking knots like he could have tattooed on me, but then again then I'd have to learn how to tie him.
Matt:Yeah, absolutely.
Eric:Who's got the time for that? Much easier to get a much easier to get a Jolin.
Matt:You know what, eric, I am proud of you and you know it is. You know I was gonna save this because you know you had a bingo square. Yes, thank you for my segue that I was gonna get a, a tattoo. This is gonna be my uh. What did alyssa call it? My, my, not my metal year, my uh oh, this is your bad boy year.
Eric:bad boy year, that's gonna be a bad boy year. Bad boy year, matt's going to be a bad boy in 2025.
Matt:I was going to say I really was going to save this. Are you about to show me a fucking tattoo? I'm just going to show you this. It's a mole. What do you think about it? Is it a little cancerous?
Eric:Oh, bro, you got to get that checked out. Should I get this checked out?
Matt:Yeah, you got to get that checked out. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna check it out. Well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this. It's the podcast answering life's least pressing questions. My is matthew shea, my name is eric poach and eric, how are you?
Eric:doing good. Which quick, quick circle back follow-up to the previous segment. Yes vis-a-vis cold open yes, as he's giving it to me, yes, in the middle of giving me this tattoo, he says oh, by the way, because he has the exact same one on his leg. His leg is covered in all these different knots. That he is because he practiced. He didn't start practicing on himself but, like, once he got comfortable, he's like, yeah, I'm going to obviously do it to myself. If I'm going to do it to other people, he's like, yeah, get ready for a lot of people to ask you if that's a noose.
Matt:Yeah, I mean, it is the first thing I said. It does look, noose it's got a you. You do have a loop at the end of the knot for no reason, and generally there's a loop with no purpose generally goes around something like a neck. Well, that sounds like a purpose. What I'm saying is when it has nothing in it, like it's not tied around something a stick or a post.
Eric:So now I need to get a stick and poke of like a post or like a eric something for that loop to go around. It is your body. I'm gonna build an entire narrative off of this.
Matt:Not sure you might, as you might as well, but that's how I'm doing, matt. Well, that's good, eric, and I'm I'm glad to hear it. I'm glad to hear a tattoo. I did not have a tattoo and, no, I don't think that mole is cancer. It's been there for a long, long, long time and it hasn't moved everyone. But I'm sort of getting myself concerned as I talk about the mole, and that does remind me that bingo squares, or bingo cards, I should say, for 2025, are due If you're listening to this, on the day it comes out or the day after it is due, on the 31st, by 1159 PM, so end of January. So if you're listening to this on release day, you still have time to submit a bingo card. You can click the link in this episode's description to do that.
Eric:It's not too late. It's never too late, it's never too late.
Matt:It's never too late. You will win a free piece of merchandise of your choice from our merch store and you will be honored by being a guest on this podcast. Yes, I can't think of anything more exciting of a surprise, eric, can you?
Eric:I'm racking my brain. I got nothing.
Matt:Then rack it no more. I say, let's get into it. Eric Shall, we take somebody's question.
Eric:Oh, yes, we shall, and it would probably be helpful if I opened the question document.
Matt:It would, but in the meantime I'll get you covered. We're going to tackle a topic, a question that came up in our discord, and dare I say, there was plenty of discord about this question. It was what is an appropriate and it's sort of a conglomerate question, it's not just from one person what is an appropriate dollop size before it becomes a scoop? And that came from Bootsy, zach, deuce, dairy King, 11, and more and the rest and the rest. But those three were leading the charge on on our discord there. Again, you can get to that discord by joining our Patreon link in the episode description as well. Eric, yeah, scoops, dollops. We can agree that a dollop is smaller than a scoop.
Eric:Yeah, I think we, you and I, both live in reality. I think so, and we, we've reached a consensus of sorts regarding said reality. Yes, a dollop is smaller than a scoop, do you?
Matt:okay, do you think there's a what? What if anything is smaller than a dollop? A zhuzh, a zhuzh, zhuzh it up. Yeah, you zhuzh, zhuzh, zhuzh it up.
Eric:Yeah, you zhuzh is a verb, you zhuzh it up, yeah, but like to dollop something is also.
Matt:But like to dollop something I've never heard of a zhuzh as a noun, no, but we could pioneer it, we, we could, I, I would put a zhuzh.
Eric:Okay, a zhuzh is more than a pinch.
Matt:So you know how, like when you've got like I don't think you can pinch any material that would be dollopable.
Eric:Which is also part of this discussion. We'll get there momentarily. Okay, I'm just using closest equivalents. So it's like if I'm putting thing in another thing, a pinch of something, but then there's like an amount where it's like more than a pinch, you might pour a little just in that little bowl of the palm of your hand. Just get a little like that. I would, I would, I would qualify as a juge, okay, but dollops and scoops I do this is kind of require a utensil. They require a utensil also. It's a square rectangle thing. Um many, many things, regardless of their physical state of matter, can be scooped. You can scoop ice cream, you can scoop raisins, you can scoop gravel, but a dollop has to be a liquid based well, yeah, liquid based, I guess do you know what I mean.
Eric:Like it has to, it has to, it has to. I mean it has to be like wet, it has to be wet, but it's not really a liquid. I can't do a dollop of raisins.
Matt:Because you put in a dollop of sour cream.
Eric:A dollop of daisy.
Matt:A dollop of daisy is, of course, what everyone always thinks of, but like that's not, is that really a liquid?
Eric:Not a liquid per se, but it is a non-rigid. Yeah, some sort of buttery type consistency A buttery, a creamy a goopy.
Matt:I think you can put a dollop of butter.
Eric:Yes, I agree with that.
Matt:I agree with that you can put in a dollop of butter. That is definitely dollop of butter, though I will say but you can also liquefy butter.
Eric:So that was going to be my point. I think so, depending on how cold the butter is. If it's like fresh out of the fridge, you're not dolloping anything, that's a spill. Is that smaller than a dollop? That's a pat of butter, a spill.
Matt:Oh, go on, give us a spill of butter, but again, then then if you're spilling something, that implies true blue liquid, yeah which you can't really do like you can't get a dollop of juice, oh where where does dash fall into this?
Eric:like when we're talking like like a dash of bitters. You know what I mean.
Matt:I think dash is in the pinch family. I think dash is in the pinch family. I think it is in the pinch family Dash pinch a zhuzh, but I think a dash, almost more than a pinch, I think belongs to a powdery substance, a spice.
Eric:It depends because, like a lot of sauces, do dash a dash of Worcestershire.
Matt:Yeah, but again, sauce is liquid not dollopable?
Eric:No, dollops have to be goopy, they have to be runny. I think that's the key. It has to be something that like.
Matt:Here's what's smaller than a dollop, a dot, a dot Put in a dot of sour cream.
Eric:Oh, a dot of sour cream for my baked potato.
Matt:A dot or a drop. I guess you could consider a drop, maybe A dot. And how I would measure a drop of sour cream is I'd take a regular spoon, I'd put it in there and get a good dollop, probably, of sour cream on the edge of the spoon and simply let something drop off the end of it and that is a drop.
Eric:Yeah, no, I I fucks with that now, okay, so dollop, so, dollop, so.
Matt:So here's I love that we've started this question by asking and answering something completely different.
Eric:Several completely different somethings. I will say this this is my hard line in the sand when it comes to dollops. Tell me, a dollop has to be gotten in one swipe of the utensil. Yes, has to be whatever you can get in one thing in the utensil. Yes, has to be whatever you can get in one thing in the utensil.
Matt:Yes, because a scoop you might have to go back to complete a scoop.
Eric:Yes, there might be more, and that's where it is also a square rectangle thing. You can have multiple scoops. You cannot have one. Once you're doing multiple dollops, you're just scooping by another name here.
Matt:OK, I was trying to see if anybody has weighed in in some sort of official capacity on the size of a dollop, and I'm not seeing it. Although lots of people are saying the AI overview is saying about a tablespoon which feels like it's probably in the ballpark, out a tablespoon which feels like it's probably in the ballpark. But this headline has led me to believe.
Eric:Here's what's smaller than a dollop a tad, a tad, though. Add a tad of sour cream, a tad, and what I would do is a tad similar to what you were talking about is like a dot. A tad is when you you do you get up a dollop portion but then you just, if my hand is the, you just kiss, like you're kissing it, like you're letting the natural like tension of the of the materials carry some over. But you're not poor, you're not like a, you're not dumping it on anything.
Matt:I think to do a tad. I would either take the very tip of a spoon and just get like a tiny little, just a tiny little scoop of just the front of the spoon, or just take like a fingertip, like a fingertip amount of whatever it is.
Eric:Yeah, and add it to the borscht. Just get right in the sour cream with your fingy, yeah.
Matt:Just go right in and actually make a like a tunnel, like go down. Like you get the good stuff, yeah, like you're getting an or of sour cream and Minecraft. Side note Tell me.
Eric:I. One of the things that I immediately, instantly and irrevocably judge someone over is if they open a container of sour cream and then just start scooping like there's no other extra step there. Yeah, you got gotta give that a mix, you gotta give that a. You gotta give that a fucking stir.
Matt:That gross ass, I don't want that. I don't want that cheese liquid or whatever the fuck at top.
Eric:I don't know what that is. I don't want to know what that is. Do not explain to me what that is, man wasn't meant to know what it is.
Matt:Nope, we just know we gotta get it in there. Same thing with the ketchup water. Yeah, no, no, ketchup water, that's it. Shake it, you gotta shake it, you gotta and shake it, shake well um, after you get it out of the fridge, you shake it well, you shake it well. Thank you, daisy. Anyway, so a tad okay, so that we've answered the question that nobody asked us.
Eric:Yes, but so for me, as long as you're doing one one go, that's dollop, and I'd say, the utensil in question is important.
Matt:There, I think you have to use a regular spoon, kitchen spoon, if you are using a scoop like an ice cream scoop, you are already infringing on scoop territory.
Eric:You have precluded a dollop at that point. Yes, and I know the saying goes a dollop by any other name would scoop as sweet, but not here. We have standards, do you?
Matt:think two dollops make a scoop? No, I do not Okay.
Eric:You got any further thoughts on the matter. So there's also a difference and we we've touched on this already in the application. When I am dolloping something, it is a bloop like, it is a you're, you're like dropping it on something.
Matt:Yeah, it's generally a topper, it's generally something that goes on top of a finished dish if I'm scooping, I'm dumping.
Eric:There's a difference between like a like a plop and a so like it. You could have multiple, but each of those is a dollar because sometimes you know if anyone's ever like walking you through a recipe, or like they're telling you how to like they're walking through the fixings of their chili bar. Yeah, like, oh, yeah, just hit it with some cheese, some onions, give a couple dollops of sour cream. Like a couple dollops is still in the realm of dollop.
Matt:Yeah, because I do think a scoop needs to have the shape to it, and we all know the shape.
Eric:Depending on the material, of course, but yeah, we need that sphere.
Matt:You should be able to see how the scooper approached the carton of material by looking at the scoop. You can see the crest of the wave of it. You know what I'm saying? The fingerprints in the oil paint, exactly as it bends around itself. Yes, yes, yes, yes. The artifice, the artifice, the artifice of the scoop. Yes, yes, the scoop has an artistic quality to it, I think yes, whereas a dollop is just sort of like a big drop it's a big drop, it is.
Eric:It is the fin it. It's you. A dollop usually implies something has come to a close. And here there's the last little bit, do you think?
Matt:a scoop is a foundation, a scoop is a foundation, and it's almost never by itself. I mean no, no, it's usually at the base of something like. I guess people do get a scoop of ice cream, but why waste the time?
Eric:why like what? What are we even here for?
Matt:a single scoop a single scoop unless it's some sort of place that is doing a scoop that is the size of an orange. Yeah, because some places do, do them.
Eric:Biblical scoops.
Matt:Yeah, and if that's their thing, you just got to know that.
Eric:You got to know that I have made that. I've gone down that road before. I was like I'll do two scoops, oh dear Lord.
Matt:Wait a minute, Eric. You're telling me you encountered an ice cream place in which you couldn't handle two scoops encountered an ice cream place in which you couldn't handle two scoops.
Eric:No, I can handle two scoops any goddamn day of the week, but it's it. I can't recall the specifics, but I have been in a position where I like, let's say, I'm driving home from the ice cream place and like, I get like, if it's like, if I'm like gotta be driving in one hand and I'm like craving a waffle cone, I got a cone in the other.
Matt:Then you sit and you eat your ice cream before you leave.
Eric:Sometimes it's not an option, my man, sometimes it needs press. It's 2025. It's a dog, it's a doggy dog world.
Matt:Where are you encountering the need for an emergency roadside assistance? Scoop of ice cream, brother. That's just called life sometimes. Sometimes, yes, sometimes. But you pull over, you get out, you, you order the ice cream, you sit, you contemplate your life, you ask yourself where it all went wrong and you get back in your jeep and you drive on or it's like in a situation where, like walking around, like, oh, let's get an ice cream, like it's just the general situation.
Eric:Where, like walking around, like it's just the general situation, I was like, oh shit, I was, I was prepared to for the, the tight rope balancing act, that is, you know, carefully eating my ice cream without getting my hands sticky or messy, and then sometimes like, oh, I did not prepare for this, I was not ready for this amount of ice cream to potentially get me sticky. I can crush ice cream all day long, doesn't sound like it sometimes? I like to have a nice mosey as I eat my ice cream you okay.
Eric:Well, hold on, you can't mosey while driving no, well, that mosey is an on foot activity no, moseying is 100 an on, unless you are in one of those little clown cars that you see in parades. Those can mosey because they only go like two miles.
Matt:Well, they're basically a living creature, yeah.
Eric:Yeah, so I accept that.
Matt:Okay, so in conclusion, what the hell were we talking about? Scoop V dollar right. Conclusion what the hell were we talking about? Scoop the dollar right. So how big do you think if we were to put a measurement on it? How big do you think is the like outer limit of a dollop?
Eric:the outer limit of a dollop is when you have to go if you're going to put a dollop, or maybe a couple dollop on something. The second you hit. The third dollop you've just done a scoop.
Matt:Okay, so you're saying three dollops equal a scoop.
Eric:Three dollops. What I'm saying is, once you've had to dollop something three times, you may as well have scooped it.
Matt:I agree with you. I agree with that. I think dollops can be various sizes.
Eric:Yes, oh, absolutely. There's a massive difference between a dollop of sour cream and like a dollop of like chili chili oil.
Matt:So maybe what we should be asking is what is the minimum size to be a scoop? Ooh yeah.
Eric:Okay, okay.
Matt:All right, so picture Yep. Let's say what I don't have my my. I had a ruler on my desk, but it's currently out in the snow on my deck to measure this, so it's not here.
Eric:That ruler in the great snow of 20 or 25.
Matt:Toss it in the snow there, child so the before the bootlegging man comes investigating let's say I'm gonna use the old gap in the knuckles trick here then instead. So that's like two inches across. Do you think a single inch? That is not wide enough to be a scoop?
Eric:no, I. I so inch and a half, maybe inch and a half what? What I would say? I think it's about the motion you employ, because for a dollop you can scrape off the top. Uh-huh, you can. A dollop, you could just dip a spoon in and pull it back down, and reasonably have, but for a scoop you have to. That's what I, what I'm saying.
Matt:It has to wave over it, like that painting. It has to wave over itself and start a compression. There has to be a compression, the first thing. I'm contorting my body now, speaking of visual bits, I'm watching as if I'm ice cream. You have to go in. It has to be like oh, I'm the first thing touched by the scoop and, oh my God, I'm being bent backwards, backwards and under myself. Now I'm under myself and I'm being smothered because the top of me, the new, the newest bit touched by the scoop, is now pressing down upon me, crushing me like so much weight. This is the plight of Jerry Garcia. I think I hurt my fucking disc doing that little fucking stupid thing. Oh, the Ouroboros of ice cream.
Matt:But yeah, I do think it needs to. At the very minimum, the scoop needs to have been crested and start tucking under itself.
Eric:I will also say this this is just more of a vibe thing. I feel like for it to be a scoop, there has to be the appropriate level of. There's no measuring. Yeah, when it comes to a scoop, you're not like, okay, I'm gonna scoop exactly one cup of oats now. No, no, no, you were, you're going into. You have a big container of something and you, when you scoop, you do this knowing that a good amount of it's going to spill out of the thing and like back into the container it was in, like there's that sort of dollop. You're not really gonna. You might get a little drizzle, drazzle, but like, come on, now come on.
Matt:I think maybe, if you're looking at a scoop and you say, okay, this is a scoop, I think anything smaller than an inch and a quarter, like a cross, like a diameter okay, inch and a quarter, I think, is because if I'm looking at an inch, I I'm like there's no way that's a scoop.
Matt:But if I look inch and a quarter, I think okay, that's decent. But inch and a half looks like, oh, that's a pretty decently, that's a hefty scoop. Yeah, you know what man I fucks with this. So yeah, there you go. I think inch and a quarter is where the scoop territory begins. Anything under that's a dollop and there's going to be, and it's got to be, unstructured. Yes, yes, because I think if you've got a half an inch but perfectly coiled thing of ice cream, that's like a mini scoop.
Eric:Yeah, no. You've invented something, you have to feel it out yes or be yeah. You have to know your goddamn business and you're a man who knows his ice cream scoops.
Matt:I'm a man who knows my ice cream scoop. I've been making my own ice cream for a long time now, although it's been a minute since I made it.
Eric:I've had your ice cream, it's delicious.
Matt:Oh yeah, that's right. Which one did you have?
Eric:I, you gave me there was a rhubarb one.
Matt:you made right. No, not with rhubarb, not with rhubarb, there was a peanut butter one. That was really good, I made a PB&J.
Eric:That was it. I was like there was something else. It was the PB&J. It was the PB&J, I went through several versions of the PB&J.
Matt:Oh, it might have been a rhubarb jam, that's true, ah, that's true, ah. So I have gone through several versions of the PBJ. I've made a bunch from the book. I made a coffee cake. Salt and straw from my salt and straw book. I made a coffee cake one. It's probably my best one so far. Ooh, haven't tried that one. I made a burger cookie one, which was fucking incredible.
Eric:Nice.
Matt:And I mean I made some basic ones when I was getting started. But, um, and I mean I made some basic ones when I was getting started, but to you know, cookies and cream and the like, but yeah, yeah, oh, on a cannoli one which I made with ricotta cheese in the base, oh yeah, it was very good. Oh, now I have a notes. I have notes for the next time I do the cannoli ice cream. Uh, but it was, it was quite good hell yeah, it's on.
Eric:Do you crumble up cannoli? Shell? And?
Matt:put it in the ice. Well, so I didn't have cannoli shell, so I got um, what are those fucking cookies called?
Matt:starts with no like print no, and oh, those don't belong anywhere, I know. No, it was like pris priscilla's or something. Oh yeah, yeah. So I got those but it's not got those. But it's not, it's close but it's not quite the same. So I think next time I will order cannoli shells. Anyway, we've gotten away from the question, but I think we've answered it. We've answered it. So inch and a quarter is where scoop begins and dollops end, but it also the structure is important.
Eric:Yes, structure is important. Yes, structure is key.
Matt:So everyone in our Discord. There you go. There's our answer to the question, and thank you for getting so involved right there in the messages. And this is what you're missing, folks, by not joining our Patreon and you don't have access to the Discord, where we can just have these sort of general discussions, and you're really missing out is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, eric, what's our next question?
Eric:our next question comes from a uh listener of the pod, dear friend of mine and uh living proof of of the old axiom all becky's are awesome. This question is hey, friends, recent trail-based developments in my life have led me to an important question what makes a good stick? That's from at becky, the sassy seagrass scientist on instagram absolutely.
Matt:Thank you for the question.
Eric:Becky, the sassy seagrass scientist yes, dear friend of mine, uh does a lot of environmental work, uh, and we'll excitingly talk to you about, uh, the environment. I've read so many uh. She has so many good books on her bookshelf about identifying trees and leaves and such it's all fun, but, and so she's turned to us for she turns to us and us and that actually speaks Matt to our views, like this sassy seagrass scientist has turned to we.
Matt:Lowly podcast. Because she is left without answers. And science can and I've been saying this science can only go so far, you know? Yeah, Before we have to take over.
Eric:Oh, oh, absolutely Like. At a certain point you just gotta Before.
Matt:We have to take over, oh, oh absolutely Like, at a certain point you just got to. Let us take the wheel.
Eric:Some discoveries are best left to us.
Matt:Some culpabilities are best left to us Good stick, I think it. So this is a. This is a very difficult question. Get in there, Because I think it's a bit subjective, in the sense that what you intend to use that stick for is going to be what the basis is Like. If you're looking for a walking stick, you know a two foot long stick ain't going to cut it.
Eric:And I agree with this 100 percent, and that's that I was going to come in with a very similar take, and that's actually why, like I'd like to pose this to us. Ok, I'd like to put the, the cart, in front of the horse For once, for once. So there, my brain, my brain well, depends on what you're using it for obviously matt, but that's not what we're here for. We were asked a simple question what makes a good stick matt? When you're walking, when you're trekking, when you're about through the woods whistling your merry tune, you see a stick on the ground and your brain and I know this has happened to you because it has happened to everyone Look at that stick. Your brain goes that's a good stick, that's a good stick. Or, sorry, more appropriately, your brain goes that looks like a good stick?
Matt:I think so describe that.
Eric:Stick to me, I think so describe that stick.
Matt:to me, that stick has to be first of all, the girth is important.
Eric:Critical, critical girth. Critical Because now we're in stick versus twig territory.
Matt:Yes, it has to be able. At first blush you can look at it and know. If you picked it up and whacked it against something like a tree or somebody else's skull, it would sustain the blow.
Eric:It could take some blows.
Matt:It has to be better than what like it will survive against what you're going to hit it against. Yep, good stick.
Eric:Good stick. I know that when I pick that stick up, the weight weight is also critical it's got to be pleasurable it's got to be play and that is matt. That's the only way we can say it. Like there's no objective measure. You know it when you have it in your hand you know what I just happen. To have one, I just happen to have uh a baseball bat right here.
Matt:That's a good stick, the handle of a baseball bat. If you can picture the handle of a baseball bat, I'd say, if you encounter a stick at about this diameter, which probably, honestly, about an inch and a quarter right in there, that when you, because it fits, it fits so naturally Look how the palm of the hand is able to just curl those fingers around it. That is pleasurable. Louisville slugger diameter Louisville slugger diameter, but the handle specifically.
Eric:Not the whack-a-man, no that there is a bow.
Matt:That's a branch. No, what you want to do is you want to get your hands nice and firm around the handle of that.
Eric:He's now showing us all how, and get the elbow straight back behind. He's going to assault his computer.
Matt:Get it right back behind, and so what it is is. It's the front elbow, eric Yep, that powers the swing.
Eric:I never got this with my own father.
Matt:I could sense that.
Eric:Oh my.
Matt:God, well, hustle Eric, hustle Sure yeah.
Eric:I was right outfield, yep, yep, yep. I was where. The ball would only go if they were left-handed. It's just called right field, Eric.
Matt:It's just called right field, Eric. It's just called right field, not right outfield.
Eric:Sorry, let me drag myself out of the swamps of sadness. I've let go of the horse of my innocence, I've paid the R-tax and here we are. So a good stick weight.
Matt:Weight, we got it down Weight.
Eric:it's the good the, the good it's like a weighted blanket, in a way for your hands only it's like a weighted blanket for your hand and you know it's that kind of weight where you know it's like oh man, if I just if I gave it a, this stick would go so far like I could like. It's like I could throw this stick a good distance with very little effort because of the weight, if you chucked the stick regardless of the length, so proportional to it.
Matt:If you're talking about six foot long stick, okay, then you need to be so much bigger, you need to be a giant. But no matter matter what, if you're able to throw said stick, really fling the stick so it is spinning, huck it when you huck it. But I say flick because I do think it needs to spin. If you're able to do that, you will hear yeah, you, the classic.
Matt:Like the batarang, you're chasing the batman animated series that's what you want, that good stick, good stick, anything, I think, relatively straight I'd say, say Relatively.
Eric:Yeah, it can have some character. It can have some character. The character to the wood, oh yeah, like it's got a story to tell.
Matt:I think if it has enough character and it's not straight, still acceptable, still a good stick. Yes.
Eric:Because, yes, there's no such thing as a perfectly straight stick, much like there's no such thing as a perfectly straight person.
Matt:2025 will be bisexual, as hell Listen to me, eric, as you were just saying that. You said you look at it, it tells you a story. Here's a good way to describe a stick. A good stick, it has to have a clear beginning, middle and end.
Eric:Yes, yes, this is the bottom of my stick. This is the middle of my stick.
Matt:You will be able to tell with a stick what is the top, what is the bottom.
Eric:Just by looking at it, you're like, oh, this is the part that my hand holds.
Matt:You will be able to get where it begins and where it ends. Yep, I'd say any kind of stick that looks like it could be splintery, not a good stick, not a good stick.
Eric:Oh, similar to the beginning, middle and end part. I love a stick, a good stick. It's got the middle and then like maybe a good, let's say we're dealing with like a two foot stick, two foot stick long.
Matt:You're saying in that lat well yeah good because of it, because if it's wide, we're now talking about a log oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Eric:Yeah, two foot long, two foot long stick, I love it. So you got your bottom of the stick, your beginning, you got your middle and you got your end. But a good stick will have that denouement. It'll have that last little six inches. That's where the, that's where the ooh, that's where the, that's where the oh, that's where the artist put their signature. Yes, like it, it might fork it, might it might, it might just do a little angle, just like a little oh might just have a big knot in the middle of it.
Eric:Oh, might be a burl. A burl, oh god, help me. God, help me, matt, if there is a small twig from the tree that this branch is on and it's still got a leaf on it, that is, that is animal crossing.
Matt:I truly, truly and in just to touch very briefly on your twig versus stick. I think this is very easy. Twigs can be broken either with one hand or with both hands with relatively no, uh, no real pressure, no no, real second you pick it up, you're like, oh, I could, just if you think for any second that the best way to break it is over your knee or under your foot. That ain't a twig.
Eric:That is a stick. That is a motherfucking stick, For sure God. Now I just want to go find a good stick.
Matt:Yeah, I think bark is important.
Eric:It's got to have some good fully barked, fully barked, depending on the species of tree. Some trees like I think, the ash and beet like they've got that really smooth. Those can be very. Those can make for very satisfying sticks, very wandy in there in there.
Eric:Yes, yes, a wandy stick is good, good, yeah, um, flexibility, okay, I think a good stick, a stick that isn't like there's, there's too dry and there's too wet, too wet. If your stick is like, if I could practically like bend it, 90 and there's not, I don't even hear a crack, that's not, that's just a fallen, fallen piece of tree.
Matt:Yeah, I think I would say it needs to be fairly rigid fairly rigid.
Eric:fairly rigid, that's what I think there should be, just like a, a dollop, a, a, a.
Matt:I'm not sure I agree, eric.
Eric:No, just like a dash of like, just like, just like that whippy, like, uh, almost like a riding crop, but like less than that. What stiffer than a riding crop. What the fuck is a riding crop? You know like what? That when horse riders the like what the jockeys use, the little whip, a riding crop. Sure, that thing we've been using for thousands of years.
Matt:Okay, eric, I didn't, I didn't know what it was called.
Eric:Okay, okay, settle down a riding crop but yeah, but like just the most subtle, just like the, just a little it's a short type of whip without a lash, so I was still right, it's a whip kind of like how, like, uh, like a wyvern is a kind of dragon, but yeah, I, I, I it, because if it's too, if it's too, the stick is too dry.
Eric:If it's rigid, then you run into some where they're like ooh, if I give this too much of a like, you're going to huck, but you don't. Well, if I do that too hard, the stick's going to break off.
Matt:If you rear up with a piece of wood that you consider to be a stick you brandish that shit, if you brandish a thing at me and I go that, if you see the fear in my eyes of is he gonna throw that thing at me?
Eric:see the reptile brain activate.
Matt:That's a stick, that's stick if I have no reaction. Friend, you're holding a twig, uh, or at the very least you're holding a shitty stick. Yeah, yeah, because I'm not afraid of it because I know I can go and smack it out of the way.
Eric:Oh yeah, I could deflect it and I will look so bad because I'm like, oh, that sticks dry shit. So when I go to deflect it, snap, and then the end of it, when it breaks on my arm, that goes away. I'll feel like such a badass.
Matt:Here's a good test of a stick. Right, if you have a stick and you offer it to a dog and the dog doesn't take it? Oh man, what an insult. Don't you feel like a douchebag?
Eric:yeah, and don't rely on a dog to tell you the difference between a stick and a twig.
Matt:They'll chase after both if it's good enough well, they'll chase after a twig, but they won't carry it around like they're proud. If a dog is proud of a piece of wood in their mouth, that is a stick.
Eric:That is a stick it if you gotta, if, when the dog has to stop and very, you watch the calculus floating over their head of how don't, how am I going to pick this up? How am I going to pick this up? How am I going to get this up and carry it around? They?
Matt:have to consider it. That's a stick. That's a stick, oh man. And I would say if you have a, a piece of natural wood off a tree, that is not pot. If a dog attempts to pick it up, fails and moves on, that's too big to be a stick, too big to be a stick.
Eric:Too big to be a stick abs 100, that's too big to be a stick. Now let's talk about think, because we talked about purposes earlier. Now we can move into that. Now I don't want to talk about like, oh, what's the perfect kind of stick for x task? No, we, we know, we have our good stick. We know, we see it perfectly in our mind's eye. Yes, what are some uses for that good stick?
Matt:good stick uses one walking stick walking stick two.
Eric:Uh, if it's a long one for the fire, for the fire kindling for sure uh, not even kindling.
Matt:Twigs are king. Kindling you want.
Eric:You want opening act, pieces of wood yes, before you start putting logs when you're building your logs while you're still building yes, absolutely.
Matt:Uh ooh, propping up the box, the classic unless you're making a tp fire, in which case you only want sticks. True, gotta have that lean. Yeah, you can't use yacht logs and tp no, you can't.
Eric:You can't use those kind of sticks in a log cabin, it's just gonna. It's not that, that's not what you do. No, um, a good stick can be used for the classic box stick. Piece of string trap, maybe a pie.
Matt:Yes, box. You know what I mean yes that that is a good stick use uh, anything that a dog would carry around, good stick, anything, yes good stick.
Eric:See something cool in the bed of the crick.
Matt:What is that? Oh, what's that down there? Gotta poke around with a good stick, gotta poke around with a good stick.
Eric:Yeah, you're worried that a predator may be approaching you in the woods.
Matt:Gotta throw the stick to scare him off. Let me throw something that'll make a big noise Stick, good stick. Or alternatively, let me grab this because I can use it as an impromptu weapon. Good stick, good stick that goes back to the baseball bat.
Eric:Good stick going back to bonfires, good for stirring the coals? Yes, you need a good poker, not good for s'mores a stick. You can't use a stick for making s'mores no, you want to.
Matt:You want a twig first.
Eric:You want a twig yes, yes, bits bits of course, a good stick is always good for a bit. The classic. The classic like, oh, oh, oh. What oh, is that my arm in my sleeve?
Matt:nope, I don't know baby I don't know how to describe this properly, but if it's fulfilling some sort of random tasks, like right now outside I have a door to my carport and the handle of that door inside the clasping mechanism is broken. Okay, so I have to replace it. But so the door doesn't bang around, I have taken a stick and put it through the door handle. So it is. It jams it up, so it stays closed until I want to go into it. Something like that, a task that can be fulfilled by a piece of wood you pick up off of the ground, that is a good stick. And I'll tell you right now. I know for a fact that stick about an inch and a quarter thick.
Eric:Inch and a quarter thick baby Ooh, one of my personal favorites. When it happens organically, it just hits and I'm just going to call a shot. Now I know, you know what I'm talking about. When you, very organically, you're out in nature, there's a task or you need to get somewhere or do something, and someone needs to explain something to you visually, and you're standing over dirt and they do the squat down with a stick in one hand and draw it out, baby. Let me explain the plan.
Matt:Here's where we are all right.
Eric:Here's what we're gonna do river's just down there. It's pat. You're gonna walk till you see a big tree.
Matt:Now you're gonna see a tree you think is big, but there's a bigger one coming okay, and then you lean down to the dirt and go okay, so this is the river right. That implement you're using is a good stick. That is a damn good stick.
Eric:That's the talking stick, talking stick. Good use for a good stick.
Matt:If you take a stick, if you walk up to a well and say I wonder how deep this is, and you toss something into it and listen to that that's a good stick If you ever do stick racing.
Eric:if you're standing on a bridge going over moving water, you drop your sticks in on one side.
Matt:I can't say that I have Eric.
Eric:Oh yeah, so it's classic. This is one of Alyssa's favorite pastimes. What you do, it's got to be like a wider bridge, like a bridge that you know. It's got to be like a wider bridge, like a bridge that, like you know, let's say like at least five feet wide or so, but you stand on one side of the bridge, like like width wise. You're not like not either end. I get it. You both look over, you hold your sticks out equal distance.
Matt:Yeah.
Eric:The water's got to be running towards you.
Matt:Yes.
Eric:And then you do a three, two, one, you drop, yeah, you scatter to the other side, you scatter to the other side and you watch whose stick comes out first? Stick race baby.
Matt:And that's romance.
Eric:That's romance. That's romance isn't it that makes my girlfriend so happy?
Matt:A good stick should be about the size of a Never mind. Is that why we like sticks.
Eric:Oh yeah, oh, that's why we like most, that's like we men like most, we meaning men. Eric, I think we've answered the question. I think we knocked this out of the park.
Matt:I think we fucking nailed that stick. Yeah, all right, eric, now listen, it's time for the closing segment. Oh yeah, baby, I listen. It's time for the closing segment Now. Oh yeah, baby, I have done the last two pop quizzes, and they were. They were challenging for me and I especially the last one, I bet it was. I believe the theme of both was Eric didn't answer my goddamn text messages about what we're doing for the show Today. I did so. Today you have prepared something, is that right?
Eric:Yes, I have. I've prepared a pop quiz for you, matt I'm very excited which I have titled. Actually, I'll tell you what it is first, then I'll tell you the title.
Matt:Isn't that the same thing? No, okay.
Eric:Matthew. I have 10 quotes here, 10 quotes here. 10 quotes verses. If you will, you are going to tell me if the quote I read to you is from the bible or if it is from JRR Tolkien's the Silmarillion Jesus Christ. Okay, which is basically a bible and a history book all wrapped up. So we're playing bible or bilbo, matt is that what you call it? It's actually bilbo or bible bilbo or bible you call you, you call it.
Eric:You got it on the first try, even though bilbo does not appear in the silmarillion, as it took place eons before his existence.
Matt:Sure, everyone knows that.
Eric:All right. Oh, also, I just realized. Fuck, I was showing you my screen. I hope you didn't, I didn't see it, don't worry, you did.
Matt:You did show me your screen, but I only saw that your note is entitled Bilbo or Bible.
Eric:All right. So obviously, bilbo, if you think it's Tolkien Bible, if you think it's Tolkien Bible, if you think it was God?
Matt:All right. God didn't write the Bible, all right.
Eric:Okay, through God all things are possible, matt, for various reasons. Quote all have their worth, and each contributes to the worth of the others. Bilbo, that is Tolkien, yes, correct, and thou shalt see that no theme may be played that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the music in my despite, for he that attempteth this shall prove, but mine instrument in the devising of things more wonderful, which he himself have not imagined.
Matt:I'm going to say Bible, that's Tolkien, I thought it might be. I was 50-50 on that one. Okay, I'm one and one.
Eric:Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. Bible, bible, corinthians 1613. Oh, look at you quote chapter and verse. I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart because I have overcome the world that sounds like some tolkien ship and it could be some jesus shit.
Matt:Who can say I'm gonna say it's jesus shit, bible john 1630.
Eric:Yeah, baby, so so far you're, you're, you're, you're three for four. I who can say I'm going to say it's Jesus, shit Bible, john 16, 33. Yeah, baby, so so far you're, you're, you're, you're Three for four, I think.
Eric:Yeah, three for four. Three for four, for if joyful is the fountain that rises in the sun, its springs are in the wells of sorrow, unfathomable at the foundations of the earth. Bilbo, bilbo, bam, oh, you're killing it. Yep, yep, yep. Four for five. But he that sows lies in the end shall not lack of a harvest, and soon he may rest from toil. Indeed, while others reap and sow in his stead, ooh.
Matt:I feel the opposite, as I did two ones ago, where I feel like it sure sounds like the Bible, but I think it's equally possible that it's that it's talking.
Eric:I'm going to say Bible, though Talking Damn it, so, you're, so, you're, so you're four for six, four for six.
Eric:See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams, in the wasteland. I love this, this quote, just because it starts with see, I am making a way in the wilderness and streams, in the wasteland. I love this, this quote, just because it starts with see, I am doing a new thing. Oh, a hundred percent. The Bible, that's Isaiah 43, one, 29, but hearing you.
Matt:I'm just picturing you walk up at the front of a Catholic mass. Here's today's reading from the book of Isaiah Flip flip, flip, silence, silence.
Eric:See, I did a thing. But of bliss and glad life there is little to be said before it ends as works fair and wonderful while they still endure for eyes to see are ever their own record, and only when they are in peril or broken forever do they pass into song bilbo bilbo yeah, I.
Matt:You want to know why? Because he got lost halfway through.
Eric:Yeah oh, where are we?
Matt:I have to reference the map halfway through I was like what the fuck are we talking about? That's gotta be tolkien.
Eric:Here we go, all right so you are, so you are I think I'm six for eight, six. You are six for eight. Okay, the point is this whoever so sparingly, will also reap sparingly, and whoever so's bountifully, will also reap bountifully.
Matt:Bilbo to Corinthians, damn it seemed too obvious, it seemed I thought you were tricking me dance and finally we have all the believers were together and had everything in common oh you, son of a bitch, oh you, son of a bitch.
Eric:All the believers were together and had everything in common.
Matt:Because that could be. You know, that could be Jim Jones, you know it could be the most basic ass. I'm gonna say say Bilbo, acts 244. I always forget about it.
Eric:So you were seven for ten, still pretty good.
Matt:That's very good. Still pretty good on the whole. Only missed three.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:On the Hobbit hole. Nonetheless, thanks, ccd. Oh, nonetheless.
Eric:Thanks, CCD. Oh man, it's been a minute.
Matt:Well, eric, that was a delightful little quiz, thank you, thank you. Thank you for preparing it. I appreciate it.
Matt:And Eric look at that I think that will just about do it for this episode of you Didn't Ask For this. As always, we would appreciate your questions and you can send them to us at. You didn't ask for this at Gmail. I don't know why I slurred so badly there. I only had one Manhattan during the curse of this here podcast. You can send them to us at. You didn't ask for this at gmailcom. Or you didn't ask pod. That's the letter. You didn't ask pod on Instagram, blue Sky, facebook, youtube, etc. Etc. Or you can get right into the muck and submit them to us on our Discord, which is only available via the Patreon. Eric, take it away, uh, by doing yeah, you didn't expect that, did you? You didn't expect me to hand it off in the middle of the business.
Eric:I was looking up a thing for the ladder business for the bookend oh okay, well then I'll leave.
Matt:Should I leave you to your no?
Eric:no, no, I found it. Uh, you can join our patreon by searching. You didn't ask for this Patreon. We have two subscriber tiers. For just one fucking dollar a month, you get access to our Discord, where we get to hang out and talk about scoops and dollops.
Matt:And generally just talk and shoot the shit, just vibing, just vibing and thriving.
Eric:For $4 a month. Sinners. Less than a latte. Less than a latte. Less than a latte. My lambs, you get access to the Discord, access to monthly bonus episodes of Oops.
Matt:All Tangents.
Eric:And you get 20% off of Yadaf merchandise which is available now in the. You Didn't Ask For this merchandise store.
Matt:Yes, that's youdidntaskforthiscom slash shop. Or if you're looking for the Patreon, you don't need to search for it. Go to patreoncom, slash youdidntaskforthis. And, of course, the thought line is available. If you want to drop us a question or a concern or a complaint, whatever you want to do, it's 410-929-5329. Call that, leave us a message. It's just a voicemail. You don't have to speak to me or Eric, you just have to listen to me. Give you some. Whatever. The dumb bit I did like years ago was.
Eric:It's like a 45 second long bit.
Matt:Yeah, I should probably go back and tighten that shit up, but anyway, just call that 410-929-5329. Eric, did I give them all the business and did you Mine dude?
Eric:you gave them all the business.
Matt:All right. Well then, from all of us here you didn't ask for this. My name's Matthew Shea, my name's Eric Poach and listen, you didn't ask.
Eric:I'll do an entire oat on this at some point, but here's a little preview. They did Eowyn so dirty in the movies of Lord of the Rings, they like, let me, let me. Let me hit you with this. This is the moment in return of the king when eowyn is fighting the witch king of angamar and she kills him. This is when she casts off her helmet and reveals that she's been disguised. This is from the book. But no living man am I. You look upon a woman, eowyn. I am eowyn's. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Be gone if you be not deathless For living or dark undead, I will smite you if you touch him that. So take that the most metal shit on earth. And then in the movies we get I am no man. I don't know how to respond to that. And then in the movies we get I am no man.
Matt:Ah, I don't know how to respond to that.
Eric:Neither did Warner Brothers.
Matt:They let me down, all right, thank you.