You Didn't Ask For This

79 | The Forbidden Peloton

• Matt Shea and Eric Poch

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We all know the children's rhyme "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," but have you ever considered the profound metaphors hidden within its simple lines? We unravel this classic nursery rhyme to find out what drove that spider to the top...only to be struck down again and again. Then: if time is money, are ATMs time machines? All this before starting round two of this season of Google Gripes.

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Quest for Toffee Ice Cream

Eric Poch

Matt , I want to talk about vice Vice , specifically one of my vices .

Matthew Shea

Oh , okay , I thought , maybe Miami vice .

Eric Poch

No , no , no , no . All right , we'll all shoot . I am a fool , a sucker , 100% agree . A simp for Benjamin Gerald's ice cream .

Matthew Shea

Uh-huh sure who is not .

Eric Poch

Which quick straw poll and know there is no wrong answer . What is your favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor ?

Matthew Shea

I think one just want to say I think this might be the earliest I've ever said this . We have talked about this before . Excellent , on this show we have , I'd say , the tonight dough . It's the Jimmy Fallon branded , which I know feels a little mainstream , but it's so goddamn good . I love the tonight dough .

Eric Poch

I actually tried it in honor of you . I did enjoy it very much .

Matthew Shea

It's fucking delicious Chubby hubby's up there .

Eric Poch

Chubby hubby is top tier . I shift back and forth on my favorites but , like my trio , my holy trinity is chubby hubby . There's s'mores ice cream is phenomenal S'mores is good . And everything but the , because everything but . Have you had everything but ?

Matthew Shea

that the kitchen sink yeah .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . I don't think so . So let me walk you through this journey .

Matthew Shea

It for my .

Eric Poch

ADHD brain . It is a like delight of sensations and stimulation , because there's like just it's chocolate ice cream , vanilla ice cream , and then you've got motherfucking peanut butter cups , chocolate covered almonds , chocolate covered bits of toffee and humps of white fudge , like there's just the gamut Love that . So I just want to walk you through this kind of like emotional lazy river that I was on .

Matthew Shea

I wouldn't call them emotional roller coaster .

Eric Poch

The stakes weren't high enough . An emotional lazy river . Yeah .

Matthew Shea

Interesting .

Eric Poch

Now I had started my journey on my , on my everything but that I had my pint . There you go . I . I don't know about you , but when I'm eating a pint of Ben Jerry's ice cream , I'm kind of like taking stock of what I encounter . I feel like a dwarf , like delving into the minds looking for rich veins of , of flavorful goodness , sure . So I'm like ooh , ooh , what's this ? I pry this up out of the . This is like my fear , I feel like I'm excavating toppings .

Matthew Shea

Just to clarify , eric when you say eat a pint , are you suggesting that you just pop the lid off and eat an entire pint of Ben Jerry's ice cream in one go ?

Eric Poch

No , no , no , no . Much like a good book . I do it . I do it bits at a time .

Matthew Shea

It's a journey , but but you don't take it out and like you don't scoop it into a bowl , oh fuck no , yeah , you go you eat that shit straight off the dome . No , I don't think you put it in a bowl . You mean ice cream . Yeah , typically I do .

Eric Poch

Matthew , this isn't a fucking tub of briars , Eric , we had a whole .

Matthew Shea

We had a whole episode about not a whole episode , but a very early on conversation about my favorite ice cream scoop .

Eric Poch

Yeah , but yes , valid , and it is a fine ice cream scoop , but there's like ice cream . And then there's Ben and Jerry's . Ben and Jerry's I feel like they nailed it . They're like look , this is everything you need , right here .

Matthew Shea

If there's not enough for there to be any saved after , you know what I'm saying . Like you're down to the last third of it , oh , I'll just eat that out of the Ben and Jerry's .

Eric Poch

For sure , oh , I , I , I from the get Okay .

Matthew Shea

Are you the only one who would eat it , though , like is anyone else ? Oh yeah , it is .

Eric Poch

If I get a pint of Ben and Jerry , that is , it is understood . That is my Ben and Jerry's .

Matthew Shea

A personal . Okay , Well , that that's .

Eric Poch

That makes them a little bit more sense , oh yeah , If I was sharing this with other human beings . I'm not a . I'm not a Neanderthal , I'm not ?

Matthew Shea

Yeah , Generally in our house we share things , so I was . You see where I was confused .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , okay . Well , now that I'm clear on your process .

Eric Poch

Yes , so there I am , I'm excavating the toppings , I get it like ooh , like minecraft , like I'm like prying out a fucking peanut butter cup with my spoon , like excavating a slab of white chocolate .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , yeah , and , and I get about , like my first sitting with this pint , I get . I get about a third of the way through it and I'm like that's odd . I have not had a single chocolate covered toffee piece yet . But surely , thinks I , surely it's coming due , like I , like , I have to get , I have to get it , it's listed on the package .

Eric Poch

And Matt , I see I ate this pint over three days a third of it a day and at the end of each day I got like further down . So I was two thirds of the way through this fucking thing . Yeah , not a single chocolate covered toffee piece . And now I'm realizing like I was legitimately getting so mildly anxious like this background anxiety that I'm like , yeah , well , what , what , what ?

Eric Poch

what if they forgot ? What if they forgot to put it in ? What if I don't get a sink ? Cause that's my favorite part of everything about those , the chocolate covered toffee . And I'm sitting and like at a certain point I hit a point where I'm like , look at this point , I don't even care if there's none in here , I just need to know . And like on that third day I was just like fucking going in on it . And then I met . It's like in the movies where , like they're digging for fucking treasure and then you hear the thunk .

Matthew Shea

Thunk yeah , oh , oh , what's this Could this be I , smat I .

Eric Poch

my patience was rewarded . I lifted like I had half of a goddamn Heath bar . I knew it , I knew it , it was all going to be at the bottom , just fucking hanging out at the bottom , and then I hit another one . So like I got , like my toffee dreams come true , I was so happy and that was immediately just so ashamed of myself , for what being anxious . No , I was ashamed is the wrong word . I'm not like oh , you're terrible .

Eric Poch

I was like how fucking hilarious is this Cause I was legitimately getting . I was legitimately getting like that background anxiety of like what's going to happen , where's my toffee ? And then , as soon as I had , my toffee . I was like , oh yeah , well , I'm like a 33 year old adult and I could have just gone to ROFO and bought like 10,000 Heath bars . I could have emptied my life savings .

Matthew Shea

No , eric , but but you paid Okay For an experience and you were worried you weren't going to get that experience . I get that . It's like when you , you know you go someplace expecting a great view or something and it's a foggy day , you know . It's something like that . Yeah , you don't . You don't want that kind of experience to be tainted . So you were getting worried that what you paid for and what you were excited for wasn't going to happen . That's the source of almost all of my anxiety .

Eric Poch

Yeah , I feel like that speaks to the human condition . Right , like that's all of us . It's like there I was , elbow deep in a pint of delicious vanilla and chocolate ice cream with scrumptious peanut butter cups , delicious chocolate covered almonds amazing . Every component is doing its job , but all my caveman brain could think of is , like me , what Heath bar .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , I mean . Well , this is something that I think you and I might share as performers , but I know I share with a lot of people and Conan talks about this all the time . Conan can't like read reviews or doesn't want to hear anything , because if there's a crowd of , you know , a thousand people and he's getting a standing ovation , but there's one guy on the left who's sitting down and not clapping , he's only thinking about the one guy . Yeah , and I'm much the same If I have a like . It happened just recently with the 39 steps . We had a great house . This was at Next Up Theater a couple of weeks ago , if you're just joining the pod , but I was in this production . It's a comedy and so you know lots of laughter every you know , very funny .

Matthew Shea

Thank you Everyone's having a great time . We authentically think we . You know I am a big enough performer to say not every show I've done has been great .

Eric Poch

They can't all be bad . They can't all be bangers . They can't all be bangers .

Matthew Shea

This one was great . The cast was hysterical , it was a great time . Yeah , I would have done that show for a year straight if could have done . The point is we had , you know , many great houses and we had this great house . But there was one dude in this house in the front row , who was like looking at his program and clearly like bored , and I was just like I'm going to fucking get you . I was like everybody , everybody else is laughing hysterically . I see the one guy who hasn't laughed at anything yet and I'm like , oh , I'm going to get you that becomes your universe .

Eric Poch

Yeah , I'm not thinking about anybody else except one hundred percent . So the moral of this story , kids , the moral of this story don't think about the toppings you don't have , Think about the toppings you do have . Because , Matt , if my life was like a pint of Benjamin Gerald's ice cream , yeah , you'd be the Heathbars bud . Thanks , buddy . Yeah , I got the Heathbars I need .

Matthew Shea

If you , if you can't be with the topping , you love honey , love the top and you're with God damn it . Yes , yes , that's a great place to end this cold open . I'm aware of that , I sense it . But Heathbar or score bar , oh , I can never decide myself .

Eric Poch

I'm honestly torn because every time , like I , I've never gotten both at the same time and like did a side by side .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , and maybe we need to do a comparison .

Eric Poch

I think we need to do a comparison .

Matthew Shea

But I'll tell you why score . Not everybody knows about score bars , so I know I'm glad to hear you do . And if you don't you tell me if you think my description is bad or inaccurate . A score bar and a Heathbar are the exact same bar , except the score feels a little ritzier . Yes , it , yes , it's a little thinner . It's a little thinner , but I think the toffee in the score bar is is stickier , is like richer . We love a rich , sticky toffee , I think . I think the Heathbar is slightly cheaper toffee .

Eric Poch

I mean knowing Hershey yeah .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , also , my grandmother used to get a score bar , so you know I've got that like core memory soft spot for score . Okay .

Eric Poch

Okay , start the show . Yeah , yeah , yeah , let's do it . Let's do it Honestly . That should be it , yeah .

Matthew Shea

Well , hello there , everyone , and welcome to

Thanksgiving Traditions and Food Preference

Matthew Shea

you . Didn't Ask For this , the podcast answering life's least pressing questions . My name's Matthew Shea .

Eric Poch

My name is Eric Poach .

Matthew Shea

Now we're recording this pre-Turkey Day .

Eric Poch

It's coming out post-Turkey Day , so how do you feel so , to keep with the verisimilitude of the episode's release . I ain't so much food , I'm so stuffed .

Matthew Shea

Yeah .

Eric Poch

That's how I sound after Thanksgiving .

Matthew Shea

I just I think you've done a great job .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah yeah . I'm just going to call this shot now because I know my mom's making her sweet potato casserole for Thanksgiving . I'm just going to say , on behalf of future Eric , that sweet potato casserole , oh my God , it was so good , it was so delicious and amazing and perfect , and I could just eat fistfuls of that every Thanksgiving for the rest of my life .

Matthew Shea

Have you heard of something called Speaking of ? I just want to point out that we're talking about Thanksgiving right now . Yeah , when the last episode came out on Thanksgiving and we didn't mention it one single goddamn time , we didn't . We talked about that . We didn't make a single reference to the fact that it was coming out on Thanksgiving , and good for us , good for us . But anyway , speaking of Thanksgiving traditions that I know I'm going to have because we're going to Lindsay's parents for Thanksgiving this year and Lindsay's mom always makes something that I'm told is like a Midwest staple , but I only know it as a thing that her mom makes have you ever heard of something called five cup salad ?

Eric Poch

That sounds made up .

Matthew Shea

So five cup salad . I might get myself in trouble . I know a good amount of the bars out there are listening right now and you enjoy your core memories and your good time dishes . But let me just run down the ingredients here . This is a recipe . This is not Lindsay's recipe necessarily , but it is chunks of pineapple , mandarin oranges like clementines or something . I think her mom uses clementines , I'm not sure Sour cream , coconut flakes and , what I'd consider the dominant ingredient , marshmallows .

Eric Poch

So the okay . So this is the ambrosia salad , just called something else .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , it's just . I just wanted to know if you heard about it . I'm not necessarily going to give my review of it , because I do . It's got . So the coconut for me is a deal breaker for me . You know me , I'm not a coconut boy .

Eric Poch

You're not a coconut fan . I personally , I'll fucks with coconut . Coconut fucks with me .

Matthew Shea

It's just in the wet , especially coconut flakes . It's always like it's like pulp in orange juice . Can't fucking stand it . Get it out of there .

Eric Poch

That's my it gets . So I like coconut , but my thing is like , if I'm eating coconut , I want it to be like pillowy , soft and velvety , or I want it to be like cooked and like crits , like crunchy , like crunchy . Yeah , coconut .

Matthew Shea

I like toast coconut .

Eric Poch

Yeah , love toasted coconut when they just throw in fistfuls of raw coconut confetti in fucking in anything it becomes it .

Matthew Shea

I'll be picking that out of my teeth for sure , but like a Samoa , I'll eat for days on end dog , I will fucking destroy some , I will . I will take them down . Whenever Girl Scout Cookie season comes along , I always we get like we get two boxes of Samoas , we get two boxes of thin mints and then what else are we getting ? Like those are the base order . So I'm good with it . I'm good with it cooked . But and listen , I always get some of this five cups out , always . I always partake of it I got to .

Matthew Shea

It's a signature dish . I respect that , yeah , and honestly , when you look at it , it's not what a man in the 50s might call a looker . You know what I'm saying .

Eric Poch

Oh yeah , it looks weird , it looks like it should be gross .

Matthew Shea

It looks like it should be gross .

Eric Poch

You can't you can't make it look good , and that's the thing I actually admire about Midwestern cooking is they're like look aesthetics Fuck that we don't need them . You're gonna yeah , you're gonna like what you put in your mouth . I guarantee it , yeah .

Matthew Shea

It's what I would say is , and we , we gave this to take five as well . It's an adventure You're going through that . No , no , two spoons fulls are the same you know the ratios all over the place . Yeah , so I'm sure I've just had some fresh five cup salad and and and good times . So here we all are . Her mom also makes a bang and green bean casserole , which better be there .

Eric Poch

If it's not there , I'll be upset .

Matthew Shea

I might have to make it myself , Ooh .

Eric Poch

I could . I could legitimately eat like French's fried onions .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , oh yeah , that's what's on top .

Eric Poch

Obviously it must be . If it's not , the fuck are you doing , and that's another one .

Matthew Shea

I hate raw onions but I love , like a caramelized onion or a fried onion , a blooming onion . I love a blooming onion , oh onion rings .

Eric Poch

Things I have done for a blooming onion .

Matthew Shea

When I get a Big Mac and I forget to say get the onions off of there , I'm always like God damn .

Eric Poch

Oh , because if they're on there you're not escaping . No , they can't get out . The mince is so fine , it's like in the DNA of the sandwich , it's become part of the sandwich . Yes , truly , that was my mom , and back in the day she would eat a lot of Chick-fil-A . I say back in the day because , oh , she stopped . She stopped Good reason . A lot of people stopped .

Matthew Shea

Of course , we don't need to discuss it Well they hate gay people Okay .

Eric Poch

We can say the quiet part out loud .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , no , this is an anti Chick-fil-A podcast . I think that goes without saying this .

Eric Poch

This was the . This was the struggle when she would order chicken sandwich . My mom does not like pickles . Get the fuck out of here . I know I love them , but my mom can't stand . My mom is a very picky eater and it would be like a whole like event because if she got the sandwich and they forgot to remove the pickles , we can both agree . Just taking the pickles off at that point is is an is an exercise in futility . That shorts has soaked into every strata that brine has spread its roots .

Matthew Shea

Yes , yes , lindsay's getting into pickling right now . Lindsay's getting into pickling . Yeah she's been pickling , oh hell , yeah . Yeah , she just made some pickles the other day . We haven't cracked them open yet . This is the second round , but her first round of pickles . Very good , this is a very pro pickle household especially . Pat Pat fucking adores .

Eric Poch

Pat loves making pickles .

Matthew Shea

While we're sharing core childhood memories and not at all getting close to starting our show , no , the one of my core memories is Stalphers of Kissel Hill was my grocery store growing up and when we'd go to Stalphers I don't know , this is probably back because it's Stalphers in Lancaster , pennsylvania but I thought these types of things in COVID would go by the wayside . They'd have like free samples throughout the store but not like Costco , sam's Clubs free samples where somebody is like manning a station . They just have like open containers , yep and so like . But one thing they always had was a pickle barrel where you could pick out like full pickles and on top of that would be like a big bowl of pickle spears that you could just take . And I would always go right there when I was a kid , grab a pickle spear and just follow my mom around grocery shopping , happy as a clam , with like two pickles hanging on my mouth .

Eric Poch

Dude , I know the exact barrel you're describing .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , yeah .

Eric Poch

Mars supermarket that we would go to when I was growing up .

Matthew Shea

They had the same thing Got like a plastic lid .

Eric Poch

Yep , yeah , clear plastic lid . Pop that shit open , just shove your elbow deep in there .

Matthew Shea

Just get your nasty hand right there , pick it out like you're bobbin' for apples , stalphers feel the bribe . The bribe ? Yes , no , stalphers , I do love Stalphers . They had a great candy aisle too , like a self-serve , like fill a bag candy .

Eric Poch

Yes , we had the same thing , and they always had like a little box you could put like a little change in .

Matthew Shea

Yeah Well , I'll tell you the difference that I know right out front . Did your grocery store growing up have a stall for horses outside ?

Eric Poch

No .

Matthew Shea

No , I didn't think it did .

Eric Poch

Stalphers does .

Matthew Shea

It's Amish friendly .

Eric Poch

It just had some people who would like occasionally yell things at the sky .

Matthew Shea

Yeah Well , that's a thing about Lancaster that when people like when I brought Lindsay there , like I had to point out , like I was like , oh yeah , this like shed thing on the side of the parking lot is for horse and buggies and it's extremely common sight in my account .

Eric Poch

Now , how many horse and buggies can it hold ?

Matthew Shea

Oh , probably , like I don't know , six , 10 , something like that Okay , okay , okay .

Eric Poch

So it's like there's never going to be an issue where an Amish family is clopping on up to the supermarket and they see the stall was full .

Matthew Shea

I mean it's like I said , it's Amish friendly . I don't know that it's the Amish prefer destination .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , okay , yes , god , I would love to see that interaction . I just want to know what happens .

Matthew Shea

There was near that Stalphers not at that Stalphers , but near that Stalphers when I was in high school and Amish DUI Yep Eric , once again , is just expressing himself with large eye expressions .

Eric Poch

I know I was a gog to yes , he was a gog yeah . Tell me more .

Matthew Shea

Amish teen got himself a handle of Jack Daniels , got all liquored up and fucked up and went out on a rampage with his horse , I guess , and is lost his horse and the buggy just went careening down the road and crashed into a nearby business and did more damage to the buggy than the business . But yeah , they found him in there and this I will never forget . He was in there with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and like a boombox , because there's not like he was a blast in the radio , yeah , yeah . So he just had like a boombox with him playing the radio and the horse had come loose so the horse had to be rounded up . He's just like , as I recall , the horse was fine , the horse was just loose galloping across just having himself a lovely little stroll .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , the horse thought maybe he could , you know , become a free horse . But no , he was rounded up . He was rounded up , don't worry .

Eric Poch

Finally the nightmare is over . No , no . What are you doing A ?

Matthew Shea

whole sketch . I don't know why it's a British horse . Anyway , should we start the ?

Eric Poch

show .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , let's do that , let's do that , let's do that . So the first question we have and this sort of goes along with our sort of fairy tale theme we had going last time with Humpty Dumpty , but this comes from our good friends over at FnCultured . That's FnCultured , the podcast . Go check them out wherever you get your fine podcast . Love you boys and you Eric

Analyzing Metaphors in the Itsy Bitsy Spider

Matthew Shea

. Let's see when does this episode come ?

Eric Poch

out .

Matthew Shea

This is coming out December 7th . You will . You had just recorded . I don't know if it's come out yet , but you , I was unable to be there , but you were just at the rant , or not the rant , the roast .

Eric Poch

Yes , roasting Santa Claus .

Matthew Shea

Yes , so go check out that episode of Humpty Dumpty I love .

Eric Poch

Their roasts are a fucking hoot .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , we both joined them last year or last spring for the roasts of Mario Mario , but I was out of town . But , poach , you were here and yeah , by all means go listen to that episode .

Eric Poch

Good , good , cross promotional Matthew .

Matthew Shea

Thank you . Anyway , fncultured asked us a question , and it is what was so appealing to that spider crawling up the water spout .

Eric Poch

Let's just get it out of the way . The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout . Down came the rain and washed the spider out . Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the spout again .

Matthew Shea

Again , again , again , again . The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the spout . Yeah , yeah .

Eric Poch

Give me that fucking breakdown , open this pit up . So I think it's fairly clear that the spider is a metaphor for sycophus . Oh , you think so ? Yeah , yeah , I think the spider is sycophus .

Matthew Shea

Damn Eric . I had never considered that , but the way you , I don't know you can't again . I did a visual . I was sent back just now from the microphone .

Eric Poch

I was blown away by that revelation and and honest to God , that just that didn't occur to me until I had to sing the song for the first time . I have not sung that song since I was in elementary school , so I'm glad I remembered it .

Matthew Shea

What we know is that the the spider is not being killed by the rain . No , it's not enough to drown him .

Eric Poch

No , just enough to knock him down .

Matthew Shea

Yes , merely knock him down a peg . But the spider , our friend . The spider says no , says nay , I'm on a mission , and goes right back up . That is very sycophus-esque .

Eric Poch

And what is his mission ? I would assume , because when I hear water spout , I'm imagining like a , like a gutter , like a you know , that's what I've assumed . I always assumed it was like a , like a gutter spout . So I'm guessing what else would ? It be , I fuck if I know I mean .

Matthew Shea

I'm going to Google water spout and see what we get Interesting . A water spout is an intense column nerve vortex that occurs over a body of water . Some are connected to a cumulus congestus cloud , some to a cumuliform cloud and some to a cumulonimbus cloud . But like , look at what you get .

Eric Poch

Like it's a little like oh that the little they're talking about like hurricane , basically Of a little mini tornado over the body of water A hurricane , tornado of water , so is- .

Matthew Shea

Now I think it's safe to say no one thinks they're talking about that . No , but if they are If they are , and if there is a spider that is crawling up the eye of an oceanic water spout , I hope that spider drowns , because that's a monster .

Eric Poch

Yeah , well , that that spider needs to die and actually , at that point I'm cheering for that spider , Because it's still oddly enough Absolutely not . It stays within Greek mythology , because at that point he's battling Neptune . Well , sure that spider is fighting Poseidon .

Matthew Shea

Okay , but imagine he gets to the top of the water spout . He gets spouted out onto the lands .

Eric Poch

Yeah .

Matthew Shea

Now , now he's a human issue . We're looking at a six foot tall spider .

Eric Poch

Get the fuck out of here Because he has to be . He has to be .

Matthew Shea

But I hate spi you know about my thing with spiders right , I know I don't like spiders .

Eric Poch

Did we talk about this ? I we I know we have .

Matthew Shea

But have we talked about it on the show ?

Eric Poch

Oh God , matt . Well , the reason that I hate You're right , Well who am I doing Matt ?

Matthew Shea

Well anyway , just real quick , it doesn't need to be a big thing . I had all those spiders on my butt .

Eric Poch

Hold on so the- . Stop the podcast . Sure Spiders in your butt .

Matthew Shea

During my Eagle Skeptics , I had the pleasure of going into and using many an outdoor latrine . Okay , and so this was- . This incident happened at Phil Mon , which is a scout ranch in New Mexico . It's generally a two week trip of backpacking in the New Mexican desert . Absolutely love it . That sounds dope . Recommend it . It is dope . You could never go . You're not a Boy Scout , I'm just saying you can't go . No , no , no , no , no , no , no , i'm- .

Eric Poch

I'm I don't make the rules . I am acutely aware of my scout status .

Matthew Shea

I Eric , I do not make the rules , okay , I'm just saying , because you're not a Boy Scout , you can't go to the Boy Scout Ranch .

Eric Poch

And that's that . You know what ? Not every speaking as a white man , not every space is for me , yeah .

Matthew Shea

Not . Every space is for you . And let me just say again you know I love you , I know you love me . I don't make I didn't make that rule , no you don't make the rules , you just- .

Eric Poch

God you love you love just draping them over my the corpse of my dreams .

Matthew Shea

I was not in the position to make that rule . Maybe , if I was , I'd make the exact same rule , but I didn't .

Eric Poch

Matthew Shea . In a fucking nutshell Look , I didn't make the rule , but it is my privilege to tell you that I knew you did not that you make the rule .

Matthew Shea

You did not . You agree with it implicitly , but I did not make it .

Eric Poch

I was just following orders . They were orders I agreed with , but I was just following them .

Matthew Shea

They were orders I agreed with and believed in my soul . But I was told , you see , it was a job . Anyway , sometimes when you go into a latrine you gotta do a fun thing where you have to bring a stick with you because there could be bugs in there and you gotta give it a good little little little rattle like you're an old timey police officer with your Billy Club rattling on the on the bar to wake the drunks .

Matthew Shea

Actually , you do have to do that first . In Fillmont , this is called a red roof inn . You can just all of red roofs , it's the whole that's all that is . But because it's enclosed , there's three types Eric , let's talk about poop real quick . Let's talk about poop . There's three types of latrines in Fillmont . Okay , there's the red roof inn , okay . And then there's a pilot to copilot , which is two toilets that do not have a surrounding thing and they're right next to each other . Yep , yep , but they're just in the woods . It's just two toilets connected in the woods . There is no walls around them , okay . No privacy , okay . And then there's the pilot to bombardier , which is back to back , and again , no sort of protection from the elements .

Eric Poch

I like that . I'm also getting a very good I'm getting a very good read on your entire bathroom schema .

Matthew Shea

And why I have such drama .

Eric Poch

Yes , why you are the way you are ?

Matthew Shea

Yeah , I did once use the pilot to bombardier with my dad . We did approach and then leave from complete opposite directions , yeah , and tried to make it as bitless as possible . And thinking back on it , I'm not sure what kind of time restraints would have required the two of us to have done that , but anyway we did do it , okay . Anyway , with a red roof inn , you do need to knock on the side of it because there could be a bear inside . That's a real thing .

Eric Poch

No , so before you go on , you got to go boom boom , boom to see , if any Make sure you piss it off before you knock it out . You got to make it real pissed off .

Matthew Shea

It's in there trying to get that .

Eric Poch

Charmin experience and you're just- .

Matthew Shea

And you're just denying it . Anyway , I didn't do the stick thing . I sat down , a bunch of spiders crawled up my butt .

Eric Poch

Oh , that okay .

Matthew Shea

So now I have arachnophobia .

Eric Poch

Yeah , no , and valid . That'll do it , won't it , I think ? Speaking on behalf of our listeners , matthew , I think we're all with you on this where if that was any one of us . Fuck that Fuck that forever . That would put spiders on my shit list .

Matthew Shea

I know there's a growing movement , and probably among our listeners , about like you find a spider in the house , you can just gather that guy up and like bring him outside . That's what I do . Yeah , and I just want to say I can't be woke about everything . No , yeah , okay , but I can't be woke about everything . And I kill those spiders and I don't do it with any kind of guilt . Okay , matt , because they came from my aides . Here it is here it is , let it out , okay , and I know the type .

Eric Poch

Look Matt .

Matthew Shea

I'm going to say another quiet part out loud .

Eric Poch

You can't be woke on everything , and if you're going to be not woke on something , I feel like that's a pretty good choice . There are a lot of things that human beings choose to be shitty about . Yes , and I think this is a valid choice . I give stinkbugs . I'll put a cup over them and let them outside , but that's only because they've been smart enough to develop an evolutionary defense mechanism .

Matthew Shea

If I may , tangent on our tangent by all means , one day we'll get to the questions . Yeah , talking about the- . This might be a questionless episode .

Eric Poch

This might just be us talking .

Matthew Shea

This might be us talking and honestly , happy Thanksgiving , happy Thanksgiving my thing , so you know , like you were talking about the method of oh , spider in the house , pick it up , take

Metaphorical Reflections on Persistence and Acceptance

Matthew Shea

it out .

Eric Poch

That's what I do . I also do that with the wasps at work . Oh , wasps at work , you work in an office . Yes , I do , Matt . I work underground in a fucking facility . I hate the underground wasps . I hate the underground wasps , I hate the underground wasps . I hate the underground wasps . I hate the underground wasps .

Eric Poch

We get wasps season . It starts sometime around mid-summer and lasts until wintertime . But where my office is located and this is the same reason we have four or five space heaters in the room under our desks is we're on the corner and we are closest to the external walls . That are like outside , so it gets freezing cold in there , and there is some pathway , some thing , that every now and again I just come in and oh , there's a wasp , and the same thing happens every time . There's a little plastic cup , a Dixie cup , that I keep on my desk for this purpose . I grab it , grab a notebook , scoop a little guy in there , walk him out , set him free . I've done this three or four times now in the past year and I like to think . I like to think it's the same wasp every time .

Matthew Shea

You think you'd like to think you've made some sort of bond with this wasp ?

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , yeah , it's the moe tossing . You know Barney Gumbel out of the bar . I see , yeah , yeah , yeah . And then he's right fucking there . Wow so spiders .

Matthew Shea

So the spider he's going up the water spout , Down came the rain washed , spider out . Could it be as simple as he's after the view from the top .

Eric Poch

Could be from the view from the top . I'm also imagining . I imagine that sand's water , which seems to be the part that the spiders like struggling with . That's what he has difficulty with yeah . Sand's water , the inside of the water spout of the gutter . That's a pretty ideal place for a spider to set their shit up . Like it's enclosed , they can spin webs , they can . It's like they don't have to worry about predators , so like it's pretty dope . No , but they want .

Matthew Shea

Correct me if I'm wrong , but the whole idea behind the spider web is to catch prey . How much prey is really coming down the old spout there ?

Eric Poch

Well see , that's the thing . Like I guess it depends .

Matthew Shea

We need a general contractor on this show .

Eric Poch

They need a general contact , can you tell ? I just bought a house , but what I'm imagining is I know spiders also like , and this depends on the species of spider , because there are , you know , millions of them .

Matthew Shea

So I'm told all the same to me .

Eric Poch

I imagine it's kind of a situation where , like , oh you know , the spider's sleep inside the water spout but has web coming like out of , like you know , has a situation where , like , half the webbing is inside the spout , half the web comes out , so that way you can just catch things and drag them back inside to his house and eat them . Yeah , but then it rains .

Matthew Shea

Yeah .

Eric Poch

And honestly now it's kind of fucking me up because , like , even if it didn't rain , it's actually worse if the spider doesn't get washed out while it's climbing up , because the alternative is the spider crawls up , takes root like , spins its web , builds its little house , maybe catches some flies .

Matthew Shea

Yeah .

Eric Poch

Things are looking real good . Maybe settles down meets a spousal spider . They get bumping leggies and then they got like a few billion kids in a sack and then it rains Come on and it rains , matthew . That's too much , don't you think that's too much ? That's fucking heartbreaking . Man , I feel for the spider so fucking hard right now . But like should I Is the spider like .

Matthew Shea

And that's my question .

Eric Poch

Yeah , the spider hasn't given up .

Matthew Shea

No , he's not given up and he's not dead . He's persistent , he's determined , he's ambitious .

Eric Poch

Bro , what if he's enjoying this ?

Matthew Shea

Oh , he's masochistic .

Eric Poch

What if the no , not even masochistic . What if the spouse just like I think about this all the time like animals that just discover fun things that like we can identify with , like what if this is just like the water slide for this spider and he's like I'm having a hoot that ?

Matthew Shea

that is true , but the the verbiage of the poem there does say washed the spider out , and that I think generally is a negative connotation .

Eric Poch

That is . That is implies destruction and ruin .

Matthew Shea

So , sisyphus , to go back to your original plot , sisyphus is rolling the stone because of a punishment yes , punishment . He has no objective other than to roll up the stone , and he's obligated to do so because of an eternal punishment . Yes , the spider , on the other hand , does not have this , as far as we know , this sort of spiritual directive .

Eric Poch

Yeah , he doesn't have a literal God as his parole officer . No , like the spider could go any numb . Oh man , I think we're the spider . What do you mean ? I think we're the spider , bro . I think it's no .

Matthew Shea

I don't like that . What do you mean ?

Eric Poch

Well , I think it's like a metaphor for , like human beings like we , we are compelled to seek things out , even when it's something that is objectively like not good for us .

Eric Poch

Like we just wash out , but like we keep doing it over and over , thinking well , maybe , maybe this time , maybe this time , maybe this time the universe will just fucking alter its DNA to fit my situation , and it doesn't , and then we get washed out . But then we get washed out , and here's the fucked up part . The sun comes out . It always does . The sun comes out and fucking dries up all the rain . We get hope . We like it is . We cling to that hope there's like , oh , the sun will stay , and we go right the fuck up that water spell and say you can't keep me down God . Yes , zeus , to be specific .

Matthew Shea

But oh right , Sorry , I wasn't having some sort of internal conflict ?

Eric Poch

But yeah . So like I think the moral of the story isn't don't try , it's hey , maybe it's OK to accept that the water spout ain't it .

Matthew Shea

Oh , interesting .

Eric Poch

The water spout ain't it , and it's OK to admit that and be like man . Maybe I make a web and a little treat .

Matthew Shea

But the spider does not admit that . The spider is saying no , no , I'm going to make this fucking spot work for me .

Eric Poch

And that's the tragedy of the song . The tragedies were like bro , it's going to happen again . What are you doing ? And he just doesn't know , he just doesn't see , he has no idea .

Matthew Shea

And so often I feel like often this story is said to children . Now again , I don't have children myself , but I feel like this is generally told as posited as the lesson of fucking don't give up kid . Yeah , this is how I'm going to talk to my child when , when we have children Fucking don't give up kid .

Eric Poch

Don't you got this ? And then I like I'm in the next room , I'm like listen to your fucking father . He's right , don't worry about that man . Who is he Daddy ? Why is he here ? Don't worry about him . I was going through a rough patch . I'll get back on my feet .

Matthew Shea

That's Uncle Poach . We can't call him Uncle Eric , because you have a real uncle Eric .

Eric Poch

And then I'm like what the fuck do you mean real uncle ? What the fuck up .

Matthew Shea

Poach , I'll come get you when I have questions .

Eric Poch

Love you , love you . Son don't ever go in there . What about that dark , shadowy room ? That used to be the pod pod . You must never go in there . Don't ever go in there .

Matthew Shea

You know how we saw the son of the dead and his friend is kept in the shed at the end of it . That's . That's the situation we're working with here . Boy , Boy .

Eric Poch

Now I'm doing it in jacrados .

Matthew Shea

Boy . Man that niche reference after niche reference .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , yeah , we're killing it . We're killing it , oh boy . So , honestly , that's the answer to the question is like there is nothing worth going up that spout for for that spider , but he will continue to go because he's driven , driven by his craving and need , and it's . You can just let go , babes .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , I think to answer the direct question from effin cultured what was so appealing to the spider about crawling up the water spout ? I think that there is something waiting at the top like a fucking Hershey bar prize . I think it's more of the world told him he couldn't and he said much like John Locke and lost . Don't tell me what I can't do .

Eric Poch

Despite the fact that it will end the same way every single time . He's Sisyphus baby , I think you nailed it right .

Matthew Shea

The very first thing out of your mouth was correct and we should have stopped there . We should have , but I'm glad we didn't . I'm glad we didn't too . The first thing to me it's occurring to me as being odd about my hatred of spiders yeah , my favorite superhero is Spider-Man . Oh , I love Spider-Man . In fact , I'd say it's a tie between Spider-Man and Batman . Like my favorite Marvel superhero unarguably Spider-Man .

Eric Poch

Yeah , that's a very good choice .

Matthew Shea

I think , unarguably favorite DC superheroes Batman .

Eric Poch

So I feel like they're on the same plane for me .

Matthew Shea

Yes , I have poor memories of watching both those animated series .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yes .

Matthew Shea

But I just did a free trial recently and decided to start paying money for it of Marvel Unlimited , specifically so I could start reading the entire Spider-Man canon from his very first appearance .

Eric Poch

Oh , hell yeah . Okay , I didn't know that was a thing . Is this just like an e-comic ?

Matthew Shea

thing ? Yeah , it's a digital comic service . It's like five bucks a month . It's not that bad , goddamn . And I've just been reading all these fucking Spider-Man comics from the 60s . Yeah , I'm on episode . I'm on issue eight of the original run of Spider-Man .

Eric Poch

Fuck , yeah , it's pretty great .

Matthew Shea

I mean this iteration of Peter Parker . If I'm being honest , kind of a piece of shit , but yeah .

Eric Poch

Does he say real old-timey thing ?

Matthew Shea

Yeah , he sure does , yeah yeah , yeah , also , he's illustrated to look like he's supposed to be in high school , but he looks like a 45-year-old man .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yep , yep . So there is that weird elevator Well it costs more to illustrate child actors because they got all these union rules .

Matthew Shea

you got to get them right , yeah and in the 60s , but I'm still very much in the era where he's got the webbing between his pits .

Eric Poch

Oh hell , yeah , yeah , I'm still in that era of Spider-Man design . In that era where it missed being called man Spider by a coin flip .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , for sure .

Eric Poch

They were still figuring a lot of shit out .

Matthew Shea

But yeah , I think that's kind of funny that I do love Spider-Man . But yeah , send us your Spider-Man questions by the way .

Eric Poch

Oh yeah , send us your Spider-Man questions . I'd love to do a Spider-Man episode You've seen into the Spider-Verse and across the Spider-Verse , correct ?

Matthew Shea

As a matter of fact , I actually have not . I really want to , because right now I'm playing Spider-Man 2 on PS5 . Yes , it's fucking and phenomenal . I know you don't have a PS5 , so you can't play it , but it's phenomenal . The first game's phenomenal . The Miles Morales game in the middle is essentially just a DLC , but it is also phenomenal . But I love Miles Morales .

Eric Poch

Oh yeah , Miles Morales fucking . Oh dude , you will love Spider-Verse .

Matthew Shea

I know I will . It just hasn't happened for me that I sat down and watched it . But yeah , I do love Spider-Man and I love a Spider-Man , be it Peter Parker or Miles Morales , under that mask .

Eric Poch

Hell yeah , I do consider them two very different Spider-Man . Oh yeah , of course , if they were the same , that makes them both suck .

Matthew Shea

But I'm not saying I'm not out here being one of these hashtag , not my Spider-Man people .

Eric Poch

Which is to say racist .

Matthew Shea

Yes , just to put a button on it .

The Concept of Time as Currency

Matthew Shea

Should we do the next question ? We should do the next question which is Since we're almost at end segment time and we've only done one question .

Eric Poch

This is from at Simply Lindsay .

Matthew Shea

AKA .

Eric Poch

Matthew's beloved Dr Lindsay Barr . Yes , lindsay .

Matthew Shea

Barr , please .

Eric Poch

If time is money , are ATMs time machines ? Now , matt , I was given to understand that this question is a hot button topic in your household , in that Lindsay really , really , really , really , really wanted us to do this one .

Matthew Shea

Well , I kind of said something to the effect yesterday of being like , well , we're recording tomorrow and the queue is a little light and I'm not sure what we would do for questions . And Lindsay said I gave you a question . I was like , yeah , it's in the queue , we just haven't found the right moment for it . And I'm not you know , I'm not sure , but I haven't given enough thought to it of like oh , here's a bit I could come in with . And she basically said so you're saying my question's not good enough . And I said that's not what I said . So here we are . Ooh , and here we are . So , eric , if time is money , is an ATM a time machine ? She likened this also to being like , well , you got the hot tub time machine , to which I said but the hot tub time machine is a time machine . That just so happens to be explicitly designed to go through time .

Matthew Shea

Yes , it was explicitly designed to go through time . The DeLorean is a car designed to go through time . The original back to the future time machine , as I'm sure you know , but I'll say just in case you don't was a refrigerator .

Eric Poch

Yes .

Matthew Shea

That was the original intention was to have it be a fridge . Hg Wells is the time machine , is essentially a stationary bike .

Eric Poch

Yeah , essentially a Bellatom . Yes , the forbidden Bellatom , the forbidden Bellatom . So if time was money ? In fact , that's kind of how I want to approach this question . Let's approach it from that angle . Time is money , time is money , time is money . So ATMs are time machines . What does that look like ? So if I take money out , yeah , do I ?

Matthew Shea

go to the past . I think we need to . Before we do that , I think we need to first break into the first part . If we're doing this question , which we are , I think we need to break into the first part of the sentence . If time is money , lindsay , are you listening ? Time as money , as a concept to me , has always been trying to state that time , our time on this planet , is really the only actual currency that matters . Yes , that we have In order to yes . Yes , because , as we've talked about many times before people , I think it's very important that you remember money is fake .

Eric Poch

Not real it doesn't mean anything , we all collectively agreed to the same delusion that this has value . It doesn't mean a goddamn thing other than what you can buy , and for those of you out there doing crypto , you'll get it . You'll get there . You'll realize Crypto's even less real . Yes , that's kind of what makes a lot of crypto shit like . It's like an embarrassment multiplier . Yeah , absolutely , because we already have a made up thing that we agreed has value and you're out here trying to get us onto a new delusional kick .

Matthew Shea

You have created crypto people , a made up thing , and this is the important part , that does not matter .

Eric Poch

Yes , the made up thing .

Matthew Shea

The made up thing that we've made physical representations of . That's a made up thing that matters , unfortunately , and that's the horrifying bit about capitalism right . Yes , because it's a completely made up thing .

Eric Poch

Yes , none of it is real , but it absolutely matters .

Matthew Shea

And then there's NFTs , so that's what I think that time , as money means , is a phrase .

Eric Poch

Yes , so time is the ultimate currency , is what you're saying ?

Matthew Shea

So if we're extending this to say , if time is money , is an ATM a time machine ? The answer that would make that yes for me is you have to get something out of the ATM . The only thing coming out of there is money that will actually Be getting you time in some capacity .

Eric Poch

Are we veering into the plot ? What was that fucking movie where , literally , time was currency ? I do not know .

Matthew Shea

Oh , I don't know what film you're referencing there .

Eric Poch

It was like this sci-fi . I don't think it was good because I've never heard about it after it came out , but it was like was it Brad Pitt or someone else ? Or where they had literally like watches built into their fucking arm and like when you bought something it cost like five minutes of your life . You had a clock and , like I think it , I assume that if you hit zero you die .

Matthew Shea

Okay , but somehow you live longer if you get more okay , first of all , there is a film called from like the 50s or 30s , called like time is money , but I think you might be referencing in Time starring Justin Timberlake .

Eric Poch

Yeah , it was J Tim's . It was J Tim's .

Matthew Shea

I don't think anyone calls him J Tim's by the way we do now . I think we call him JT Among other things , all more derogatory , tim's .

Eric Poch

Well , jimmy , tim's .

Matthew Shea

I'm not taking you to the in sync reunion concert .

Eric Poch

Have we talked about this ? I have . I love coming up with cute little nicknames .

Matthew Shea

We haven't talked about it , I just just something I know .

Eric Poch

John leg was Ammo , as Johnny legs you didn't come up with .

Matthew Shea

Johnny legs . Johnny legs , eric , I got bad news for you . He is popularly called Johnny legs .

Eric Poch

He's . He's popularly called Johnny legs people call John leg .

Matthew Shea

Was Ammo Johnny legs ? Yes .

Eric Poch

There's no fucking way . Oh , I'm just gonna . I'm just gonna Google search Johnny legs real quick .

Matthew Shea

I'm just gonna see yeah , see what comes up when you do that bud .

Eric Poch

How would you look at that ?

Matthew Shea

Is it the profile of John leg was Ammo , because that's what came up for me . Damn , I mean . No , you didn't trust me . You had to look at , you had to do your own research .

Eric Poch

Matt trust , but verify all right .

Matthew Shea

That's fair .

Eric Poch

But also it speaks to what a good nickname it is , because , like , I had literally never heard it and then I just decided to start calling in that one day , because I was watching and can't , oh well you . Where in can't , oh with hashtag justice for Johnny legs if they do my boy so fucking dirty in that movie . They can do they , do they do Bruno so fucking dirty in that movie . But that's a topic for another day .

Matthew Shea

I'll say this about Johnny legs hashtag my Luigi . That's what I'll say .

Eric Poch

What that is , my Luigi hashtag my Luigi . While while I'm gathering my soapboxes . If you don't think , the Super Mario Brothers movie rips . Give the original . You mean yeah , yeah , yes , the original , with .

Matthew Shea

Bob .

Eric Poch

Hoskins , bob Hoskins and Johnny legs and fucking Dennis , dennis Hopper , baby hopper . Yeah , denny hops , fuck , see , this is that . I enjoy doing this , I love . But it's Blade Runner . But Mario with Bob Hoskins and Johnny legs , what more could you ask for ? I don't know exactly see others , there's , there's , hop , hop scotch Hop Scott .

Matthew Shea

you know hops scotch absolutely loathe that movie and was like drunk , oh , most of the time because he had to to get through it .

Eric Poch

Yes , oh , my he was . Yeah , he was drunk on set 100% 100% . Where the fuck were we ? Time is money .

Matthew Shea

I don't know fucking knows bud .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , it's , it's one of them's , it's one of them's , it's one of them .

Matthew Shea

It's one of those , and we've leaned all the way into it . So what I'm saying is is do we think the cash that you're getting out of an ATM is that buying you Time in any capacity ? If so , then yes , we can say it's a time machine .

Eric Poch

Otherwise I think it's a no , yeah , and , and , and , where I was imagining it is . So you're seeing it as you take out a pretty money and your , your bank of time for your life , is expanding and contracting Like is that ? Is that , is that accurate ?

Matthew Shea

I think so because for really time is money . What it's really saying is time is currency , time is of value , and I think that's the only way this phrase applies to a time machine . I mean to a , to an ATM .

Eric Poch

I think that's so much better than what I had , because I was imagining well , if I take out a hundred bucks , so I go back a hundred years in the past , at which point I've technically taken out a lot more money due to inflation , but then I can't even use that money because all I have to see is like 2023 on a bill , and then I'm burned as a wish .

Matthew Shea

But sure , and we would still burn you as a wish if we could . But that's not the . That's not what happens when you get Money on an ATM . You don't suddenly turn around and you're a hundred years in the past .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yeah , that that well , that that's what I'm saying . If we were working from the premise that time , literally , is money . How does that affect an ATM ?

Matthew Shea

now if time was literally money in the J Tim's universe .

Eric Poch

Yeah , I Know it complicates , then I guess it is yeah , in that capacity and if you put money in , do you go to the future , at which point your money has already paid off ? Because you saw the movie , not me . I did , I never saw it . I just remember the trailer everything I'm telling you is based off of Trailer with J Tim's in it from 12 years ago .

Matthew Shea

Okay , so the if if you are receiving time , yes . If you get time in a bottle From the ATM , yes . Then I think you have to call it a time machine , because it'd be an automatic time machine , not an automatic teller machine .

Eric Poch

Oh , oh , so okay , so , so okay .

Matthew Shea

So we're basically just talking about look like if you get time in a bottle and you what , what , what happens ? How do you use it ? How ?

Eric Poch

do you use it , crochi ? I like at that point , I , at that point we know magic's real magic has to be real for this to be like feasible , fuck . And at that point , what do you need money for , if you ?

Matthew Shea

are a magician , yeah . Why do you have a wallet ?

Eric Poch

No , matt , we agonized for minutes before this podcast , discussing what the fuck we were even going to talk about . And you and you , you wait till now To pull that fucking gold , that fucking Treasure if you're a wizard Harry , why do you have a wallet ?

Eric Poch

I feel like if you're a wizard and you have a wallet , that is you basically having a TSA for everyone else , in that this Doesn't do anything and you're not safer from me , but it makes you feel better to see me pull a 20 out of my wallet sure , but are you , are you not capable of just hypnotizing the , the person , to think that you paid them ?

Eric Poch

Oh , so you don't even need a while . You just hypnotize everyone think you have one and that when you're pulling money out of it that it's actual money , but it's like you're literally you could be flipping them off just Jedi mind tricking .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , I already paid I , I paid for these droids yeah .

Eric Poch

Damn damn . Be on the lookout for wizards , folks . If a wizard ever pulls out his wallet in front of you , you are being ensorcelled . Let's just get that out of the way . Sourcelled is one of my favorite words in the English language definitely a word I've never heard before it's so good , it is an actual word .

Matthew Shea

I had no doubt .

Eric Poch

I had no doubt sir ma'am , have you been ensorcelled ? If you or a loved one has been ensorcelled , please call the law offices if you or loved one have been ensorcelled by Eric poach .

Matthew Shea

Don't wait . You might be entitled to financial compensation .

Eric Poch

And then , like a second commercial comes on because I know this is happening . So it's me as a wizard like , coming with my contingency commercials is like , ah , and if you take a single action , I'll cast a spell of mesothelioma on you .

Matthew Shea

I love the idea that you pulled apart the commercial . Like you , you emerged from it like Jim Carrey and ace Ventura 2 coming out of the rhinos . But and if you think you can get away with this , you think you can escape me . Mesothelioma for you , my friend . We have gone so we have gone so far off the rails , we might as well be the opening scene of the fugitive .

Google Gripes and Famous Landmarks

Eric Poch

Lizzie , what are you doing to this podcast ?

Matthew Shea

Okay , so decision time . Eric , what do you say ?

Eric Poch

I like yours better .

Matthew Shea

Siri , that you know what that's perfect .

Eric Poch

Yeah , yep , there it is . That's all that needs to be said .

Matthew Shea

We kind of scripted . We couldn't scripted a better end . So , lindsay , I do not think we necessarily answered the question , but you know what ?

Eric Poch

Shall we do a closing segment .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , are we skipping our last question yet again ?

Eric Poch

I think we're on our bound at this one at this point . Yeah , that is the price we pay for our juicy , juicy tangents .

Matthew Shea

Okay , we'll push that to the next time . All right , in that case , it is time for season 3 , round 2 of Google gripes .

Eric Poch

All right , let me adjust my screen to be in Google gripe formation while Matt's doing that , the current score this season is to me Three , matthew , I got two out of three of Matt's gripes . Matt got three out of motherfucking three of mine last episode . So now we're gonna see if I can Flip the script .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , absolutely . And if you , this is your first episode and I feel like I say this often , what an episode to have joined . But Google gripes is a segment where we read each other one star Google reviews of well-known places . We keep it vague intentionally and see how many we can get right . So , as Eric already said , I'm currently leading the season score after round one three . Yeah two , two . So , eric , are you ready ?

Eric Poch

I was ready , as I am ever going to be , let's fucking go . And , matthew , if I remember correctly , we did agree . We had a gentle , a gentleman's agreement , that you know . First round was us kind of like . You know , we would say not Easy mode , but it was .

Matthew Shea

It was , you know and I'm gonna up it to medium Difficulty now we're turning up the heat , Okay and round three will be tough .

Eric Poch

It'll be . It'll be intentionally tough .

Matthew Shea

I think I in fact . Yes , I kept that in mind when I gathered these and , eric , I'll tell you this and I do not mean to mislead you . I'm just being honest . I Am a little worried . I actually made these too easy in an attempt to keep them from not being too hard .

Eric Poch

Well , to be a good friend . I'll make mine that much harder when I come for you . Great Well , fuck you ?

Matthew Shea

Okay , great , are you ready ? Yes , all right . This is location number one . Review number one Okay , okay , the monument Amazing . The nighttime light show Pretty cool , but could we go up it as planned ? Nope , because of the strike . But here's the real issue . You can't find anything online indicating that that's the case , including on their official website . Between this and the construction due to next year's Olympics , tourists should be prepared not to see everything they hoped for while here .

Eric Poch

Okay , also just as a comment to the review lever . Yeah , I don't imagine management would be terribly jazzed about plastering all of our workers or striking on a website . But that's just me .

Matthew Shea

Probably not , and just for clarity I will say that review was left in 2023 . Okay . Review number two what a waste of time . Use your money and time to get a great meal and buy a picture of it . Blank is a disgusting city . Go to London or Scotland and save yourself from wasting time and money to be disappointed . The food is divine if you can get past the smell outside . I'll leave you some pictures to decide for yourself . Blank is also under construction and won't be available to tour for years . I'll never go back . Okay . Review number three Ugly clunk of metal ruining the view of the park . Looks like it was made by a homeless man . Thought it was weird scaffold at first . And those are your reviews . Oh man .

Eric Poch

What you thinking ? I'm thinking this , so it sounds like this is something that was so . This is a . This is a famous location .

Matthew Shea

This is a famous location .

Eric Poch

Or sorry , a well-known location .

Matthew Shea

This is a well-known location and a famous location .

Eric Poch

Okay , okay .

Matthew Shea

I'm giving you . I feel like that's a pretty good hint .

Eric Poch

Because , yeah , because I'm getting the sense that there's something already famous about this place .

Matthew Shea

I'll put it this way Eric , there is a 0% chance . You don't know this location , okay .

Eric Poch

I'm getting the sense this is in Europe and or the UK Could be , while that I have to make that distinction Could be Sounds like there's something already famous here , but because of the Olympics they're building , I assume they're building a new stadium for the Olympics .

Matthew Shea

I think that's true , but I'm not sure . It's not like a Qatar situation with the World Cup , where they had to full-on make stadiums that do exist , okay , okay . This I'll give you a bigger hint , since I did include that one review , not knowing if you'd know where the next Olympics were going to be ?

Eric Poch

I do not , I know , I see .

Matthew Shea

I'll give you a hint . This city has hosted the Olympics before . Okay .

Eric Poch

My inclination , and this is also I don't know if we've done this before , but that might be what you're counting on , because it feels like something we should have done . Is this I'm just going to get ? Is this the Eiffel Tower ?

Matthew Shea

Is that your final answer ?

Eric Poch

That is my final answer .

Matthew Shea

This is the Eiffel Tower .

Eric Poch

Oh , thank God , this is that almost got me because it felt like this sounds like the fucking Eiffel Tower .

Matthew Shea

It felt like I had to check the list to make sure we didn't do it .

Eric Poch

Yeah , I was like , and I was thinking it was like there's no way we haven't done the Eiffel Tower but we haven't .

Eric Poch

Fuck yeah , also , weirdly enough , joey , if you're listening , dj Joey G , he helped me in a way because he went to Paris when he was in I think we were in high school and I remember he's . I asked him how Paris was and he was like , oh yeah , it was great , but the entire place smelled like piss . Yeah , that's interesting . He commented on the weird sewer smell that was just present throughout all of Paris .

Matthew Shea

Interesting . Okay , all right . Well , you're one for one . And now , at this exact moment in time , the score is even at 3-3 . Okay , all right , are you ready for location number two ?

Eric Poch

Oh yeah , we're on the board . Baby , let's go . It's a rock .

Matthew Shea

I've lived in and around Blank my whole life and my favorite memory of the rock was when the newspaper had a picture of somebody graffitying that red , made in China , on it a made-up , pointless landmark . Okay , review number two we went to see Blank as a family with young children . The kids found Blank extremely uninteresting . It was simply boring . I personally did not enjoy it either . The Blank had 1620 carved on it , which made no sense in my opinion . Obviously , the Blank didn't carve that Laughing , crying emoji . If you do like plain rock , I'd recommend , otherwise not really Okay . And the last review you have to push your way through tons of protesters spewing politics at your face , all to look at a tiny rock .

Eric Poch

Plymouth Rock . Final answer Plymouth Rock is correct . Yes , Because there was no actual Plymouth . I do remember the rock at Plymouth Rock was not there , like they brought it in .

Matthew Shea

And it is just a fucking rock that they put cage around .

Eric Poch

Yes , they're like . Well , we need a rock .

Matthew Shea

It's like a two foot long rock . That's it . Yeah , yeah , interesting , okay , eric . Well , right now you're in the lead 4-3 .

Eric Poch

We are on the fucking board , See .

Matthew Shea

I was a little worried . That was too easy . You came very quick . All right , here we go . Last one Really gross and disappointing . So many rats . You know there's rats in blank , so it's not a shock to see one or two once in a while . But in the middle of the day they were just all over the place , running through the fields like squirrels , even running on the playground while there were kids on it . They need to introduce some natural predators because it's clear they are overrun and aren't avoiding people at all . There's so many great things to see in the blank , but too eeked to stay out too long . Playground rats running through the bushes and around and inside the playground . Dog friendliness I was concerned about the amount of rats with my dog being there , as if the rats would band together and eat the dog .

Eric Poch

Local dog mugged by rats .

Matthew Shea

Okay , that's your first review .

Eric Poch

Oh the god damn , yeah , Hell yeah .

Matthew Shea

Second review . Honestly , it deserves five stars . They have recycling and trash receptacles . It's a beautiful area , but until they ban the use of horses for horse-drawn carriage rides , this place will forever have one star .

Matthew Shea

Damn okay , final review . This strip of land over a mile long is horrible . This is prime real estate that is being unused . Bulldoze all of blank and place houses . We can use the resources from the destruction of blank to construct Jeepers and solar panels for Bitcoin farms . Also , this would probably slightly decrease the housing costs in blank . Just a little bit . Honestly , this is prime real estate and the fact that it has remained unused for this Now , let's be honest useless piece of land . I can already see a Walmart supercenter in the middle of this and it takes you to make it happen .

Eric Poch

Are there no prisons ? Are there no workhouses ?

Matthew Shea

Jesus Christ , I read this and honestly can't decide if it's a joke . I yeah because I've met people who talk like this .

Eric Poch

Yes , on ironically .

Matthew Shea

I do not know if this is an ironic posting or not .

Eric Poch

Is this Central Park , New York City ? Final answer .

Matthew Shea

Not again , not even a discussion . You just have a guess ready to go . Yeah , and your guess is Central Park of New York City . Yes , well , it's right , I can't blame you . That's it , baby . You got it Three for three and got them quick . In fact , you struggled the most with the Eiffel Tower , which I thought was almost a good Arguably the easiest one .

Eric Poch

It was so easy it threw me off . I know .

Matthew Shea

Wow , eric . Okay , I got to say I feel like my initial impression that I went too easy in an attempt to achieve medium might have been the case . But hey , you got them fair and square , buddy , good job . So the score at the moment going to be five to three , before I , of course , get to my second round .

Eric Poch

Makes for a juicy second round , because you have to get two to tie .

Matthew Shea

Three to maintain my one answer lead , but I only need two to keep it even , stephen , and if I do that it sets up a juicy final round if we go in tie , doesn't that ? Ooh , oh , baby , baby .

Eric Poch

And man , I hope you know I respect you enough . I will never engineer a result , God . No , I will come to you . God , I love you way too much to ever do that .

Matthew Shea

No , don't come in here next time with two easy ones and a super difficult one . Don't do that .

Eric Poch

No , I think the most disrespectful thing I could ever do to you in Google writes is let you win anything .

Matthew Shea

The most disrespectful thing you or anyone else could do is underestimate me .

Matthew Shea

Yeah yeah , yeah , so don't . No , that's my word of warning to you and indeed to you all . And then I'm about to do it , for this episode of you Didn't Ask For this . As always , we do need your questions . I think this episode is a glorious demonstration of that point . But also send us your local legends . Send us , for the love of God , your neighborhood dramas . We haven't had a neighborhood watch in a long time . I want to know your next door gossip . I want to know your Facebook group gossip .

Eric Poch

Pour the fucking tea , babies Pour the tea .

Matthew Shea

We will read it , we'll read those tea leaves . Kettle's on , kettle is always on . Baby , baby , baby , baby , baby boy , babs , baby , baby , baby , mmm . And don't forget , you can call the thought line to share your thoughts stream , a consciousness style , that is , at 410-929-5329 . And again , say whatever you want .

Eric Poch

Say whatever the fuck you want .

Matthew Shea

In the moment that you are leaving a message on the thought line , you have a podcast . Yes , yes . And the best thing about a podcast is you really can just , there is no license for a podcast , you just get a microphone , say whatever the fuck you want . That's obviously what we do , so you should do it too . Yeah , absolutely yeah . But listen , we got a lot of new segments that we're thinking up all the time . We've got a good one that we can't wait to uncork for you all Real excited about this .

Matthew Shea

Not exactly a sure one . We'll have the equipment ready to do it . That's just a little teaser for you , but we do have some ideas . But hey , if you got an idea for a segment you'd like us to do or a game you want us to play , this podcast is as much yours as it is ours .

Eric Poch

Is it not ? God damn right ? God damn right . Baby , this is our podcast . When you want , if you ever talk to someone about our podcast which hey hope you do , it's okay . If you don't , but I really hope you do Feel free to say hey , you want to listen to my podcast , and then your friend's going to be like you got a podcast . Yeah , it's called .

Matthew Shea

you didn't ask you look off wistfully into the distance and say in a way , in a way , in a way you said just say hey , yeah , my friend's Matt and Eric helped me . Because , make no mistake , you're our friend .

Eric Poch

Oh , oh yeah .

Matthew Shea

You got a friend in us .

Eric Poch

You took an hour and some change out of your day to listen to our podcast buddy

Asking for Content and Soccer Questions

Eric Poch

. There you are working out or sort of laundry or driving or you could have spent your time , money , any other way and you chose us , and that's really sweet .

Matthew Shea

You chose us , and we are forever grateful to you for it . So Eric .

Eric Poch

So give us some good goddamn content , okay .

Matthew Shea

Give us some good goddamn content . Leave us a review if you're so pleased on your pod listening device of choice and if you got some time , go over to Good Pods . Try out Good Pods . We , when we're recording this , the last week we were flirting . We were flirting with a top spot and didn't quite get there , but we were cut down in our prime . So , by all means , leave us some listens and reviews on Good Pods . It's a good place to be with a great community of indie podcasters dominating the platform . Eric , have we missed anything ?

Eric Poch

I don't think it's possible for us to have missed anything . You were so thorough and good . God damn it .

Matthew Shea

Well then , in that case , for all of us here you didn't ask for this . My name is Matt Shea .

Eric Poch

My name is Eric Poach .

Matthew Shea

And listen , you didn't ask . You've been real bad about this lately . I gotta tell you , I know , I know .

Eric Poch

Usually it's around the time you start giving them the business that I started like . Oh . That's why I remember the thing we do at the end of every single episode . I'm like oh , god damn , I really should have had something 78 times .

Matthew Shea

We've done it before this 78 times I've done this . Yeah .

Eric Poch

Is this my water spout ?

Matthew Shea

No Am . I the spider no , because there is a goal it's to end the show .

Eric Poch

Oh , there is a goal and it is easily achievable . I just have to remember that it exists .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , dope , dope , dope .

Eric Poch

So note for next time , Do the thing oh so you're just giving up on this one . No , no , I think this has become it . Oh , this is it . Oh yeah , we're in it . To quote the very first episode right now .

Matthew Shea

That's very good , eric , that is from the beginning of the first episode .

Eric Poch

That was a fucking poll .

Matthew Shea

That was a poll .

Eric Poch

That was a poll , do you ?

Matthew Shea

think , let me ask you something Do you think the ? Fade out has already begun .

Eric Poch

If it hasn't , I think it'll start right about now . And oh yep , there it is , there it is .

Matthew Shea

No , I think it's earlier . I think this was not great necessarily in terms of content . There's no way . It's still there , oh what .

Eric Poch

Well , what if ?

Matthew Shea

it didn't , I don't . Well then it'd be like a very awkward like post credit music .

Eric Poch

And they'll be thinking like is this meta ? Are they being meta right now ? Did he forget to fade it out ? Oh , did he ? What if we forgot ? What would happen ?

Matthew Shea

Would they just Does it go on and on into infinity , just ?

Eric Poch

become an audio of like my day and just take our mics with us .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , what do you want to talk about ?

Eric Poch

Oh , dude , I'm excited to watch soccer with you .

Matthew Shea

Yeah , we've been going over soccer . What's your soccer question of the day ?

Eric Poch

Oh , my soccer question of the day . Yeah , I like answer .

Matthew Shea

If you like me answering these soccer questions for you , I'm going to keep answering .

Eric Poch

I love it so much and I love how excited you get , because it's very clear like you really enjoy answering these questions . I really enjoy answering soccer questions . Um , oh , here's a question . So I know in , this is just a . Do they do this ? Also , do they have different uniforms for away versus home games ?

Matthew Shea

I'm stopping recording , yeah , because I do think we have it , oh yeah .